VOICEOVER (VO): Some of the nation's favorite celebrities... Why have I got such expensive taste?

VO: ..one antiques expert each... Oh!

Oh, great.

VO: ..and one big challenge - who can seek out and buy the best antiques at the very best prices...

Answers on a postcard.

Oh!

VO: ..and auction for a big profit further down the road?

Oh, I say, it's an absolute shower.

VO: Who will spot the good investments?

Who will listen to advice?

Do you like it?

No, I think it's horrible.

VO: And who will be the first to say "Don't you know who I am?!"

Well done, us.

VO: Time to put your pedal to the metal... ..this is Celebrity Antiques Road Trip!

Yeah!

VO: Cornwall, famous for its pasties and rugged coastline, hosts today's road trip.

Ready for battle are two telly pals - Hermione Norris and John Thomson.

JOHN: Roof down?

HERMIONE: Yes.

VO: But, they're not off to the best start in their classic 1989 Jaguar XJS!

It's unhooked, innit?

Yes.

Yeah.

Off.

Off.

Oh...

BOTH: (LAUGH) JOHN: Pull that down... HERMIONE: He's broken the car!

VO: Oh, dear!

BOTH: Yay!

VO: Ever the dedicated actor, John will be employing the method technique today, as he takes on the role of an antiques expert.

I've got the subterfuge of tweed, to suggest I'm an antiques expert!

I thought he was antiques man... She didn't recognize me!

She thought I was a genuine antiques expert.

So it's working already.

Mm.

OK.

Right, belt on.

VO: Looking the part is half the battle, John.

VO: Lancastrian funnyman, John, started as a writer in '80s satire Spitting Image, before appearing on screen.

So I think maybe by wearing a little bit of tweed, I'll have the upper hand.

VO: Hermione's been in crime-solving dramas for over 20 years - Poirot, Wire In The Blood and as super-spy Ros Myers in Spooks.

Watch the curb, watch the curb, you're quite close to the curb.

VO: There is, of course, one show that we remember them both from.

JOHN: There's such an affection for Cold Feet, because, I say, it's before TV went bad.

VO: I hope present company is not included, John!

What's your field of expertise in antiques?

I don't have any.

I am clueless.

I would really like to go into a shop that is an Aladdin's cave.

I don't think you're gonna find that.

Are we not?

I don't know.

I don't know.

VO: Well, to find an Aladdin's cave, you'll need an antiques genie or, in this case, two - Mark Stacey and Catherine Southon.

They're driving another icon of British motoring - a 1960 Morris Minor, but Mark's thinking bigger.

I want the Jaguar.

You want?

I would like.

You mean, you would like?

I would... Oh!

CATHERINE: (SQUEALS) Stop!

I was so excited... For God's sake!

Do you know, I was so excited, being in the car with you.

VO: Carry on like this Mark...

Thank you.

VO: ..and you won't be driving anything!

MARK: Thank you, young man.

CATHERINE: Thank you!

You almost killed me then, Mark!

VO: Whilst Catherine's weak with fear, Mark seizes the advantage.

But I'm having Hermione.

Are you having her?

Not literally.

Catherine, I think you'll be much better with John, you know.

VO: That's the teams decided, then!

VO: Catherine began her career cataloguing sales at Sotheby's, working her way up to Head Of Scientific Instruments And Maritime Works Of Art.

She's not afraid to flirt for a bargain... You've got lovely eyes.

VO: ..and her eye is pretty well trained too.

Oh, the pressure, the pressure!

VO: Welsh wizard Mark's been in the business over 20 years, as a dealer, valuer and auctioneer.

Ever the optimist.

Oh, it's gonna be one of those days, you know.

VO: He's known as Magpie Mark... ..always spotting shiny bargains.

That's got to double its money, really.

VO: Our veterans are already getting into the spirit of the contest.

You're not gonna be all competitive, Catherine?

I'm never competitive!

Because this is about the... Ho!

Ho-ho-ho!

I'm not!

Oh, my good Lord!

I'm not!

That's like saying Attila the Hun works for the United Nations peacekeeping force!

VO: The teams have two days of antiques shopping ahead, with £400 in their pockets.

Their aim - to strike the kind of deals that'll make them loads of dosh at auction.

And so to battle, at the port of Charlestown.

It's two days, finding antiques and doing deals around Cornwall, before road-tripping the 300 miles to that all-important auction in London.

Kicking off in sunny Charlestown Mark's already decided he's with Hermione, and he's not giving up on the Jag either.

CATHERINE: Hello, Hermione.

HERMIONE: Very nice to see you.

CATHERINE: Hi, John!

JOHN: Hi.

Nice to meet you.

Which car are we going in?

Oh, I think we should have this one.

I think we definitely should have this one.

We're having the Jag.

We're very elegant.

See ya!

Wouldn't wanna be ya!

VO: Ha!

That's not very sporting, you pair!

MARK: Am I driving?

HERMIONE: You're driving.

Come on, then.

Come on.

Come on!

See you, Miss Marple!

No racing!

VO: Catherine doesn't seem to mind though.

I've got a feeling that you're gonna be so cool throughout this.

Look at you, with your shades, hands in pockets.

So what sort of thing are you gonna buy?

What are you looking for?

Well, I just like...I like curios, you know?

Something with a bit of interest, as opposed to a silver salver.

Yeah.

But you'd be surprised what a silver salver might make.

What are you like on salvers?

I'm not bad on salvers, but I think you and I come from the same sort of thing, cuz I like something that's not just pretty, it's not just aesthetically pleasing - it does something else.

Yeah.

You and I are gonna get on famously.

JOHN: Great.

CATHERINE: Come on, John.

JOHN: OK. CATHERINE: Let's get going.

VO: In the Jag, en route to their first shop, it's lesson one in antique hunting.

If you're buying to put into an auction, you want to find something which is a little bit different, quirky.

Right.

And look as if it's just come from a house clearance, something like that - you know, a deceased estate.

Sounds rather morbid, doesn't it?

Something that's gonna appeal to the mass market, thus our trip today.

So you find... We want to find something that looks like it's literally just come out of somebody's house.

Absolutely.

VO: Lesson one accomplished.

I think we should buy that.

VO: Ah!

Maybe not, then!

A phone box/bath combo?

I think she needs a few more lessons before Mark lets her loose with their £400.

I'm Mark.

Lovely.

Hello.

Lovely to meet you.

VO: Neil Martin has run Eden Reclamation for 10 years.

It was his passion for reclaiming and reinstating period features that kicked it all off.

You could say his hobby became his livelihood.

Do you have just outside things or do you have antiques as well?

Antiques as well.

Oh, you have antiques?

Great.

Those are inside?

VO: Keen to learn, Hermione's quick to put Mark to the test.

What's that china, then?

Uh, that's not terribly early.

HERMIONE: Oh.

MARK: Blue and white.

Yes?

I love blue and white.

Transfer printed.

Probably 1950s.

Listen to that!

Well... Yeah, it's just amazing!

Oh, these are rather sweet.

Oh, that's...

I think that'll probably be Mason's, Ironstone.

No flies on him!

See, I find that fascinating, that you know all that.

I'd love to be able to know that.

But then... Do you know how clever that is?

Well... That's clever.

It's a relative... VO: Well, he is a clever boy!

VO: Whilst Hermione's learning the tricks of the trade, Catherine and John saunter to their first shop.

Nice bunting.

Lovely bunting.

Lovely bunting.

Makes me think it's gonna be pricey.

VO: Time to put those bargaining skills to good use, then.

Photographer, Mick, and artist wife, Sarah, only recently opened the Sail Loft Emporium, having refurbished this former gunpowder store.

It now houses items from 40 traders, specializing in arts and crafts.

Well, there are some really good prices here.

Are there?

Yeah.

If you know your stuff, John, you'll see.

Yeah, you'll be fine, John.

Well, yeah.

That's as long as you've got plenty of 17th century silver.

VO: Very good, John!

You're talking the antique talk.

Let's see if you can walk the walk.

I was immediately drawn to this jewelry box here.

It comes in at a measly £750!

VO: That's all very well, John, but if you're going to pull off this role you'll have to hunt down those bargains.

Tiffany cup and saucer here.

CATHERINE: Tiffany?

JOHN?

Yeah.

CATHERINE: OK. JOHN: Minton cup and saucer.

I thought you said Tiffany.

It is.

Marked Tiffany, New York.

The pattern's mismatched though.

Well spotted.

It says that on the label as well.

It does say that on the label!

VO: It's kind of like learning your lines, John.

Of course I noticed that anyway, but it does...

This, the antique rose gold horseshoe.

It's a cigar cutter.

That's quite nice, isn't it?

Yeah.

You've got quite expensive tastes!

VO: This horseshoe-shaped rose gold cigar cutter has an articulated hanging loop, for hanging on a watch chain - quite the accessory for a 19th century gent about town.

We've got this marked at 95.

We'll do that one for 70, and that's it.

If it weren't for the missing nail, I would definitely go for it.

But I... We are drawn to the... Something else?

This.

VO: Good tactics John.

Put together a job lot.

Expertly done!

Do you know, I think that'd look good on a Goth.

On a what?

A Goth.

Why would it look nice on a goth?

They wear black and purple.

Well they do - black and purple, yeah.

I think a Goth could snap that up.

VO: You might try for a slightly wider audience.

Well, we don't have to decide now.

We can just have a walk around and then see what we think.

Fine.

We'll just leave that cabinet open.

Come back to it later.

VO: So that's two potential trinkets for John and Catherine, but have Hermione and Mark spotted anything over at the reclamation yard?

MARK: Oh, gosh!

I like this shop!

Do you really?

This is...

I do, I do like it.

Whether we'll find anything for our challenge, I don't know, but... What's this... thing?

I don't know.

I really think that's quite funky.

Mm.

Mm.

Yeah.

You can see it in a kitchen.

Yeah.

You could use that as a little reminder of what you need, shopping.

Yes.

With a chalk pen you could put "Eggs"... Yeah.

I mean, it's just a little bit funky.

Yeah, I like that.

Shall we put that as a possibility?

Yes.

Let's put that down on the chair there.

I think that's really quite nice.

Yeah.

VO: With the plaque put aside, Hermione's still as keen to learn as ever.

Right.

Let's have a look.

It looks American.

That's something there, what's that?

It's upside-down!

It's Australian!

HERMIONE: Is it?

MARK: No.

HERMIONE: Ooo!

MARK: It's upside-down.

Oh, do try and keep up, Hermione!

It was upside-down.

I was...

It's Australian!

It was upside-down!

It was upside-down.

VO: Antiques experts are a funny lot, Hermione, but not as funny as they think they are.

Ha!

Now, this might be worth examining.

How much do you think this is worth?

I don't know.

I suspect it's quite a bit.

VO: This Edwardian oak and leather doctor's consulting couch was made by W H Bailey of London.

Bailey & Son specialized in medical items, and had showrooms on Oxford Street and the Strand from 1894.

Looks like it's a mahogany base, with very simple turned legs.

But I even like this old leather on it.

Yes.

Cuz you wouldn't do anything with that, just polish it up.

You could lie on it and be shrunk by somebody.

Yes.

You could.

We could have a shrink...

The good thing is we've got several options already brewing there.

HERMIONE: Yes.

MARK: You know.

And if we do buy any of those, of course, we both might need to go and lie down in a darkened room and think what we've done?

Recover.

VO: Time for Hermione to try out her new antiquing skills on Neil.

Now, we're quite mad, you know, Hermione and I.

We really are.

We've gone... And this battered up piece of old... nonsense.

Right.

How much is that?

200.

MARK: (GASPS) We're so close.

We are so close, you know.

100?

Not... Oh, well, don't leap in too early, dear.

Oh.

VO: Hermione's right in there!

Mark's teaching is rubbing off!

I don't know... No, £100 is a nice round figure, isn't it?

I don't know.

What would be the very, very best on that, then, Neil?

To give you room to make a bit of money, 120.

MARK: (GASPS AGAIN) We couldn't get it down to 100?

Go on, for me.

Mm... Could we, do you think?

Cuz you don't really want it here.

Go on, then.

It's filling the room.

MARK: Are you sure?

HERMIONE: You're an angel.

NEIL: Yes.

MARK: Neil, thank you.

Oh, look at that!

Are you happy with that?

I am.

I think that's absolutely fantastic, yes.

And shall I tell you something?

If I wanted to have chosen an item, I would've gone for a consultant's chair or a chair like...

I think that's really good.

VO: Really?

Who'd have thought?

First deal done, at £100.

That's half the ticket price.

Impressive.

Now, can Neil explain the postage item?

I mean, where did that come from, Neil?

Well, originally it was a postage stamp machine.

A what?

A postage stamp machine.

Oh, so you would've had a box here?

Ticket dispenser would have gone in there... Oh, I see... ..and they'd blank 'em off, when they're not in use.

You see, I think that's rather fun.

And I thought it might go, as a little lot, with that little letter, cuz we're all dealing with, you know, postage, aren't we?

Yes.

What've you got on those?

£40 for the stamp machine face and tenner for the letters.

£50?

What do you think, Hermione?

I've just landed you in it.

I'm terrible at this.

30?

25?

VO: Ha!

You're just saying numbers now!

HERMIONE: 20?

NEIL: 45?!

Oh!

This is not my forte.

VO: Don't be so hard on yourself, girl!

You're doing great!

40 would be comfortable.

Would be comfortable?

And I feel like I'm giving you the letterbox for nothing.

So £40.

There's not... 35.

30, would be lovely, as a round figure, wouldn't it?

It's round.

We like round.

We like round.

30.

And we might find something else.

Go on.

Oh!

I'll leave you some room to make some profit.

Thank you very much.

Oh, that's lovely.

I think... Now, is there anything else that caught our eye?

Cuz I think we're on a winning streak here.

VO: Yup, you're certainly on a roll!

That's £100 for the consulting chair and £30 for the 19th century stamp dispenser with letterbox.

And they're not the only ones who are getting deals done.

Back at the Sail Loft Emporium, Catherine's got the owner of the brooch on the phone.

So is there any way you could go down to about 60 on that?

And then also, is the cigar cutter yours as well, because we do quite like that as well.

OK.

Thank you very much indeed.

Thank you.

Bye bye.

The pin, I think it was 70, but you might want to double-check on that.

Yeah.

But what she did say about the cigar cutter... Mm?

..is that she would come down to 60 on it.

Oh... Oh!

Hello!

Alright?

I've seen something I really like round this corner.

VO: Hang on!

We've lost John!

The collapsible drinking cup.

Oh, yes, I've seen those.

Yes.

That is nice.

It's like Tiffany cups... VO: Hang on!

He's off again!

See?

He's interested in something else now.

There's not stopping him.

Once you get going... No.

Do you know, I'm on a roll now.

The thing is though, I was mooching before, but now I'm having a proper full-on browse.

VO: If John can just keep still for a minute, they might actually buy something!

No?

Yeah, I quite like it.

We could put it with our brooch.

What?

You mean you take two items and put them in as..?

Mm, and make one lot.

Yeah.

Do you know what though?

I'm going for very manly things have you noticed?

Yes, I have.

Yeah, yeah.

I might have to camp up a bit and go for something a little bit more feminine.

Yeah.

VO: He's really getting into character now.

Well done, John.

You've got the antiques expert pose down to a tee, look.

I'd like to get both and the deer, kind of Monarch of the Glen brooch.

See, the thing is, if we could do a deal on these two, so 60 on that... Yeah.

And then what would you want to pay for that?

120.

60 apiece?

Go on, go on!

VO: Exciting!

Time for John to take the stage!

Go and do it.

We've got a proposal for you.

I don't like that look, John!

OK. We'd like to take both.

We're gonna say... What was it?

120 for the two.

I think that's very fair.

120 for two.

And if you give me that, I'll buy the Monarch of the Glen brooch for a tenner off you.

Well... Well, I'll do you that price if you buy that at the marked price.

CATHERINE: Shall we say 130?

DEALER: OK. And then that's... JOHN: That's done.

CATHRINE: That's done.

I like your style.

CATHERINE: Are you happy?

JOHN: I'm cool with that.

VO: Take a bow, John.

First deal done like a pro.

And can you throw in this child's crash helmet?

VO: Ha!

Suits you, John!

So after some intense negotiation, John and Catherine have bought a rose gold cigar cutter for £60, a 1920s Bernard Instone silver pin brooch, also for £60 and the stag's head brooch for a tenner.

They're done here.

VO: Back at the reclamation yard, it's reached that time of day.

Anyone for a cocktail?

Well, you could mix your gin and tonic in there.

Would you mix your gin and tonic in there?

Well, we'd have up to there with gin, and then just one small drop of tonic.

Yes.

VO: I'll have mine shaken, thanks, not stirred.

VO: That's cocktail hour over, back to work.

This is really old-fashioned, isn't it?

It's beautiful, isn't it?

VO: It's a Victorian mahogany cot, with turned spindles and original china castors.

Drop-sided cots like this were actually banned in the USA, for safety reasons.

Ready?

One, two, three... And throw baby in... And then guillotine it?

That's it.

Stay in there.

Not allowed out.

I reckon this is about 1860/1870.

So do you think we should buy it?

I think it's great.

Do you like it?

It's a beautiful thing.

It's a thing of beauty, isn't it?

And I think very unusual.

Neil... ..can I just ask you... ..how much for this?

200.

200.

£200.

But what would you use it for?

I'm...

I'm struggling at the moment.

I think there must be somebody out there who would think of a way of using this.

VO: No one in here though.

You know, if you took that completely off, you know, it's quite nice and comfy.

HERMIONE: Is it comfy?

MARK: Yeah.

Let's have a look.

If you've got a... Maybe I'm just being stupid and I love it.

I mean, I'd like to see the auctioneer having as much imagination as me and saying it's worth maybe 200 to 300, 300 to 400.

VO: Hermione doesn't seem to be too sure about the cot-turned-couch idea.

Maybe a good price would convince her.

I'm having trouble convincing, Hermione.

I love it.

Now what did you say..?

What's your really, really, really best price?

Two happy people...

Please, to make two very happy people.

Very, very, very, very, very, very happy people.

Is that too much?

No, that's very good.

HERMIONE: (SQUEALS) I'll do this for 120.

Which, then we've spent 250.

Is that good?

It's fantastic.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Neil, I can't thank you enough.

Yay!

VO: Well done.

A good deal all round.

Pleasure doing business with ya!

It is, isn't it?

Mm-mm.

Thank you.

You have really made us happy.

You really have.

VO: Having spent the day in Charlestown, marine enthusiast Catherine has invited John to dive into the colorful and unexpected past of this historic port town.

CATHERINE: Pleased to meet you.

JOHN: John.

Welcome to the Shipwreck And Heritage Centre.

Lovely to meet you.

VO: They're meeting Roy Rodriguez from the Shipwreck And Heritage Centre, who starts by enlightening them on how the town got its name.

Well, it's all to do with a man named Charles Rashleigh, cuz in 1790, there were nine fishermen here in the village, and he could see a need for a harbor.

And that by 1794 there were 300 people living here, with cottages.

And they changed the name from West Polmear, cuz this used to be called West Polmear, to Charlestown, and even now, the locals refer to it as Charlie's Town.

VO: But it was a precious substance hidden deep in the granite rocks all around Devon and Cornwall that really made Charlestown's name - china clay.

I'm really interested to know about the Wedgwood connection.

So he used to come here?

Yeah, he was a very...

He was a frequent visitor to Charlestown, cuz he used to come here to select different grades of china clay for his pottery.

VO: Charlestown is the oldest china clay port in the world, and here, carefully preserved, are the tunnels through which the china clay from the clay pits of St Austell was transported to waiting ships.

Now these tracks here are the tracks where the trolleys ran along, with the china clay.

Oh, this is cool.

Oh, I like this.

VO: By the mid-19th century, workers were extracting and shipping 65,000 tonnes of clay per year.

How many people would've been working down here in this sort of time?

ROY: Hundreds of people.

CATHERINE: Really?

You know, doing the china clay and also working on the ships, cuz the ships were in and out all day.

Why "china" clay?

Is it's from..?

Is it similar to a kind that they get in China or is that cuz of the pottery it made, or...?

I think it's because of the pottery that it made, you know.

Yeah.

So it's china clay.

But it's used for everything, you know - as I say, for medicine...

It's a bit creepy down here though, isn't it?

Yeah.

VO: Don't worry, Catherine - John and Roy will protect you.

I must admit, I'm glad I'm with two big, strong men, cuz I do feel a bit vulnerable down here.

Yeah.

It's a bit scary, isn't it?

Yes, but I'm terrified of spiders!

VO: OK. Roy will protect you.

Come on, don't leave me alone!

We're going that way are we?

VO: Catherine might well be right to feel a chill, as the center also houses a collection dedicated to the darker side of seafaring life.

All these artifacts here, they came up from different shipwrecks, as you can see.

VO: Catherine was head of Maritime at Sotheby's, so this treasure salvaged from shipwrecks is bound to float her boat.

Wow, so we've got the Lusitania here.

Yeah.

And the Medina.

But the most famous one, which probably everyone knows, ROY: is the Titanic.

CATHERINE: The Titanic.

And there is a letter in this cabinet which was from Fred Banfield.

So who was..?

Banfield was on board?

He was on board.

A passenger?

He was a passenger on board the Titanic.

And the letter's to his wife.

Right.

And what was he...?

Was he... Did he survive?

He didn't survive, no.

No.

"Well my darling, it is splendid weather today "and mild as a pond, "but I expect we shall have it a little rougher "directly going across to France.

"I believe we will call at Queenstown as well."

Yeah.

Oh, it's really poignant, isn't it?

Yeah, it is sad.

Really.

That's amazing.

Do you know what I love seeing?

The menus.

CATHERINE: Yeah.

JOHN: What people had.

Well, you've got the menu just here.

Have you?

A first class menu.

JOHN: Yeah, I love seeing those.

CATHERINE: Is this an original?

They are.

Yeah, they're original menus there, look, see?

JOHN: Supper - gruel... CATHERINE: Mm.

..cabin biscuits and cheese.

Mm.

Quite nice, really.

And a squeeze of lime, to keep the scurvy away.

I sold one of those for £17,500 once.

What, a menu?

Yeah.

JOHN: Really?

CATHERINE: Mm.

That size.

Yeah.

That was... Yeah.

Oh, my...

I'm in the wrong job!

VO: Aye, me hearty!

There's treasure to be found, if you know where to look.

Roy, thank you so much.

That's alright, you're welcome.

Really enjoyed it, thank you.

Yeah, it's been wonderful.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Really enjoyed it.

Thanks very much, Roy.

All the best.

See ya.

Bye.

Bye.

As you have been such a good boy today, John... OK.

..I'm gonna give you a pound.

Thank you.

And I'm gonna let you have a go on the boats.

Oh!

Bliss!

I'm gonna race you.

Here we go.

I haven't done this for years.

So number two, here we go.

You're gonna crash into me!

It's like dodgems.

VO: So, while it's playtime for those two, Hermione's getting her half-term report.

I'm not very good at my bargaining, am I?

I don't think you've done too badly, actually.

Do you not think?

No, not really, considering you got... You started off offering them half.

I mean, I think that's really good.

I think that's a good opening point.

VO: Gold star and top of the class!

Hermione and Mark have arrived at the Sail Loft Emporium just as the others have left with their booty.

With a few choice buys under her belt, Hermione's considering the competition.

I mean, I bet Catherine and John have been really canny and really quite serious in their endeavor to... VO: Yes.

Canny and serious.

Yeah!

VO: That's them alright!

Ha!

Not!

I think in here we've got to maybe look more on can we make a profit on something, rather than something that really hits us.

Yes.

It'd be lovely if we can, but I think that little figure.

I mean, I don't know what it's made of... HERMIONE: Yes.

MARK: Do you like it?

No, I think it's horrible, but I think if it's going to make a profit then that's a good thing.

Can I just... Can I just say one thing?

I think it's really important that we understand each other.

Please don't hold back.

Say what you feel.

HERMIONE: I will.

MARK: Alright?

HERMIONE: OK. MARK: It's important.

OK.

I'll take that on board.

He's quite grumpy, isn't he?

Very competitive.

He doesn't want Catherine to win at all, does he?

VO: He certainly doesn't.

So will this be the item which ladles out disaster to the opposition?

Well, it's actually a toddy ladle.

Mm-hm.

Erm, you know, for pouring out your hot toddies, from a punch bowl.

I mean, it's a nice thing.

It has quite a nice feel to it.

It's got the right weight feel to it.

Mm-hm.

And this is probably horn.

Right.

Erm, from a deer or something like that, or from a cow, which has been heated and sort of spirally fluted, with that little silver finial.

It's beautifully chased.

VO: Hermione's certainly drinking up all this information.

That's very interesting.

(WHISPERS) Well, I think you should purchase it, Mr Stacey.

But not for £70.

No.

VO: (WHISPERS) Watch out!

Sarah's coming!

Say something nice!

Sarah's got one of those lovely faces.

SARAH: Thank you, Mark.

MARK: Sarah, how are you?

I'm very well, thank you, Mark.

You know me, of course, and Hermione, don't you?

SARAH: Hello.

MARK: You know our challenge?

Yes, I do.

Now, we've looked at this.

What can you tell me about it?

I can tell you it's Georgian style.

It's not hallmarked.

Well... We quite like it.

Do you have, by any chance, an eyeglass?

I do indeed.

You're going to use an eyeglass!

I am.

I'm gonna get technical.

VO: Exciting!

Let's have a look.

Let's have a little butcher's at you, dear...

I'm going in now.

..what you do with your eyeglass!

What is it telling you?

I don't... Well, I was trying to see whether looking at it close up... Mm.

..would tell me if it was any better quality... ..than I thought at the beginning, It's not, to be honest with you.

I'm just not sure, Hermione.

Would you like my best price on it, Mark?

I would love your very, very best price on it, Sarah.

My very, very, very best price would be £52.

£52?

It's not round, is it?

No.

And it's way a...

It's a bit more than I was hoping for, so... Well, do you want me to have a look through that eyeglass and tell you a thing or two?

Could you give me your valid opinion?

I'll give you my valid opinion.

VO: Hermione's graduated to the eyeglass.

Our little girl is all grown up.

How close do you have to get?

VO: Sorry, I think I've got something in my eye.

Oh, you are looking through the glass bit, aren't you?

It's quite crude, isn't it?

Mm.

Which suggests it might be provincial?

Yes.

You're getting the hang of it.

VO: Rookie to expert in less than a day.

Hermione and I would love to purchase something here today.

We would.

We really would.

And test the market and say what a lovely place Charlestown is.

And we love round numbers.

We love round numbers.

So we would love to say around 40.

Oh...

I was going to say 35.

Really?

But I'm hard.

Should we split in the middle and say 38?

38.

Right... Cuz it is... You know, it would help us a lot, wouldn't it?

Yes, it really would.

I will go to 40 but no lower.

VO: Now Hermione's found her feet, there's no stopping this team.

That's a silver punch ladle, with an embossed bowl and horn handle, for £40.

What a day, eh?

Hermione's such a good student, she's really getting the hang of this.

Tweed man John certainly looks the part already, and he seems to know his stuff.

Both teams finding treasures, striking deals.

Hoo!

Exhausting though!

A big day tomorrow.

Early to bed, you lot.

So night-night.

VO: It's the dawn of a new day.

John and Hermione have both done a cracking job of navigating their way through the world of antiques, and they're both eager to find out how the other has done.

The things that I were personally drawn to...

Yes?

..were just things that I was drawn to, that wouldn't necessarily make any money.

And I went, "I like this obj...

I like this, "but I know that it would make back the same money JOHN: "that we bought it for".

HERMIONE: Yeah.

She went, "You're right," so we put it back.

Yeah.

What about you?

How did it kind of..?

Oh, Mark's amazing.

He, honestly, just picks up everything and just knows, you know, if it's an engraving, where it's, you know, who's made it, what date things are...

It's really impressive.

VO: The experts are also assessing their eager acolytes.

So, how was your day yesterday?

How was Hermione?

Hermione was a bit shy to begin with, I think, and she was a bit unsure of what she was doing but actually... You warmed her up, did you?

Well, I hope so, and she certainly warmed me up.

You gave her the warm-up?

Oh, did she?

Yeah, she did.

VO: Warmed up and ready to go, we're re-starting proceedings in Cornwall's historic town of Lostwithiel.

And what a setting!

A 12th century bridge, the River Fowey and four very competitive road trippers.

You've got a lot of shopping to do.

We've got a lot of shopping... Catherine says you haven't bought very much.

Just go.

Just go.

Let's go.

Let's go this way.

HERMIONE: Come on, darling.

MARK: Come on.

JOHN: Good luck.

MARK: Teach them a lesson.

They're gonna need it.

VO: Oh-ho!

Fighting talk, eh?!

Yesterday our teams stormed out of the blocks.

John and Catherine spent £130 of their £400 on two brooches and a cigar cutter.

Hermione and Mark topped that, spending a whopping £290 on a stamp dispenser, a consulting couch, a punch ladle and a cot.

Hello.

Good morning.

Good morning.

Welcome.

VO: Opened 10 years ago, Uzella Court Antiques has cabinets housing items from over a dozen dealers.

If Hermione and Mark want to go on a spending spree, this is the place!

How much have we got left, Hermione?

110.

110?

Do we wanna try and blow the budget?

Yeah, shall we?

We might as well, mightn't we?

We only get one chance.

VO: After first day at school nerves yesterday, Hermione graduated into a confident antiques hunter.

Now could be the moment for her to go it alone.

What's that er...?

"A colored pen and ink of a musical pair, "by painter, watercolorist and illustrator "Edmund Joseph Sullivan, RWS."

VO: Edmund Joseph Sullivan was a prolific illustrator between 1890 and 1920.

In 1900 he illustrated Tennyson's A Dream of Fair Women.

I think what we'll have to do is ask the lady to get it down for us...

Yes.

..and have a proper look.

Shall I go and get her?

Do you mind, Hermione?

Hermione seems really taken.

She said, "Oh, I really like that".

So I think if we can get it within our remaining budget, we should go for it, really.

VO: The Edwardian watercolor is ticketed at £175.

They only have £110 left.

We've only got a certain amount of money left.

Yes, cuz we went... Cuz Mark made me buy all these things yesterday... MARK: (GASPS) ..and this is the only... Oh, I've been left with a meager budget.

OK. You tell me what you've got.

I'm afraid, literally the top... literally, literally every single penny is 110.

That's what we've got left.

And it's all we have.

I mean, this is the first...

I mean, this is the thing that lit up in the room as soon as you saw it.

HERMIONE: Yes.

VICKY: It is beautiful.

It's very, very, very different.

I don't know the artist.

It's a very eclectic taste.

It's not a...

It is.

It's rough and ready...

It's not something that... HERMIONE: ..it's not fine... MARK: ..everybody's gonna want.

But I really like it as well.

I think...

I love the colors.

I love the earthiness of it.

I say, "Yes."

Yes to 110, if you'd really like it.

Vicky, thank you very much.

Yes, it is lovely.

We'll shake hands.

I think you've... HERMIONE: Do you think?

MARK: I think so.

No, you really like it.

We haven't looked at anything else.

Are you sure?

I'm with you, honestly.

Honestly?

Promise.

I think that might be a disaster.

VO: Courage, Hermione, you've come so far!

Don't lose your nerve now, girl!

With Mark and Hermione all bought up, Catherine and John have got some catching up to do.

Good morning.

MARK: Nice to meet you.

CATHERINE: I'm Catherine.

Nice to meet you.

VO: Mark Royle Antiques has been trading for nine years, since the man himself left the London advertising scene for something more tranquil.

He specializes in individual decorative interior items.

Yes, it's a lot of sort of interior pieces.

Is that what you...?

It is.

I'm not really traditional antiques, I am sort of more interior, dressing pieces really, one-off pieces.

Lovely.

Your wife's an interior designer so... She is.

..you must have an eye.

I do have an eye.

Yeah?

I do, yeah.

Cuz she used to propping quite a lot, so I do know a little bit.

I just...

I've inherited a bit of an eye.

I've got a good eye for color, apparently.

VO: But what you need now, John, is an eye for a bargain.

Oh, we could spend a fortune in here.

VO: You've only got £270 left, remember!

I like your horse.

Horse...

The horse is lovely, isn't it?

..a fairground horse.

2,225.

How's that in your budget?!

VO: Definitely more than £270, eh?!

I can imagine you doing a bit of Morris dancing.

I'm a professional drummer.

CATHERINE: Oh, are you?

JOHN?

Yes.

Are you?

I didn't know that.

Mm.

I am.

Ooh!

So, you know I do jazz club on The Fast Show - great.

Well, I actually love jazz, genuinely.

So that's more your thing.

People are really shocked that I'm actually into jazz.

Yeah.

But jazz funk and jazz fusion's really my kind of music.

Right.

Yeah.

I bet your neighbors love you.

VO: Time to see if John's wife's talents really have rubbed off on him.

Is decoupage where they cut it out and paste it?

Yes.

VO: Ah, she will be proud!

Why, what are you thinking of?

Is that...is that, look?

It is, isn't it, yeah?

Yeah.

VO: So, is the decoupage screen cut out to make a profit?

Ha!

I don't like that, obviously.

Looks sort of late Victorian, doesn't it?

Looks a bit... Maybe a bit too much.

VO: Hang on!

Is that a crazed kitten, dismembering a doll?

It looks like the work of a madman.

VO: Maybe something more traditional is closer to his taste.

CATHERINE: Shaped basket.

JOHN: Is it ju..?

What?

A cobbler's last, made out of a 17th century carved oak bedpost.

Looks like Frankenstein, kinda stitched together, doesn't it?

Yeah.

See, that's very you, isn't it?

VO: Catherine, I'm not sure that's a compliment!

So what is it, a cobbler's last?

Can you tell us about this?

VO: A last is a foot-shaped brace used by cobblers and cordwainers to repair or make shoes.

This one's made of cast iron and fixed to a piece of 17th century carved oak bedpost - as you do!

I just like it, cuz it's odd.

I don't know.

It's just weird.

It is just weird, isn't it?

But is it too weird?

CATHERINE: We've gone... JOHN: I don't know anyone with a collection of these!

So we think this would be good at the right price?

Yeah.

Possibly?

It's a bit of fun.

It's a bit of fun.

I can't guarantee that's gonna raise a...

It won't raise a lot of money but it'll certainly raise an eyebrow.

Yeah, well, and a few legs, probably!

MARK: Probably.

CATHERINE: (CHUCKLES) What have you got on it, Mark?

55.

Right.

OK. And what could you do on that?

I could let you have it for 30, and I think it'd do well at auction for that.

Could you pinch a little bit more, Mark?

How much more?

25?

VO: Oh, John!

Go on.

VO: Nicely played, eh?

Thank you.

I think it's...

Thank you so much.

I think it's lovely.

I really do.

There you go - one, two, three.

CATHERINE: Super.

MARK: There we are.

JOHN: It's a deal.

MARK: Thank you very much.

Thank you, mate.

Thank you very much indeed.

VO: Antiques apprentice John earning his wings there.

Great work!

But when it comes to flying high, Hermione's on her way to see a collection that just might take her breath away.

OK.

Welcome to the hangar of the Classic Air Force.

Wow!

These are the ones in the sort of post-Second World War, Cold War era, the ones that really set the scene and helped to develop aviation as it is today.

VO: Hermione and Mark are with Trevor Bailey at Classic Air in Newquay, which houses Europe's largest collection of post-war classic aircraft.

VO: Classic Air have over 40 British built aircraft, transporting visitors back to the '40s, '50s, and '60s, when flying was all about glamor and romance.

They are very evocative, aren't they, of that sort of more gentler age of flying without all the security measures we have today?

Well, it's become much less romantic than it was, and we're trying to get a bit of the romanticism back into it, if you like, at least give you the experience.

Trevor, how rare is something like this biplane there?

You'd be stretching it, probably, to take it to double figures.

Yes, it's a rare item, isn't it?

HERMIONE: Mm.

You know, but it looks... Beautiful.

It looks so wonderful, doesn't it?

Beautiful.

So, when you're sat inside that and you're flying along the beaches of Cornwall, every seat has a panoramic window and you are looking out...

Wonderful.

..through those wings, those long tapering elliptical wings.

It really is quite unique...

Yes.

..and memorable.

It just looks wonderful.

You'll see people come off the aircraft today, perhaps, whilst you're here, and you don't see many broader grins.

No, I bet.

VO: So, taking to the air is the way to see these fantastic flying machines at their best.

And guess what, Hermione and Mark are about to get the chance to find out for themselves.

Lucky dogs!

How about flying in one of our planes this afternoon?

Oh, I'd love to.

Wouldn't you?

Is it safe?

Of course it's safe.

Is it safe?

Trevor's maintained it.

Is it, Trevor?

What sort of plane, Trevor?

Well, how about one like this one here, that you enjoyed looking at earlier?

MARK: (GASPS) Well, it's very... Oh, yes, come on.

Come on.

Are you serious?

Really?

Oh, come on, we must.

VO: Don't worry, Hermione, these planes are lovingly restored and maintained in tiptop condition.

There is nothing to fear - we hope.

They're taking to the air in this classic De Havilland Dragon Rapide.

These World War II eight-seater RAF biplanes became one of the first commercial airliners after the war, and there's less than 10 flying today.

Safety first, eh!

Oh, there we are, look.

I've just noticed our escape hatch as well.

VO: And Hermione looks like she is about to climb through it.

Oh... Are we good to go then, Trevor?

TREVOR: When you're ready, John.

JOHN: OK. Look at the propeller.

Oh, my God, we are going up.

VO: Well, that's what planes do, guys.

The sound of a twin prop De Havilland Rapide takes some time to get used to.

It feels like it's struggling a bit.

Does it feel like it's struggling to you?

No.

No?

No, we're fine.

Shall we get out and push?

VO: Don't worry, Hermione, in a minute it will all be worth it.

Passing over Watergate Bay.

Oh, my... Oh, that's amazing.

VO: Next stop, west, New York.

It is all so rugged, the coastline.

VO: The Cornish coastline - spectacular.

And Hermione's finally enjoying herself.

That is amazing.

Oh, ho-ho!

VO: Touchdown.

Thank the Lord.

HERMIONE: That was amazing.

MARK: We made it.

That was so smooth.

Wonderful.

This little black one here's the one to go in next.

Go in that one, and we will take you up and loop the loop.

Oh, yes please.

Wouldn't you love to do that?

(THEY LAUGH) VO: Keeping their feet firmly on the ground, this is John and Catherine's last chance to buy and John's feeling right at home.

I like it here.

Do you?

Yeah, it's kind of got a bit of an old curiosity shop kind of... Ooh.

I like... Yeah, I can have a good mooch.

Can you?

Yes.

Yeah, he's comfortable.

I'm very comfortable here.

This is going to take...

Yes, this is... ..hours.

Yeah, this is an Aladdin's cave proper.

VO: All this road trip John has been turning his considerable acting skills to playing the antiques expert.

I can feel you're getting into this.

VO: So, now for some improvisation.

I know who that's made by.

Go on then.

Wade.

VO: Not quite.

It's Withernsea, Eastgate pottery.

But it looks like...

It looks like Wade, doesn't it?

VO: Very convincing performance though.

What John needs are a few tricks up his sleeve.

What you look for is the tickets that are faded and they've been here a long time, so they want to just get rid of it.

VO: Catherine, you will have him passing for an expert in no time.

Snuffbox.

Hmm.

That monkey, has it a got a little scent bottle inside it?

I believe so.

VO: I know that look, Catherine's onto something.

Yes, I've seen the teddy bears of these, with the scent bottles in, but I haven't seen a monkey, I must admit.

Well, let me just show it to my friend, because he likes toys.

John?

Yes?

Traveling companion.

Let's have a see.

What do you think of this little man?

Oh, I love him.

When I was a kid, my soft toy, my favorite soft toys were monkeys and it sort of stayed, really.

Really?

Well, yeah.

Take the top off.

Oh, wow!

He's a little scent bottle.

Oh, I've never seen anything like that before.

VO: German toymaker Schuco was founded in 1912 and is best known for its bears.

Some of which concealed perfume bottles.

This Schuco monkey is brown mohair on a tin body.

Sweet.

It's been through it, hasn't it?

It's been through the mill.

He has, hasn't he?

Yeah, I think, he...

He's only got one ear.

Yeah, I know, yeah.

It's kind of like the Van Gogh of the monkey world.

VO: It would be great if you made Van Gogh money on it.

Could I possibly ask you if you could have a word with the owner?

Mm.

Perhaps call them up and see what we can get on that?

I will try and see if I can catch her, straight away.

That's great, thank you.

Have you seen anything else?

What's that, a snuffbox?

It's a snuffbox, but it's the detail on it that I absolutely love.

This is the bust of the gentleman here.

He was called Charles J A Fox.

Could be James?

Could be sort of short for James.

Short.

And then it says, "This illustrious patriot departed this life "September 13th AD 1806," right, and then on the base it says...

Hang on.

"Intrepid champion of freedom, enlightened advocate of peace, "not born for himself, "but for the universe."

So, he must have been quite a significant character in his time.

Like some social reformer or kind of... VO: Let me help you out here.

Charles James Fox, born in 1749, was Britain's first foreign secretary, noted for his support of the American and French revolutions.

These commemorative bronze snuffboxes were produced after his death in 1806, but some of the boxes are later reproductions.

You know when you retire and they give you a carriage clock?

OK, did they give you one?

I haven't retired yet, love.

Someone said to me, "Do you think you'll ever retire?"

I said, "No, I'll die on stage".

Right.

And it won't be the first time.

I love that.

VO: Vicky's got news on the Schuco monkey.

Good news.

Oh?

JOHN: Oh.

VICKY: And bad news.

Oh.

Em, she would like to try and get 110 for it.

I think that's too much.

VO: Ticket price is £165, remember.

The good news is that she has said if, you know... ..that she would go to 100.

Right.

We've got a bit of a proposition for you cuz John's now found this little snuffbox.

I could do them both for 150.

115?

No 150.

So, will she do the pair for 125, or so, we'll say?

What they would like to do is do a deal and have them both for 125.

Not possible.

No.

I'm sure she wants to... 140 for them both.

140?

Final offer.

VO: Time to ask the question that we all ask when faced with a difficult decision.

If Mark Stacey was here what would he do?

Come on, give me your Mark Stacey impression.

Well, you see, I don't know, I don't know darling, I really don't know, I wouldn't know what to say.

VO: Well he couldn't do me.

Can you do Tim?

Oh, I say, it's an absolute shower, let's go in and see if we can negotiate down to about 135.

Let's go.

VO: Great!

He sounds more like me than I do.

Ha!

Come on, 135 for both of them?

No, can't do it.

Can't do it?

VO: That's it, Vicky, you hold your ground, girl.

No!

No, 140 absolutely...

Final offer?

Final offer, and it's two magnificently wonderful pieces.

VO: I think our master hagglers have met their match here.

It's a deal.

There we go.

Thank you very much.

We have one monkey and one snuffbox.

CATHERINE: Thank you very much.

JOHN: Thank you very much.

I'm going before I change my mind about that monkey.

Right.

I've done it now.

VO: You certainly have, no going back.

That's a commemorative Charles Fox box for £45, and a Schuco monkey perfume bottle for £95.

Time for our teams to get together and reveal their hauls.

Shall we have a look because we're desperate.

I'm not going to whip, I'm going to shimmy off.

Yes.

This is it?

Hm?

What do you mean?

We've been working hard!

I like the box.

Do you like the box?

I do, I like the box.

I'm afraid that monkey just looks dreadful.

It's ghastly, isn't it?

It's more than a monkey.

It's a scent bottle?

He's right.

Oh, you see.

This is what I've heard.

JOHN: That is a cigar cutter.

MARK: That's lovely.

It's a rose gold cigar cutter - a lucky horseshoe.

Lucky monkey, lucky horseshoe.

Do you like the leg, by the way?

No.

VO: Say what you mean, Mark.

CATHERINE: This is our lucky leg.

You've got an awful lot of luckies.

Come on then show us yours.

Ready?

Yes.

So that's our first little collection.

Our first collection?

And then we've also got this.

Which I absolutely love.

Now that I like.

I think that's amazing.

Yeah, it reminds me of Rosemary's Baby.

VO: Not a fan then, John?

This is nothing, but a wonderful quality drawing.

Did you pay lots for it?

She's just trying to wind you up, H, honestly.

No, no, no, that's real.

I'm loving the cot.

I think that's my favorite thing.

This is completely down to me.

You can't sell second-hand cots for love nor money, that's the problem.

No, that is the problem, Catherine, you're quite right.

And everybody's going to want a lump of old wood with an iron foot on it.

Aren't they?

I mean, let's be honest.

VO: Everyone's certainly being honest, Mark.

This is our fifth item.

Piece de resistance.

Which is a lovely turn of the century consulting room table, er, bench.

Oh, I like that... With the maker's mark on it.

Oh, I really like that.

VO: Wow, some praise, finally.

What do we think then?

I'm not sure.

I kind of am a bit speechless really.

I think the letter...

I mean, it might sell, but I just saw it and I just thought what a bit of junk, really.

Yeah.

I told you they'd go safe, didn't I?

Little, little things.

I don't know how safe that was.

I don't think it is.

I mean, they didn't say actually what they paid for the little monkey thing.

That monkey was dreadful, Mark.

I hate it.

I love the cot, but like you say, I don't know how saleable it is.

I'm not sure how saleable that is.

I think that might struggle.

My picture.

I saw...

I love the picture.

I watched Catherine's face and she was horrified.

But can I just say one thing to you, H, look at what she bought.

Could that judge a picture?

No.

Whatever happens it's been, it's been an experience hasn't it?

It's been an adventure, I've loved it, I've loved it.

Give us a hug.

VO: Oh, romantic.

VO: Time for a road trippers to hit the tarmac again, bid farewell to Cornwall and hello to our nation's capital, London.

It's the all-important auction showdown in Wandsworth.

Criterion auction house is the venue for our final battle, specializing in everything from interesting furniture to collectables.

This should be the place to shift our eclectic mix of items.

So time for a hearty hello, and a pep talk.

How are you?

JOHN: Hello.

CATHERINE: Hello.

Nice to see you.

CATHERINE: You alright?

JOHN: Yes.

Ready for today?

I think so.

Ready for some action?

Yeah, absolutely.

I'm not nervous, are you nervous?

No.

You're biting your nails.

You are!

I am.

VO: Now let's get the lowdown on what the man with the gavel, auctioneer Daniel Webster, thinks of our teams' buys.

There's a pretty little gold cigar cutter, horseshoe shaped, so it's a nice popular shape, people usually go for, so again hopefully that's going to appeal to someone out there.

The Schuco monkey - that's quite an interesting thing.

In good condition they can make a few hundred pounds.

That one's not great condition, unfortunately.

Overall it's sort of a good eclectic mix.

They have bought quite wisely overall, with maybe a couple of errors here and there.

VO: Well, that sounds promising.

Both teams started this road trip with £400.

John and Catherine bought five items, and came in under budget, spending £295.

Hermione and Mark also picked up five items, but they managed to blow the whole £400.

Let's see who can pump the profits and who will be left weeping over their wares.

Now, before proceedings start, there's some unfortunate news.

John and Catherine's two silver brooches were sadly lost just before the auction, but to put things right, team Thomson will get an insurance payout on both.

Yeah, so I've looked at the photos, and we will give an insurance valuation of £100.

VO: So, with £100 in the bag, for the team Thomson and internet bidding in the offing, let's get this auction under way.

This is you.

VO: First up, can Hermione and Mark post a profit with their stamp machine and letterbox?

There you go.

Neat little things just over there, good and collectable for £20.

At 20.

Come on.

Ten?

Ten surely.

Five if you like.

No money at five, surely.

Five is bid.

At £5 now.

At five are we all done?

At five, eight just behind you sir, eight now?

At £8.

Are we all done then?

At £8.

Are we all sure for eight?

VO: Not a great start, but there's still plenty to play for.

That is terrible.

VO: True.

The auctioneer loved this lot though, so can John and Catherine's horseshoe cigar cutter make a slice of profit?

Interest, 10, 15, got.

At £15.

The money's here at 15.

20 if you like?

20 in the room.

At £20.

Are we done?

At £20, we're in the room.

Yes, or no internet?

Come on internet.

22, front row.

25, 27 and creeping along.

30.

At £30 now.

At £30, way left for 30, are we all done?

VO: Looks like the bidders are sitting on their hands.

Is that a profit?

No.

Oh, what did you pay for it?

CATHERINE: 60.

MARK: Oh.

VO: Up next is Hermione's beloved watercolor.

Will it be music to our ears?

Good artist and a good thing.

With interest, 45, 50 is bid.

At £50, the money is here with me at 50 are we sure?

At £50 are we all done?

55.

Ooh.

55, internet now at 55.

At £55.

Are we done at 55?

VO: Oh, bad luck.

There was internet interest, but it just wasn't enough.

It's just not our day.

It's just not our day.

VO: It's a bit shabby, but can the bidders see the chic in team Thomson's Schuco monkey?

30 in the room, five if you like, internet?

35, 40.

At 40, are we done?

Don't stop.

At £40, are we all sure at 40?

Come on.

At 40, we're in the room at 40.

VO: Oh, dear.

Well, at least the poor thing's got a home to go to.

The internet-er's relieved when he gets that in the post, anyway, he'd open it up and go... (GASPS) VO: So will Hermione and Mark's consulting couch be just what the doctor ordered?

I mean it's just silly.

That could have the potential to make a couple of hundred pounds.

That's one just down there now, there you go.

Adjustable and all sorts.

What more could you want?

£50 for it?

30?

Obviously not.

HERMIONE: Oh, no!

DANIEL: A tenner?

DANIEL: Ten is bid.

MARK: Oh, come on.

At £10 now, at 10, are we done?

I don't want to smile because it looks like I'm gloating.

For 10?

VO: Oh, crikey Moses someone's got a real bargain there.

On the right auction day that should have made a lot more.

I don't know what to say.

I'm sorry.

That was the piece de resistance.

I mean £10.

VO: But Mark, hope springs eternal.

And with more bidders filing in, can the ladle serve up some good news?

And it's with interest at 35, 40 got.

At £40?

The money is here with me at 40, are we done?

At £40.

Commission's money at 40.

Are we sure now?

At 40... VO: Cheer up, kids.

The punch ladle breaks even.

Could our teams' fortunes be about to turn?

John and Catherine's commemorative box is next.

Neat little thing for £20?

20 is bid.

25?

30, 35.

Come on, come on.

£35 and in the room are we done?

At 35 in the room and selling in the room then... VO: That's a shame but thankfully not a devastating loss.

Next, Mark and Hermione's Victorian cot.

This will be interesting.

Good, collectable and smart for £100, I'm bid.

At 100, 110?

Well done, well done.

110, 120?

For 120, are we sure now at 120?

VO: Well, it's a small loss after auction costs, but I daresay that's a good result considering everything.

Finally, John and Catherine's cobbler's last is last.

Ha!

There you go.

Unusual indeed.

And £30 for it?

20?

10?

Ten is bid.

At £10 now at 10, 15, 20, five.

At 25 away right, you have.

At £25, right and away then... At the front.

At 25.

Oh, well done, madam.

There's bidding at the front.

30.

New place now at 30.

At 30, are we all done?

For £30 then.

I think our leg was just bought by Dr Legg from EastEnders.

VO: The leg just managed to get into its stride.

Well done for effort, boys and girls.

It's been good fun though, hasn't it?

CATHERINE: Yep.

HERMIONE: Yes.

That's the main thing.

Have we enjoyed ourselves?

We have.

We've had a great time.

It's not the losing, it's the taking part.

Absolutely, John, that's my motto.

VO: Well, sadly the bidders just weren't there today so forget winning, this auction's been more about who's made the least losses, so let's get the headlines.

VO: Hermione and Mark thought they'd shopped smart, but when it came down to brass tacks, made a loss of £208.94 after auction costs, giving them £191.06 at the finishing line.

VO: However, John and Catherine pipped them to the post.

Despite auction costs, the insurance valuation on the brooches cut their losses to a more conservative £102.30, leaving them with a respectable £297.70.

That's not so bad then.

I feel a bit sad.

Oh, do you?

I won't shed a tear on national television.

Anyway it's been lovely.

What can I say?

Really enjoyed it.

I've had a lovely time.

Well, I've had a fantastic time.

Thank you so much, thank you.

Thank you.

Come on, jump in lady.

They can't wait to get away, look.

MARK: I know.

JOHN: Take care.

CATHERINE: Bye JOHN: Bye.

Don't crash.

VO: Any profits made from across the road trip will go to Children In Need.

What's happened to your hair?

It's blowing in the wind.

I hope it doesn't come off.

CATHERINE: (LAUGHS) I know a little bit about toys, early Victorian automaton.

No, no, you're talking out of your... Subtitling@stv.tv