VO: It's the nation's favorite antiques experts, with £200 each, a classic car and a goal - to scour Britain for antiques.

That hurts.

What do you think?

VO: The aim?

To make the biggest profit at auction, but it's no mean feat.

There'll be worthy winners and valiant losers.

What have I done?!

VO: So, will it be the high road to glory or the slow road to disaster?

JAMES: Put your back into it!

THOMAS: Shut up, James.

JAMES: Come on!

VO: This is the Antiques Road Trip!

Yeah!

VO: It's a brand-new day and we're motoring along in a classic 1950s Morris Minor with our antiques experts Thomas Plant and James Lewis.

THOMAS (TP): It's just beautiful.

JAMES (JL): I think Scotland is dire when it's raining but you can't beat it when it's like this.

VO: Don't be fooled by his baby face, as Thomas Plant is an antiques expert of 20 years.

He's a man who knows his stuff and he's armed with nerves of steel.

DEALER: No, come on!

TP: This is everything I've got.

That's how you win, that's how you win.

VO: He's doing battle today with James Lewis, an auctioneer whose family are originally from Scotland.

So this trip is taking him back to his roots.

Wargh!

VO: Is he alright?

Our dueling duo begin their last leg with £200 each.

Thomas only made a measly £17.30 profit at this last auction...

I've learnt my lesson now.

I've learnt my little lesson.

VO: ..giving him £217.30 to spend on this leg.

However, James is storming ahead after making a staggering profit of £275 on a large cocoa seed in the first leg.

Last call on 300.

Yes!

Well done!

Well done!

VO: He now a gigantic £493.50 to play with.

Gosh, what a moneybags.

Fantastico!

Brilliant!

VO: This week, Thomas and James will be traveling over 800 miles, looping their way from the Scottish west coast up to the Highlands, down to the Lowlands and back again, eventually finishing at the country's capital city, Edinburgh.

However, on this leg, they're starting off in Balloch, next to Loch Lomond, and ending on the east coast in Dundee for their auction.

But the Morris Minor has other ideas.

TP: I think we might have killed the car.

With my extensive knowledge on cars, I think the solenoid's gone.

What the heck is a solenoid?

VO: Very good question, James.

I don't know, it's something to do... JL: (LAUGHS) This could be quite dangerous.

(ENGINE REVS) I think we'll be alright for today.

It's going to rain anyway.

Yeah, water and electrics always work well together.

VO: Please do not try this at home.

TP: Come on, James.

I reckon it'll be fine.

Whoopee.

Me and classic cars.

(THEY LAUGH) TP: Oh, it's doing it... JL: Look at the wipe...

BOTH: Oh!

TP: No!

No way, look at that!

Oh no, it's really bad now.

VO: What a disaster!

Hitch.

Hitch.

Get out, then.

Brilliant.

See, that's the way you do it, Thomas.

JL: Hello.

DRIVER: Hi.

Is there any possibility you might give us a lift?

I've not got the dog today.

VO: What a nice lady!

Oh, Balloch, I can see the sign.

Yeah.

I think we did really well.

There it is.

Things are looking up!

VO: The boys are off to Loch Lomond Antiques and Arts Centre to find their first lots of the day.

Do you know of any wonderful bargains that I should be looking at?

Feel free to point them out.

Yes, we'll certainly point you in the right direction.

Don't point them out to him, though.

No.

OK. (THEY LAUGH) VO: You may laugh, but Thomas is already up and running with Doreen.

TP: I want to look at this drinking set.

DOREEN: OK.

I seem to do quite well with things which are alcohol related.

Right!

VO: This art deco silver-plated traveling cocktail set would be fabulous for the jet-set.

TP: There's the three cups.

DOREEN: I think there might be four, actually.

See, I think this lifts off.

Oh yeah, and there's another one in there.

Oh, cool.

And I think there's more inside.

It's quite fun, really.

I love these things which sort of all tessellate into each other.

I've got on that 45, we can maybe take it down to 40, but I think... that's all we could do.

Do you think so?

Yes.

25.

Maybe thirty-s... Maybe 30.

DOREEN: No.

TP: Maybe 30.

36.

35 then.

35.

What about 30?

No, I can't do 30.

No, I can't.

I can't.

I know you want it.

Oh, I could lose money on it, you see.

I don't think so.

But it is all there.

DOREEN: It is.

TP: 32.

TP: Go on!

DOREEN: OK!

32.

Thank you.

That's brilliant.

Sorry.

That's fine, it's fine.

VO: Thank goodness for that.

So a drinks set and a kiss from the lovely Doreen.

Not bad going, Thomas!

James has got Doreen's husband Brian looking after him.

I wonder if he'll get a kiss.

OK, what have we got over here?

Can I see the little cannon, please?

I wonder what that was for.

BRIAN: Fire lighters?

JL: It could be for matches, couldn't it?

BRIAN: Matches, matches, yeah.

I wonder if that's the striker, actually.

Yeah, the base, aha.

JL: It's a funny old thing.

BRIAN: Yeah.

VO: This Victorian match holder, with the cranberry glass barrel, seems a steal at £28.

Would 15 quid buy it?

28... 20 is the bottom line on that one.

JL: Is it?

BRIAN: Yes.

Do a bit more off it?

If £1 helps, we'll do it for 19.

I'm not going to argue with you, I see you're doing your best.

BRIAN: Thank you.

JL: Thank you.

VO: Well, you HAVE got nearly £500 burning a hole in your pocket.

Anything else, James?

How about that sort of shield-shaped box just in there?

This one here.

We've got 90 on it.

75?

OK. Can I make a cheeky offer of 50 on that?

If we could split it to 55?

55, yeah, OK. VO: Hmm, that was easy.

But James seems distracted by something else.

What on Earth is that?

It's a weird thing.

What do you think?

Improvement?

VO: Yeah.

This extraordinary piece of tribal art is an open eyed mask with monkey cresting, dating from the 1880s.

Without question, this is early.

So I'm thinking it might be bronze.

And brass over it.

It's just that wonderful color in there, that darkness.

And then you turn it over, and it's just been polished for a hundred years or more.

BRIAN: Yeah, 94 on there... JL: Which is far too much.

BRIAN: Yeah.

65 probably is the bottom line there.

VO: Um, I feel a job lot coming on, for the silver shaped dressing table box and the bronze mask.

JL: 65 and 55.

100 the two?

Yeah, I think we could do 100 on the two.

JL: You've got a deal.

BRIAN: Thank you.

Brilliant, thank you very much.

Thank you.

VO: Ooh!

James does seem rather taken with the mask.

Now, has Thomas stopped flirting with Doreen?

These have just come in, have they?

Yes.

Oh, that's so sweet.

I thought that was very pretty.

Hm.

It is lovely.

We have a slight issue... Oh.

..with that one.

OK. Just because of the material.

VO: This 1900 mustache and comb set has a silver and tortoiseshell element to it.

Tortoiseshell is endangered.

But, since this antique utility was made before 1947, it means that Thomas is able to sell it at auction.

Ticket price: £35.

But what a present to give our narrator... ..and his little mustache.

VO: (CHUCKLES SARCASTICALLY) Size isn't everything, Thomas.

Time to do a deal with Doreen.

What's that got to be in your world, this one here?

35.

How many people do you know with a mustache?

Hm?

I mean it's not... A lot of my female friends!

You don't want to say that!

VO: Oh!

You two.

Now, with the cocktail set secured for £32, can Thomas wheel a deal for the £35 grooming kit?

Can I give you 50 for the both?

DOREEN: No.

TP: Go on!

No.

It makes it nice and easy, round figures.

What was this one again?

That was 32.

DOREEN: 32.

OK. We'll do 50 for the both.

Go on.

OK?

50 for the both?

Yeah, 50 for both.

Deal, OK.

Thank you.

Brilliant.

Thank you, that's us.

VO: What a charmer!

Thomas has managed to get both the drinks set and the 'tache grooming kit for £50.

Brilliant.

Thank you very much.

Been a pleasure.

VO: At the other end of the shop, James has negotiated on a dressing table box... ..a vintage mask and a match holder.

But he's not finished yet.

The pair of toast racks.

Yes.

VO: Ooh - these could fit the bill at £98.

What could they do?

Er, 80?

Oh, blimey.

What would you like to pay for it?

I was thinking a good bit off that.

Yeah.

But don't worry.

To give you a fighting chance, how about 78?

Hm.

75.

Touching somewhere near?

Will you do 150 the three?

One more bid and we can do it.

155.

Yeah.

OK. We've got a deal.

BRIAN: Thank you.

JL: Brilliant, thank you.

VO: Crikey.

So after one last haggle, James has got the silver box, the silver toast racks and the mask for £155.

And with the match holder at £19, that's not bad for a day's shop.

JL: Thank you.

BRIAN: Thank you.

VO: The pair are riding high and - great - the motor's been fixed.

Good old James gives Thomas a lift 30 miles east to Stirling and the famous Wallace Monument.

It looks marvelous, doesn't it?

It's lovely, I'm really looking forward to this.

VO: William Wallace was a Scottish hero who fought and died trying to free Scotland from English rule.

Standing tall and proud, the National Wallace Monument was built more than 140 years ago to celebrate Wallace's win against the English at the Battle of Stirling Bridge in 1297.

Here to tell the tale is archaeologist Murray Cook.

Hello.

Hiya.

I'm Thomas.

I'm Murray.

How do you do?

This is the National Wallace Monument, it's built in 1869 to commemorate William Wallace and his famous battle at Stirling Bridge.

VO: Proudly positioned on the Abbey Craig, overlooking the site of his greatest victory, this gothic tower captures the drama of Wallace's campaign.

Wallace is the national hero.

He's from relatively common origins.

He's not a member of the establishment, he's not a member of the aristocracy.

He didn't say no, he just kept fighting.

He didn't surrender.

I mean, he's a hothead.

VO: Named Braveheart, Wallace inspired the Scots to stand up to their oppressors - the English.

The choice of weapon was a sword, believed to resemble this one.

Probably some element of that is Wallace's sword.

VO: The Wallace sword was restored by King James IV in 1505.

Standing at 5½ feet, it's unlikely that Wallace would have actually used this in battle.

I mean, Wallace was big, Wallace was a big man.

6'10"?

Well, he's kind of between six and seven feet.

You'd have to be very big to wield it, it's certainly big to smash that into someone's body and then pull it out again.

Yeah.

It's a big sword for a big hero.

From my knowledge of fencing, that wouldn't have been...

I fenced for some years, and I wouldn't want to use that.

No.

VO: It's not just the monument's design that's impressive, but the views from the summit.

Just hold your breath, because really this view is incredible.

It's just a spectacular panorama.

Oh my.

VO: From the top of the monument, it is possible to see Stirling Castle and the site of eight battlefields, including Bannockburn - and of course, Stirling Bridge.

The rugby pitch is where the Battle of Stirling Bridge was fought, where 5,500 troops died, just on that spot.

You are looking at bloody ground.

And also with the weight of troops and knights and all that machinery of war they had, they got... Before it was...

They got there and they realized, "Oh, it's far too late to turn back."

They were stuck.

VO: The English made a tactical error in crossing the too-narrow Stirling Bridge, so giving victory to the Scots, and making Wallace a national hero.

However, Wallace paid the ultimate price.

He was later captured and hung, drawn and quartered by the English in 1305.

But his legend lives on, in this grand tribute.

A Victorian looking at that feels that that's a primitive past, we're now moving forward - look what we've achieved.

Well, I think they should be very proud of what they achieved.

VO: Well said Thomas - especially for a Sassenach.

But it's time to get back to shopping.

VO: Speaking of which, James has driven 20 minutes to Alva - to Glentana Mill, where he's hoping to conjure up his own antiques adventure.

VO: Ooh ahh!

We're making headlines!

Hello there.

James.

Nice to meet you.

Nice to see you, nice to see you.

VO: Glentana Mill houses 15 dealers and hundreds of collectables.

Seems Sir Cliff isn't the only knight in the shop.

Thomas Plant, you are on dangerous ground.

Wargh!

VO: Yeah, well thank goodness he's not wearing a kilt.

Although James has just over £300 in his pocket, nothing seems to be tickling his fancy.

£890.

Prrrr.

Can't make a profit.

No.

There's nothing...

It's not the right period.

I think for the first time, ever, I'm beaten.

First time ever.

VO: Don't give up yet!

A picture may say a thousand words, but in this case, James, it's just two.

Is that still life saying "buy me"?

Here we've got a 19th century... Scottish school still life, oil on canvas, of a vase of sort of meadow flowers and grasses.

Probably pained around 1890.

It has a bit of a look to it, but just wondering whether I should go for that.

VO: Well at £65, it would be rude not to.

Ha!

It's time to negotiate with owner Elise.

What could you do on that for me?

I could probably do 55.

Oh, hm.

What were you thinking about?

About 30.

The best I could do would be 40.

That's the very best.

OK. And that's only because I know that dealer.

OK. VO: Well, that does seem reasonable.

It looks like I'm buying a picture off you, then.

ELISE: Right, OK. Yeah.

JL: £40.

VO: With his loot in the bag, James and Thomas are due for a well-deserved rest, as the sun sets on an eventful day.

Nighty-night!

It's a new day in bonnie Scotland.

And Thomas has devised one way to kill off the competition.

JL: Whoar, Thomas!

TP: It's not me.

Oh!

That's not me.

That's you!

It's not, I promise you.

It smells like poo.

VO: Well, thank goodness the roof's down.

Moving on!

So far, Thomas Plant has spent £50 on two items - an art-deco traveling cocktail drinks set and a 1900s mustache brush and comb set, leaving him with £167.30.

Thank you very much.

Been a pleasure.

VO: Meanwhile, moneybags James has spent £214 on five items.

A Victorian novelty match holder, a dressing table box, a pair of silver toast racks, a tribal mask and a painting... What do you think?

VO: ..leaving him £279.50 in his piggy bank.

JL: You've got a deal.

BRIAN: Thank you.

Brilliant, thank you very much.

VO: Our boys are heading over an hour east from Alva to St Andrews.

Ah, St Andrews, look, look!

Look!

VO: James drops off Thomas, as he's got his own plan of action.

Look at that, isn't it marvelous?

Oh, fantastic.

Right, are you a bit jealous?

I want the Cyberman's hat.

Well, I'll see what I can do.

See you later.

Oh!

I want to come.

VO: Thomas is hoping to get something curious from Curiosity.

Happy to help are two shop assistants - Hugh Grant?

No, Peter and Peter, smart dandies with the same name!

Would you mind if I had a quick look?

No, please have a look around.

If you see anything that catches your eye, give me a shout.

Alright, thank you very much, thank you.

Is that a real pheasant?

It is indeed, yeah, stuffed.

Stuffed, oh, it's not been recently shot?

No.

It's a vintage piece right there.

I'd love to say I shot it fresh this morning but I'm afraid not.

VO: This is not just an antiques shop.

It stocks all sorts of odds and ends and... curiosities.

Oh look.

Right.

Normal, scary.

Hilarious, aren't they?

Yeah, not very nice, actually.

VO: Creepy, but the Peters have seen it all before.

Ooh, what's this?

These are so funny, they're so sort of '50s, you know, good sort of seaside humor, which we now find fun.

"Don't forget, you promised to teach me to drive a car too."

You know.

"Just married."

Of course some cards are by famous artists, which make them more, you know, appealing, there's a Mabel Lucie Atwell there.

VO: This collection contains at least one saucy postcard by famous graphic artist Donald McGill.

Postcards like these sold in their millions and now are highly collectable.

There's 78 cards here.

I'm looking to buy the lot.

Just a group lot of postcards, I'm just wondering if I can buy the album off you for about £40.

For the whole album, we'd be looking at something a bit more than 40, I'm afraid.

What would you be looking for?

The figure I was thinking, we had roughly 80, which is about 160.

120.

That was the sort of figure that we were looking at.

They're not worth that at auction.

No.

Alright, well thank you very much.

You're welcome.

I think my work is done here.

VO: Ooh!

Thomas is playing tough.

I'll tell you what I'll do with you, seeing as you're interested in them all... All of them, yeah.

I'd do all...

Roughly about 80 of them there.

I'd do them all for £50 for you.

£50?

£50 for the lot.

PETER: Deal.

TP: Deal, that's a deal.

Thank you Peter.

VO: Well played Thomas!

A no-nonsense approach, and a great discount.

But he's not finished yet.

TP: That's a mad thing.

An egg, a wooden egg with a coat of brass over it.

I think it might be old.

It's a bit flimsy.

God only...

I've never seen something like that before.

VO: An oak and brass decorative egg.

Ticket price £12.

Looks interesting but any idea what it is?

What do you know about this?

I'm going to be honest with you Tom, we don't know a great deal about it.

We think it's fairly old, maybe about 80 years old, but we're uncertain.

Obviously covered in brass.

Um...

It's a mad thing.

I think it's a curious object, it's quite distinctive, very decorative.

Um, but to be honest with you, I haven't seen anything else like it.

What can you do on that?

Well, I mean to be honest, Tom...

It's not much.

I think that's a very fair price as it is.

It's a fair price.

But seeing as you've bought that, together, £60.

TP: £60?

PETER: £60 for the two.

55.

For the two.

Oh, I tell you what, half way, and we'll meet with the deal there.

What, 55?

57.50.

57.50!

Every penny counts in this business, Tom, you know that as well as I do.

57.50!

Madness.

So that would cost me 7.50?

£7.50.

Go on.

Deal.

VO: What a nice chap.

Goodness, Thomas seems to be on a shopping spree!

This is a molding plane.

Really nicely made.

The appeal is that they're just really lovely decorative objects.

And also, some restorers do still use them.

They've got all types of blades in there.

When you're sort of wanting to do a bit of molding, I think it would come out like that, actually.

I mean, can that be pennies?

Not literally.

Thomas, I'll tell you what, seeing as you've bought other things from us, that's 22 at the moment.

TP: Yeah.

PETER: £10 it's yours.

Oh, I'll take it away, for a tenner.

I've bought three things off you now, haven't I?

VO: Well remembered.

Curiosity may have killed the cat, but Thomas is the cat that got the cream.

£67.50 well spent.

VO: Meanwhile, James has traveled south to Troywood to visit what, from afar, looks like a very ordinary Scottish farmhouse.

This couldn't be further from the truth, as this humble lodging - now a museum - played a pivotal role in Scottish military history.

In command is tour guide Peter Gordon.

JL: Hi.

PETER: Hello, James.

I'm James, nice to see you.

Nice to meet you too, I'm Peter.

Hi.

Welcome to Scotland's Secret Bunker.

VO: Originally built in 1951 as a radar station, this installation was later modified as Cold War tensions escalated.

Dug 100 feet underground, this 24,000 square foot command center would have been the seat of government in the event of a nuclear strike.

Right James, you're in RAF operations here, dating back to the '50s, early '60s.

So everything would be scrambled from all the major air fields in Scotland, from here.

VO: The offices of the emergency services, scientific advisors, the Met Office and computer staff would surround this main command floor.

And up-to-the-minute status information would be shown on the giant wall charts and maps.

This is the nuclear command center for the whole of Scotland.

All the information from all the bunkers came here.

VO: And as such, the bunker was equipped with essential personnel, with direct links to the Quick Reaction Alert Forces, whom could be airborne in a few moments, should airspace be threatened.

And they often were until the end of the Cold War.

This is how everything would be moved around, so from the board, from the radar room next door, people would move these as to the different squadrons that were coming in.

Do you know, I remember seeing a photograph of my aunt, my mother's sister, older sister, standing next to something like this, with little models of planes.

And she is actually holding one of these.

And she was pushing little groups of planes around.

And she worked in one of these rooms in the Second World War.

And that's really odd, it's all just...

I'd forgotten, I'd forgotten all about it, until just seeing this.

Very important people, they were.

Really?

If they got it wrong all hell would break loose.

VO: During this period the 300 or so personnel would never see daylight.

They couldn't even shower, as uncontaminated water was too precious a commodity.

The water had to go through five different filter systems, it had to be absolutely pristine water.

Yeah.

So if you want to have a nice cup of tea, this was the place to come.

VO: What wasn't scrimped on though were the lines of communication.

The menacing war telephones would be used to issue final warnings to any aggressor before an all-out nuclear strike.

This is the direct link to Westminster, i.e.

the prime minister.

So you would pick this phone up, you'd already have the command codes for launching of the missiles, then you pick this up and you speak directly to the prime minister to get the OK to launch the missiles.

What do these buttons do?

That, for example.

PETER: Oh, that... (ALARM WAILS) That's the full alert throughout the bunker, we're going into DEFCOM 1, in other words... JL: DEFCOM... PETER: There's an attack.

Oh, so I've just launched on Russia, have I?

You've just... yeah, yeah.

VO: Oh James!

The bunker was active until 1993, with the end of the Cold War, and became open to the public in 1994.

It's been absolutely amazing.

Thank you very much.

PETER: You're welcome, James.

JL: Really enjoyed it.

VO: Back to St Andrews, Thomas has walked to a rather appropriately-named shop.

Can I have a rummage?

You must have a rummage!

VO: Felicity runs this establishment - a budget antiques and shabby chic combo - and with just under £100 to spend, it's perfect for Thomas.

Ooh, ooh, this is quite good!

DEALER: But what is it?

Well I think it's a tool for scraping down a wooden plank of some description, and it's stamped up here.

This could be the answer to my prayers.

I could put this with the, um... PETER: Your plane.

TP: With my plane.

VO: Good thinking - adding what looks like a wood shaver to his wooden plane mold.

That would make a job lot.

What's this got to be?

DEALER: Oh, I've no idea.

Oh!

A fiver.

A fi...

I'm not going to argue with you.

Good!

I'm not going to barter, I'm not going to haggle, I'm not going to try and knock you down!

Just take it like that!

TP: Just take it like that.

DEALER: Oh that's lovely.

Give you a fiver, cuz I don't know what it is.

VO: Well, mission accomplished on a tight budget.

TP: I just love things like that.

So, you know, that's sort of made my day really.

VO: Aw, how sweet.

James has driven the short distance back to St Andrews to find some last minute items.

JL: Hello there!

DEALER: Hello.

VO: OK James - what's on the shopping list?

It's either got to be something on its own, something to go with the silver or something to go with the cannon.

VO: There's an eclectic mix of goodies here, but what will sell at auction?

Maybe owner Anne can help.

We have something quite unusual up there as well.

I thought you were going to point out the Romans!

I can see the Romans from here!

VO: This set of fiberglass Romans originally stood outside a pub.

Ticket price, £280.

If you're really desperate to sell the Romans, what could they be?

DEALER: 100?

They'd make 50 quid.

If I'm lucky they'd make 50 quid.

They're mad!

DEALER: They're wonderful.

And they're completely unique!

JL: (LAUGHS) I'm not surprised!

And then you could buy the horse as well, couldn't you?

The French horse.

The slightly distressed French... You're going to try and bankrupt me with that!

Has Thomas been here and paid you?!

I swear to you I haven't laughed that much in a long time.

Oh good.

Oh, brilliant.

VO: Time's a-ticking, and James seems to be losing the plot.

I'm going to offer a really cheeky, silly low price.

Oh crikey.

Right.

But it's only because I think they're the most crazy things I've ever seen.

Aha.

I think they're probably worth nothing.

DEALER: Right, I'll go with that.

I'll offer you a crazy price of 20 quid.

Oh now, come on!

JL: I know it's craz... DEALER: 50!

Oh!

Oh come on.

20?

No.

Who is gonna want them?!

25.

Oh... (EXHALES) What else are you going to buy?

VO: Good question.

Didn't you say you were looking for some silver?

How about those?

How much could they be?

DEALER: How much do you want to spend in this shop?

They're worth a tenner to me.

Alright, you can have 'em for a tenner.

Right, they're... OK, well that's one... Have them for a tenner.

That's a purchase.

VO: What James has is an Edwardian silver boot hook and shoehorn for £15 less than the ticket price.

But Anne's still trying to push the Romans onto him.

They're completely bonkers.

50.

I don't want them, I just think they're crazy.

Mm.

30 quid.

You stick your hand out if you want to.

Yeah.

JL: You do.

£30.

DEALER: Done.

I do not know who's more crazy, you or me.

VO: They may be unusual, but that's £250 off the asking price - how does he do it?

Well it's a bit of company in the back of the car, isn't it?

Ha-ha!

Time now to meet up with Thomas and compare their wares.

Right, OK, are you ready?

Mm-hm.

VO: Careful, it looks windy.

Fantastic!

A bit predictable, I have to say.

There's nothing... That isn't very predictable.

JL: Not that, not that.

TP: No, not that.

JL: Oops.

TP: Flowers.

That's sweet, lovely frame.

Oh yeah, still life, great.

What did you pay for that?

JL: 40 quid.

TP: Oh...

There should be something in it.

Right, this is the thing I want to see.

VO: It looks as if Thomas has taken a shine to James's mask - a real bargain at £50.

I didn't know when I bought it but I looked it up online and it is from the Cameroon.

TP: Wow!

From the Cameroon.

JL: Yeah.

So is it something brought back from people who went there in the 19th century?

I think so, I think that's...

It's amazing, isn't it?

God, that's fantastic.

Good thing, I think.

VO: The mask is definitely a cut above James's other lots, but is there one more item still undercover?

Here we go!

I wanna see, I wanna see!

Are you ready?

I wanna see, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready.

Now this has to go down in history as my finest buy ever.

VO: Speechless.

What the... JL: Heh!

Are they meant to be sort of classical figures?

JL: Romans.

TP: Romans.

They're horrible.

But yeah, they're mad, and the thing is about a general sale... JL: They are horrible, aren't they?

They're hideous!

What did you buy those for?

And how much were they?

They were priced up at 280.

TP: What did you pay for them?

JL: 30 quid.

Oh great, wonderful.

VO: How very generous Thomas, but now it's over to you.

Oh...

There we are.

Not a huge amount of stuff, I didn't spend a great deal of money.

Have a look.

VO: What will James make of the egg?

What is that?

TP: (LAUGHS) It's a north African... egg.

I think.

JL: Ha!

TP: I haven't got a clue.

VO: Seems to be a running theme amongst our experts.

JL: How much was it?

TP: £7.50.

Ooh!

Expensive, big spender!

Love that.

Postcards?

Yeah, 78 of them, loads of them.

JL: How much were they?

TP: £50.

Oh, that's cheap for 78 of those.

VO: Next up: Thomas's 'tache grooming set.

JL: Oh look!

A mustache comb!

Absolutely, just for you.

Oh please don't devalue it.

What's that?

TP: Oh James, don't!

JL: Oh!

JL: Found a bit of sweetcorn!

TP: James, don't!

A bit of snot!

Put it away!

Put it in the... Come on Thomas.

You horror!

You horror of a human being!

Oh, thanks Thomas.

I like that.

Put it down.

Well, I have to say, it's a... You've got as eclectic a mix as I have.

VO: Diplomatically said.

But what do they really think?

We both bought some real tat.

The little mustache set is great with the brush and comb.

I think in the right sale it might return a decent profit.

The classical figures - I mean, has he had a taste bypass?

Has he had a lobotomy?

Has the front brain been removed?

I mean, what was that?

I think the result's going to be touch and go.

I bought some real rubbish, but mind you, so did he.

VO: It's been a memorable road trip, kicking off in Balloch and then shimmying along to historic Stirling before a wee trek to St Andrews and south to Troywood, before heading to their final destination, Dundee.

There we go.

Slip it in there.

Everything alright there James?

Make sure the handbrake works!

I will.

If you get out, it might be a bit better.

VO: The auction battleground is Curr and Dewar in Dundee.

They've been established auctioneers and valuers since 1862.

VO: Auctioneer Stephen Dewar is on hand to tell us what will sell and what will bomb.

The oil painting, the still life, the vase of flowers, I think is a very pretty, attractive picture.

I think that could do quite well today, but I do also quite like the unusual art deco cocktail set as a collector's item, so hopefully we should do OK with that.

VO: Thomas began this leg with £217.30, and was very frugal, having only spent £122.50 on a total of five auction lots.

TP: Brilliant.

DOREEN: Sorry!

No, it's fine, it's fine.

VO: Meanwhile James began this leg with an impressive £493.50 and spent a total of £254, also on five auction lots.

JL: You've got a deal.

BRIAN: Thank you.

VO: Steady yourselves: It's time to begin.

Oh dear.

Well, here we go.

VO: First up is James's rare African mask.

Interest opens me up at £80.

There you are, you're set.

At £80 it is, on the mask there at £80, are you all done?

At eigh... 90, 100.

And 10.

At 110 now.

JL: Go on.

STEPHEN: Any advance on £110?

Well... Well you've doubled your money.

Yeah.

VO: James won't need the mask to cover his face in shame, as he's made a healthy profit.

Do you slightly wish that you could take it home?

Take it home, yeah, exactly.

Slightly you wish you could have it.

JL: That's the thing.

TP: You can't.

I know.

VO: Thomas is next with his job lot of tools, comprising the wood shaver and the molding plane.

At £10, 12 sir, 15.

STEPHEN: 18... JL: Into profit.

TP: Well...

In the hall there at £18, there anybody else in?

£18, I've lost money on those.

No, you haven't.

Yes, I have.

No you haven't, actually.

£18... TP: Broken even.

JL: Broken even.

Washed its face.

VO: Yes, after auction costs, you'll barely see any of that.

But at least it isn't a loss, Thomas.

Next are James's silver lot - a toast rack, dressing table box and boot hook and horn.

Interest starts me off here.

£50.

Ooh.

JL: Yeah.

STEPHEN: ..at £50... 60, 70, 80, 90, 100, and 10.

110 commission, at £110.

STEPHEN: Any advance on 110?

JL: Go on.

Yeah, he did well to get that.

VO: That'll be an even bigger loss after commission.

But at least James is keeping his pecker up.

Take it on the chin.

100% my fault.

I paid too much.

VO: Can Thomas catch up, with his mysterious decorative egg?

£15.

18, 20, two.

(THEY LAUGH) STEPHEN: 25, 28, 30, 30, commission bidder.

Any advance then?

£30 I have.

Well done.

Fantastic.

VO: They may laugh, but this double yolker's quadrupled in value.

Best profit so far for that bloody egg.

VO: James is hoping to strike it rich with his Victorian novelty match holder.

20, seated.

Two, 25, 28.

30, 30 in the room.

At £30, is seated.

It's your last chance.

£30.

Yay!

It's alright, I suppose.

What do you mean, "It's alright, I suppose"?

Everything can't make three figures.

VO: Honestly, there's no pleasing some people!

I thought it might've made a bit more, but I don't care.

It's fine.

VO: Will these fun postcards wish Thomas "bon voyage"?

Interest starts me off at £25.

I told you.

28, 30, two, 35.

38, 40, two.

JL: Go on!

STEPHEN: Surely another bid.

At £42.

Last chance and I will sell.

STEPHEN: 45, 48.

JL: Go on!

STEPHEN: £48 seated.

JL: Go on.

At £48 now.

JL: Go on.

Yes!

50, five, 60, five, 70, five... JL: Keep going.

STEPHEN: 75, seated.

BOTH: Go on.

STEPHEN: At 75.

JL: Go on.

Yeah!

That's what I want.

VO: James, what are you doing?

This isn't even your stuff!

You bidding, sir?

And five.

One more.

STEPHEN: 90, and five.

JL: Go on!

95 in the front.

At £95.

All done at £95?

Well done.

Well done.

Yeah.

See my man for that.

VO: James rallied the bidders, but it's Thomas who'll keep this healthy profit.

Well, that's double your money.

Well, almost, but still, yeah that's great.

VO: Will this gruesome twosome help James conquer the antiques empire?

A pair of life sized bronzed composite figures.

Roman emperors.

Fine figure of a man.

(MOUTHS) The emperor.

(LAUGHTER) For the pair of them.

Interest starts me off at £30.

There you are, you see.

35, 40, five, 50, five, 60, five.

£65 in the hall.

70, five, 80, five... Come on.

..the hall, £90, five, 100.

Go on.

And 10.

Go on.

120, 130, 140.

150 is bid down the right.

At 150 is bid.

Are you all done?

No way.

Yes.

Last chance, at 150.

Thank you.

Well done James.

Well done.

That is so wrong on so many levels.

VO: Would you Adam and Eve it?

These Romans had the last laugh, putting James firmly in the lead.

I thought that was bonkers.

No, I think they're brilliant.

VO: Could the quaint mustache brush and comb set give Thomas the miracle he needs?

STEPHEN: Going over to my right.

I can't see many mustaches.

18, 20, two, 25, 28, standing.

He's sporting a little mustache.

JL: Is he?

STEPHEN: 28, at 28.

Are you all done, then?

TP: Brilliant.

JL: Great, isn't it?

TP: Brilliant.

VO: A tidy £10 profit here for Thomas, but James is still top of the pops.

He has got a mustache, as well.

Yes, I know.

He has got a mustache.

He wants to trim it.

VO: Er... he can hear you!

Staying with Thomas and his last lot - it's the smart traveling cocktail set.

Interest starts me at £35.

Profit, straight in.

cocktail set, 40, five, 50, five... JL: Yeah, it's worth that.

STEPHEN: Any advance on 60?

Bottom estimate.

Last chance, then, £60.

Yeah.

Well done.

BOTH: Double money.

VO: A great return there, Thomas.

But your profits will definitely not shake or stir James's winning streak.

So, that is the sweet smell of profits throughout every single lot.

I love that.

VO: Will James's oil on canvas be the final death nail in Thomas's antique dreams?

Very attractive painting there.

What will we say - £200?

100?

100 bid, thank you.

At 100 now.

120, 140, 160... TP: Ooh.

STEPHEN: 180.

Go on.

180 is bid.

200.

At 200 now.

Any advance, at £200?

Are you bidding?

220, 240.

TP: 240?

STEPHEN: 260, 280... Go on.

Go on.

280 is a commission bidder.

Last chance.

James.

Yay!

TP: Wow!

JL: Profit.

VO: Wow!

With an unbeatable £240 profit, this still life proves that James really is the master.

Jolly good.

Lunch is on you.

That's why I bought it.

Lunch is on you.

VO: Thomas started this leg with £217.30 and after auction costs, he's made a decent profit of £66.92.

That leaves him with £284.22 to carry forward.

James lifts today's cup.

He started with £493.50 and after making £303.60 profit that leaves him with a humungous £797.10 to carry on to the next leg.

How ever does he do it?

James, congratulations.

Well done you, two great profits.

Well, great profit from your end.

So what are you on now, sort of £1,000 is it?

Is it 100,000?

Erm... getting there.

I'm feeling positive about today's results.

Yep?

TP: Very positive.

JL: Good.

Let's go.

VO: Next time on the Antiques Road Trip: Thomas splashes the cash.

I didn't want to do this.

I didn't want to spend this amount of money.

VO: And James can talk to animals.

Oh.

She said 65. subtitling@stv.tv