(light bright music) - Hi, my name is Karissa.

Oh my God.

(stand thudding) How are you guys doing?

(cushion squeaking) Sweet.

Okay.

This is my story called "Extension of the Trees."

In late February, I felt this impulsive urge to microdose on shrooms.

I had the house all to myself, and it was a vibrant, warm winter's day.

This felt like a precursor to the spring season I eagerly craved that was right around the corner.

Not even 10 minutes after I took them, I started to feel guilty about my choices, projecting anger and frustration towards myself, even self-hate.

I felt that I should be more productive, so I asked myself, "What do I think I should be doing?"

I don't know, maybe worry?

Figure out, getting clear about the things that you're stressed about.

Thoughts wanted to bring me back to this place of trying to have it all together, to be in control.

Since I didn't want to put my mental and emotional focus on questions I perceived unanswered, I felt irresponsible, like my life depended on it, letting myself and the universe down.

It dawned upon me how unfamiliar and unsafe joy in letting go felt, that I had to earn it by having it all together.

Even with these feelings coming up, I validated them with love and compassion.

I forged on about my day, giving myself permission to have fun anyway.

Worrying makes me feel in control.

If I just ponder on the lack, the problem enough, it will all get solved.

Then I'll feel safe and secure, ready to live and move forward.

But truthfully, that's just not how life works.

I got back from walking my dog around my neighborhood.

Soon after, I was yawning like crazy, my body completely relaxed, sinking deeper with gravity, elated as I was getting ready for the potluck I had later that evening, getting lost in my moon emoji playlist that was full of songs from the '60s and '70s I felt the most connected to.

Breaking my own rules, I felt free.

I allowed myself to express and accept how I present myself in my clothes and how I accessorize, declaring in that moment to be my authentic, free-spirited self.

After frolicking in my room with no sense of direction, just joy and a dream, I decided to go outside with the trees.

I planned on bringing my speaker and my music with me, but didn't, knowing the children playing, leaves ruffling, and birds chirping is the best music there is, and it was.

It further regulated me in the urgency of my mind.

I've always felt at home in nature.

Gazing at the bright blue, slightly cloudy sky, a thought popped into my head, how this is the first and last time I'll ever see this specific...

This is the first and last time I'll ever see this cloud in this specific shape in my entire life.

I reached to hold my wire tree necklace with rainbow stones that represented the chakras.

I put on one getting ready.

Glancing at the world around me filled me with gratitude and love.

Feeling whole as I sit in the rocking chair in my front yard, integrating the beauty and abundance around me, the same beauty and abundance that existed within me, I felt at home because I was present.

I softly looked at the bare naked trees that surrounded me, intrigued by the fact that soon they will be full of lush leaves, admiring their quirks and qualities, all the twists and spots, yet unapologetically willing to take up space, no judgment or shame.

Reminded by remembering how deeply connected and embedded I am to everything, an extension of the trees and the birds, how they are an extension of me, tears filled up my eyes from how deeply loved and connected I felt.

I didn't feel alone.

How truly valuable, worthy, and needed I am, not based on how productive I can be, how much I can accomplish to earn my place in this world.

I felt safe in confirming how rare and truly beautiful it is to exist.

How lucky I am to be able to experience stillness, to appreciate and accept everything I could ever need and want, and be as in every moment I come back home to myself at the core of my being, on smudging the mirror that fogs my eyes from seeing myself clearly.

As I held my necklace close to me, setting intentions to remember the love, my inherent worth and abundance, that I am an extension of those trees, I chose to let go and surrender.

Waves of fulfillment surged through my relaxed body, so relaxed where I felt one with the chair and the earth that held me up.

I felt whole and complete with an abundant, overflowing cup.

Thank you.

(audience whooping and clapping) Thank you.

(light bright music)