VO: The nation's favorite celebrities... Wow.

VO: ..paired up with an expert... Ow.

Ow.

Get it sorted.

VO: ..and a classic car.

She's beautiful.

We're steaming.

VO: Their mission - to scour Britain for antiques.

Is that antique?

I'll take it.

I'll take it.

VO: The aim, to make the biggest profit at auction.

(GAVEL) VO: But it's no easy ride...

There's a dog chasing us!

VO: Who will find a hidden gem?

I love that.

VO: Who will take the biggest risk?

Ah!

VO: Will anybody follow expert advice?

Yeah, uh, OK, I know what that means.

VO: There will be worthy winners...

Yes!

VO: ..and valiant losers.

Disaster.

VO: Put your pedal to the metal.

Let's go shopping.

Woo-hoo!

VO: This is the Celebrity Antiques Road Trip!

VO: Giddy up!

VO: Today, the only way is Kent, with two very supportive chums.

What are you doing?

That was supposed to be the indicator!

It's not raining!

I don't even know how to turn that off!

Well, at least if we get rain, we're prepared, they're on.

I thought it was the indicator!

That's so funny.

VO: Giggly Kelly Brook has achieved stellar success as an international model and TV presenter.

VO: Denise Van Outen is a talented girl who first hit our screens presenting breakfast television.

You're competitive.

I would say...

I would say I'm not competitive, and then I will...

The competition side of it will take over.

(LAUGHS) So it could be antiques at dawn.

Oh, my God.

VO: They're firm friends who can't wait to meet their cool, calm and collected experts.

Here we go.

Are you excited about meeting them?

I couldn't sleep last night, I couldn't sleep.

I could not sleep.

VO: Hmm.

Experts Tim Medhurst and Charles Hanson seem to have made a little extra effort today.

Is your suit well fitted, or is it...

It's a little tight, I only bought it yesterday, to simply impress the girls.

I think you will impress.

It's a little tight, but it's OK. TIME: Can you breathe?

CHARLES: Are you impressed with it?

TIM: I am.

So do you know much about antiques, or...?

If I'm honest, not really.

I don't even know if there are antiques in my house, I just think they're just anything that looks really crusty and run down.

It seems to just work.

VO: Nothing run down about our experts' classic today.

CHARLES: Isn't this car wonderful?

TIM: It's beautiful.

I love a Moggie Minor.

This takes me back to when I was 17 and I had my first car.

Really?

Which was a '59 Morris Minor.

CHARLES: When you were 17?

TIM: Yeah.

What was that about three years ago?

VO: Cheeky!

How are our girls coping in their iconic Triumph Stag?

I've done it again.

What's going on with the window wipers?

Yeah, but I think it's the...

I need to find the indicator!

VO: Good idea.

I must tell you something.

TIM: Go on.

I've got a history with Kelly.

You haven't.

Yeah.

TIM: What's your history?

CHARLES: Seriously.

Are you a forlorn ex?

An ex-auctioneer.

Ah.

(THEY LAUGH) Well, I auctioned Kelly off in a charity auction in London.

I got her on the stage... VO: Is there anything Charles won't sell?

I've got a lot of antiques.

Are you alright there?

I'm not in gear!

(LAUGHS) That's if we even get there to meet the experts.

Oh, my God.

We're getting there, we're getting there.

VO: I'm sure she'll get the hang of it.

Ooh look, drone shot.

So exciting isn't it?

On this landscape, on this... CHARLES: Hello, good morning!

Kelly Brook, how are you?

Good, thank you!

TIM: Hello, Denise.

CHARLES: Nice, I love the hat!

We're here in one piece.

Lovely to meet you.

Good to see you.

How's life?

Really good seeing you.

My God, time flies.

KELLY: I know!

CHARLES: Come and join us.

The last time I saw you, you was auctioning me off.

CHARLES: I was indeed.

KELLY: You could've got a bit more.

Oh, don't say that!

Now there's no pressure.

Oh, my goodness me.

You were like, "Yeah, 20 quid, perfect, done."

That was it, finished.

You know how to treat a lady.

Give me a chance.

We're both obviously in pink today, trying to impress and make you girls wink.

But I mean have you got a preference, Kelly?

What, in terms of men, or cars?

Man.

Man.

Erm, well, I think cuz we've got history.

And I don't know, I think we'd make a good team.

I'm going with you and stick with you.

Happy with that, Denise?

Can I just say, we're about to make history.

We are.

Let's go, come on.

CHARLES: OK, on your marks.

Do you wanna drive?

CHARLES: Kelly, you in here.

Alright, have fun!

May the best team win!

Here we go.

See ya later!

Good luck!

Bye!

VO: So, Essex boy, Tim, is with Essex girl, Denise.

And Charles will squire Kelly around her home turf of Kent.

It's you and I against Tim and Denise.

How competitive is Denise Van Outen?

She's a killer, you know.

She's in it to win it.

She's at the top of her game.

Out of anyone that I'd wanna go up against, I'm quite happy it's her, cuz she'll make us raise our game.

VO: If she ever gets started.

Right, what gear am I in?

Clutch all the way down, and then slip it into first, which is up that way.

That's it.

Let's go.

Here we go.

Stop.

Yeah.

Clutch all the way down.

VO: Oh dear.

Look at this, corn on the cobs.

Is that what it is?

Corn on the cob?

Corn on the cob, that.

Look at the poppies!

Oh, it's beautiful.

Oh, for peas and poppies, Kelly.

VO: Today's trip will end at auction in Battle, but first we're beside the seaside in Ramsgate, at Petticoat Lane Emporium.

TIM: Here we are, look at this.

DENISE: This looks fabulous.

Right up your street.

Team Essex have arrived.

Let's do this.

Wait for me!

I'm going in.

VO: This place is a whopper!

Over 200 stalls.

What will they spend their £400 on?

TIM: What do you reckon the plan is?

Erm, well I think first of all, we go round the whole place.

Good idea.

That's normally my sort of theory, just go around, scope out the land.

Yeah, I don't want to choose anything too soon... No, exactly right.

I feel like there's a lot here.

Because we don't wanna peak too soon, do we?

Especially not you, Tim.

Oh!

(GLASS CLINKS) VO: Oh, be careful.

Careful.

Careful, Denise, I can't believe it.

We're in an antique shop.

Oh look, what about this one?

Love our radios.

Erm, that's quite... What's the back like?

Is it old, or is it new?

TIM: That's a copy.

DENISE: Yeah, it's a copy.

It's got a barcode on the back.

So annoying!

(LAUGHS) VO: Let's tune in to Kelly and Charles.

VO: They're up the road in Margate at RG Scott's Furniture Mart.

CHARLES: Fantastic.

KELLY: Perfect.

Look at the facade.

Let's do it.

OK, are you ready?

I'm ready.

VO: Seems a safe place to leave the keys.

CHARLES: Ladies first.

KELLY: Oh, great, I'm excited.

Good, new adventure.

Oh, my goodness, look at this.

Look at this, take it all in.

This is my dream place.

It's like heaven.

Look at it!

VO: Looks like there's plenty to spend their £400 budget on here.

Lovely, let's go this way.

You're following your nose.

I am, really!

You're following your nose.

Cuz I'm looking for like... What have you seen?

Well, I don't know.

What are you looking for?

Well, there's glass.

I'm looking for like more, like things like this, like more decorative, like trinkets and stuff like that.

I think we've just won the lottery, I'm not even joking.

Are you being serious?

Let me try and guess.

I think we just broke a record.

These.

They're only £10.

Oh, they're very nice.

I always say pairs sell well, and they are a very nice pair.

They're Chinese!

They are, they are, you've found the objects of great Asian promise.

Do you think?

I like them.

I like them.

They are... OK, so...

They are called Famille Noire ground.

They are... Oh, so you actually know what this is?

Chinese baluster outline, and then what you also call the Famille Rose pattern.

KELLY: They're beautiful actually.

CHARLES And they're very nice.

That mark on the bottom on each is a definite character mark from China.

Are these ceram... Are these porcelain?

CHARELS: They are porcelain.

KELLY: Hang on!

Why are they not worth a lot of money?

Because they are imitating the Qianlong... CHARLES: ..of the 18th century.

KELLY: Oh, they're imitations.

In fact they're 20th century.

(WHISPERS) But how do people know they're imitations?

You could say they're the real thing.

No one will know.

VO: (WHISPERS) A bit sneaky, Kelly.

You could tell people they're the real thing.

We could go a bit Only Fools And Horses.

Yeah, if they were real, the pair would make between £200,000 and £300,000.

Are you serious?

Seriously.

Look at me.

But...

I do have a good eye for it?

You've got a very good eye.

So you know straight away.

CHARLES: Straight away.

KELLY: They're fakes.

They're too clunky.

We don't want fakes!

CHARLES: But I'm loving your... KELLY: I like them.

I am just loving the fact that you are striving to make us rich quick.

VO: This time next year, they could be millionaires!

How are Team Essex getting on?

Freaky clowns.

Put that in a guest bedroom.

Where am I sleeping tonight?

You're in the guest room.

VO: I wonder if Denise gets a lot of visitors.

(GROANS) What is that?

It's a projector.

The film industry.

Oh.

See, I like these.

That's interesting.

Isn't that cool.

I'm thinking that could be 1920s.

I think that's really cool.

Oh!

Yep, don't drop it.

It's got all sorts of moving parts.

TIM: It's just lovely engineering.

It is.

It would make a great showpiece.

It would.

And a good talking point.

It's got about £165, though.

Oh, steep.

I think that's really top-heavy, for us.

Carry on looking.

I think so.

Before you break it.

Yeah.

(GRUNTS) It's quite heavy as well.

Haven't been to the gym for a while.

The fan.

I quite like that.

Somebody would buy that and put that in a glass case...

It's a bit of social history isn't it?

Yeah.

..on a wall...

Unfortunately, it's probably the most bland fan I've ever seen.

It is, yeah.

Have you got any bland fans?

(LAUGHS) I haven't got any fans.

Could do with one, perhaps I should just buy it for myself, so it could be my number one fan.

It could be your number one fan, couldn't it?

Do you like glass?

I do, and that's very pretty.

Isn't it nice?

You could keep your little tipple in there, of an evening.

Yeah.

It'll be a large tipple.

It would.

Now, this is quite a nice one, because, looking at the wear on the bottom, and the quality of it, you see those very fine scratches?

The oval, or misshapen polished pontil mark.

That would have, when it was hand-made, would have had a pontil mark where it was cracked off, and then they would have polished it.

When they're uneven, that's quite a good sign of age.

DENISE: Mm-hm.

Also, it's got some nice wear, and bubbles in the glassware as well.

But, it's tremendous quality, and I think 19th century.

VO: It might even be by Thomas Webb and Sons, early Victorian purveyors of the finest English glass.

So you're looking at a piece of glass, over 100 years old, in fantastic condition.

It's got its original... DENISE: It's in really good condition.

TIM: ..original stopper.

And it looks like it's hand graved as well, which is lovely.

DENISE: There's a lot of detail.

TIM: Yeah, there is.

DENISE: It's really pretty.

TIM: Nice little leaves.

DENISE: I really like it.

TIM: Priced up at 30 quid.

What do you think?

Do you know what at auction, I can see somebody coming in and thinking that's just a really nice quality piece of glass, and I'm gonna have a bid on it.

I think we should go for this one.

TIM: Do you think?

DENISE: I do.

TIM: Shall we pay for it?

DENISE: Let's do it, let's buy this.

TIM: And then hit the road.

DENISE: I like it.

VO: They see a clear profit in that 19th century decanter.

Time to pay the £30.

There we are, the exact money.

ROSS: Sweet.

DENISE: Be gentle with it.

TIM: I will, I will.

Don't break it on the way out.

Thanks, Ross!

Thank you very much.

Thanks for having us.

TIM: There we are.

DENISE: Perfect.

What a start, hey?

DENISE: Can I just say, we smashed it.

DENISE: Not the decanter!

TIM: (LAUGHS) TIM: Come on, Team Essex.

Ah, there we go.

VO: Back to Team Kent, over in Margate.

Nice vase and cover.

Is it another fake one?

Do you know, if only that was imperially made for Emperor Qianlong, that would be worth a million pounds.

(LAUGHS) But it isn't, OK.

I feel we're getting warmer.

(SIGHS) I don't feel like I'm getting any warmer!

But you know... That looks real to me, it's a vase!

I don't understand, how do you know?

Just years of just seeing the patternation of porcelain, and there's even a...

Even by hearing it clink on the lid... (PORCELAIN CLINKS) ..I know it's late.

(GASPS) No... CHARLES: 100%.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

KELLY: How should it sound?

That's a modern clink.

Yeah, a bit more like that.

KELLY: More like a ding!

CHARLES: Exactly right.

Exactly.

Oh, I see.

VO: Very keen hearing, Charles Hanson.

That's nice.

It's really beautiful, actually.

Is that French?

CHARLES: Yeah, it is.

Is it original, or is it...?

It's missing something, can you tell?

Yeah.

Yeah, probably a battery.

(LAUGHS) Kelly Brook!

Batteries, this?

Now give me a date on when this clock was made.

Any ideas?

I think it was made in 1890.

You're spot on.

No... CHARLES: Honestly.

KELLY: Really?!

CHARLES: Yeah.

VO: Amazing.

Really?

Yeah, honestly, spot on.

It doesn't even say anything on there to suggest, but you're spot on.

1890.

If you just feel that metal, just give it a little tap, that's a base metal, rather than being a gilded bronze.

Right.

It's quite mass-produced.

Mm.

It would have been made for an emerging bourgeoisie market who wanted the clout of nobility...

Right.

..but this almost was their... KELLY: Their version?

CHARLES: Their version.

KELLY: It's expensive though.

£160.

CHARLES: Yeah, it is.

Not for today.

Let's keep digging, come on.

Let's keep digging.

CHARLES: I think if I moved... KELLY: Right... CHARLES: ..this 1930s stool... KELLY: Yeah.

How do you rate that?

Yeah.

I mean, I love French furniture.

It has a very kind of like Frenchy... Is it French?

Yeah, it is.

You're spot on.

Is it?

Are you, are you a lady of great Parisian love?

Yeah, I love that whole style.

What I love about this, is you've got this almost what you call parquetry, almost this almost checkerboard effect... KELLY: Yeah!

Overlaid with Kingwood crossbanding here as well.

KELLY: Wow.

CHARLES: Just look at those legs.

You've got gilt, bronze, shouldered Ormolu mounts.

Oh yeah, look at that.

It's a curvy cabriole leg on those gilt Ormolu sabo feet.

And the quality is really, really good.

KELLY: It is actually stunning.

From maybe, you know, the latter reign of Louis Philippe of the second half of the 19th century, could even be Charles X. KELLY: Yeah.

CHARLES: Good table.

So you wouldn't sand that down, and then give it a bit of a tosh or anything?

Give it a tosh?

Yeah, a bit of a tosh, a bit of paint.

Well, no, no, no, no, no, no.

This isn't shabby chic.

Would that devalue it?

Yeah it would.

Yeah, it would.

This... VO: Did she just...?

He's out of... OK, breathe.

Let me breath.

Oh, breathe, man, breathe.

(LAUGHS) This is a true antique, and it's circa....

So you'd leave it as is, with all the scruffs?

Yes, I would.

I just wanna rub it down and give it a paint.

But I wouldn't do that.

Give it a paint?

What do you mean?

Paint it what color?

I don't know.

A bit of a walnut finish, or something.

VO: Keep your mitts away...

I would have seen that in a shop in Paris for probably about 500 quid, I think.

CHARLES: Yeah, no good.

KELLY: Don't you think?

CHARLES: In Paris, or in London... KELLY: Yeah.

It would be probably priced around 750.

But obviously here we are in Margate, and it's only priced at 165.

In a saleroom, it ought to make between 150, 250 to £300.

It's got legs to run.

VO: It may have legs, but 165 is a big bite out of their £400 budget.

Time to talk to dealer Alan.

ALAN: Hiya.

CHARLES: Hi!

Hello.

It's us and a very nice table.

That is a very nice table, yes.

We like it, don't we?

We do.

We love everything about it.

CHARLES: We think it's high quality... KELLY: Yeah.

Because it's very very well-made, late second half of the 19th century.

It's priced at 165.

What could be...

They call it the death in this business.

The absolute death, 140, bottom line.

First go so we don't have to mess about, 140's good money for that table.

And we like you Alan, so...

Shake his hand.

There we go, you got a deal.

Who's gonna carry it?

I'll take it to the car.

Fear not, it'll go in the Stag, won't it?

CHARLES: In the Stag.

ALAN: Yeah.

KELLY: Yay!

CHARLES: How does it feel?

It feels great, I love shopping.

Alan, thanks ever so much.

Cheers, Alan!

See you soon!

VO: Who's Alan?

(WHISPERS) Are you OK carrying it?

KELLY: Got it?

CHARLES: Yeah, I've got it.

VO: A bit of a squeeze.

And they're off.

KELLY: Let's go!

Woo-hoo!

VO: Yeah, let's go, let's go.

Let's go.

In fact, let's go to the other side of Margate, where keen golfer Denise is off to meet a self-proclaimed nutter with a putter to learn about the history of a classic seaside attraction.

Let's see if we can get a hole in one.

Come on, I challenge you.

That's quite ambitious.

VO: And who better to explain the origins of this little sport that had such a big impact, than the three-times British Minigolf Champion, Ted.

Lovely to meet you.

Denise.

Right, welcome to Strokes.

TIM: Hi, Ted.

Nice to meet you.

TED: And you.

So tell me about the history of minigolf.

A lot of people date it to the 1870s for putting, up at Himalayas course at St Andrews, where a lot of husbands and fathers would go to play golf for a week or two weeks, and the daughters and wives would be left with things to do.

VO: Yes, the Royal And Ancient Golf Club of St Andrews is celebrated as the home of golf.

However, it wasn't the done thing for a young lady of the time to pursue so strenuous a hobby.

So forget about the fellas.

When did women get involved?

That would be 1867.

They started using the putting green that the caddies used.

The caddies got a bit upset, so they made a course just for the ladies to play.

Back then, it was found to be, thought of as something quite shocking and outrageous, to think of a woman playing golf and raising her arm above her elbow.

How dare they!

But with putting, they could play and look demure.

And... And they took over, didn't they?

They did.

They had 400 people playing.

Girl power!

VO: The sporting suffragettes of the St Andrews Ladies' Putting Club paved the way for wider interest in the sport.

A game called Gofstacle was launched in 1912 by British Army colonel, William Senhouse Clarke, but it was across the Atlantic where things would go a little crazy...

The golden age of minigolf would have been in the 1920s, in the USA.

It became almost a craze.

50,000 courses were built in one year.

You had, in Manhattan, 150 courses up on top of the skyscrapers.

Wow...

The whole country seemed to go mad.

Cinema audiences were down, church audiences were down.

Courses were open until about four in the morning, and for a brief period of a year, a year-and-a-half, people just wanted to go and play minigolf.

VO: Some observers at the time called the fad "The Madness of 1930."

Every night that summer, despite The Great Depression, an estimated four million Americans played the game.

Amazing.

DENISE: So why do some people still call it crazy golf?

Where does the "crazy" come from?

In the past, some of the courses really were crazy, down in vacant lots in America, where they trained a bear in a cage to chase after the balls, you had to putt through it.

The UK had their own version of it in London, where it was monkeys playing.

Back in the '20s, there was a metal sea serpent on the top of Selfridges that you had to putt through.

VO: The craze was short-lived on this side of the Atlantic too.

But in the 1960s, it saw a revival that ensured minigolf remains a popular diversion today at seaside resorts up and down the country.

Ted, you've actually got a golfing name haven't you?

TED: That's right.

DENISE: What's your golfing name?

TED: It is Big Top Ted.

DENISE: Big Top Ted?

TIM: Can we have some nicknames?

DENISE: Yeah, what could we be?

VO: I've got a few suggestions...

I'm thinking... Den...

I could be Dirty Den!

Dirty Den.

Because I play a dirty game.

What about you?

Dirty Den and Tiny Tim.

There we are.

I like it!

VO: I'll be Big Tim!

Ha!

I'm gonna go for this, Tim.

Don't put me off!

Sorry.

Come on.

Come on, Dirty Den.

Ooh!

Yes, she's through, she's through.

Is it going in?

Is it going in?

TIM: Come on!

DENISE: Is it gonna be a hole in one?

Yes!

TIM: Yes!

DENISE: It's a hole in one!

And I can't top that.

Ted, put it there.

A high five.

I should be in the championship!

Right, Tiny Tim is gonna get it through the tiny hole.

TIM: Right, ready?

DENISE: A man on a...

Sorry, that's different.

Oh!

Do you reckon I'll make it in the world championships?

No, no chance.

Absolutely no chance, stick to antiques.

VO: Wise words.

Tim, you were absolutely terrible.

Well done.

Yeah, I know.

# I think I beat you!

# You stick to golf, I'll stick to antiques.

Who said women can't play golf, eh?

Ah, it's been brilliant.

Are you joining us for an ice cream?

That sounds great.

VO: Maybe Tim could take a few tips on ball control from our friend there?

Look at that!

Goooood boy.

VO: From Dirty and Tiny to Pinky and Perky - how are Charles and Kelly getting on?

VO: Our dynamic duo are in the market town of Faversham, historic home of the explosive industry.

KELLY: Ooh, this looks lovely.

CHARLES: Here we are.

Perfect.

Ooh, and there's a little tea room.

(GEARS CRUNCH) (LAUGHS) Where did that come from?

What was that?

VO: They're at Upstairs Downstairs Antiques and Collectables, but no period drama here.

They're keeping it "strictly" professional.

He's really good!

(LAUGHS) VO: It's a 10 from Tim!

But there's plenty of ground still to cover here.

Kelly, where are you?

(OINKS) Ahh!

Oh, very funny.

Very, very funny.

VO: Forget Pinky and Perky, it's Pinky and Porky!

Are they going to find anything here?

Look at that for a leg.

Look at that.

Woo-hoo, there we go.

Look at that for a leg.

KELLY: Is that a shoe horn?

CHARLES: Yeah.

KELLY: Oh wow.

It is.

This isn't the usual trench art shell.

This has been taken from a shell, reworked, flattened to form what appears to be a French maiden's leg.

VO: Trench art describes objects made from the debris of battle.

Repurposed shell-casings are a common example from the First World War.

So do you think trench art is a really good thing to buy at the moment?

It is a good thing to buy if it's a bit different.

Right... And this...

There's a key word, it's novel.

Right... And if you think of our servicemen out in France, and the French maiden, and maybe...

They had one thing on their mind didn't they?

Now you say it.

I mean, that's some leg.

£24.

Cute.

So what would you get for that at auction?

I would say, I would hope... KELLY: 100 quid?

£40 and £60.

Oh, so it would make like 20 quid.

Yeah, but it might run a bit.

KELLY: Yeah.

CHARLES: It might run.

Or it could just...

It could just... ..fall down.

It could get cramp, and stop bidding.

You know what I mean?

I think it's a definite buy buy.

CHARLES: Seriously.

KELLY: It's a contender.

Yeah, I think put that leg... Stash it behind there.

No one else can see it.

Yeah, exactly.

You see a leg, come on.

KELLY: Don't do a runner!

CHARLES: No.

I like it.

I like that.

(WHISTLES) Let's go.

Let's go.

VO: Oh, that's one possibility.

Anything else?

I like it.

A pair of garden shears.

KELLY: Gosh!

CHARLES: Hold on.

Absolutely terrifying!

They call me Edward Scissorhands, OK. (LAUGHS) VO: If you have any antique garden shears, please don't try this at home.

I like this.

It's not sort of...

I think it's about 1700 in date, 1700.

You're going back to a time where William III, it's like... How do you know that?

Because it's called Kraak porcelain.

VO: Kraak porcelain, exported from 16th and 17th century China, is believed to be named after the Portuguese ships - Carracks - in which it was transported.

One really good clue to identify early porcelain is look at the little, can you see the little pricks in the porcelain, in the clay?

KELLY: Yeah... CHARLES: Little needle holes... KELLY: Yeah.

CHARLES: ..and that's a sign of early production.

So I think it's late 17th, early 18th century.

So is this all based from this?

CHARLES: Yeah, yeah.

KELLY: So this is the original, and then this is all kind of copies afterwards.

KELLY: How much is it?

It's only priced at £48.

So the way you just described it, it should be like...

I think it ought to happily make between £200 and £300.

KELLY: Really?

CHARLES: And perhaps more.

The only issue is, Kelly, look at that crack there.

Oh... Over the years, we all have cracks and bruises.

Yeah.

But they've known it's valuable, because they've put it back together.

Look at me.

On a serious note, I mean this could really, really run.

It's 300-plus years old.

It's on a plate for you.

Take that.

So do you wanna get the shoe horn and I'll take this?

Yeah, OK, take... (THEY BOTH GASP) VO: Oh, my gosh.

It's been a long day.

KELLY: Nearly, nearly.

CHARLES: Come on.

VO: Charles is right, this is quite the find.

Better check in with dealer Andy.

Hello!

Look what we've found.

Treasures!

CHARLES: We've been shopping.

ANDY: Excellent.

A Chinese plate of interest, and a leg.

What could you do?

So that's 24, so I think a reasonable price would be 20.

That's very good.

That's nice.

Yeah, lovely.

And the Delph plate was 48, so if we were to say... 43 I think would be the best on that.

It's one of our other dealers, and I know that's the sort of price they're looking for.

Right.

And I daren't go any lower.

I think we are in business!

KELLY: Yes.

CHARLES: Shake his hand.

ANDY: Excellent.

CHARLES: Thank you Andy.

KELLY: Yes!

Thanks Andy!

CHARLES: Good man.

KELLY: I'll be back.

CHARLES: Good, good, good.

VO: That's £63.

KELLY: Woo-hoo!

VO: Seems like a mad way to leave a shop.

KELLY: Here we go.

Ready?

CHARLES: Yeah.

See you!

VO: Are they talking to him?

I think Kent has some of the best antique shops that you can find and really reasonable.

Absolutely.

VO: Time for our teams to head to bed.

Sleep tight.

(FAWLTY TOWERS THEME) VO: Next morning, the girls reflect on what they've learned.

DENISE: Well, how did you get on?

I kept thinking that I was like an antique expert, and picking up these things thinking I've like - we're gonna make millions.

So I've realized I actually know nothing about antiques.

Oh, I know nothing.

We know nothing.

VO: Yesterday, Denise and Tim dipped a toe in the market at Ramsgate, spending just 30 of their £400 on a 19th century decanter.

When you see a profit, you've gotta go with it.

Absolutely.

VO: Plenty more shopping for them to do.

Kelly and Charles blew half their budget after being seduced by the Ormolu table, taken with the trench art shoehorn, and intrigued by the cracked Kraak plate.

It's 300 plus years old.

Oh!

VO: They have £197 to spend today.

So how did you get on haggling, then?

Well, do you know what?

Yesterday, I felt like I didn't really need to.

Now normally I'm the queen of haggling.

KELLY: Are you?

DENISE: I really am.

I'll go anywhere, I get things, money knocked off all the time.

In fact, my friends get me to do it for them.

VO: How are our smitten experts this morning?

I think what I love about Kelly is she just is so humble.

Mm.

And just, I'm just lost for words, actually.

VO: That's a first... (LAUGHS) I saw some lovely furniture.

I thought that'd be lovely rubbed down and painted.

And then Charles nearly had a heart attack.

(THEY LAUGH) Would you destroy it, demolish it, rebuild?

Absolutely devalue it within like three seconds.

So I was winding him up yesterday.

Kelly said to me, "Look Charles, let's spend that".

You're from Derbyshire, I'd imagine you'd have had sort of £400 left over at the end of the... What are you trying to say?

Nothing.

Well, did the moths fly out of your wallet when you got money out?

(CHARLES LAUGHS) TIM: In that white, sort of... CHARLES: Thank you.

I've got, you know what... Are we playing cricket at lunchtime?

No, I've gone for the John Travolta look today.

The man from Del Monte.

VO: Ah, Charles Hanson, he says, yes.

I hope they aren't keeping our girls waiting.

Hello!

Good morning!

Morning!

Morning!

They're looking very dapper.

They are.

Hello!

Good morning!

Good to see you again.

How did you get on yesterday?

Not many finds, to be honest.

But we're pleased with what we bought, though.

DENISE: Yeah.

CHARLES: Can we see it?

KELLY:- Can we see?

TIM: Yeah, shall we get it?

CHARLES: Go on, get it out!

DENISE: There you go.

So be careful, don't drop it.

Oh yeah, oh yeah.

Oh, it's nice.

CHARLES: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

KELLY: What did you pay for that?

£30.

We salute you.

Oh, really?

That's oh, gosh.

KELLY: I'm nervous.

DENISE: You've seen ours.

CHARLES: We have bought three things.

KELLY: Yes.

We'll only show you one today.

He went mad.

CHARLES: It's full of Oriental promise, perhaps.

TIM: Ooh... DENISE: Oh, sounds promising.

Open the boot!

Ready... CHARLES: Off we go!

KELLY: Ta-da!

Oh, that's interesting.

Really nice.

Can we have a feel and a touch?

CHARLES: Look at his face.

TIM: Have a look at this.

CHARLES: It's very heavy.

TIM: It looks early.

We quite like it.

Oh, but I've just noticed - damaged.

How many pieces are it in?

TIM: Eight...

I know, but if you were...

If you were 300 years old, come on!

CHARLES: Come on!

KELLY: (LAUGHS) But it has been superglued back together.

Yeah, well, that's history.

It's part of its make-up.

KELLY: Charles!

TIM: Shall we get started?

DENISE: We should get going.

TIM: Yeah, come on then.

Let's go.

CHARLES: Get out of here!

DENISE: Have a great day.

CHARLES: Have a great day.

TIM: Bye bye.

KELLY: Let's do it.

(SCREAMS) CHARLES: Sorry.

DENISE: Easy, tiger.

CHARLES: OK. See ya, guys!

Do you know, I've found myself getting more and more competitive.

When I was standing with Kelly and Charlie I just thought, "Oh, the competition's heating up now."

VO: Heating up?

They should have let the roof down.

Later, they'll head to the auction in Battle, but today's first stop is in the village of Chart Sutton.

Here we are at... garden center?

TIM: Look at this.

Where's the antique sign?

Well, it does say antiques, but it's a garden center.

Actually, those lavender pots are lovely.

TIM: Yeah... DENISE: Let's not get distracted.

Let's find... Oh, look, antiques center.

TIM: Perfect.

Let's have a look.

DENISE: This way.

VO: That's more like it.

It's an Aladdin's cave of treasure.

VO: So many antiques, and Denise and Tim still have £370 to spend.

Tim!

VO: That was quick.

I don't want to show you the price.

Right... DENISE: So it's from a Spitfire... TIM: Mm-hm.

DENISE: ..it says World War II.

TIM: OK. DENISE: Erm, I like it because it comes in this box.

And because my grandfather fought in the war.

I guess that's probably hearing all the old war stories.

I'm drawn to it and I think it would be of interest to others.

This is a wartime one.

Sometimes they have a date somewhere, and there's a stamp here, and it looks like it says 1945.

So it may even have been used later on, in the '50s.

It's up at 120.

(SHARP INHALE) Ooh.

Might be a little bit top-heavy for an auction.

Put it down.

TIM: We've got so much to see.

DENISE: We have, yeah.

But that's a really good spot.

Let's carry on looking.

OK. VO: With plenty to buy today, Denise isn't wasting any time.

Tim!

VO: Here we go.

TIM: Yes?

DENISE: Right, this.

I'm not sure if this would sell in an auction.

OK.

It's something I would buy.

TIM: It's quirky, isn't it?

DENISE: It's quirky.

It's quirky, it's fun.

It's a bit like you, colorful.

You're saying all the right things.

VO: That's an Eames Sputnik coat and umbrella stand from the 1950s.

You can imagine that in one of those mod homes, back then.

That's what I think, yeah.

Very heavy.

Heavy base, these are all nice quality, the way it's made.

So actually, somebody that wanted to decorate their home in a '60s way, or even in a modern home, that would look really smart.

It's at £65.

If I got this into an auction, I would say 40 to 60 quid, which I know sounds low, but people could get carried away and buy it for themselves.

Even though it's not my cup of tea, well made, and I can understand why people like it.

So... Did I choose well?

TIM: You did choose well.

DENISE: Yes!

Quirky is all the rage.

VO: Very groovy, Denise.

Tim!

VO: Tim!

Yeah?

There you are!

(LAUGHS) Have you spotted anything else?

Erm, yes.

DENISE: It's over here.

TIM: OK. DENISE: A naval submarine phone.

TIM: Ooh...

I like this.

Now if we're talking quirky, that is quirky.

TIM: There's brackets on the back.

DENISE: Yeah.

And you can have it up on the wall.

That makes a really cool feature, doesn't it!

It's fantastic.

And it's got a label there.

MK5, London.

So it's a British one.

Mm-hm.

Would this sell in auction?

I think it's quirky enough.

And I have to say, I can't remember seeing one sell, so I've no idea what it's worth, which doesn't help.

But then, it could be a passion buy for me, cuz I love it.

Yeah.

It'd be interesting to see how much it would get.

What drew you to this?

Well, I like old telephones... Yeah.

It looks military, doesn't it?

It does look very military.

And I'm guessing you wind this.

(CRANK GRINDS) And then you can pick it up and say, "Are you gonna make us £500 in auction?"

WITH ACCENT: "Yes, we are!"

TIM: Erm, so... DENISE: What's that voice?

I don't know.

I don't know, yeah, that's my submarine phone voice.

DENISE: (LAUGHS) TIM: £95.

It's expensive.

TIM: Do you know, I'm looking forward to seeing your negotiation skills.

Team Essex need a group deal.

DENISE: Yeah.

TIM: Yeah.

DENISE: That's top of my list.

TIM: That's top of the list.

I really, really like it.

Love it.

VO: 95 on the submarine phone?

They'll be hoping the dealer goes down!

Oh... Tim!

VO: Tim!

Yes?

Oh, look.

This.

How nice is this?

TIM: That's pretty cool.

DENISE: Oh, wow, it's so heavy.

Wow, look at that.

Do you know what this is?

Can I feel the weight?

VO: I think it's a horse.

Ooh, that is heavy, isn't it?

Erm, it looks like it's made of aluminum, or some kind of metal similar to that.

Erm, it looks like an advertising horse, something that would have sat in a shop window, maybe in the '50s, '60s, something like that.

It's got that genuine wear, the shabby chic that people are looking for.

And it's got a good look.

Yeah.

It might be worth going for.

What's the price?

Right.

Ta-da, £55.

55?

Not too bad.

DENISE: Not too bad.

TIM: Not too bad.

I was thinking auction, 50 to 80 quid.

Yeah, we could make on it.

Yeah, we could make money on that.

I like it.

OK.

I'd buy it.

Would you buy it?

DENISE: I'd definitely buy it.

TIM: Yeah.

DENISE: 100%... TIM: Cool.

..as they say in Essex.

Do you know what, our list is adding up, isn't it?

TIM: We've got loads of things.

DENISE: What're we gonna choose?

TIM: I don't know.

VO: Spoiled for choice, I'd say.

Sorry.

(JUG CHUNKS) Careful.

VO: Careful!

DENISE: Sorry!

VO: Might be time to try and cut a deal with Jamie.

The 1960s coat stand and umbrella stand, which I really really love.

Yeah.

VO: There was £65 on that stand.

Jamie's got the dealer on the phone.

It's Carol.

Hello, Carol.

Hello, Denise van Outen.

The 1960s coat stand, which I think is fantastic.

Now, I'm in competition with Kelly Brook, right, to get the best finds, and I really, really want to take this item away with me.

Between us, I've never really liked Kelly.

We've never got on.

She was never very nice to me when we were growing up.

So for me to get my own back would be to come in with a really good price, so that I can beat her at the auction in Battle.

What are my chances?

VO: Oh, Denise... Yeah.

She's not a nice girl.

Terrible reputation.

So it's on at 65.

What deal could you do for me?

45?

It's a good price, but she was very mean to me.

I mean, if you could do it for 40 I'd be made up.

VO: Anything to save £5!

Oh, Carol, you're a legend.

Thank you so much.

You've made my day.

Brilliant.

VO: Dirty tactics from Dirty Den.

Poor Kelly.

Poor Kelly, cuz I love Kelly.

So the white horse, we're at 55, but it's way out of our price range.

Oh, you poor thing.

(LAUGHS) VO: Poor Jamie doesn't stand a chance.

So you want it for 50, don't you?

No, much less than that.

Have you seen Carol's done me an amazing deal.

JAMIE: I know.

DENISE: I would say, what about 30?

JAMIE: I was gonna say 35.

DENISE: I'd say 30.

I'm gonna say... Carol went down a fiver.

Go on then, yours for £30.

Yes!

Well done.

So we've got the submarine phone... OK, yeah.

That's pricey.

95.

JAMIE: Good value.

How about 70?

I can do 70 on it for you.

Do you know what, you've dropped a fiver already for me, so I'll take 70.

I think that's a good deal.

It's your call.

It's a good call.

I think 70's a really good deal.

TIM: It's a different item.

DENISE: It's really different.

DENISE: Good man.

JAMIE: Thank you.

Thank you.

Shall we try the other compass, or...?

I think you're a good negotiator, so if you can get a good price on that.

Put the compass with the military telephone and have it as a combined lot.

That is such a good idea.

Because they'll appeal to the same people.

Yes.

They're military and we can have an interesting lot.

Two for one.

TIM: Yeah.

DENISE: So Essex.

VO: BOGOF!

Dear, oh dear.

Well it is my business partner's, so I think he will do it for half price for you.

Really, for 60?

£60, if you want to take a chance, £60.

I think we should go for it.

Can't go wrong with that.

If we put them together like you said... Oh, I'm so excited.

Jamie, you're a good man.

JAMIE: Yeah, sold.

DENISE: Thank you so much.

Thank you very much.

Cheers.

VO: That's four items for a grand total of... Hmm.

Isn't that 200?

VO: Yes.

Yeah.

Straight 200 quid.

Maths, not my forte.

TIM: Me neither.

DENISE: Singing and dancing.

Antiques, yes.

I can play the spoons.

VO: She maybe can't count, but she sure can haggle!

Thank you very much.

It's been a pleasure doing business with you.

Thank you so much.

Thanks very much, Jamie.

Take care.

Thank you.

Yes!

VO: Maybe she can call Kelly and apologize.

Where is that not very nice girl with the terrible reputation?

(LAUGHS) Oh, look at this!

Take a bow, Leeds Castle.

Ahhh.

CHARLES: Look that that.

KELLY: Look at that.

CHARLES: I mean, look at that.

It's gorge.

VO: Formerly a Norman stronghold, Leeds Castle was later owned by Henry VIII, and was reputedly a favorite residence of Catherine of Aragon.

During the Second World War, secret research into new weapons was carried out in its grounds.

These days, those grounds are famous for their maze and green-fingered Kelly has come to learn more about this horticultural puzzle.

If only she could find head gardener Andrew.

Andrew?

Andrew!

Hello.

KELLY: Andrew!

CHARLES: Andrew!

KELLY: I've got an idea.

CHARLES: Go on, what's your idea?

KELLY: Give me a piggyback.

CHARLES: A piggyback?

KELLY: Come on.

CHARLES: Are you being serious?

(GRUNTS) Crikey me, Kelly.

KELLY: My skirt!

CHARLES: Kelly Brook!

KELLY: Andrew!

CHARLES: Come on.

Can you see over there?

I can see someone with a blue hat.

Jump!

One, two, three, jump.

(CHARLES GROANS) You'd better put me down or I'll throw up my lunch!

I think we've been this way.

Let's do it together.

Three, two, one... (THEY BOTH SHOUT) Andrew!

Try this way, I heard something.

No, we went...

This way.

This way, OK. VO: They should have brought the sat nav.

We've been that way.

Kelly, where have you gone?

Kelly!

Kelly!

Kelly, don't leave me!

(SCREAMS) (LAUGHS) I feel like we're solving a huge puzzle.

CHARLES: Yeah.

KELLY: Life's... Life's little journey, hey?

No one will know!

VO: That's cheating!

KELLY: Andrew!

CHARLES: Hello!

Ah!

At last!

Well done, you achieved it, well done.

Andrew!

That was exhausting, Andrew.

It's not an easy maze, is it?

He's great at antiques, but no sense of direction.

I'm exhausted.

Good to see you.

Yeah, well done.

VO: Andrew has been in charge here for five years, and knows plenty about the history of bewildering bushes.

What is the origin of mazes?

Well, they started...

It's recorded that they started several thousand years ago in ancient Egypt of just being a singular path, being like a spiritual journey, through life, as it were.

VO: Although Labyrinth evokes a fiendish maze with a fearsome Minotaur trapped at its center, they were originally simple arrangements encouraging serenity and reflection, rather than the twisty puzzles we think of today.

It was in Medieval times that the simple labyrinth would become a puzzling maze instead, with a celebrated example built in Versailles for King Louis XIV.

And what was fashionable in France soon crossed the Channel.

From the Middle Ages, the maze was really picked up by the British and there's a really good example at Hampton Court.

That maze there is about 400 years old, and they became more, sort of a challenge.

It's been real synonymous with royalty.

It was always a very much a sort of, a creation for the more privileged.

The king would have gathered together a big group of people, as an opportunity for lots of sort of, you know, secrets to be discussed.

Maybe even, you know, romantic liaisons as well.

VO: Hmm.

Nookie.

Some mazes fell into disrepair as more natural landscapes became fashionable, championed by master gardener Lancelot "Capability" Brown.

But they had resurgence in Victorian times, and can be found all over the UK today, no longer just the preserve of royalty.

What has made mazes popular in recent times?

Well, there just seems to have been, from the 1970s, a real sort of boom for mazes.

I think people have picked up the idea of it being a real sort of puzzle, like a challenge between the maze designer and the public.

They've become more elaborate with these different sort of dead-ends and paths, and sort of, almost like a chess game in a way, that eventually, obviously, the public wins.

What's interesting about the maze here, when viewed from above, it's actually in the shape of a royal crown, and a chalice as well.

A lot of the time, the castle was occupied by members of royalty, particularly queens.

VO: The puzzle at Leeds Castle may only have been planted 30 years ago, but it honors a centuries-old love of British mazes.

Andrew, thank you so much.

It's been so interesting learning about the history of the maze, but how do we get out?

It's, it's one of these ways... You'll just have to work it out.

You've managed to find your way in.

I'll leave you to it, OK. CHARLES: This way, come on.

KELLY: Come on, we can find it.

I'll take your lead.

That pebble's familiar, and I think that... Little green thing there looks really familiar.

It's this way.

VO: Hmm...

This could take a while.

KELLY: I'm exhausted.

CHARLES: I know, me too.

(SIGHS) Kelly, it's this way.

Kelly.

This way then.

OK, that way.

(LAUGHS) VO: They'd better hurry up, their rivals are heading to the same shop next, in Appledore, 21 miles away.

We've got here first.

I don't see the Triumph.

That means we've beaten them.

And we've got 170 quid to spend before they get here.

Let's get in quick.

Let's get in.

VO: Yeah.

They're already at Station Antiques, but with £170 left, they can't afford to take it easy yet.

Oh, yeah?

(BIRDS CHIRPING) It's actually nice to just sit down for five minutes, and to be outside, and to look in the yard outside.

Cuz it can be a bit overwhelming in the shop, can't it?

It's nice to have a little break before we carry on.

Yeah.

I think we deserve it, because we've kind of... We've done well.

VO: Tasty.

CHARLES: They're here, look.

KELLY: Ah!

They are.

VO: Better late than never.

They'd better get a move on.

Quick!

We haven't got time!

DENISE: Oh, hello.

KELLY- Oh!

DENISE: Fancy seeing you here.

Well, well, well.

What's all this tea and biscuits?

We're ahead of ourselves.

Would you like a chocolate biccie?

Oh, we haven't got time for this.

We've got antiques to buy.

Yeah, exactly.

They do look quite delish, though.

I'll take those from you.

There you go.

Don't take all the chocolate ones!

TIM: They're the best ones!

Come on, we've got some work to do.

CHARLES: Yeah, come on, let's go.

We're working.

VO: With £197 left, Kelly and Charles are keen to get spending.

Oh, look at these!

If you were living back in the 1880s, you were living in your Kentish countryside home.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

You would have had this, you know, being pulled by a horse, and plowing up your land.

So I wouldn't have a Flymo?

No Flymo, and it would b e pretty much hard work.

But isn't that amazing?

So crude and so alien to the modern world...

There you go.

Wow.

VO: I wonder if Denise and Tim are still taking five?

Have you seen anything yet, Denise?

TIM: That you like?

DENISE: Hmm.

We don't want anything plain, do we?

No.

Oh, what's this?

We don't want anything "plain".

Oh!

(LAUGHS) (SIGHS) Sorry.

Your jokes are so bad.

Sorry.

I hang out with my dad too much.

VO: Not sure that tea break helped.

Oh, they're pretty.

KELLY: Do you like those?

CHARLES: They're nice.

They are a very nice pair.

Oh, I like those.

They're gorgeous.

Do you know, they are nice.

They are really nice.

Now I think the bottom, they might be marked Mettlach?

There isn't anything on the bottom.

VO: Oh, gosh.

Mettlach, in Germany, was the mid-19th century home of the potters Villeroy and Boch, whose company still exists today.

What's your condition of your vase rim like?

It's perfect.

Run your finger round it and just double-check.

No, it's perfect.

CHARLES: Good.

And the foot rim's OK?

KELLY: Yeah.

Check the foot.

They're the two key areas to check.

CHARLES: Very good spot.

KELLY: I really like those.

VO: They're priced up at £58.

These could be a go, go, go, go... OK. Let's put them back for the time being.

Alright, OK.

Mental note.

No, that's a really positive...

I think they're pretty.

..mental note, let's go.

VO: Yes sir.

A great spot from Kelly.

How's Denise getting on?

Wait, haven't we been here before?

This is pretty spesh!

TIM: Look at that.

DENISE: Look!

I like that.

How amazing.

How old, do you think?

Early 20th century?

DENISE: Mm.

TIM: 1910, 1920.

Maybe slightly later.

Do we think it's a bit too big to fit in the car to take to auction?

We could put the roof down, stick it out the back.

(LAUGHS) Mmm.

Do you know what?

Architectural and garden stuff does quite well.

For me, it's another conversation piece.

Yeah, yeah.

If it's in the garden, it would look fantastic, and it beats any garden gnome any day.

(LAUGHS) TIM: It's got 150 quid on it.

DENISE: Yeah.

I mean, I think that is kind of on the top end in auction, but I've seen your negotiation skills, and they're pretty good.

We need to sow the seed of money... DENISE: We do.

TIM: ..and reap at the auction.

VO: Will Charles and Kelly rue not snapping up that plow?

Let's get owner Val in here.

Val?

VAL: Hello.

DENISE: Val, hello!

VO: Val!

VAL: What have you found?

Well, this fabulous plow, which caught my eye instantly in this room.

I love it.

Is there any budge on the price?

Erm, yeah.

I think we could probably do, say, 120?

Ooh, could you do 110?

Yeah.

Do you think you could do it?

VAL: Yeah.

DENISE: Amazing.

Val, fabulous.

If you really love it.

Great doing business with you.

We love it!

DENISE: We absolutely love it.

TIM: Thank you very much.

Val, that's so amazing.

Thank you.

TIM: So, 110.

VAL: Thank you very much.

DENISE: Thank you!

TIM: Shall we carry this out?

Right, we just have to figure how we're gonna get this... (CLATTERING) Oh!

VAL: (LAUGHS) Sorry.

VO: (LAUGHS) You break it, you buy it, Val.

That's Denise and Tim all done.

Are our other pair still going round the houses?

I've got a bit...

I got distracted.

Do you know... Well, I'm kind of in love with this, it looks like my house.

That looks like me, that looks like my partner.

Yes... KELLY: The chickens were penned up, but I've made them free range.

Ah, it's gorgeous.

I've turned it organic.

I love it!

VO: If only she had a plow...

I've found something else!

VO: Uh-oh... CHARLES: Oh, lovely.

KELLY: I like that.

CHARLES: Oh, I like that.

KELLY: I love this!

Do you know, I love it!

I think this is gorgeous!

I love the color.

I think it's got lovely detail.

I mean, it's old.

What's it worth, do you think?

Erm...

I mean, it's only on for £18.

Is it?

And I think we could probably get about 40.

Yeah, what age is it?

I reckon it's about... ..probably... 1810?

Where was it made?

I think it's Spanish.

I'm really... Do you know, I love your knowledge.

(LAUGHS) It's from Israel.

Is it really?

It says Israel.

Yeah.

I didn't even need to bring you!

(LAUGHS) If you think it's good, I'm just in your hands.

Erm, yeah, I agree.

VO: Ah, looks like the student's become the master.

What I like about it is...

I like it.

..is a Cloisonne border, and then you've got what you might call a champleve enamel center, although it's been transfer printed, it doesn't matter, we can pretend it's really smart.

Love the handles, what are the feet like?

The feet are quite, I think... Yeah, lovely.

I mean it's just... You know what, I'm impressed.

If you want to change your career in LA and London and Paris... Yeah... ..and New York, how do you fancy, seriously, becoming an Antiques Road Trip expert?

Well...

I think the hat suits me.

(LAUGHS) There we go!

VO: At only £18, it could be worth a gamble.

What's it to be, Team Kent?

I think we'll go for this and the vases.

CHARLES: And the vases?

KELLY: I think the vases.

CHARLES: Yeah.

KELLY: Please... No, fine, let's go for the vases.

KELLY: You like them.

CHARLES: They're good.

I know you like them.

And I salute you.

Come on.

Oh, no.

Get the vases, we'll go to the till.

VO: Will Val be kind on Kelly's two finds?

That is beautiful.

I'm a fruit grower, so I'm always drawn to things that have any kind of fruit emblem on them.

I can't actually do anything on that, because it's only £18.

I'm happy to pay £18 for that.

Are you?

Yeah!

I think it's lovely.

Absolutely.

Thank you.

What's the ticket price on those?

These are priced, Val, at £58.

I think I could probably do £48 comfortably on those.

CHARLES: Oh, really?

Oh, fab.

That's brilliant.

But they're both beautiful.

Good buys.

Thank you so much.

VO: Time to pay Val her £66 and hit the road.

Fantastic.

I hope you do really well.

Thank you, bye bye!

Bye.

KELLY: Smashed it.

DENISE: I know!

We're taking the battle to Battle!

(LAUGHS) See you at the auction.

See you at the finish line, guys.

Have you ever been to an auction?

Only the one that you hosted, when you auctioned me off.

I've never been to Battle, but I'm ready to go battle with Kelly Brook.

VO: Sweet dreams, eh?

VO: Desperate not to be parted from her Morris Minor, Denise has volunteered to drive them all to auction.

Are we nearly there yet?!

Kelly, don't tell me you need the toilet, please.

CHARLES: Oh, I need the toilet.

What's going on, am I going... (GEARS CRUNCH) Oh, first!

VO: Clutch!

(SIGHS) After starting in Kent, the Garden of England, our celebrities and experts have decamped to Sussex, Britain's sunniest county.

Are you alright in the back?

Oh, we're OK.

I mean you know, you are carrying heavy cargo in the back, but the car's doing very well.

Alright kids, we'll be there soon.

First one to see the sea gets 10p!

VO: They're doing battle in Battle, at Burstow and Hewitt, a venerable auction house in an old granary, established in 1790, though internet bids are a more recent addition.

We've arrived in Battle, ready for the battle.

KELLY: Woo!

CHARLES: Give me a battlecry.

(HOWL) Alright, let's do this.

VO: Kelly and Charles only spent £269 of their £400 budget on five lots, including the 17th century Kraak plate and Kelly's Cloisonne basket.

DENISE: Eurgh.

TIM: Oh, dear.

That's horrible.

Who chose this?

No idea.

They've paid £18 for that.

Can you believe that?

It's not even worth two.

I don't think they'll get two quid on that.

£2, £3.

Who would want that tinny, horrible rusty old thing?

Good luck to them.

Good luck.

VO: While big spenders Denise and Tim parted with £340 on their five lots, hoping the Sputnik coat rack really blasts off at auction.

That's the ugliest thing I've ever seen.

That is not my taste at all.

I mean, all I will say is it's simply iconic... (WHEEZES) ..but is it gonna be iconic to buy today?

That is gross!

No, they didn't.

Is that a joke?

No, it's what they've paid £40 for.

Oh, do you know what, I'd pay £40 to have someone remove that from my house.

VO: A penny for the thoughts of today's auctioneer, Mark Ellin?

(GAVEL) The thing that struck me as the most odd purchase is probably the enamel dish.

I can't quite see what would have drawn them to buy that one, but... perhaps they were right, and I'm wrong.

The compass, that probably came from a fighter plane, either a Spitfire or a Hurricane.

It's nice and original, and they're quite collectible things.

The two together, which is quite a clever sort of grouping really, so I think that'll make them quite popular.

Good luck.

Let battle commence!

VO: Kelly and Charles kick-off with their big ticket item, the Ormolu mounted table.

Start me at 100 on this, then.

CHARLES: Go on.

100 will you say for it?

100... 100 for that table, well worth that.

It cost 140.

It's quite dated.

£80.

85 again.

At £90 bid, 95 now.

£95.

Go on, sir.

100 now.

110 we're up to online.

Good lad, come on!

110.

Two bids on the net now at 110.

Have a go!

Any more now?

Are you still bidding online?

Selling at £110, it's going in... Charles, are you joking?

(GAVEL) Thank you.

This is a disaster.

It's a disaster.

Can you keep the faith in me?

VO: Not the best of starts for Team Kent.

A £30 loss.

Charles... You seem quite happy about this, Denise.

Keep the faith.

Look at... KELLY: Charles.

CHARLES: Kelly.

KELLY: You're the expert!

CHARLES: Mademoiselle.

TIM: Team Essex.

CHARLES: Mademoiselle.

We basically gave it away.

We gave it away.

Do you know, this is the joy of the auction, isn't it?

You never know.

Ah... You're the expert, you should know!

Never mind.

VO: Can the others take an early lead with the 19th century decanter?

30... Who'll say 30 for decanter.

25 then.

£25 for it.

AUCTIONEER: 25 online.

TIM: Silence.

Any more bids on this.

TIM: It's gotta be worth more than that!

DENISE: A Thomas Webb?

TIM: Yes!

£30 bid there.

At 30, against you online.

Do you want to go again?

35.

Well done.

You're in the money.

Keep going.

Selling online at £35 here then... (GAVEL) Humble steps, good.

You wouldn't leave £5 on the floor, would you.

VO: Just a modest £5 profit there.

You'd have owned it, I'd have owned it.

You'd have owned it.

Would you have bought it?

KELLY: I'd have owned it.

TIM: Perfect.

VO: A chance for Charles to redeem himself with the Kraak plate.

We call it Kraak.

Is this Chinese "crack" porcelain plate.

KELLY: Kraak!

Not "crack"!

Not "crack"!

It's Kraak.

It is glued together nicely.

£50 for the antique Chinese plate there.

AUCTIONEER: £50 for that.

TIM: A true antique.

Oh, it's a good thing.

What a shame, because it is really damaged.

AUCTIONEER 30, I'll take for that one.

CHARLES: It's a good thing.

It's such a good thing.

25?

Anyone like it at 25?

25?!

17% of it.

DENISE: That should cover the glue.

Charles... CHARLES: Oh... KELLY: Charles.

AUCTIONEER: At 25 bid.

We're gonna change careers.

For the last time.

30 again now.

New bidder here.

Go on!

At £30 bid, here in the front row, it's selling then... Fair warning at £30 here then.

All done... (GAVEL) Sold, £30.

(SIGHS) £30, oh dear.

Charles.

VO: Oh, Charles.

The losses are mounting up.

Charles.

Yes, Kelly?

I mean this isn't a good day for us at all.

She's not very happy with you, Charles.

I mean... Charles!

VO: Will the aluminum horse help Denise and Tim gallop further into the lead?

£50 there.

55, top of the room now.

55.

55 bid.

60 here, thank you, £60 bid here.

60 in the center of the room, any more bids now?

AUCTIONEER: At 60 then... TIM: Come on!

At £60, 65.

At 65 bid there.

Are you out?

Thank you, 65 bid in the doorway now.

Fair warning, at £65 it's yours then... (GAVEL) Yes.

Guys, you know what, that was no slow trot.

We are smashing it.

At a canter.

DENISE: In your face!

CHARLES: With a neigh!

VO: It seems like Team Essex are racing away with this one.

DENISE: Doubled and some.

CHARLES: Do you know what... Denise, I think you've got a new career in this.

It's a walk in the park.

VO: Surely the trench art shoehorn will have legs?

30 I'll take for it, come on.

Come on.

AUCTIONEER: £30?

Anyone like that for 30?

First War period shoehorn here.

25 then, come on.

25, thank you.

25 to the room now.

You're bidding in the doorway?

CHARLES: Yes.

AUCTIONEER: 30.

Over there.

35 again.

CHARLES: Come on.

AUCTIONEER: He's out.

30 now?

Selling at the top here, at £35.

All done then... (GAVEL) Back in business, come on!

Perfect, look at that.

We're back in business!

What did we make?

What did we make?

VO: I'll tell you, Kelly - a £15 profit on the shoehorn.

OK, we've just about covered out petrol.

VO: Next up, it's that very fashionable Eames Sputnik coat stand.

£50 I'm bid in the doorway.

£50 bid there.

Come on.

60, 65.

70.

In the doorway.

TIM: Keep going.

DENISE: This is my find.

Bidding's on the left at 70.

Any more now?

At £70 it's yours then.

Selling in the doorway.

At £70 all done then... (GAVEL) VO: A celestial profit of £30 sees Team Essex pulling further ahead.

Denise has got the eye for this.

She's got the eye.

Well done.

VO: They may not be fashionable, but is there money in the Mettlach vases?

Kelly took the lead, she became me.

KELLY: I did.

CHARLES: She became me.

I was like the humble, just, assistant.

At 40 on these.

£40 for that pair.

Four lovely rims.

40, 30, 35 here now.

35, we're up to.

Go on, yes!

Oh, you've got a bid.

35, 40.

Can we make a profit?

We can do it!

One more... AUCTIONEER: At 45.

At £45.

KELLY: Yeah.

One more!

No more bids.

At 45 we're selling here then... (GAVEL) CHARLES: Good for you!

KELLY: That was so quick.

VO: So close, Kelly, just a £3 loss on those.

I'm upset now.

£3 is fine.

VO: Next up it's the combined compass and telephone lot.

Superb.

We paid quite a lot for them.

I think it was a good call though, don't you?

DENISE: I do.

KELLY: What did you pay?

Putting them together... Was it?

Who'll say 50 to start, for the two items there.

I hope this is pointing in the right direction.

Well worth 50.

Thank you, £50 there.

AUCTIONEER: £50 started.

TIM: It's started low.

Come on.

AUCTIONEER: 55... TIM: A long way to go.

Bidding?

60.

£60 bid.

There at 60, 65 now.

70.

At 70.

80.

£80, £80 bid in the doorway.

Fair warning, at £80 the bidding's over there then... (GAVEL) You've sold for a song there.

TIM: Oh, no.

KELLY: That's a shocker.

That is a shocker.

We've got a massive loss.

I think that just bombed.

VO: A hefty loss means a glimmer of hope for the rivals.

Well, we could be back in the game, you know.

It's great for us.

(LAUGHS) VO: Can Kelly's enamel basket close the gap?

They say they think it's all over.

It is now.

It is now.

(LAUGHS) Look, I know you're giving me a lot of grief for this, but I actually really like it.

If I like it, like you say Denise, someone else will.

Exactly.

Start me at 30 for this, then.

CHARLES: Go on!

KELLY: Come on.

£30 for the basket?

Oh, it's beautiful.

AUCTIONEER: 30 will you say, for this one?

25 then?

20, come on.

Go on!

Yes!

AUCTIONEER: Several people at 20.

25 At 25 here now.

Bidding sir?

30 again.

(MUTED SCREAM) Oh, I love you, sir, I'll give you a kiss.

(LAUGHS) At 30, it's got to be worth it for that.

(LAUGHS) Here at 30.

In the center of the room.

Any more bids at 30 then?

I'm selling it.

Last time, all done, at £30 the bid is yours sir... (SCREAMS) (GAVEL) Well done.

I can't believe it!

Israeli, with love.

See.

My Israeli dish made a profit.

Oh, I've got a new career in antiques.

VO: Kelly's kept their chances alive with a £12 profit.

And who's the expert?

Exactly.

You've taught me everything.

See, I sold it well.

VO: Really, it would take a disaster for Denise and Tim to lose now.

Might be digging a hole.

It's a nice garden ornament.

Might be digging a hole.

£50 for this then?

Well, I've 30 bid online.

£30 bid for it.

£30 I'm bid.

At 30?

This is tragic, come on!

At 30 now.

No more bids on this?

Can you just like take it off the auction?

Get it.

AUCTIONEER: 40 now.

KELLY: Get it back!

CHARLES: Come on.

We've got two bidders at £40.

I'd buy it back.

You're sowing the seeds of love.

Keep going online.

Come on, at £40.

All done at £40, I'm selling it then... Oh, Tim.

(GAVEL) We dug a hole, and we fell in it.

(LAUGHS) VO: Furrowed brows all round.

A prodigious £70 loss on the plow!

Can the Israeli dish have won it for us?

Let's hope so.

Come on.

Right, come on.

VO: Just how close was the battle?

VO: Denise and Tim started out with £400, and after auction costs they made a loss of £102.20, leaving them with £297.80.

(GAVEL) VO: Kelly and Charles started with the same amount.

And after saleroom fees, they made a loss of £64.

It leaves them with £336.

And, as they lost the least, Kelly and Charles are today's Celebrity Antiques Road Trip victors!

Well done!

- The ups and downs.

- It's been amazing.

- So amazing.

- It's been emotional.

What you've bought, some things really flew.

And we, as Team Kent, salute you as well.

- Thank you.

- You bought some lovely bits.

Yeah, you were unlucky.

I'm gonna go back to Kelly's to check out her house and her Israeli dishes.

(LAUGH) Thank you so much!

We've had the best time.

Thank you very much.

I loved it.

It's been amazing!

DENISE: Till next time.

KELLY: Till next time.

CHARLES: We'll push you off.

KELLY: Come on, let's go.

TIM: Bye, ladies!

DENISE: Going... ALL: Going, gone!

DENISE: Ta-ra!

KELLY: See you later.

DENISE: Kelly, you smashed it.

It's a pleasure to drive the champ home... Aw... ..in my lovely Morris Minor.

Do you know, I'm gonna really miss this car It's so beautiful.

I love the color as well and the sound.

And whenever you change gear, it makes that little pop.

It makes an amazing popping sound.

Go on, do it.

(GEARS CRUNCH) Oh!

(LAUGHS) DENISE: That's not a pop!

KELLY: Not that pop!

That's just really bad clutch control.

VO: Bye bye!

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