It's the nation's favorite antiques experts!

I think I've found something.

Pretty good, yeah.

Behind the wheel of a classic car.

- Oh!

- Stop it!

And a goal to scour Britain for antiques.

- Ooh!

- I think it's brilliant.

The aim - to make the biggest profit at auction.

- (GAVEL) - But it's no mean feat.

You're some man!

There'll be worthy winners and valiant losers.

- (LAUGHS) - No!

Will it be the high road to glory... ..or the slow road to disaster?

- (GEARS CRUNCH) - Oh, no!

This is the Antiques Road Trip!

VOICEOVER (VO): Wakey wakey!

Ha!

It's a glorious morning here in Northern Ireland, perfect weather for some more antiques escapades.

(GEARS CRUNCH) - Go on, David, You can do it!

- Ha ha!

VO: Yes, we're back on the B-roads with Beetle wrangler David Harper, and his trusty co-pilot Louise Gostelow.

DAVID: I think she's handling pretty well, don't you think?

Yeah, you're... you're getting on well?

Yes.

We've got to crack the windows, it's a bit petrolly isn't it?

- It is a little bit.

I know, I thought it was your perfume at first.

VO: Eau de banger, we call it.

(CHUCKLES) How's the bonhomie coming along?

Can you think of a situation in life where you get to meet someone that you've never really met before, and you have to spend so much time with them?

I know, it's a nightmare, isn't it?

It is a bit of a nightmare isn't it?

(LAUGHS) Shall we call it a day?

Yeah, go home?

VO: And miss out on all the fun?

No way.

Last time, David discovered a whole new negotiating technique, which was called "the Ballymena bargain".

Someone's been done, I don't know who's been done.

- Not me!

- One of us has been done!

VO: (CHUCKLES) Did alright for him at the auction, though.

(GAVEL) Double-bubble.

VO: Favorite expression.

Louise, meanwhile, got to grips with some hefty items.

Where's David when you need him?

VO: Gosh, she's got muscles hasn't she?

But only her canine cutlery was profitable.

- Aw!

I'm happy with that.

- Good.

Dogs did well me for me last night.

I'm thinking... - You're thinking dogs?

..stick with the theme, dogs.

You know what the second best option is?

- What?

- Cats.

(LAUGHS) And then what, hamsters?

Yeah, maybe the odd guinea pig.

Well I might just steal that, then.

I'm going to go animal related.

(LAUGHS) That's my tactic, to steal your tactic.

VO: Who says you can't teach an old dog new tricks, eh?

The old dog in question managed to grow his initial £200 budget to a rather healthy £246.

(GAVEL) But the runt of the litter was Louise who, after starting with the same amount, saw her fortunes diminish slightly to £164.70.

But it's early days.

Don't forget the 70p.

It's very important to you at the moment, that 70p.

- Look, every penny counts!

- Exactly!

VO: Could make all the difference, actually.

Yes, on this trip we're still having a nosey round Northern Ireland, we'll take a wander through Wales, and travel east across England for a final auction in Scarborough.

This time out, we'll be heading across the Irish Sea for an auction at St Annes, Lancashire.

But today, our Northern Ireland explorations begin in the village of Greyabbey.

Does it have an abbey?

Oh yes.

Is it grey?

You betcha!

They're not short on antique shops round here either, there's a stack of them.

Louise is making her way to one right now.

Yes, just down there, you can't miss it.

Hello, I'm Louise.

Hello Louise, how are you?

- Nice to meet you.

- Welcome to Greyabbey.

Thank you very much.

I shall have a look round, if I may.

- Work away.

- Thank you!

VO: Our gracious host Boo has packed a lot of lovely things into the very bijou Archway Antiques.

Mind, Louise hasn't strayed very far from the counter.

Yet.

Can I have a look at those, there?

- You most certainly can!

- Thank you very much.

Here we go.

Have you got a glass or anything?

Oh, aren't they little cuties!

They're in great order.

Where are we?

Norwegian?

That could be by Marius Hammer?

Somebody like that.

You're very intelligent, I wouldn't know that at all.

Now then, clip earrings.

They're lovely, aren't they?

The color's just great.

They are, you say all the right things.

VO: She knows how to sell 'em.

£60 for that little set.

I like those.

Aren't they pretty?

The enamel's in great condition.

Very very cute.

Right, can I put those to one side?

Sure.

Ooh.

Ooh!

Oh, a dog brooch!

Look at... - A dog brooch!

- ..that little poppet!

VO: Aha, the old doggie tactic again, eh?

- Silver gilt.

- OK.

It's a cocker spaniel.

Oh, isn't that a beauty?

So what do we think, cocker or a springer?

Hmm, which would you like it to be?

Cocker.

(LAUGHS) VO: £38 on the pooch.

OK, so, I'm going to pop those to one side if I may...

Okay doke.

..going to pop him with them.

- Why not?

Him or her, you never know.

And I shall have a look round.

OK. VO: Good idea, there's a whole shop full to take in.

Out on the road, meanwhile, David is heading to the Old Smoke itself, Belfast.

He's come to the outskirts of the city to have a nose around.

Looks like some previous road tripper has just abandoned their motor.

Naughty.

Ha ha!

It's a bit of a one-stop antique shop in here, everything you might need from cradle to... grave.

Creepy.

Look at this.

Drawn by a great cartoonist, Bruce Bairnsfather.

But he didn't start out as a cartoonist, he started out at the front as a soldier.

But he was injured.

And whilst in recovery started doodling, and drawing, and he created a wonderful character called Old Bill.

And here is Old Bill in a shell hole.

Right at the front, the explosions of shells over his head, bullets flying all over the place.

And Old Bill is saying to the soldier who is moaning about the conditions, "Well, if you knows of a better 'ole, go to it".

VO: Probably Bairnsfather's most famous cartoon, printed on everything from handkerchiefs to jigsaw puzzles.

This plate was made by Grimwades in 1917.

Priced today at £65.

I've got to tell you that it's not a rare thing, but it's a lovely thing.

Because these things were made in big numbers to raise awareness and money for the boys at the front.

But it just puts a smile on my face, good old British bulldog spirit.

VO: Jolly good show, old boy.

Now, Justin, the owner hereabouts, has got something that should spark your interest.

Oh, no!

Have you seen one of these before?

Yes, I have.

So this is to help with nervous dispositions, am I... am I right?

- Yes, yeah.

Well it was... - OK. ..it was used for a range of things from late-Victorian up until Edwardian times.

This is a later one.

And yeah, they used it as a cure-all.

Arthritis, nervous disposition.

Basically, they claimed it would cure everything.

VO: Some bold assertions there.

(CHUCKLES) Let's find out.

What do I do?

So, you've got to hold that bit there.

Now, we need to turn it on.

(MACHINE BUZZES) Gee!

Hang on a moment.

- Put your other hand out.

- Like that?

So it's on zero now... Oh hang on, no!

I'm feeling quite nervous about this!

(LAUGHS) And we're going to turn it up, slowly... Argh!

My God!

What is that supposed to be doing to me?

That's curing everything.

VO: Make your hair grow.

Ha ha!

Go on Justin, crank it up!

Oh, wow!

Something went wrong there!

I almost swore.

(LAUGHS) It doesn't cure swearing, does it?

- No.

- I actually quite like it.

VO: Yeah, I always wondered about you... Go on, give it... give it a bit more.

Give it a bit... (YELPS) Oh, wow.

Wah!

Goodness sake!

VO: I think we'll draw a discreet veil over that, and head back to Greyabbey, don't you?

Before David fries.

Oh look!

More medical instruments.

This is a cute little thing.

Well, I say "cute", I don't know if cute's necessarily the word.

It's an old hypodermic needle.

So, on here you've got your etched in glass scale.

And then you've got your actual needles.

It's a little bit of a grim thing, for me.

I'm a bit squeamish when it comes to blood.

But it's a good bit of history.

"Wrought by appointment, Arnold and Sons, West Smithfield London".

I'm guessing it's probably late 19th, early 20th century.

Ah!

And I've just turned the lid over, and I think I'm right in saying we've got a military mark.

So possibly for a field surgeon in the army, or something like that.

VO: Bang on, Louise.

That crow's foot symbol means it's the property of the crown, and probably military issue.

Priced up at £65.

I have seen them before, but not in such a lovely little fitted case like this one.

Deliberations, deliberations.

You know when you're spoilt for choice, and you just don't know.

It's one of those moments.

VO: Yeah, cos she's already got the Norwegian jewelry, and the doggy brooch under consideration, remember.

Right, Boo.

Now then, look, you know I'm up against David Harper?

- David Harper!

- Don't tell me, you know him?

Oh, dear.

Well, I've only met him once.

And I sold him some glasses in Barnard Castle.

And I got well mugged.

- Did you now?

- I did!

Ah!

So have you got a score to settle?

Please say yes.

(LAUGHS) Girls win, right?

VO: I think she's in your corner, Louise.

So, my dilemma is this - I like these three things.

Alright.

But I have a very, very limited budget.

- No?

- I know, I know.

Now, believe it or not, that cost a lot so it's got to be 50.

- OK. - Is that a mile away?

OK. What if we split those, and I left you with the earrings?

And I took the brooch?

Then, if we were to then look at these three... 95, the lot.

Can we say 90?

- Ah!

- Go on, Boo!

Go on, it's...

Remember, it's David Harper, I'm up against David Harper!

Bring out the Kleenex.

(LAUGHS) Eh... 90.

Boo, thank you.

Gah!

- You're happy, I'm happy.

- Mugged again!

VO: Ha ha!

In the nicest possible way, of course.

So that's £50 for the syringe, and 20 each for the brooches.

- Well done, well done.

- Thank you.

And good luck.

Hope you win.

VO: You're a star, Boo, honestly.

So with a little under £75 left, Louise is off the mark.

But back in Belfast, an electrified expert's ears must be burning.

- Justin?

- Yes?

Can I talk to you about a couple of old dogs?

Certainly, what have you found?

These two babies.

VO: Well, he said he would pinch Louise's strategy.

Bad boy!

I mean, I think some kind of fiberglass?

Yes, fiberglass and resin.

- Oh resin, OK, OK. - Yes, yes.

I mean, no great age.

But they've got a look, haven't they?

Yes, they do.

They do indeed.

I would love to be buying antique dogs, but if they were antique stone dogs from the 19th century we're talking thousands of pounds.

Thousands, yeah.

So whether they were made last Tuesday, or 1975, I don't know and I don't really care.

VO: I'd say last Tuesday, me.

Ha!

They look the part, though.

Look how proud and stout those fellows are.

And they're a proper pair as well, one facing in one direction, the other facing in the opposite.

It's all about now the look, and the price, Justin.

So, my question to you is this - can you give me please a phenomenally, ridiculously low bargain price?

Give me a Belfast bargain.

OK, Belfast bargain, we can do.

These were 295... Oh!

..but they've been around for a bit, there's a little bit of wear on them.

I think we can cut that in half.

150 for the pair.

I would love them, at £50 per dog.

I could do 60?

120 for the pair.

I'll meet you halfway, 55 a dog, 110.

Done.

Done?

Good man.

Thank you very much.

VO: Two definitely not antique greyhounds in the bag.

£136 left.

Hold on tight, you two!

I tell you what, when Louise meets you two, she is going to be furious.

Positively furious.

VO: You bet she will be!

Let's hope it doesn't come back to bite you on the bum, though.

Hold on, you two.

Don't be scared!

Don't be scared.

You're in safe hands.

VO: What do you think of his driving so far, dogs?

Rubbish!

Now, Louise has made her way to the capital.

She's come to this magnificent building in the heart of the city, to find out about a tenacious Belfast woman who was a tireless campaigner for social and political reform... Hello Aaron, pleased to meet you.

..from Aaron McIntyre, the archivist here at Clifton House.

Well, Mary Ann McCracken was born in Belfast in 1770 to a very progressive family.

Her family actually sent her and her siblings, both male and female, to David Manson's school, which taught girls and boys both the same curriculum.

It was said that she excelled in mathematics, and she put that to good use, and set up her own business in the muslin industry.

She was one of the few women within Belfast that had an independent income, and she put that money to good use for the societal change that she wanted to see.

VO: Although she was born into privilege, Mary Ann was keenly aware of the plight of the poor.

Her uncles were founder members of the Belfast Charitable Society.

They designed and raised the funds for Clifton House, to serve as a poorhouse for the disadvantaged of the city.

And Mary Ann was involved in its work from a very early age.

So what was Belfast like at the time?

Belfast was quite poverty stricken.

There'd been a number of famines in the 1740s.

And a lot of people had moved in from the rural areas into the town, looking for work.

You had open sewers running in the street, and the river Farset, which flowed down High Street, was said to be so polluted that you couldn't drink from it, because the tanners were dumping their waste into it.

So it was a very dark, dank place to be.

That time there was a push for social progress within Belfast.

But she wanted to see more.

VO: She was instrumental in setting up the Ladies Committee of The Belfast Charitable Society, which helped to bring clean water, a hospital, and even a rudimentary police force to Belfast.

And she continued her work at the poorhouse, advocating training in crafts.

So that the young women here could go out and find employment.

So Aaron, what have we got here?

This book is a record of all of the recommendations of the Ladies Committee.

So this records all of their activities, and a lot of their frustrations during this period, as they try and get some progressive changes within the poorhouse here.

We have the ladies requesting to the men's committee that they introduce a trial period.

So that the apprentices could go out and see if the apprenticeship was for them.

And Mary Ann also never forgot her progressive liberal background.

And we can see in the next entry here, that Mary Ann and some other ladies had visited, um, on this day in 1848, and that they had seen that the boys were being taught to knit and darn their own stockings.

And the girls were to be given grammars to learn to read and write, so that they could be literate.

VO: It wasn't just the poor of Belfast that she tried to help.

She was also a staunch abolitionist and campaigned for many years for an end to slavery.

She helped to co-found the Belfast Women's Anti-Slavery League.

They refused to drink from, or take sugars, because of where it came from.

And one of her contemporaries described being able to see a drop of African blood in every bowl of sugar.

The slavery movement dominated her adult life.

Right up until she was within 17 days of being 89, standing down at Belfast Docks giving out anti-slavery leaflets to immigrants going to America.

VO: As well as pushing for social change, Mary Ann was also a champion of Ireland's musical heritage.

She was a founder member of the Belfast Harp Society, which aimed to revive this iconic Irish instrument.

(PLAYS HARP) (APPLAUD) Bravo.

Emer, that was beautiful.

Thank you very much.

Oh, thank you very much.

Would you like to have a go, I'll show you the ropes?

Go on then!

OK, so what I'm going to show you today is the scale of C. You're gonna place your thumb on C, and then second, third, and fourth finger on the next strings following down.

Your left hand's then gonna do the same.

Yeah.

So you're starting where you're just leaving off.

So off you go.

- So, are we ready for this?

- Yes!

(LAUGHS) (PLAYS SCALE) Fabulous, you can take my job.

(LAUGHS) VO: Ha!

The concert hall beckons, Louise.

So Emer, what does Mary Ann McCracken's work mean to you?

Well, Mary Ann McCracken and her family were sort of the bankrollers, then, for this harp festival that happened in 1792.

And that event really kick-started harp music again in Ireland.

So certainly Mary Ann McCracken was extremely important for the revival of Irish harp music at that time.

VO: Mary Ann lived to the grand old age of 96, long enough to see the abolition of slavery that she had long campaigned for.

A truly remarkable woman.

David, meanwhile, has deposited his four-legged fiberglass friends, and has come to the town of Comber.

The Natural Room is his next stop, where he's hoping to splurge some of his remaining £136.

Looks nice.

Ah, you must be Grahame?

Ah!

David, nice to meet you.

Really good to meet you.

How are you doing?

Good to meet you.

I've got to say, I am blown away by your shop.

It's fantastic.

Good.

I like to hear it, that's great.

VO: Grahame likes to sell stuff that he would like to have in his own home.

And judging by the goods on sale here, his home must be very nice.

Oh!

A bit of Liberty, I like a bit of Liberty.

Tudricware no doubt, let's have a quick look at this.

It is missing the most important part, which is the sleeve.

The glass vase itself.

So... 45 quid.

If somebody, somewhere, has the glass liner, you've suddenly made a fantastic vase, worth at least a couple of hundred.

Grahame?

Yeah.

The pewter Liberty thing, the Tudric.

Yeah?

Would it be 15 or £20, just yes or no?

- Definitely not!

- Definitely not, OK!

Sorry.

(LAUGHS) VO: That's you told!

Moving on.

Let's go somewhere just a little more exotic than London.

Let's go to the Far East.

Oh!

(CABINET DOOR CREAKS) Creaky door, Grahame!

Gosh!

Ah, that's nice, let's have a look at that.

OK, got a Hindu plate, very good weight to that.

I think that's Krishna with his devotees.

I think it's quite early.

Certainly 19th century.

Copper, possibly silver, it'll be a low grade Indian silver.

But that work is very good.

So it's a temple plate.

Something not to be used for food.

It's something to worship.

Positively bulging with life, and detail.

Actually, I could look at that for ages.

OK, eh, Grahame?

Yeah?

What have you got on the Indian, Hindu plate?

We've 120 on it, David.

Can I talk to you about it?

What are your thoughts on that, do you think that's Krishna?

It could very well be.

It's an eye-catching item, to be honest... - Yeah.

- ..David, you know.

It really is a beautiful item.

Do you want me to throw a bid at you?

Go ahead.

- You don't mind, do you?

- No, course I don't.

- Are you sure?

- I'm 100%.

- Are you sure?

- Yeah, cos I can always say no.

- 70 quid?

- No.

(LAUGHS) VO: Well, that was emphatic.

OK, hold that thought just for now.

Let's do a two for one deal, Grahame.

So how about this little incense burner, which I think is Parvati, is it not, the goddess of love?

It might very well be, I'll take your lead on that.

I think she's lovely, what have you got on her?

- She's nice.

25.

- 25.

And I think she's later.

I think she is more of a tourist thing.

I...

I think so.

Yeah, OK.

So, for Krishna and Parvati... - Mm-hm.

- ..80 for the two?

No, definitely not.

You're very good at saying no, Grahame!

I am...

I'm good at no, I'm good at no!

When do you ever say yes?

When you get the right price.

VO: You can't argue with that logic, can you?

Can I give you my final bid?

Go.

95, the pair.

£100.

I'll do it, thank you very much, Grahame.

There you go, you can say yes eventually.

£100, yes.

Well done, well done.

VO: Success at last!

So that's £15 for Parvati, and 85 for Krishna.

That leaves me about 35 quid, thank you very much.

VO: 36 actually, but who's counting?

Oh yes, that'd be me!

Better go and pick up your pal.

DAVID: Look at these puddles, Louise.

Oh!

It's quite good fun, isn't it really?

The only thing is, with a car like this you're... you're bound to get some water coming up through the foot wells.

It's always something to look forward to, isn't it?

VO: Like a mobile foot spa, really.

More of a feature than a defect.

Ha!

Nighty night.

Next morning, and the word is out about David's devious doggie deal.

Try and say that quickly!

David, it's war today.

You know that, don't you?

I... Because of what?

Animals, dogs?

Dogs!

Oh.

I saw those dogs, and I thought, you know what, I've got to buy those dogs because it will really annoy Louise.

(CHUCKLES) Anyway, I don't get annoyed.

Life's too short to get angry, David.

You just get even!

VO: Watch your back, then, Mr Harper.

(LAUGHS) As well as buying those naughty hounds, he also got his paws onto an Indian incense burner and a temple plate.

I could look at that for ages.

VO: Which leaves him with a mere £36 in his pocket.

Louise was also in the market for man's best friend.

Ooh.

Ooh!

A dog brooch!

VO: She bagged that, along with a Norwegian brooch and a hypodermic syringe, as you do.

She still has a little under £75 for today's shopping.

Provided we get there, of course.

Oh, oh.

Oh, oh!

This is excellent, Louise.

- Oh!

We're doing well...

Wait!

- You're in third!

- Hill start!

Go, go for it.

- We're going backwards.

VO: Give it some welly, Louise!

- Whee!

- Perfect.

(LAUGHS) You're seriously a very good driver.

You're really good!

Oh, and you're a brilliant liar!

VO: He's a cheeky beggar, that's for sure.

Later we'll be popping across the Irish Sea to Lancashire, and an auction at St Annes.

But we start today's expedition in Lurgan.

The town's most famous resident was Master McGrath, who is celebrated in song and an annual festival.

They even have a statue of him on the high street.

David would be jealous.

(LAUGHS) But, alas, Louise has dumped her rival and come here to shop solo.

This is D Patterson Antiques.

And this is D Patterson.

David to his friends.

There's a bit of everything in here.

Some fine furniture, ceramics, and some very practical items too.

Every home should have one.

Right, I need to up my game today.

I don't want Harper making too much of a lead on me.

Now then, are there any dogs around here?

VO: You can have too much of a good thing, you know.

What have we got here?

To begin with, you look at this, and you think, 'OK, it's a tatty black painted box'.

But oh, no.

It's so much more than that.

Look, this brass plaque on the top - "G Sinclair, shipwright".

Now this has potential.

So, if we open it up, have a look inside.

In here, he would have put his various tools, and his plans, and bits and pieces.

He would have taken this with him when he travelled from to job to job.

It's a bit of maritime history.

Look at it, it's even got its original strapping on the back of it.

Well, I think it's got various uses.

If it was a bit bigger, you could use it as a coffee table.

You could use it as a footstool.

VO: You could put things in it.

Now there's a novel thought.

It's been through the wars, but it doesn't matter.

£65.

Won't leave me with a lot of money, but I think I'm going to have a word with David.

VO: Let's get him in, then.

- I would like to show you this.

- Yeah.

Now, do you know any more about its history, because I see that it's G Sinclair, shipwright.

Do you...?

Yeah, well it actually came in a few weeks ago... Uh-huh.

..from a local house that was being cleared.

Now, I've done a little bit of homework on it and I've actually found a George Sinclair living in Belfast.

This was around 1960, which of course by then he could have been quite an old man.

I would be fairly confident this was used in the Belfast shipyards.

VO: Is that a selling point for a Lancashire auction?

(LAUGHS) I really like it, I have to say.

But it's always price dependent.

You've got it marked up at 65, what would you be happy selling it to me for?

The very best on it would be 55.

Do you know what... 55, fantastic.

- Brilliant, thank you.

- Thank you.

VO: One possible shipwright's box bought, and that leaves her with a little under £20 left to play with.

Now you've just got to hope you can fit it in the motor.

Now, there's a grand tradition of storytelling all across this land.

It's steeped into legends that date back as far as the Iron Age.

David has come to the outskirts of Armagh, to a place called Navan Fort, to hear some of the epic tales of ancient heroes, known as the Ulster Cycle.

(SINGS IN IRISH) The Armagh Rhymers are a band of performers who retell these centuries-old stories to new generations.

David's here to meet author Réamonn Ciaráin, who can explain why this place is so important in these founding myths of the people of Ulster.

We've travelled back in time, around the time of Christ, when Navan here was a very significant site.

Navan Fort, as it's now known, was where the kings of Ulster held court.

VO: Such was the importance of Navan as a ceremonial site that it was recorded on the maps of the second century Greek geographer Ptolemy.

Navan comes from the Gaelic word for "twins", the twins of Macha.

A goddess of fertility, representing sovereignty, of the very land.

She became pregnant, and her husband began to boast about his wonderful wife who could outrun the king's horses.

And the king, Connor mac Nessa, said, "Bring her here".

She was made to run against the king's horses.

And unfortunately, being heavily pregnant, she gave birth to twins, and she let out a heartrending scream, that can sometimes still be heard, it is said.

And she cursed that the men of Ulster would have the pangs of childbirth when they most needed their strength.

VO: The story of Macha, who also gives her name to the city of Armagh, is one of 80 in the cycle.

Tales of romance, great feasts, cattle raids, and heroic battles, all centered around the court here at Navan.

Quite a mystical, magical, spiritual place then?

Absolutely.

You really get a sense that you are entering a significant place, a spiritual home.

Very important from an archaeological point of view.

But more importantly, it is central to our mythological stories.

VO: The main hero of these stories is the warrior Cúchulainn, Ireland's equivalent of Achilles.

Many versions of his exploits have been penned, including one by Réamonn himself.

But the earliest written record of the cycle goes back to the monasteries of the 12th century.

The druids would have converted to Christianity, but still held a great love for their native tales.

When they got a little tired of their scriptural work, I imagine, they would have recorded the tales that their ancestors would have told.

And that's the reason that we have these tales in written form to this very day.

So how then would you sum up the Ulster Cycle?

They've already been told for a millennium and a half, and they have inspired revolutionaries, artists, poets, and they will continue to do so.

DAVID: A fundamental part of the culture of Ulster?

For sure.

Part of our cultural fabric.

These stories say a great deal about who we are as a people, here in Ulster.

(WHOOPS) The eagle has died for him.

VO: These mythical tales will continue to be told, if our troupe of rhymers has anything to say about it.

And we just happen to know of a strolling player who can swell their ranks.

Crikey!

(DEEP VOICE) Here come I, David, who's never come yit, with big head and little wit!

VO: Yes.

It's a sentiment many of us have known for years.

Ha!

Now, speaking of legends, where's our Louise got to?

Still questin' for antiques, eh?

There is just one slight chink in my armor this afternoon.

I've got less than £20.

I really hope I can find a bargain.

VO: Stiffen the sinews, girl!

Louise and her trusty steed are headed for the town of Moy and our last chance to shop before we depart these shores.

Moy Antiques has been going since 1907, that's three generations of dealers.

And it's a biggie.

What can I buy?

That is the question, what can I buy?

VO: Well, I hear that dog statues are de rigueur these days.

(LAUGHS) Honestly, you can't move for the things around here.

Oh, these are interesting.

Ho ho, and heavy.

We've got an A, an H, and R. They look like they're terracotta bricks.

Now, I'm guessing that these would have maybe been, I don't know, above a shop, or a bank, or a pub, or a something or other.

VO: No price on 'em, but they're worth six points in scrabble.

Better have a chat with the owner.

Dermot, I really need your help.

Now, I'm a very poor lady this afternoon, and I'll be perfectly honest with you.

All the money that I have in the world is £19.70.

- Alright.

- Is there any chance that I could buy those three letters for £19.70?

Well, I was looking at 30 quid for the whole lot, so you might as well have a trade deal and take them with you.

- Oh, you are a top chap.

They'll bring you a lot of luck.

Thank you so much.

Fantastic.

So I've got A, H, and R. Yeah, you mix up letters.

But you know...

Right, hang on, here we go.

Oh, no!

Have I just thrown away 20p?

Oh, my goodness.

Hang on, it's looking like it might be £19.50.

VO: That's one way to get a reduction.

- There it is.

Right.

- We'll find it.

We've got the 20p.

OK, here we go.

VO: So that leaves her penniless.

50... 70.

There you are, a wee bit of luck.

Dermot, a wee bit of luck back.

- No bother.

- Thank you very much.

VO: £19.50 it is then!

Ah, here comes David, just in time for the afternoon ceilidh.

Shouldn't every antiques shop have one?

Hi, gorgeous.

(CHUCKLES) Where have you been?

- Looking for you!

- Woo!

- Have you been here long?

- Ages!

- Aw, waiting for me, eh?

- Oh, always.

(LAUGHS) Well I haven't got much time but... - Woo!

Great to see you!

- Bye!

VO: Alright, twinkle toes, let's get down to some shopping.

£36 left, remember.

Oh, now that really is a bit of me.

Oh, a bit delicate, but follow me.

It's a heavy old beastie, let's get it on a stand.

OK. That is lovely.

But it has some problems.

Check that out on the neck, a massive smash.

Badly repaired, just simply super-glued together.

But it's got the most delicious shape, with an elongated neck.

Greek key design at the top, decorated with birds and foliage.

But very simple.

Good colors.

It's refined and sophisticated, which points without a doubt to Japan.

And it points to the Meiji period 1868 to 1912.

VO: At that time, a formerly isolated Japan opened its doors to the rest of the world, and the west went crazy for anything Japanese.

I think, even though it's damaged, a lot of the enamel paint - and that's what it is, thick enamel paint - has been chipped away.

I think it's got a great decorator's look.

And it's a proper antique.

That's at least 120 years old.

If I can blow £35 on that, I'll have it.

Do we have a shopkeeper?

VO: We do.

It's Dermot.

Oh.

What do you think of that vase?

- It's an eye-catcher.

- Good colors, very refined.

Missing its partner, and badly smashed.

Badly smashed, now... That doesn't bother me so much.

What sort of money is it trying to make?

Well...

I was asking for 50 quid in the shop, you know.

Yeah.

Em... just simply because of the damage.

I think it's worth more.

- Yeah.

Yeah.

- Trade price today, 35 quid.

VO: He read your mind, David.

- 35 quid?

- 35 quid.

Alright, that'll do, that'll do.

Dermot, top man.

Thank you very much indeed.

So I leave here, this leg of my trip, with £1 and a Japanese vase, perfect!

Very lucky.

VO: So, no one ends up with empty pockets.

And as the band plays the last dance, it's time to say slán agat, which is cheerio, to our time in Northern Ireland.

Perfect.

Next stop, Lancashire.

Lancashire here we come, baby!

- Woo!

- VO: But first, some shut-eye.

Down by the Irish Sea again, looking in the opposite direction this time.

Might be the opportunity for a paddle later.

I miss my dogs!

(LAUGHS) You haven't seen them yet, have you?

Oh, I can't wait to meet them.

Ha ha ha!

They bite.

VO: (GROWLS) Our travelling twosome have been on an epic Northern Ireland adventure, but now they've disembarked in Lancashire at St Annes.

And they've brought some souvenirs back with them, to sell at Gerrard's Auction Rooms.

David shelled out £245.

He's decided to split the hounds up, so he has five lots.

My secret weapon in the last sale was dogs.

So David has to do one better, doesn't he?

David has to go big.

I think they're absolutely fantastic, though.

These are surely gonna be a winner for him at auction today.

I'm worried!

VO: Louise also just about blew her entire budget on her five auction lots.

If you were going to compare that dog to my dogs, I've got two, so that's one point for me.

My dogs are much bigger, that's two points for me.

But Louise's dog is much better quality, so that's just one point for her.

So currently, my dogs are winning.

VO: We'll see.

Now what catches the eye of resident gavel wielder Jonathan Cook?

Anything non-dog related, perhaps?

(GAVEL) Japanese vase, I really like it, actually.

The damage will affect it, but it's a big piece for little money.

Anything oriental now is selling well.

Just in the last sale we sold a little vase for 22,000.

So people are looking for them, yes.

The big bricks, I think they are a bit of a gamble.

I mean, it's not an easy seller, I don't think.

But you could get lucky.

You only need the right person with those initials, the Royal Albert Hall.

VO: Or the Road Haulage Association?

Ha ha!

Right, we're all raring to go in the saleroom, and online too, so find your seats and let battle commence.

- I'm feeling anxious.

- Are you?

Yeah.

For you, not for me.

VO: First up is Louise's Norwegian brooch.

Sans earrings.

£30 I've got.

Any advance on £30.

Around, look around you.

- Any advance in the room?

- It's a maiden bid.

At £30, on the net at 30, all out.

All sure?

At 30 then... - Bid!

- ..we'll sell at £30?

(GAVEL) Ooh, that was a long pause.

I thought there was going to be another one there.

Very long pause.

But hey, it's profit, It's all good.

VO: Absolutely.

Nicely done, Louise.

That's a great start.

It's a good start.

We're off, we're running.

50%.

VO: Now, can David's Hindu incense burner bring him prosperity?

She's gorgeous, she's wonderful, and I love her.

£10 for it, who'll give me 10, anywhere at 10?

10, 12, 14 on the internet, at £14.

Go on, it's got to be 15.

Come on!

16, in the room at 16, lady's bid at £16.

Come on, online!

18, cheap lot for £18.

20 now, in the room at 20.

At 22, new bid now, at the back at 22.

- Come on!

- At £22.

24.

24 front row... Come on.

It's like an aphrodisiac, this thing.

28.

30 have we got now?

Go on, yes!

You see, they've got style.

- 32.

- There you go.

- £32, are we all done at 32?

- That lady's on fire.

All £32, all finished at 32.

(GAVEL) Get in there.

100%, and a bit more.

VO: 113% to be precise.

Very good.

There you go, you must be happy.

I'm very happy.

VO: Louise's military syringe next.

Hoping for an injection of cash, eh?

Different.

It looked different, David.

Different is good.

- We're going for different.

- Different's good.

- £42, and 44, 46.

- There you go.

- 46, 48, 50 I've got.

- There you go.

Ooh!

£50 on the internet.

Any advance in the room?

Somebody, somebody wants it.

It's Paul and Angus, in their pajamas sat at home.

(LAUGHS) At £50 then, we'll sell.

(GAVEL) OK, after commission it's a bit of a loss.

But it's not as bad as I thought it was going to be.

VO: Not quite the shot in the arm that you were after, though, eh?

Ha!

That's what makes this trip brilliant, the interesting people you meet.

Exactly.

The interesting items that you learn from.

Yes, yes.

VO: Time for David's second Indian item now.

The temple plate.

I feel a bit nervous, actually.

£20 anywhere?

At 20.

20 online, at £20.

Any advance on 20.

Hello?

Oh right, yeah.

22.

(LAUGHS) 24, 26.

At £26.

28.

Are you sure?

This is a very bad loss.

At 26.

28 I've got.

Looking for 30.

30 at the back, new bid.

At 30 sat down, back row...

Slow and steady wins the race.

All finished at £30.

No further interest?

(PRETENDS TO CHOKE) (GAVEL) £30.

- I genuinely feel for you.

- You do not!

I genuinely feel for you.

Do you?

(LAUGHS) You're such a nice person.

VO: Not everyone is as rude as you, David.

It was a bit of a shame though.

Oh, I've got a lot of work to do now, haven't I?

VO: Now what do you buy for the shipwright who has everything?

£32 on the internet, 32, 34, 36, 38, at £38 and 40 now.

Apparently so, yeah.

42, at 42 online.

Any advance in the room?

At 42, 44, 46, 48, 50.

Five.

There you go.

- 60.

- Oh!

£60, online at £60?

It's not that good.

At £60 then, are we all done?

(GAVEL) I think that's lovely.

I think you've... you've done OK. VO: A modest profit.

No losses for Lou yet.

- That's alright.

- It's not horrific.

VO: David's big, broken Japanese vase is up next.

The auctioneer liked it.

Bid's with me at £70, I've got.

- And there we go.

- At £70 straight in.

- Come on.

- Any advance on 70?

At £70, any advance?

- Don't be greedy.

- At £70, all sure?

(GAVEL) That's double money.

- There you go, you see.

- Bang on double money.

VO: He knows his oriental ceramics.

I've had a little blip, but it's no more.

The blip has gone.

(LAUGHS) VO: Louise's letters now.

If she'd found a P, an E and another R, David would be bidding.

Online at 28.

I've got 28.

Any advance?

30 now.

At £30, 32.

At 32, 34, 36.

They're different.

38.

40 now.

And 42.

(GROANS) At 42 online.

I might just go for lunch, or something.

No further interest... (GAVEL) - Worth every penny.

- 42!

VO: I think that spells profit.

Really good find, those.

VO: Right.

Time for the dogfight.

Greyhound number one up first.

You've done an absolutely dreadful thing.

- What have I done?

- You've split them!

I'm ruthless.

How could you do that to them!?

I don't care, I'm thinking about profit.

£30 bid, 32, 34, I've got.

- Go on!

- At £34.

- Go on.

- 36, any advance on 36?

- Go on!

(COUGHS) - £36, are we all done?

I'm gonna have a panic attack.

I'm gonna...

Hold onto me.

I'm having a panic attack.

36, we'll have to sell at 36.

All out at 36.

I do bloody care about the money!

You don't care about the dogs.

(GAVEL) I don't care about the dogs.

But I do care about the money.

VO: Well, that didn't exactly sprint off.

- £36.

- It's very bad.

VO: Now, as Einstein once said, insanity is doing the same thing again and expecting different results.

Ha!

30 I've got.

Any advance on £30?

- Go on.

- 32, at £32.

Any advance?

- £32.

- It gets worse.

It gets worse.

- Stick it in the garden.

I'm never going to do that again.

- I'm never gonna split a pair.

- Ward off the burglars.

At £32.

Any advance?

On the plus side, it looks like they're going to the same home.

- I don't care about that!

- I'm happy!

- At 32... - Oh my God... (GAVEL) Do you know what I'm gonna do in future?

Stick to border terriers.

VO: Ha ha!

I think you bought a pup, there, David.

Serves you right for splitting them up.

I know.

VO: Last lot now, the doggie brooch.

Come on Louise, show him how it's done.

£10 for it, £10.

12, I've got.

At £12.

Cheap lot for £12.

- Ooh, that is cheap.

- Ooh, cheap at 12.

At 12, looking for 14 now, bid at 14.

(SIGHS) Little cute brooch for £14.

16, at 16 on the internet.

Any bidding in the room?

18, new bid.

Back of the room at £18.

Any advance on 18?

20.

And two.

At £22.

- (GASPS) 22!

22.

- Now I'm up.

24.

26.

How long have we got, till like Tuesday or something?

28.

Are you sure?

30.

Oh!

I thought it was going to sell at 14.

In the room at £30... (GAVEL) Ah!

(LAUGHS) Well done.

VO: Who's a good dog, then?

It wouldn't be any fun if I was winning all the time.

No, it wouldn't.

- No.

- It really wouldn't.

It would be awful.

I'd really hate it.

Come on.

VO: I think he knows which way this has gone.

David started out with £246, but after that doggie disaster, he made quite a loss.

So after auction fees he now has £165 for next time.

(GAVEL) Louise, on the other hand, had a much better time of it.

She made a modest profit after saleroom costs, and now has £174.04.

So she bounds into the lead.

- Will you do me one big favor?

- Go on.

Don't ever mention those dastardly dogs, ever again.

(LAUGHS) Will you do that for me?

Would I do that?

(LAUGHS) Next time on the trip...

Finally, we're topless!

Yes!

Well, the car is.

David still hasn't learned his lesson... Oh no, not another dog.

..and Louise goes extreme rummaging.

I can see the key!

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