NARRATOR: The nation's favorite celebrities-- I like surprises.

..paired up with an expert...

I got excited then!

Whoopsie!

..and a classic car.

BOTH: Here we go!

(CAR BACKFIRES) Wowzer!

Their mission?

To scour Britain for antiques.

Am I on safari?

(WHISTLE BLOWS) The aim?

To make the biggest profit at auction.

(GASPS) But it's no easy ride.

Oh, dear!

Who will find a hidden gem?

(NEIGHS) Who will take the biggest risk?

(LAUGHS) Will anybody follow expert advice?

I hate it.

There will be worthy winners... (LAUGHS) ..and valiant losers.

Double drat.

Oh, no!

Put your pedal to the metal...

Spend, spend, spend.

This is the Celebrity Antiques Road Trip!

VO: Nice!

VO: Today's outing features a couple of very enthusiastic shoppers.

I love this car, I can't believe how cheap it is!

No, seriously.

MARIELLA (MF): Yeah, because... You've already been googling for them, haven't you?

VO: Yes, our two in the Triumph Spitfire, "tidy runner, turns heads", are design doyenne Pearl Lowe and her friend, the broadcaster with the velvet voice, Mariella Frostrup.

MF: I'd like a Porsche 911.

PEARL: Ooh.

I could see you in one of those.

From the 80s, it's all I wanted in the 80s.

I wanted a Porsche 911 and I wanted to fly Concorde.

And I never got either.

VO: Well, we can't scratch that particular itch I'm afraid.

But how about an E Type Jag replete with auctioneer James Braxton and dealer-cum-auctioneer Raj Bisram?

Well James, how does the car feel?

It's lovely.

It's like a big, throbbing...

It's lovely.

Just can't wait to go.

It's like holding back a sort of huge team of horses.

VO: Hang in there, James.

Especially on these gorgeous Somerset coastal roads, the county where townies Pearl and Mariella now live.

So we first met, didn't we, in the 1990s, wasn't it?

PEARL: Yeah.

MF: Back in the day.

Back in the day.

Did we meet at Patsy Kensit's house when she was married to Liam, was it?

Yes.

I don't even remember the 90s particularly.

But you know what they say.

If you remember them you weren't there.

VO: Back then, Pearl was a singer in several Britpop bands before settling down to become a designer, both fashion and interior.

And she's a very big fan of rococo!

So this is what you do just for fun, really, isn't it?

Well... Pootle around buying antiques?

I do have clients that I go and buy antiques for.

Yes, but I mean you do it for pleasure.

I buy a few things for clients and then buy something for myself while I'm there.

VO: Mariella, born in Norway and raised in Ireland, presents telly and radio about the arts, campaigns for social justice, and does quite a lot besides.

I'm struggling a little bit with this car, which I shouldn't be because I've driven every kind of car ever known to man.

I used to present this program called The Car Show... Oh, did you?

..and we used to have to drive classic cars every single week.

And then I did The World's Most Dangerous Roads with Angus Deayton, where we had to go across... Oh no, I saw you in that.

..Madagascar in the mud.

VO: Well how about kick-knacks in Nether Stowey?

Could be a winner.

£400 each.

A couple of experts.

Let's do this thing!

RAJ: Very good.

That's a right old beast, the Triumph, isn't it?

Oh, you just can't get out of this car elegantly.

We know.

PEARL: Hello.

JAMES: Hello, hello.

Lovely to meet you.

RAJ: Hello there, I'm Raj.

PEARL: Pearl, nice to meet you.

Mariella, very nice to meet you.

PEARL: Lovely to meet you.

Hello!

Mariella, hello, hello.

I don't know about you but I've driven this one and I'm...

I have to say I'm lukewarm on it.

Yeah.

So I thought 'I've always wanted to drive an E Type', so I thought maybe I could have a go...

But Raj is set on driving it, Mariella.

But luckily, I have the key.

Oh, yes!

Holders, winners.

90% of the law, isn't it?

Something like that.

Well, we're running late, let's get... Yeah, I know, OK. ..a move on, come on.

You're gonna... VO: Yeah, we'd best get on.

PEARL: I'm driving.

RAJ: You're gonna drive.

VO: Those antiques won't buy themselves.

See you later!

VO: Our trip begins in Watchet and sees a lot of Somerset before heading up to London and an auction in Southgate.

But first, in the words of Napoleon Bonaparte: "If you start to take Vienna, take Vienna."

Didn't do him much good.

JAMES: What are you like at haggling?

I'm quite good at the beginning.

I mean I'm... Yeah.

..quite tough, generally.

JAMES: Yeah.

MF: I just lose it...

I dwindle and I slightly lose...

I think I slightly lose confidence as well.

I suddenly think 'oh, maybe it is worth £400, maybe I have insulted all of his family, generations of them, by offering him £200'.

VO: I don't know what the Little Corporal would make of that.

What about the enemy?

So Pearl, I mean, you know Mariella pretty well, what sort of tactics are we gonna play?

I think she's a much better haggler than I am.

I've gotta kind of haggle when I go in.

You've got a good haggler with you, believe you me, I... OK, well I'm gonna leave the haggling to you.

I am a haggler.

VO: Raj is happy to help, although they'll no doubt both soon learn the ropes.

I don't have the heart, the beating heart... Oh, no.

..of an antique dealer.

When I find something that I love I want to keep it.

No, you can't.

You've gotta be cold and ruthless.

It's war.

Oh, well, you're gonna have to teach me a lot, clearly.

OK.

I'm not going to be good at this at all.

I thought we were just going on a nice shopping trip.

But it is going to be broken by occasional vicious haggling.

MF: Vicious haggling, OK. JAMES: It's all about price.

You know, if we want to win this game we've got to buy low, sell high.

VO: I'm not sure who said that.

But anyway, Pearl is about to reach her first shop in the delightful former contraband capital of Watchet.

See what I mean?

Hello there.

PEARL: Hello.

RAJ: Hi.

Hi.

This is Pearl.

Hi, lovely to meet you.

DEALER: Nice to meet you.

RAJ: I'm Raj.

DEALER: Ah, nice to meet you.

RAJ: You are?

DEALER: Simon.

RAJ: Simon, nice to meet you.

VO: Nice to meet you.

This must be an interesting dynamic because Pearl clearly has taste.

Pearl, this looks lovely.

It goes with my shirt!

Goes with your shirt and it's from the brand that I used to work for.

Oh really?

Is it?

VO: Raj could come away with a few fashion tips as well.

PEARL: Ooh, like that.

RAJ: I wonder if it's working.

I haven't seen one of those for years.

Simon.

Is it working?

SIMON: No.

Oh, no.

We're looking for someone to plug it in at the moment.

Really?

Did you need the lead?

No... We're looking for a volunteer.

Oh, I see, it's too dangerous, is it?

I mean, is there room there to move on that?

Yeah.

Give us two minutes to discuss it and then we might make you an offer on that.

RAJ: Yeah?

Is that OK?

SIMON: Brilliant, thank you.

PEARL: It's a bit of a gamble, isn't it?

It would be a gamble.

I mean, if we paid... 50?

50 quid.

Yeah.

Then that's fine.

I think that would be a good buy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

VO: That's two thirds of the £75 asking price.

Simon.

Yes?

The TV.

We've both discussed it, right, Simon?

Yeah.

We've both got a price that we've got fixed in our head.

In fact we both came up with the same price.

Would you take £50?

I'd say 60.

And you will have a chance with that.

What about 55?

Shake on 55.

SIMON: Yeah.

That's fine.

RAJ: Yeah?

PEARL: Oh, amazing.

SIMON: Fine.

RAJ: In that case shake hands.

SIMON: Yes.

SIMON: Thank you very much.

PEARL: Thank you.

Yeah, we think that's gonna be a good one actually.

Brilliant, yeah.

VO: Well, they certainly don't hang about, do they?

Meanwhile, out in the Quantocks, I've been longing to say that, our other pair are about to get started.

My worry is that my beloved county of Somerset... Yep.

..is not necessarily the hotbed of exotic Middle Eastern objets and textiles, or indeed mid century slightly clinical looking Scandinavian furniture.

So is that what you like?

I'm afraid so.

Yeah, yeah.

VO: But you can't always get what you want, not even in the village of Sampford Brett.

Quite excited to be going to an antiques store... Yeah, right.

..with Keith Richards... JAMES: I know.

..as the proprietor.

It's not really rock and roll, is it?

VO: Oh, it's rock and roll.

Although there are several Keith Richards in the telephone book.

MF: What about this chair?

JAMES: That's nice, isn't it?

I wouldn't have it in my house.

But I'm quite intrigued by the little inlaid panel.

So that's a ceramic tile there.

Mm-hm.

Nice and cold.

It says it's a Minton, the famous makers, Minton.

Out of their Shakespeare series, so who's that?

Is that Falstaff or Henry V... Well, I'm thinking it looks like Henry IV.

Part two or part one?

MF: Part one.

JAMES: Is it part one?!

But look at the girl, she's half naked and she's got... Is she?

..she's got a dagger strapped to her thigh.

Are you sure that's a girl?

Look at the legs.

Legs.

A lot of nice long legs.

And Henry's got a good paunch, hasn't he?

I think she's a serving wench or... Was he?

..an assassin.

Which I don't remember from the play.

VO: Me neither.

Priced at £115, it's by Moyr Smith.

I would say that's American red walnut.

It's quite late Victorian, it's got some carving going on.

And I like this sort of rail of balusters there.

Yes.

And I like the idea of it being part of a Shakespeare series.

I mean, imagine you could have a whole dinner table with... Yeah.

Yeah.

..them all.

All the plays.

VO: Much ado about seating?

Ha!

And actually, you know, a trendy phrase, mixed media.

This is a mixed... ..media chair, isn't it?

Is it sound?

It's rock solid.

I've never heard of the tapping audible test for furniture, that's a new one.

I'm seeing how chunky it is.

That's good.

Is it comfortable or is it just decorative?

Well, it doesn't look very comfortable.

Why don't you try it?

Won't even... JAMES: Shall I try?

..fit on it.

It's meant for...

I'll tell you what, if it can bear my weight it can bear yours, OK?

VO: Here we go.

What do you think?

It's not very comfortable.

It's very good for your posture, though, look at how you're having to sit.

It's a Pilates chair.

I've discovered my diaphragm again.

Just fill the diaphragm.

VO: Well, that was fun.

Anything else?

That's Scandi, isn't it?

Hey, this is Norwegian.

MF: Oh, well spotted.

For that, I could...

It's your mother country.

..wear that with my cloak.

It's lovely.

When I'm doing my Game Of Thrones theme party.

JAMES: Oh, it's a dragon... MF: Is it?

It's a stylized dragon.

Look at that.

Where's the head?

Very stylized.

I think that's the eye, is it?

And the head.

They're like fishes.

Stylized fishes.

Do you know, I think this is really quite lovely.

Is it marked?

Norwegian.

It's a lower standard of silver content, so we have 925 parts per thousand, this is 830.

Do we care about that?

And Keith... Yeah we do!

Because, you know, sterling standard or Britannia standard.

So you're saying "I don't want your cheap Norwegian silver?"

No, no, I like it.

This is Scandi standard.

Very high standard of design.

Keith's gonna say you can have that for 55, isn't he?

What kind of a creature do you think that is?

The animated one, I don't know.

VO: Could be the serpent J rmungandr, arch enemy of Thor.

Ticket price £85.

MF: I like it for sentimental reasons.

I like it cuz it's Norwegian and my father was Norwegian.

I do like it, but I'm not convinced about the resale value.

I think it'll be alright at auction.

But it's at the right place.

MF: Price on the brooch please?

KEITH: That one's about 50.

What are the odds of me walking in here today, I'm in the middle of nowhere... Yeah.

..beautiful, beautiful Somerset countryside.

Of walking in here and finding a Norwegian silver... JAMES: It's fate.

MF: It's fate.

It is fate.

But I can't pay £50 for it.

Cuz that just will damage my budget so enormously.

So... Come on, Keith, what can you do?

A bit of movement, I think, is the word.

Is it?

KEITH: I can do 45.

MF: 45?

Yeah.

Shake the man's hand, go on.

KEITH: Yeah.

MF: Done.

MF: Thank you very much.

JAMES: Very kind.

BOTH: Thank you.

VO: As I suspected... Look at this.

Proper money!

VO: ..pretty good at this.

You driving?

Go on.

Why not?

Let the best man drive.

Let the best man drive.

Shall I take that for safekeeping?

VO: So while wild horses drag them away, what's up in Watchet?

PEARL: I would buy that, you see?

It's 18 quid.

I mean, it's not a bad price really for a teapot.

Oh, do think that's expensive?

In my view, that's expensive.

OK, I... You're the dealer.

I'm just...

I can't stop my dealer head coming through... PEARL: Yeah.

..OK?

I think Raj and I make a really good pair.

I normally shop on my own so it's a bit of an eye-opener shopping with somebody else, cuz actually I need to be stopped at buying things.

He's quite strict and he's really knowledgeable about things that I wouldn't be.

VO: Does that include medical items?

It's a period box.

Anything from the sort of 19th century that has got this double Bramah lock means that it's quality.

It's walnut as well.

Yeah.

OK.

Whether it was a doctor's box or not I'm not 100% certain.

I thought it was some sort of apothecary box, but you say all these things came with it?

Yeah.

VO: Quite a collection.

It's not bad.

Pearl, do you like this?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I do.

You know we wanted things that are a little bit different?

This is a little bit different.

And in its time it would have been real quality.

That comes out here, which releases the drawers to be able to come out.

PEARL: Yeah.

You'd call them military handles, wouldn't you?

Yeah, yeah.

It's almost like a military chest.

It could have been a travelling medicine box or something like that.

And it's from what age?

What, Victorian... RAJ: Yeah.

..as you say?

I would say this is late 19th century, without a doubt.

PEARL: I do like that.

RAJ: You do?

VO: Ticket price?

£95.

I'm being honest, Simon, but the most, OK, the most I would wanna pay for that is probably £30.

Really?

Maybe.

Have you got any movement on that?

I've got some movement.

I mean, I would...

I would hope for 45.

VO: Pause for reflection.

I mean, are they sought after, these kind of things?

This is a little bit different, so you don't see these every day.

It can be quite functional as well, cuz you could just do any... With a box... Yeah.

Yeah, absolutely.

..you can actually use it for anything.

I like the fact that it has these, um...

It could be an artist's box, it could be all sorts of things.

..the original... RAJ: If they are the original... Oh, OK.

I would say they are if I'm honest, but... Yeah, yeah.

Definitely an antique dealer would love that, wouldn't they?

I think so.

I mean, what about 35?

I'll meet you halfway, 40.

I did the same to you earlier... SIMON: You did.

..and I think that's only fair.

Is that good, yeah?

That's only fair.

I've got... Yeah, yeah.

..to consult with my partner... PEARL: I think that's good.

RAJ: 40?

RAJ: Happy with that?

PEARL: 40, yeah.

RAJ: Shake the man's hand.

Thank you.

VO: Thanks Simon.

Now, while those two smuggle out... ..let's venture into the Somerset hinterland, famous for its vibrant folk traditions.

Mariella and her fella have come to the village of Carhampton for a full immersion in the tale of the Minehead Hobbyhorse.

Oh, my lordy.

This is what we do in Somerset, you know.

Yeah.

You do it well, look at this.

It's always like this, just walking down a country lane and the next thing... JAMES: A town crier.

..a bunch of friendly Somerset folk come by with their hobbyhorse.

VO: Colorful, weird and just a bit frightening, actually.

(SCREAMING) Afternoon, sir.

Afternoon.

See, I find this really scary.

Whoa, whoa!

VO: Hobby was an early English word for horse.

And the local variety, usually paraded in springtime, was first recorded in 1830.

Unusually, it had no head and looks very boatlike.

Thanks perhaps to fears of Norse invaders, claims local "hobbyist" Brian Matthews.

So is it possible that the Vikings actually brought it here?

I'm just speaking up for the Vikings, being, you know, part Viking.

I think it was possibly somebody with a twisted mind who decided that that was the best way to frighten the Vikings.

MF: So why is it connected to May Day?

It's to welcome in spring and summer, the finer weather, and also to encourage growth in fruits and in everything.

Children, even.

Because one of the traditions with the hobbyhorse is what we call the booty.

It's to encourage fertility in maidens newly wed and that.

I know what you're gonna say and it's really not pleasant.

I... No, it's...

It's... What, so, so, so, my fertility, I mean back in the day obviously, would be improved by the hobbyhorse kicking me ten times in the stomach?

I don't think so.

We would... we would claim that, yes.

VO: Yes, thankfully some ancient pagan practices have now been curtailed.

So it's definitely intimidating.

It's meant to enhance fertility.

In this photograph, aside from the two fine young gentlemen with their musical instruments, there are three grotesques surrounding the hobbyhorse.

Who are they?

Well, they're known as gullivers.

And that they go around collecting money for the charities that the hobbyhorse normally subscribes to.

VO: Much of the music can be found in the works of the 19th century song collector Reverend Sabine Baring-Gould, who, as well as writing "Onward Christian Soldiers" and a book about werewolves, took a great interest in preserving folk tunes.

BRIAN: The songs that were collected by Baring-Gould are stories of life in the farms and on the moor.

And they used to go round and collect them and pass them down.

MF: What's the music that you play to the hobbyhorse?

A tune I believe is called "The Sailor's Joy".

Which has been the traditional tune they've played since the horse has been going.

VO: All thanks to the reverend and a very passionate populace.

Let's just hope it can survive our rookie hitter.

So Peter, how do you do this?

Well, it's pretty simple.

Is it?

PETER: Yes.

JAMES: Don't say that!

Terribly technical, isn't it, Peter?

No, all you've got to do is... Yeah.

It's a simple beat.

Dum da da dum-dum, dum-dum.

That's it.

Dum... VO: Bad enough to scare a Viking.

I'm gonna do nothing else with my life but master this beat.

VO: I'm not sure we actually have that long.

OK, bring on the melodeons!

VO: But there's no show without the horse.

So tell me a bit about it.

Is it heavy?

Cuz it really moves around a lot.

Yes.

I mean, it weighs about eight stone.

Eight stone!

Yeah.

Yeah, and it has a harness inside.

So how long do they normally carry it for?

Usually each carry about five minutes, something like that.

Oh, that's hard work, isn't it?

It is, it's hard work, yes.

Very physical.

Is it OK to have a look underneath, or...?

Yes.

Yeah, yeah, we can just lift up this skirt, as they call it.

It feels... feels naughty doing that.

So it's made of a willow frame, yeah?

Yes.

And part of the tradition is that it's very little, if any, metal used in the construction of it.

There may be, in this frame, about three or four nails.

But the rest of it is held together by tape and string.

And I did hear mention of a little bit of glue.

Oh dear, well, we'll keep very quiet about that, shall we?

How do you learn to move with it?

I think the movement becomes natural.

It's the beat of the music and it gets you going.

There are certain moves which are traditional, like the bowing.

When you get to a young lady or whatever, you will see the horse will stop and it will bow.

But it also seems to sort of rock from side to side...

It's...

Yes, it's... ..as well as going forwards.

It's quite kind of hypnotic.

It's almost a sort of skipping inside.

And that's why it takes so many people to carry it during a day.

VO: Bonkers!

No wonder it's as popular as ever.

VO: Time now to return to our usual hobby horse.

You know, buying antiques and then trying to make some profit on them at auction?

VO: Because Pearl and Raj are about to arrive in nearby Minehead hoping to do just that.

That looks great.

Brilliant.

VO: With just over £300 left in their pockets.

Thank you.

Hiya.

Hi there.

I'm Pearl, lovely to meet you.

Nice to meet you too.

I'm David.

Hello David.

PEARL: Hi David.

DAVID: Hi Raj, how're you?

VO: Nice shop, David.

I think Antiques Etc might be just the place for our Pearl.

I really really love this table.

I love the little droplets or the crystals, and the fact that it's Georgian.

So it 295.

Yeah, it's quite expensive.

I don't know whether it can make money in the auction.

I mean, I think for me it's brilliant.

And I've got lots of places I could put it, but I'm just not sure... Hm, I'm not sure, I'm gonna have a look at other things.

VO: What's Raj been up to?

Because I've got Pearl with me and she's really into textiles, this is what I think looks like a really nice screen.

It's quite unusual, it's got £48 on the ticket.

You know, if we could get this for sort of 35, £40, I think this would be a good buy.

But I'm not an expert on textiles and so I'm gonna call Pearl in.

Pearl, come and have a look at this.

We are going to London.

What do you think... PEARL: Yeah.

..of this screen?

No, I love it.

Straight away?

Yeah, straight away.

I love screens, I have them all over my house.

RAJ: Really?

PEARL: Yeah.

I love them.

And I think they're the sort of trendy thing in London that would sell.

Do you think so?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I mean, what period would you say this material is?

It doesn't look terribly old.

Possibly 50s maybe?

Well, shall we ask David?

Oh, yeah.

David, can we have a word?

What sort of period do you think this screen is?

Well, I think it's 1930s.

Do you?

The woodwork and the way the metal hinges are constructed, it's very reminiscent of that period.

You've got £48 on it.

What could be the best?

Uh, the best is gonna be 40.

I love it.

We've got to get it.

Fine.

Shake the man's hand.

OK.

Thank you.

For £40, fantastic.

Thank you very much.

Thank you, £40.

VO: That was decisive.

Anything else that'll never fit in the boot?

So cute.

I mean, I know it's not old.

It's just so sweet.

I think we'll make a profit on this because it's a little dressing table and it's very pretty and it's a good price.

I think 55 on this we will make.

Because I think people are prepared to pay a bit more with things like dressing tables.

I think this is a bargain.

I think I'm gonna go for this one.

Raj?

Yup?

I actually have a gut on this.

And I think, even at 55, we would make money.

Cuz I think somebody would quite happily pay 95 for a dressing table.

It's a piece of furniture.

I know it's 90s, but let's think about this.

I like the look of it.

I think it's got an appealing look and if we are selling in Southgate, I think...

I think it will really go.

..it's got a chance but I think we need to see what we... OK, fine, fine.

..the best we get.

David?

VO: Here he is.

We've found this little dressing table.

Oh right, yes.

What do you know about it?

I only know it's about 1990s.

That's vintage now.

It is, yes, yes.

VO: A sobering thought.

It's a good size.

It's so small it would fit in anywhere really.

You've got 55 on the ticket.

Yes.

What could be the best?

The best really is gonna be 40.

40?

40.

Yeah, I quite like...

I think... Yeah?

I think 40's good.

Yeah, you happy with that?

Yeah.

Yeah.

I mean, I do too.

I think 40's... We need to haggle a bit more?

No.

No, no.

Oh, OK. Are we agreed?

£40?

Yeah, yeah.

Thank you.

Thank you very much indeed, thank you.

That's brilliant.

VO: They have made a fruitful start.

Come on, Pearl, let's go.

VO: Must be time to join the others in the pub.

What attracted you to Somerset?

There's so much I love about it.

I love the countryside.

I don't know, it's just a really friendly place.

I just love the fact that there is no parking tickets, there's no traffic.

The only annoying thing on the school run is the fact that there will be a tractor and you'll be stuck behind it and you'll be late for school.

But... Well, that's a nice problem to have, isn't it?

VO: Plus there's all those lovely folk traditions.

Like Brit pop, pagan style!

Here they are, look.

ALL: Hello!

We haven't missed you dancing, have we, James?

I've missed you!

VO: At the Blazing Stump folk club, they don't need a horse to have fun.

Woo!

VO: Sleep tight.

VO: Next day finds them even deeper in rurality.

Should we be going backwards?

No, we should be going forwards.

VO: Yeah, come on James, welly it!

Nice wheel spin!

Thank ye, thank ye.

VO: Yesterday it was Pearl and Raj setting the pace.

They lead 4-1 in terms of items bought.

So do you think you're a good haggler?

Well, I think I am quite.

But the thing is it's all like a great big imaginary bubble.

Because with antiques the prices are imaginary.

Yeah.

You know, if you're haggling against an imaginary price... Yeah.

..then that whole thing becomes sort of slightly surreal.

So it's almost like you are living in a surreal bubble... Yeah, it's true.

..of performance art.

It's like a performance art, the haggling.

VO: I love it when we have cerebral celebs on.

This is art!

Mariella said so.

Later they'll be heading up to that London for an auction in Southgate.

But the first stop today is in Axminster.

Well, once they've been teamed up again, that is.

Good morning.

Good morning, good morning.

MF: Hi!

JAMES: Morning, partner.

We'll just let them.

We don't need to kiss.

We know we're close.

She's rather worried.

We've got one tiny little thing and we've spent, like quite a wad of money on it.

And they've got... Well, we've only been to one shop.

..four, four things at £175.

We went to a shop no bigger than that car.

It's true.

I tried to tell her that but she's still a little bit smug.

I'd like to see what you've got.

Go on.

Are you ready for this?

Yeah, I'm ready.

Oh, lovely.

Let's see.

Lovely.

JAMES: That's lovely.

Lovely box, yeah.

Is it a jewelry box?

No.

No, no, it's a medicine chest.

Oh, that's lovely.

Lovely piece of walnut... Yeah.

..it's got gilt metal.

The handle sort of... Military... ..draws... RAJ: ..lovely, yeah.

No, the handle's rubbish.

Later handle.

Oh, is it a later handle?

Oh, here we go, here we go.

Course it is!

I think you bought it for 45.

We got it for less.

JAMES: Yes!

MF: Well done.

MF: Well done!

JAMES: How much less?

BOTH: 40.

Oh, so he was in the right ballpark.

Do you want to see something really spectacular?

OK, come on.

Something really beautiful?

I'm talking priceless.

Oh, look at that.

Look at that!

RAJ: Oh, it's a blanket.

Look at that.

No, it's more than a blanket, mate.

MF: It's not the blanket!

PEARL: I can't see it.

Oh, sorry.

I can't... Oh, there it is, there it is.

It's Norwegian.

It's Norwegian, yes.

This is Scandi.

Do you like the heads?

I do, I do like it.

Look at the heads.

Do... Oh!

VO: Butterfingers!

Sabotage!

VO: Better say something nice now.

RAJ: It's really pretty.

MF: Do you like it?

RAJ: Yeah, I do like it.

JAMES: It's a one-toothed... MF: I'm so pleased.

..dragon.

That is lovely actually.

It is nice.

So how much did you pay for it?

I'm not telling you.

How much do you think?

What do you think, Raj?

I would have thought somewhere between... What?

RAJ: 40 and £50.

I would've... JAMES: No.

..thought that would be nice.

He is a...

He's a mind reader.

He's a genius, isn't he?

I'm just counting...

Yes.

..on there being a Norwegian at the auction, or someone with sort of vaguely Scandi connections.

Well, you've picked the right thing, because Norwegians are very well known for making beautiful silver pieces.

JAMES: Are they?

RAJ: Yeah.

Yeah.

Pearl...

Brilliant.

I think we've got some catching up to do.

Shall we... We've gotta get shopping.

Get on with a bit of shopping?

Come on, let's get on.

Let's go.

Great.

Have a good day, see you later.

MF: Thank you!

PEARL: Good luck.

VO: Time to get out of the storm.

Bye.

VO: Even the bronze livestock are lying down.

Now, anything to get off their chests?

I was wondering what you thought of that box really?

I love the walnut.

I like the gilt metal handles.

The top handle was a...

It bothered you, didn't it?

..replacement.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And do you think that'll, you know, severely impact on the sale price?

Which is all we care about, really.

I think it will.

OK, well we've slagged off the competition, but they have bought four things... JAMES: I think... ..isn't it?

Yeah.

And they're going like... And they've only spent £175.

And we have got, in the boot of this car, one small silver brooch.

I don't think we're sort of coming to this from a position of strength are we?

No.

VO: Good point.

But another day's shopping awaits.

Beginning in Axminster, now wholly in Devon.

But only since 1844, when the magnificently titled Counties (Detached Parts) Act reclaimed it from neighboring Dorset.

In we go, hello, hello.

VO: Time to meet Richard.

Hello.

How many floors do you have?

Uh, two floors.

Two floors.

Shall I go upstairs and scout?

OK, yeah.

And I'll leave you downstairs.

You could do with the exercise.

JAMES: Thank you.

MF: I'll stay down here.

VO: So lots of room at The Old Chapel and lots of cash.

£355.

I used to own that.

VO: Along with 40 million others.

Anyway.

It's amazing that an old album sells for more now than it used to cost when it first came out new.

VO: What about her old china plate?

Now, these used to be terribly fashionable.

These nice blue and white transfer meat platters.

This one is the European idyll of a Chinese landscape.

And we've got this rather nice pavilion here.

We've got these rather decorative bridges.

Islands, the willows.

Lovebirds up here.

And stylized trees.

And all done with this transfer...

So rather like that little tracing paper, you'd transfer the cobalt blue design onto the ceramic, you fire it and then you glaze it.

And this pattern is repeated all over the place.

It's so popular.

£15.

VO: Meanwhile, Mariella has also gone a bit oriental.

Pearl would definitely like this.

I think that's rather nice actually.

It's got some age to it.

Oh, look how delicate it is.

I'm very worried about this.

No, get lost, James.

I've actually seen something dainty and feminine that you wouldn't understand.

VO: Charming!

But I think that's really really... That's pretty, isn't it?

..pretty.

I like the peacock feathers.

Isn't it amazing, nature?

Look at the iridescence.

Yeah, and the color.

How old do you think it is?

I would think that it's sort of 20s, 30s.

I think it's earlier than that.

Do you?

I think it's quite Victorian in a way, this piercing.

Any damage?

VO: Yeah, it's a bit tatty.

Have you seen anything else?

Because while I was upstairs, can I show you, I've found a sign?

Have you?

A sign.

VO: Ah, that sort of sign!

Nicely agricultural.

I wonder if she'll approve.

I love it.

Signs are quite trendy now.

I think it's really funky.

I think it'd look brilliant in a big sort of industrial looking kitchen.

Nitrovit.

Have you seen a price on it?

I haven't seen a price...

I really like that.

..which is rather nice, isn't it?

It's got a great frame to it.

Right, shall I call Richard?

I'm gonna call Richard.

Oh, but what if it's not for sale?

Of course it's for sale, everything's for sale.

Richard?

Hello.

Could... Could we beg your presence?

Now Richard, I like your Nitrovit.

Yes, it's quite a good find.

Animal feed sold here.

Well, I like that nibbled edge.

Mm.

They got very hungry, they must've run out...

They did, they ended up having a chew on the end.

Can I just say, when it comes to bargaining, is it a good idea to show as much enthusiasm as you are showing right now?

No.

I mean, I would...

Personally, I would go "Oh, I'm quite interested in that sign"... Yeah.

Do you?

.."I mean, it's quite... Yeah.

It's a bit knackered, isn't it?

But..." Nibbled.

Yeah.

I mean, I've seen better, but, uh, has it got a price on it?

Just in case.

It hasn't got a price, but I might be willing to sell it.

It's a display piece really.

Just cuz it looks good.

It looks good, doesn't it?

And what sort of, you know, pricewise?

You know?

Is that 40 or 60 quid?

What is it?

MF: What?

RICHARD: Um... Have you lost your mind?

I was gonna go up a bit more, but...

I...

Listen, I've got the money in my pocket and I'm not... No way is it.

No way, no.

Um, I was gonna say about fiftyish.

JAMES: Fiftyish.

RICHARD: Fiftyish.

Fiftyish.

Yes.

And I was gonna say about thirtyish.

Really?

Yeah.

I mean, It's only an old piece of wood with a bit of painting on it, ..isn't it really?

VO: Harsh but fair.

Well, it's local history.

It comes from... JAMES: Is it?

..round here.

Yes.

JAMES: A local farm?

MF: Does it?

Yeah, it came from a local farm, so... Ah, lovely.

Yeah, yeah.

So, what would you take for it?

I would quite like that.

What did you say?

30?

MF: Did I?

RICHARD: Did you?

Gosh, it's so much!

Well, if you think you could do something with it then you can have it for 30.

Oh, lovely.

Aw!

Isn't he sweet?

VO: Thanks, Richard.

I think that's a very good buy, that, at 30.

VO: So, while Richard retires, is there anything else up here?

Made of oak, beautifully carved.

Look at that shell back.

Yeah.

Stylized scallop shell.

This is a classic hall chair and will come in pairs.

Early Victorian so 1830, 1840, something like that.

VO: Not what it says on the label.

Price £90.

Do you think that they've got 1930s cuz it's sort of scallop shell?

Maybe.

It has a sort of deco feel.

Yeah.

Are you sure, like, it's not...?

Am I sure?!

Are you sure?

Years of experience.

But would you want to buy that?

I wouldn't mind buying it.

VO: Sounds like Mariella remains to be convinced.

It's very stylish.

It's definitely quite unique.

Quite unique.

Let's have a little bit more of a look around.

VO: So they may or may not buy a chair.

That's quite trendy.

This?

Yeah.

How much is that?

45.

What's underneath that?

Is that just wicker or was that glass underneath?

No, I think it's just wicker.

That is so cool, isn't it?

That's cool.

JAMES: London would love that... MF: Yeah.

..wouldn't they?

Very difficult to date these sort of things.

I think that's... don't you think that's about 70s?

It must be 70s, mustn't it?

I'd say that's 70s.

Just...

So it's got a metal frame underneath... Yeah.

..in there.

Oh, it's got a bulb at the top.

VO: He can't seem to work out which end is which.

Well, how does it stand up, then?

No, you pillock.

The bulb is facing upwards, OK?

JAMES: Oh, I see!

MF: Yes, yes.

So it lights that way.

Yes.

So you get a warm glow.

You get a warm glow.

It's fate, if it works we'll buy it.

OK. VO: Well, that's one way of deciding, I suppose.

One, two, three.

Yes!

Yes!

Well done.

We're having it.

You see.

MF: We're having it, perfect.

JAMES: Whatever age it is.

VO: Here they come.

Got my trophy here.

Your Belfast jacket... Look, Richard, I've found something else that's caught my eye.

Oh, well, that's different.

It may surprise you that I've taken a liking to this cuz really it's only an old bit of wicker, isn't it?

It is.

And it's probably not that old either.

VO: She's definitely warming to the role.

It's got 45 on it at the moment.

It's quite a lot, isn't it?

For a brand new wicker standing lamp.

We don't know if it's brand new, we don't want to...

Shut up.

VO: Lordy!

Shut up, honestly!

Um.

What about 20?

MF: Yes.

RICHARD: Yes?

JAMES: Taken.

RICHARD: Alright.

Taken.

I'm not even gonna haggle.

JAMES: What about my hall chair?

Do you think we should have a go at my hall chair as well?

JAMES: Or not?

MF: Alright.

If it could be a...

I'll bring it.

I like that clock.

You stay, you chat... That's just yours, isn't it?

You chat to Richard.

I'm kind of a...

I like the jumper he's wearing.

You can buy those in You like my jumper as well.

Argos!

VO: Bring on the actual antique.

90 on that, remember.

Do you know, Richard, you can go large on the price of this chair cuz he's smitten.

He's absolutely besotted.

I like the attribution, 1930s.

There's a bit of discrepancy about the date.

Are you confident about the 1930s?

No, no.

Not at all.

I think it's definitely early 19th century.

So 1830s.

I'll give you £40 for it.

No problem, right now, I've got the cash in my pocket.

JAMES: Could you do 40?

RICHARD: Yes, go on.

VO: What a team!

80,90.

VO: So with the sign as well, they now have as many lots as their rivals.

For a bit less.

That was quite a satisfying shopping experience, wasn't it?

Three.

Three items.

Yeah.

Three items.

We've done... Three items in the bin.

MF: We've done well.

JAMES: We're doing very well.

Look, I'm going to let you open the door for me... JAMES: No pressure.

..as well.

Yeah.

I'm just trying to show viewers how it was done in the 19th century.

19th century.

This is what a feminist looks like!

VO: Crikey!

It's amazing what time spent with a strong woman can do.

VO: It might even rub off on Raj.

One of your daughters is a very well known model, isn't she?

Yeah, yeah, Daisy.

She's actually a really lovely human being.

She's gonna do a lot more in her life.

And then I've got a little one who is 13, called Betty.

She is a bit of a rebel already.

So it definitely runs in the family, then?

Yes.

VO: Those two are taking time off from the treasure seeking in the Blackdown Hills near the village of Wambrook where they've come to learn about a feminist icon and animal welfare champion from the chief executive of the Ferne Animal Sanctuary, Elaine Hayes.

RAJ: Hello there.

ELAINE: Hello Raj.

RAJ: Hi.

ELAINE: Lovely to meet you.

PEARL: Hello.

ELAINE: Hello Pearl.

BOTH: Lovely to meet you.

VO: The sanctuary, which has now been caring for unwanted animals for 80 years, was created by Nina Duchess of Hamilton and Brandon, one of the very first animal rights activists.

We were in a totally different world then.

I don't think people understood that animals should have rights like humans do.

And so they were very much tools for doing jobs.

So whether that be your horse in the field, whether that be your dog, and people weren't as aware that it was really important that animals needed to be well cared for.

PEARL: Right.

So really long before Ferne was set up, she was already working on animal welfare issues.

VO: The duchess had a reputation as a doughty campaigner against cruelty and experiments on animals when the outbreak World War II presented her most formidable challenge to date.

ELAINE: It wasn't possible for people to take animals into air raid shelters.

That must have been so dangerous.

Incredibly dangerous, both for the animals and for their owners.

The government actually put together a pamphlet which advised animal owners to euthanize their animals because of the worry about there not being enough food.

And some 750,000 were killed as a result of that first pamphlet being put out.

Wow.

VO: The government's actions, although perfectly understandable when faced with the threat of an imminent Nazi invasion, caused quite an upset amongst animal lovers and led indirectly to the founding of the sanctuary.

So, while Raj helps out in the barn, Pearl's about to learn more.

On hearing the plight of the animals, Nina rushed down to London.

And this is the announcement that was made on the BBC... PEARL: Ooh.

..by her.

"We are anxious to have the names and addresses of people who can offer free accommodation for other people's animals.

Addresses and particulars should be sent to the Duchess of Hamilton, Animal Defence House, 15 St James's Place, London."

VO: The public immediately took her at her word.

Basically she ended up completely overwhelmed with animals that needed care.

So there is a very good story that says that when she came back to her London home one day there were various dogs tied to her railings and even a parrot on the steps.

She then decided that she would actually take them in, because that was a promise that she'd made.

And so in fact she took them to her country home in Shaftesbury in Dorset so that they could be looked after.

And basically they took over the house and the grounds and everywhere else.

Wow.

VO: It's estimated that the estate looked after an astonishing 6,000 animals during the war.

So, as a result of her work she decided to establish Ferne Animal Sanctuary, which she did with a good friend of hers called Molly Atherton.

And as the world moved on and motorized transport took over from horse power, so she took in the horses from Paddington Council, who were all shires who were going to be destroyed.

And so the work has just continued from there.

She was a brave woman who stood up to be counted as a woman.

She stood up for animal rights at a time when animal rights hadn't even been thought of as an issue.

And her legacy lives on where we look after and take in animals when people can't cope.

So this story has a happy ending?

Yes, well, I think you're stood in part... PEARL: Yeah, that's right.

..of that happy ending.

VO: Meanwhile, elsewhere in Somerset, our other pair are hot foot to their final shop.

What are you looking forward to doing?

I'm looking forward to spending another couple of hours with you in this beautiful...

Same, same.

..car, having fine conversations about big, important issues of the day.

Yeah, yeah.

Like what we're going to have for dinner.

Yeah, exactly.

VO: Seems to have strayed a bit off message after that fine start they made earlier.

So we've got miracle of light.

Yes.

We've got a cool sign and we've got... we've got an antique.

The chair.

Yes.

That's a certifiable antique.

It is.

I couldn't believe that it said 1930s when it was actually 1830s.

You came in so handy all of a sudden.

I know.

You see, that's... Who knew?

That's where expertise, brains, wisdom... Don't milk it.

I just made you the tiniest... Tiniest compliment.

..sliver of a compliment, so accept it with grace.

VO: Oh!

It's a rollercoaster with those two.

Mariella and friend are soon to arrive in Crewkerne, otherwise pronounced crook-ern.

The town on the river Parrot, which, back in 899, was left in the will of King Alfred the Great to his youngest son Aethelweard.

Last shop.

Last shop!

This is it, here we go!

VO: Yep, you ready, James?

Out you come.

I'm going to try to perfect this.

I'll never stop loving watching you do this.

Pop!

It's just so exhausting, isn't it?

VO: And... he's free!

It's that last lift.

There we are, stop laughing.

VO: Oh, alright then.

Once they've actually got inside the Antiques Bazaar, they'll have over £250 left to spend.

How about 123, the contemporary look?

I think they've just been made.

It's not called shopping trip, is it?

Yeah.

VO: Spoken like a true media professional.

MF: I've seen something really good.

Look, how would you like to see me in that?

That's very smart, isn't it?

Looks slightly stained.

There we are.

What's a bit of staining between friends?

VO: Indeed.

MF: Well, maybe I'd like to see you wearing that.

Well, that's all part of the emancipation of... What is it, emancipation?

Yes, yes, you're going to be... Am I supposed to be emancipated?

..a new man, emancipated, liberated.

I'd like to see you wearing that and sliding into the E Type.

VO: DVD extras, perhaps?

Ah, look who's turned up!

Here we are.

Wow.

Our last shop.

Exciting.

Oh, they're here already.

Oh no.

VO: Good luck, everyone.

We never looked at the candlesticks.

No, I don't like the candlesticks.

You don't like them?

Oh, hello.

RAJ: Aah.

JAMES: Aah.

Ah, say no more.

RAJ: Uh-huh.

VO: Quite.

We've got a lot of money left... Have you?

..and not enough things.

Ooh.

But you've got four things.

Yeah, we've got four.

We've just got to buy one big thing.

How many things... That's the same as us.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

VO: Keeping it nice and convivial.

Can't follow me, go back.

James, tell her to go away.

JAMES: Go away.

MF: Go away.

No, I can't... VO: I wonder who's going to bag first?

Wow, I love it.

Raj?

Yeah?

Look at this.

It's got daisies on it.

After my daughter.

After your daughter.

No, no, but I just think it's kind of...

It's quite sweet, no?

Painted stuff goes for quite a lot of money.

This is kind of like bargeware.

It's been repainted, but, uh... What era... RAJ: How does it open?

..do you think it is?

Yeah, there you go.

Yeah, I mean it is an old one.

It is.

It is an old one that's been repainted.

Normally bargeware's got much brighter colors.

But it's in the style of bargeware.

VO: Bargeware, the folk art of canal dwellers.

This would have been the sort of thing they would have taken, painted and sold.

Wow.

The more I think about it, it's definitely a contender.

Yeah, 75.

It's quite nice and it's the sort of thing I think would sell.

PEARL: It would sell.

RAJ: It would sell in London.

There's so many Daisies.

It's one of the most popular names.

Do you know what I mean?

Yeah.

I think this should be a contender.

OK. Yeah.

I really like that.

But I would be estimating, even tops, 40 to 60.

So really we want to be buying it around 30, maybe even 40, take a gamble?

My gut is I wanna get that.

VO: Jolly good.

Looks like the others may finally be getting serious as well.

It's a Shona sculpture, so it comes from southern Africa.

I think they actually come from Zimbabwe.

And I think they're very... That's soapstone.

..simple, yeah.

JAMES: That's soapstone.

MF: Is it?

It's quite easy to work.

Amazingly good condition, in a way.

And they've obviously colored it with a sort of bronzy, aubergine... Yeah, which is the same as the woman... JAMES: Is it?

..that I have at home, yeah.

Is it a similar feel to this, your one?

It feels like that, but she's actually kneeling and she's naked and she's kneeling and it's really beautiful.

VO: Zimbabwean stone sculpture is a relatively recent phenomena.

Not traditional, but modern and quite striking.

I quite like it.

It certainly passes the Braxton weight test, it's lovely.

VO: The ticket price is £95.

Imagine that in a kind of London pad.

And I like the fact it's called eternal love, that's very romantic.

JAMES: Very... Like you and me.

What we've discovered... JAMES: Exactly.

..these last couple of days.

Exactly.

I'll get the man, you stay here, guard it.

VO: Anthony's not very far away.

We wanted to show you this.

Right.

This Shona stone... Show you, yes.

..sculpture.

Heavier than it looks.

It is.

But yeah, it's a beautiful thing, isn't it?

Something that...

It's quite nice.

..you might fall for.

Is it?

It's quite nice.

Quite... Quite nice, yeah.

Quite nice, yeah.

And I was wondering vaguely how much it might be sold to me for.

What's the best price you do?

I'm sure they would knock £20 off, sort of 75.

I'm thinking... 45... Go on.

..50 max.

OK. Shall I give them a call and see what we can do?

That would be brilliant.

OK, lovely.

Yes, thank you.

If I pop that... MF: Thank you.

..back up there a minute, I will get hold of them and come and find you.

Fantastic, thank you very much.

That's really good, thank you.

VO: Back to the bargeware box.

It seems that the dealer lives just around the corner.

VO: Handy.

RAJ: OK, let's go.

VO: So Raj and shopkeeper Jan are about to make a house call.

JAN: Hello.

RAJ: Hello, hello, hello.

We couldn't get you by phone so we thought we'd come.

We couldn't get you on the phone, so I decided to come to see you in person, right?

Oh my gosh.

Hello, I'm Raj.

Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you too.

Now, you have got a painted old tin.

I'm with Pearl Lowe, who's a designer.

OK. And she loves it.

And one of the reasons why she loves it is because it's painted with daisies and her daughter is called Daisy.

Aah!

So we'd like to make you an offer, OK?

OK.

It's a one-off offer of £40.

Sounds perfect.

You're happy with that?

Yep.

Really.

Absolutely?

We'll shake hands.

Thank you.

VO: What a nice lady.

Over to the others in much more traditional surroundings.

MF: So, Anthony.

Well, I've spoken to Steve, who is the owner, and he has said yes, £50 he would accept.

What do you think?

It's uncharted waters for me but it feels in my, you know... VO: Diaphragm?

He's reluctant to say gut.

In his heart.

I think, in my heartfelt feeling, I feel that could be a winner.

Yeah.

I really love it.

So shake the man's hand.

For £50... yeah, well done.

Thanks.

I'm shaking your hand, Anthony, and I'm shaking Steve's hand by proxy.

Right.

I will pass that on to... Yeah, yeah.

..Steve.

MF: Thank you very much.

Thank you.

It's... it's the shake of love.

The shake of love.

The Shona!

VO: Well said.

Wonderful.

VO: Now, with our shopping complete... PEARL: Was so much fun.

JAMES: So much fun.

Let's hope everything does well at the auction.

We'll see you there.

JAMES: See you there.

ALL: Bye!

VO: Well, here we are.

After all that bucolic ballyhoo, we're about to get serious in "norf" London.

Today, when I looked at the list of things I'd bought, I'm really pleased with them.

So actually I don't care if nobody else likes them.

And in fact, if nobody bids for them I'll just take them home.

That can't be cheating.

Are you allowed, though?

I'm not sure you're allowed.

Were you like this at school?

Cuz you would have really got on my nerves.

Are you allowed, though?

Are you allowed?

Oh Mariella, are you allowed to be behind the bike shed smoking that cigarette?

VO: Incorrigible!

They mostly shopped in Somerset, but the "dezider" will take place at the sale room in Southgate.

With internet bidding.

The E Type.

The gruesome twosome.

Straight... straight in.. PEARL: Oh!

VO: Good brakes.

Hello ladies.

At least I've missed the brick wall.

Right, how are we supposed to get out of the car?

How are you?

Lovely to see you.

How are you?

You alright?

Yeah, I'm good.

Good.

Looking forward to it?

PEARL: Come on then.

Yup.

RAJ: You sure?

Yeah, I'm excited!

You excited?

We gonna win?

Quite excited.

Do you think we'll do well?

Do you think we've got a chance in hell?

..course we will.

Brimming, brimming!

I've seen their lots, we're alright.

VO: Oh yeah?

Not keen on the vintage, apparently.

Hideous was the word used.

That's right up your street, isn't it?

VO: Pearl spent a mere 215 of her £400 on five auction lots.

While Mariella parted with even less, just 185, also on five lots.

But whilst they eye yet more purchases... ..let's get the pre match thoughts of mustachioed maestro Bill Carroll.

Go, Bill.

I've seen better, but I've also seen worse.

There's the medical chest.

It's got its original key with it, which always helps.

So it only needs two people to put the price up.

I've got concerns about the rattan lamp stand.

I'd be very surprised, let's say, if it sells.

But stranger things have happened.

The bargeware chest, hand-painted, could do well.

There's a lot of interest already and we have a bid.

So watch this space.

VO: Oh!

We will!

No sense in looking away now.

Ooh, I'm so excited.

I'm overexcited, I'm boiling like a kettle.

VO: Like a Scandinavian silver one, eh?

Your brooch is first to the hammer, ma'am.

No, it's very on trend.

Yeah.

Jewelry does well here.

Very on trend.

I've a starting bid of £20.

See, I told you.

25.

30.

35, 40.

45.

£40 I have, all done at £40, then?

45, 50?

50.

Yay!

BILL: 55.

RAJ: Well done.

60.

65.

£60 I have.

60.

Well done, sir.

All done at £60?

It's gonna go at £60.

Wahey!

Well done... Yay!

Good start!

Well done.

Good start, well done.

VO: 1-0 to Norway!

Mariella, very good negotiator.

Tough.

Yeah.

Is she?

Slightly embarrassing at times.

VO: Very good on the telly too, Although not this one obviously.

Pearl's first lot.

I mean, the fact it's not working, I know that's what you're going to bring up, aren't you?

Well, I mean, obviously that would seem to be a bit of a drawback, to have a TV sitting in the room that you can't switch on.

Now, HD ready I'm told.

Anyway, £50 I have, 55 surely?

55, 60.

All done at 55, is there 60 now?

All done at 55... Well done.

..is there 60?

Another bid, surely?

Yeah.

Calling at...

Yes?

No?

Yes!

£55, for the very last time at £55.

It's gotta go at... MF: No, but it's OK. ..£55 now.

Cuz you get your money back.

That's so rubbish.

VO: No.

Really, it's not.

Long way to go.

I kind of don't understand this game that well.

Aw, Pearl, don't worry.

It's not a game, that's the first thing you need to know.

VO: Just like Mariella's sculpture is not in fact a steering wheel.

Auctioneer, please.

Soapstone carving, eternal love.

Aw!

Eternal love.

That's what I feel for you, James.

Is there 30?

If it goes at a good price.

We have £25.

Is there 30?

All done at £25?

Is there 30?

35.

£30 we have.

Is there 35?

Come on.

It's a beautiful piece.

It's withering on the vine.

He doesn't introduce the Shona aspect.

At £35 now.

That's just rubbish.

A loss.

VO: Makes Pearl's break even look a bit more respectable, doesn't it?

But he didn't say what it was.

Doesn't matter, it's the rough and tumble.

It's the rough and tumble.

The rough and tumble.

RAJ: Yeah.

MF: Devastated.

VO: Whereas Pearl's bargeware style box needs no explanation.

I actually love trunks, though.

And it was a kind of metal one.

And yeah, I think because of Daisy.

But all the things we've bought have been because we want them.

Yeah.

My God, I've just seen a fishing bag.

I've gotta get that for my husband.

Everyone must have a fishing bag.

VO: Never mind that, back to the box!

I have a 35 starting bid on this.

That's alright.

Is there 40, surely?

Surely £40.

I've got 35.

All confidence is ebbing.

Oh, I want to bid for it.

Come on.

£40!

£40 on the internet.

Alright, one more, one more, one more.

All done at £40?

Is there 45?

45, yes.

50?

Yes.

At last, a profit!

You know you want it, sir.

At £45 45.

50 anywhere?

At £45 now.

Come on.

Well, it's our first profit.

£5.

Well done.

RAJ: We're not far behind.

PEARL: £5.

VO: Ah, the power of positive thinking.

They're clearly dealers who are buying it.

We have to go round and find them afterwards and buy them off them.

Mm, definitely.

I know.

We'll get all our stuff back.

VO: Time for Mariella and James' "Zummerzet zign"!

Signs are very fashionable at the moment.

They are.

Restaurants, pubs, they're all putting up signs.

BILL: £20 we have.

MF: What?

£20.

25, come on.

£25.

25.

30?

All done at 25?

Not all done.

£30.

Come on, £30.

All done at 25?

Gotta go... Come on, the internet.

Oh yes, signs are really popular.

All done at 25?

For the very last time, it's gonna go at £25 now.

Come on, come on.

He's even laughing, he's regretting it, I can see it.

Oh dear.

Well done.

A fiver?

Did you make a fiver?

No, we lost a fiver.

No, we lost.

VO: Perhaps the lack of farms hereabout was a problem?

That wasn't supposed to happen.

No.

That wasn't supposed to happen.

VO: Now, we've had a tiny telly, here's Pearl's big screen.

We have a bid of £30.

35, come on.

Come on.

All done at £30?

35, surely?

Nice screen, nice condition, nice decoration.

JAMES: Yeah.

BILL: £30?

Ooh.

That's bonkers.

All done at £30, then, for the very last time at £30 now?

No.

It's gonna go at £30.

I'm... VO: Flabbergasted Mariella?

That was a surprise.

I'm a bit upset about that.

That's so annoying.

Don't show him any weakness, cuz he'll see it.

He's straight in there.

Yeah, just ruthless.

Hones in on your vulnerability.

That's why they paired him with me, because they knew that there wasn't too much vulnerability to hone in on.

VO: Next up we have Mariella's favorite.

Not!

JAMES: It reminds me of sort of Botticelli's Birth Of Venus.

I can envisage a whole new painting, with James with just the clam chair behind him... ..fully resplendent in his nudity.

JAMES: Yeah.

RAJ: Really?

Anyone pay any money for that?

To see that?

Mariella, you wouldn't see much of the chair, RAJ: My goodness.

..that's the problem.

£65, 70.

75.

RAJ: Profit.

JAMES: Thank you.

BILL: 80.

JAMES: Thank you.

Are we all done at £75?

80.

80, ah, keep going, sir.

I can't bear it.

Keep going, sir.

If it goes up he'll be so smug.

85.

£80, and I have now... Take it to the three figures, shall we?

£85, all done at 85?

Lovely.

I don't mind if we do.

I love this auctioneer.

Love him.

Oh, well done, babes.

I'm gonna go at £85.

And now... Well done.

Aww!

Well done, James.

Well done you.

VO: Yes, the boy James done good.

Well done!

Who'd have thought it?

Do you know, I didn't want to buy it.

Honestly... Well done.

It's entirely down to James.

That's why you've got an expert.

VO: And coincidentally this box was very much a Raj find.

It's an antique, it's a proper antique.

Yeah, actually it's the one thing we bought that is an antique.

120, 130.

Wow!

All done at 120?

Clearing all bids.

130, 140.

130's in the room now.

£90, all profit.

That was very you.

£130.

The tension's building.

Yes!

It's got to go at £130.

Now 140.

150?

Oh yeah.

Go on, one more.

Go one more.

150.

PEARL: You're joking.

BILL: £150 now.

150!

For the very last time.

At £150.

It's gonna go at £150.

Yeah!

Well done you!

That was amazing!

VO: This just in - proper antiques are back!

Do you think it's a coincidence that the two pieces that you and I were slightly dubious about and our experts pushed us toward are the ones...

The ones, yeah.

..that have actually made the money?

I know, this is so you.

VO: Mariella's last lot is the 70s style lamp.

Who chose the rattan lamp?

We both did.

You both did?

That's so gentlemanly of you.

Well, I have to tell you... And I have 35.

Unbelievable.

40 now?

All done at 35?

Surely 40.

So nice that.

How can it go for just 30?

It will make history.

At £35, surely another bid.

Surely another bid on the lamp.

Surely another bid, it's so fashionable.

So exciting.

All done at £35?

Gotta go.

Nobody is as fashionable as us, that's the thing.

Now.

Darn!

That's a profit, that's a profit.

VO: It sure as heck is.

You can only play the cards you are dealt, can't you?

Absolutely.

Oh, I agree.

I'm not quite sure if that's a compliment or not, James.

VO: Finally we have Pearl's dressing table.

Vintage, apparently.

I love it so much, but it is 90s, it's not antique.

MF: I like the mixture of the metal and the rattan.

Yeah, the rattan is so, so...

It would go very well with my lamp.

Really?

It would.

It's a bit of a garden center feel about it, though.

Oh, that's cruel, James.

I have £75.

80.

Brilliant.

You're joking.

Are we all done at £75?

Come on.

£80, surely?

One more bid, it's only a fiver.

It's only a fiver, come on!

All done at £75?

I'm handing in my antique expert card.

They've definitely done brilliantly.

BILL: £75.

MF: Congratulations... PEARL: Thank you.

MF: That's proper profit.

No, you were... you were right about that.

You, what's wrong with you?

VO: Yes, daddio!

This is clearly where it's at.

Enough chatter, I think we should go and do the sums.

Yeah, I'm happy to do that.

Sums?

Let's go for a drink.

We'll just go for a drink then.

No, no, I think we should do the sums.

VO: Oh alright then, Raj.

If you insist.

VO: Mariella and James started out with £400 and after auction costs they made a small but very respectable profit.

They end up with £411.80.

VO: While Pearl and Raj, who also began with 400, made an even bigger profit, also after costs, which means their winning total is £476.10.

Well done!

All profits go to Children in Need.

Congratulations.

Ah, well done.

Well, you did really well.

Thank you, thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Can I just say that I think we've all done very well.

We have!

We've done very well.

MF: We haven't lost money.

PEARL: No!

And most important of all, we met you both... Ah!

..and we've had a really good time.

Yeah, I've had such a lovely time.

Could not have done it without you.

I couldn't have done it without you.

Your negotiating...

I have learnt a lesson.

James, be harder.

Use your tactics in your day job and not at home, my new feminist.

Thank you.

JAMES: OK, bye.

RAJ: Bye, ladies.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye bye.

ALL: Bye bye.

VO: Just enough time for one last jaunt in the Jag.

So have you enjoyed your antiques shopping?

I've loved the driving around with you bits.

PEARL: Aww!

MF: That's been fun.

But I think the one antique I might be tempted to buy out of all of this is this car.

I know.

No, it really suits you.

It does, doesn't it?

It does!

Do you think I could get it down to, like, 30 quid?

If I really bargain hard?

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