MAN: ♪ Martha was an average dog ♪ ♪ She went... and... and... ♪ (barking, growls) ♪ When she ate some alphabet soup ♪ ♪ Then what happened was bizarre... ♪ On the way to Martha's stomach, the letters lost their way.

They traveled to her brain, and now... ♪ She's got a lot to say ♪ ♪ Now she speaks... ♪ How now, brown cow?

♪ Martha speaks ♪ ♪ Yeah, she speaks and speaks and speaks ♪ ♪ And speaks and speaks... ♪ What's a caboose?

When are we eating again?

♪ Martha speaks... ♪ Hey, Joe, what do you know?

My name's not Joe.

♪ She's not always right, but still that Martha speaks... ♪ Hi, there.

♪ She's got the voice, she's ready to shout ♪ ♪ Martha will tell you what it's all about ♪ ♪ Sometimes wrong, but seldom in doubt ♪ ♪ Martha will tell you what it's all about ♪ ♪ That dog's unique... ♪ Testing, one, two.

♪ Hear her speak ♪ ♪ Martha speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks and... ♪ ♪ Communicates, enumerates, elucidates, exaggerates ♪ ♪ Indicates and explicates ♪ ♪ Bloviates and overstates and... ♪ (panting) ♪ Hyperventilates!

♪ ♪ Martha-- to reiterate-- Martha speaks.

♪ Wait.

One more thing.

The snow robot is complete.

Line up.

I want to take a picture.

MARTHA: Get one of ours, too!

Don't you just wish it would snow like this every day?

No school, no homework.

No electricity.

How do you figure that?

We'd be so busy shoveling snow that people wouldn't have time to do anything else.

We'd spend our days just trying to survive-- like cavemen.

Life would be really primitive.

Primitive?

"Primitive" means how people lived a long time ago-- without computers or writing or anything like that.

Cool!

I'd make a great caveman.

(grunts) Me TD.

Me invent tools.

Me discover fire.

(imitating): Only if TD have dog.

Can Snowy have his mouth back, please?

What do you mean, "Only if TD have dog"?

Well, you may not know it, but dogs invented tools.

In fact, we gave you humans lots of stuff: science, art, language.

Fleas.

I'm serious.

It's all in the Great Oral History of Dogs.

Every dog learns it when they're a pup.

Do you want to know how a dog helped people discover fire?

Sure.

I love listening to a good story.

Now, this was a long, long time ago, before there were books and leashes and canned dog food.

You mean in prehistoric times?

Yeah, that's it, prehistoric times.

Wait.

Prehistoric?

How can there be a time before history?

"Prehistoric" just means the time before people started writing stuff down.

Humans have been around for at least 200,000 years, but they've only been writing stuff down for about 5,000 or 6,000 years.

Everything before then is prehistory.

Do you want to hear the story or do you want to lecture?

Okay, it all started off with a bone.

Like this one, but much bigger.

Back in prehistoric times, there were these two kids: cave-girl "Huhh" and cave-boy "Tuhh."

They were always fighting, especially over bones.

They had a smart, good-looking cave-dog who looked after them and was always trying to get them to stop fighting.

If you two can't play nicely with the mammoth bone, then I'm just going to take it away.

But they were too primitive to understand language, so they didn't pay too much attention to her.

TRUMAN: Wait!

You're saying dogs talked before people?

Well, yeah.

Doesn't everyone know that?

But you only talk because you eat alphabet soup.

There wasn't any soup back then.

Or alphabets.

Well, eventually dogs stopped talking, but that's another story.

Anyhow, back to the story.

Okay, that's it!

I'm taking it away.

I'm going to bury this bone someplace so you two can't get at it.

Incidentally, that's why dogs started burying bones-- to keep them away from cave-boys and cave-girls who wanted to clobber each other.

Ahh!

Now, where were we?

(cave-kids grunting) But Huhh and Tuhh were sneaky cave-kids and kept digging up the bone.

Why can't you two be like Truhh and just draw??

Instead of fighting, bang these stones together.

I wonder who can bang the stone the hardest.

MARTHA: Huhh banged her stones so hard that one of them chipped, and the piece that fell off was flat and sharp-- the perfect tool for cutting things.

Tuhh banged his stones so hard that they created a spark, which flew into a pile of straw and started a fire.

That's hot!

Stand back!

I'll put it out with the... With this raw antelope meat.

(meat sizzling) (Martha sniffs) Hey, that smells pretty good.

ALL: Mmm...!

And that was how dogs gave humans tools, fire and grilling.

You really expect us to believe that dogs created civilization?

She didn't say anything about civilization.

Yeah, who's talking about civilization?

We just gave you all those things that separate dogs and people from other animals.

Like cats.

That's what civilization is.

Civilization is when you change from being primitive to being more modern.

It's when people start to make things like tools and art and philosophy.

Philosophy!

We invented philosophy, too.

Oh, let me tell you about it.

Back in Ancient Greece... "Ancient" means very, very old, by the way.

I know what "ancient" means.

Okay, just checking.

Back in Ancient Greece... there lived a grumpy guy named Socrates.

He became a philosopher because of his dog.

Philosophers are people who try to figure out what life is all about.

(sadly): Another beautiful day.

Why doesn't it make me happy?

MARTHA: He lived with a dog named Bonesthenes.

They got along all right, but Socrates was always getting upset over small things.

Hey, Socrates!

Lovely morning, isn't?

Uh-uh, wipe your paws.

Why?

Because if you don't, you'll get mud in the house.

Is that bad?

Yes.

Why?

Because I like to keep the house clean.

Why?

Because a clean house is nicer to live in than a dirty house!

Why?

Why do you ask so many infuriating questions?!

I don't know.

Why do you think I ask so many infuriating questions?

(screaming) MARTHA: Really Bonesthenes just did it to tease him.

But it was good for Socrates.

(screaming) He needed to lighten up.

Eventually all that questioning made Socrates want to study himself and find out what life is all about.

And that was the birth of philosophy.

Okay, that does not count as giving humans philosophy.

Why not?

Because you have to do more than just ask questions.

Why?

Because... Well, because...

I suggest you give up now.

(sighs) All right, you win.

Anyone for hot chocolate?

I can't find anyone named Bonesthenes in this book about Greek philosophers.

Oh, well, dogs don't care about getting credit in books.

They just want to help people with philosophy and science and stuff.

Plus, they can't read.

Hang on; "science," did you say?

Sure.

You've heard of Galileo, right?

Um...

He's the guy who found out about the falling objects, right?

Well, with a little help, yeah.

See, it started in the Italian city of Pisa.

Galileo was a really serious guy, and his dog, Skitaleo, was worried because Galileo never got any exercise.

Skitaleo had an idea.

Hey, Galileo, how about a nice game of catch?

Later, Skitaleo.

MARTHA: Skitaleo tried throwing the ball himself, but Galileo was too busy with his books and numbers.

Then he had another idea.

If he dropped the ball from up there, it would really get Galileo's attention.

So Skitaleo took the ball all the way to the top of the Tower of Pisa.

When Skitaleo got to the top of the tower, he saw that someone had left a bowling ball up there.

A bowling ball?

Yeah.

It was kind of like bowling.

The Italians called it "Noccadapinsdon."

But that's another story.

Anyway... Skitaleo was a very clumsy dog, and when he went to drop the ball, he also knocked the bowling ball down at the exact same time.

Oops-a-daisy!

MARTHA: Luckily, Skitaleo had the presence of mind to warn Galileo.

Hey, Galileo!

Heads up!

Huh?

MARTHA: Galileo looked up.

He saw that the two balls were falling at the same speed.

This gave him a tremendous idea.

Until then, people thought that heavy objects fell faster than light ones.

But Galileo discovered that heavy things and light things all fall at the same speed.

Eureka!

(grunts) (tongue lapping) Skitaleo!

You're a genius!

MARTHA: The rest of the day Galileo put down his books and played with Skitaleo.

They even did a little bowling.

(rumbling) But that didn't turn out so good.

Quick, walk this way.

This never happened.

Boy, that Galileo wasn't a very responsible guy.

I'll say.

He never once told anyone about Skitaleo.

Hang on.

Ancient dogs could talk?

Skitaleo could talk?

Why don't all dogs talk?

The reason dogs can't talk is because of Skitaleo's cousin, who lived in England around the same time.

His name was Sir Skits.

Sir Skits was walking along the street in London one day when he saw an unhappy young playwright sitting on the sidewalk.

Hey, Joe, whaddaya know?

My name's not Joe.

It's Will.

Well, you look like you could use a good scratch behind the ears.

Why the long face?

MARTHA: The playwright, whose last name was Shakespeare, told Sir Skits that he had promised the queen that he would put on a play.

But he had no idea what to write.

Luckily, Sir Skits had an idea.

How about writing a play about ham?

Ham?

Hmm...

I don't know if the queen likes ham.

Then how about a play about a prince named Ham who thinks his father was killed by his uncle and he sets about by various means, including pretending to be mad, to get his uncle to confess.

Then he talks to a skull and his girlfriend goes crazy and everyone gets in a big swordfight-- the end.

Hmm... skulls are cool.

MARTHA: So all night Sir Skits dictated and Mr. Shakespeare wrote.

Then Ham says, "To be or not to be, that is the question."

Hmm... You don't like?

No, no, I was just thinking it would be nice to have a ham sandwich about now.

Will!

You have to get going!

The queen!

It's not my fault.

You keep saying "Ham" all the time.

Oh, I know.

Call him Ham-let.

Hamlet?

Like a little town?

No-- no good.

You don't have time to be picky, Will.

Okay, okay.

So... MARTHA: They worked all night and finished the play.

The rest is silence.

(applause) MARTHA: It was a hit!

I like this "Will" guy.

He's like me.

But how did that stop the dogs from talking?

Whoa, I'm getting to that.

You see, after that, Sir Skits wrote all of the plays for his friend Shakespeare.

But it wasn't long before people started to suspect that something was up.

(choir singing) I'm glad you liked Macbeth, Your Majesty.

We especially liked that "tomorrow" speech.

How did it go?

Oh, um., "Tomorrow is, uh..." SIR SKITS: Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow Creeps in this petty pace from day to day, to the last syllable of recorded time.

MARTHA: Shakespeare didn't like being shown up by a dog.

So he talked to a powerful magician.

I just finished a new play.

If you do this for me, I'll put your name in it.

MARTHA: And so Prospero-- which was the magician's name-- put a spell on all dogs.

And then I wrote... (barking) MARTHA: And from then on, they couldn't speak, only bark.

But the joke was on Shakespeare, because he never wrote another play after that.

That's why dogs don't speak to this day.

I don't believe it.

Hey, you guys want to make a snow fort?

ALL: Yeah!

Dogs invented forts.

Really?

Oh, sure!

And they invented cocoa and parkas and even mittens.

I never knew about the mittens.

Well, you learn something new every day.

TRUMAN: They did not invent mittens!

HELEN: Relax, Truman.

Just have fun.

(horse neighs) I can't believe we mined this much gold in one day.

I know.

But I still say chicken nuggets are way better than gold nuggets.

Except you can't buy things with chicken nuggets.

What would you need to buy if you had chicken nuggets?

I'd never leave the chicken mine.

Never talk to a dog about money.

TD: That's right, don't miss out!

Look, it's mayor TD.

Howdy, folks.

I'm just out to let people know there's free ice cream at City Hall for the rest of the afternoon.

Whoa, Nelly!

Great.

We'll stop by as soon as we take our gold to the bank.

Great.

(clock chimes) Uh-oh, 4:00.

Looks like it's time for me to go do some mayor stuff.

See you later.

(panting) (bell clanging) TRUMAN: The bank has been robbed!

By aliens!

Hold it!

Aliens?

Sure, why not?

TD, we're making a Western, not a space movie.

Well, somebody has to rob the bank.

I know.

How about this?

(bell clanging) Who robbed the bank?

The Boxwood bandit must have struck again.

I hope the sheriff gets here soon.

Whoa, Buttercup.

Howdy, Sheriff.

It looks like your brother robbed the bank again.

Older brothers can be so annoying, especially when they're outlaws.

But don't worry, Sheriff Alice is on it.

Buttercup!

Whoa!

Somebody has to do something to stop that outlaw.

It looks like that somebody is us.

(clanging) Which way did he... Could you stop that?

Oh-- sorry.

Which way did he go?

Oh, he hasn't gotten very far.

He's over there.

(grunting and groaning) Gold is heavy!

I really should think about stealing something lighter next time.

Why didn't I think of that?

I'm stealing your wagon.

Help me put this gold in it.

ALICE: Stop right there!

You're going to jail.

Yeah, okay, just give me a minute, Sheriff, to catch my... (laughing) (grunts) (laughing): Good Buttercup.

The end.

I don't like it.

Why not?

An outlaw is the guy who breaks the law.

Why should I be the bad guy?

It's nothing personal, Ronald.

It's just that somebody has to play the outlaw in the movie.

We need to make a decision.

I have to get the video camera back to the library by the end of the afternoon.

If you're not going to play the outlaw, who do you want to play?

R.W.

Boxwood.

R.W.

Boxwood?

Yup!

He's a pioneer.

That means he was one of the first people to do something.

R.W.

Boxwood was the first person to live in Dogrush City.

Picture it.

RONALD: One day, pioneer R.W.

Boxwood is feeding his horse, when...

Strawberry milkshake!

(crowd chattering happily) CROWD: Hip-hip hooray, hip-hip hooray!

R.W., I want to thank you for being the pioneer who made Dogrush City the wonderful place it is today.

(crowd cheering) TD: I'd like to present you with the key to the city.

(cheering) R.W., it's Alice and her gang of bandits.

They're at it again!

(Alice laughs evilly) Older brothers are so clueless.

(horse neighing) Oh, no, he's coming!

No...!

Like that.

TRUMAN: That doesn't sound like much of a movie.

Yeah, Ronald.

It shouldn't just be about a pioneer millionaire.

But look at this face.

This is what the public wants to see.

(girls snickering) We've got these great costumes.

Maybe there should be some singing and dancing.

Maybe some singing aliens!

I don't think so, TD.

We've already decided there are no aliens in the movie.

I've got an idea.

What if the movie starts out... ...in the Lazy Dog Saloon.

(playing jolly music) ♪ Grab a seat that isn't taken ♪ ♪ Taste the best milk ever shaken ♪ ♪ Cool your heels and loosen up your belts ♪ ♪ You just need a coin or two ♪ ♪ We'll fill up a glass for you ♪ ♪ Then grab a straw before your milkshake melts.

♪ CROWD: ♪ Grab a straw before your milkshake melts.

♪ (song continues) ♪ Kick up your heels and loosen up your belts ♪ ♪ Then grab a straw before your milkshake melts.

♪ (song continues) ♪ Every glass is sure to please ♪ ♪ But not too fast or you'll get... ♪ ♪ Brain freeze.

♪ (song continues) (Alice groaning) (thunk) Milk.

Shake.

Let's see.

First I think I'll take down those lights.

Then I'm going to pave Main Street.

Yeah, I think I'll pave it.

What are you talking about?

Didn't you know?

I own this town.

(all gasp) See?

It says right here.

This town is property of R.W.

Boxwood.

This can't be right.

The mayor never would have signed this.

TD, why would you sign over the town to R.W.?

He had a comic book I really wanted.

I didn't think he'd actually shut down Dogrush City.

(sighs) Well, I guess this means R.W.

owns the saloon and the entire town.

And it's all legal, which means I'm no outlaw.

(slurping) (groans) You have 24 hours to clear out.

And keep the change.

Actually, I need to pay my meter.

I like it.

But what if there's a twist?

Like maybe there's someone else who'll be able to save the town, a different pioneer who's been out exploring the frontier.

Heeyah!

Heeyah!

Heeyah!

Well, I guess this is it.

Dogrush City was fun while it lasted.

It's not so bad.

We'll just have to go explore the frontier and find a new place to live.

Explore the what?

The frontier.

The frontier is where a lot of people don't live yet, where the towns end and the wide open land begins.

So we might have to start another town where there isn't one yet.

I can't believe it's all over.

I founded Dogrush City as a place for kids to have fun.

(sighs) Oh, well.

I guess I'll have to found another Wild West town.

If you already found another town, what's the problem?

Not "found" like "find"-- "found" like when you start something or create it, the way I founded Dogrush City.

Oh.

Well, Helen and I are looking to found a town, too.

Maybe we can be settlers together.

Okay.

(rumbling) What's that noise?

Hey, everyone, I'm back from my frontier travels.

I hate to break it to you, but this is my town now, and you're going to have to leave with everyone else.

According to this, I own the town and everything in it.

The mayor sold it to me.

But he sold it to me first.

For a comic book-- Gopher Patrol number 33.

Oh, yeah!

Such a good comic.

But-but... Sold it to me, too, by golly.

Mayor TD, how many people have you sold the town to?

I don't remember.

Well, I guess since we can't prove who owns it, Dogrush City is everybody's property.

(everyone cheers) ALIEN: Take us to your milkshakes.

TD, there were no alien settlers in the Wild West.

How do you know?

Aliens could have settled anywhere they wanted to.

Not in this movie.

Have you ever heard of an alien settler in a Western?

Well, no...

But I am not letting this cool alien mask go to waste.

The sooner you guys admit that having aliens in the movie would be cool, the sooner we can shoot it.

Come on.

It would make for the best showdown scene ever.

Ready?

Ready.

Go!

(slurping) (cheering) (slurping) Brain freeze!

Curses!

(crowd cheering) Yeah!

Whoo-hoo!

Go, TD!

Whoo-hoo!

And that's how I save the town.

Oh, brother.

TD, having aliens in the movie doesn't make sense.

Lots of cool things don't make sense.

Wearing your socks on the outside of your sneakers, for instance.

It just looks cool.

TD?

What time do we have to bring the camera back?

TD: 5:00.

That means we only have 15 minutes to shoot our movie.

TD: Well, what are we waiting for?

And... action!

(laughing) Whoa!

Ready?

Ready.

Go!

(slurping) Way to go, TD!

Awesome!

Ow!

Brain freeze!

Ahhh... Way to go, TD!

ALL: Whoa!

HELEN: I can't believe I'm saying this, but I really liked the part with the alien.

Me, too!

I was great!

Wasn't I?

Do you think this movie will make us famous?

I doubt it.

We're probably the only ones who'll ever see it.

But maybe our next one will be even better.

Ooh, let's do another one tomorrow!

Hey!

HELEN: What?

The DVD is gone.

That's weird.

Things like that don't just vanish.

That's what we'll do!

A mystery.

Something disappears.

TD: I'll be the detective!

HELEN: How about Martha?

She'd be a good detective.

(eerie whistling) ♪ ...too fast, or you'll get... ♪ (strange giggles) This is the best earthling movie I have ever seen.

ALL: ♪ Grab a straw before your milkshake melts!

♪ or check out your local library for the "Martha Speaks" books.

Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org