Martha was an average dog ♪ ♪ She went... and... and... ♪ (barking, growls) ♪ When she ate some alphabet soup ♪ ♪ Then what happened was bizarre.

♪ On the way to Martha's stomach, the letters lost their way.

They traveled to her brain, and now... ♪ She's got a lot to say ♪ ♪ Now she speaks... ♪ How now, brown cow?

♪ Martha speaks ♪ ♪ Yeah, she speaks and speaks and speaks ♪ ♪ And speaks and speaks.

♪ What's a caboose?

When are we eating again?

♪ Martha speaks... ♪ Hey, Joe, what do you know?

My name's not Joe.

♪ She's not always right, but still that Martha speaks.

♪ Hi, there.

♪ She's got a voice, she's ready to shout ♪ ♪ Martha will tell you what it's all about ♪ ♪ Sometimes wrong, but seldom in doubt ♪ ♪ Martha will tell you what it's all about ♪ ♪ That dog's unique... ♪ Testing, one, two.

♪ Hear her speak ♪ ♪ Martha speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks and... ♪ ♪ Communicates, enumerates ♪ ♪ Elucidates, exaggerates ♪ ♪ Indicates and explicates ♪ ♪ Bloviates and overstates ♪ and... (panting) ♪ Hyperventilates!

♪ ♪ Martha-- to reiterate-- Martha speaks.

♪ TD: Are you ready for a story that's bizarre?

It's odd how people keep disappearing.

It's kind of farfetched.

Strange is good.

We want strange.

Weird.

Wacky.

Odd.

TD: Watch out for these and other words-- words like "ordinary" and "normal."

Get ready for the strangest Martha story yet.

(thunderclap) (rocking chair creaks) (cries) I'm up!

I'm awake!

What's wrong with Jake?

I imagine he's not happy about going to bed.

"Imagine"?

Isn't that when you try and picture something in your head?

Mm-hmm.

Why imagine?

He's right in front of us.

Anyone can see he's not happy.

(burbles) (cries) Maybe Firedog Freddie can help.

"Firedog Freddie"?

It was my favorite bedtime story when I was little.

I loved this story so much.

Oh, never heard of it.

You weren't around.

Can you imagine?

We were actually a Martha-less home.

Helen had a fantasy of being a firehouse dog.

I used to pretend my tricycle was a fire truck.

Want me to read it to you, Jake?

(gurgles) "Firedog Freddie.

"Firedog Freddie was an adventurous fellow.

"He wore a hat that was red and a coat that was yellow.

"When the fire bell rang, "he jumped to his feet.

"He slid down the pole and roared down the street.

"He climbed up the ladder "with the hose and his mitt, and put out each fire lickety split."

(Martha snores) HELEN: Firedog Martha was the bravest dog around.

(alarm rings) If a fire was burning, that's where Martha could be found.

(siren blares) Firedog Martha!

Won't you save me, please?

I promise that I won't complain if you should give me fleas.

Don't worry, worried lady.

That fire has met its match.

And if I get some fleas on you, just show me where to scratch.

ALL: Hooray for Firedog Martha!

Our money you won't take.

But maybe we can thank you with this juicy, ten-pound steak.

(gasps) (sniffs) Good gravy, that smells great!

(siren blares) (beeping) (siren blares, Jake cries) Hey, that's not my siren.

That sounds like Baby Jake.

I guess I'm only dreaming, though I thought I was awake.

Oh, no!

There goes my steak!

(crying continues) Wha-- wowzer, what a dream!

(nervous chuckle) MARTHA: Man, oh, boy.

Firedog Freddie really inspired me.

I want to be a firehouse dog, too.

If I'm any good at it, maybe I'll even get to meet Freddie.

You know, Martha, Fi redog Freddie is just a tale.

Of course he has a tail.

He's a dog, isn't he?

No, I meant the other kind of tale.

Like a story.

He isn't real, it's fiction.

Fiction?!

Fiction means a made-up story.

Firedog Freddie is as real as I am.

Uh...

I hate to break this to you, but I don't think any of that stuff really happened.

But it's in a book!

It's right there in black and white.

At least I think it's black and white.

And even if it's fiction, it might be based on reality.

Well... And even if there's not a Firedog Freddie, there could be something even better.

What?

Firedog Martha!

Can you imagine it?

Me in yellow boots, riding on top of a fire engine?

The wind in my fur, bugs in my teeth... HELEN: Martha... And climbing ladders?

Saving people?

Wrestling with a big, old fire hose?

Helen, this pooch was born to be a firedog.

But Martha, you...

Sorry, can't stand around chatting.

Those fires don't put themselves out, you know.

Good luck.

Sorry, Martha.

You can't be a firehouse dog.

You're not a Dalmatian.

You're still not a real Dalmatian.

You're just a pretend one.

(groans) I know what I'm missing!

It was right there all the time.

Everyone knows the truth.

All firemen talk in rhyme.

You've been reading Firedog Freddie.

Uh-huh, yeah!

It's fiction.

Firemen don't talk like that in reality.

"Reality"?

Is that a town nearby?

Do they need a firehouse dog?

No, "reality" is another way of saying "in real life."

It means it's not pretend.

Oh.

Look, kid.

I like you.

You've got spunk.

And firefighters are a spunky bunch.

Tell you what.

I'll introduce you to the gang and put it to a vote.

Gee, thanks, Chief!

You see, being a firehouse dog has been my lifelong dream, ever since I learned about them last night.

Well, what do you say, guys?

Is she in or what?

(indistinct chattering) Welcome aboard, Martha.

You're a firedog!

(firefighters cheering) Wow!

Thank you all so much!

Looks like your dream just came true.

Come on.

I'll show you around.

This is where we keep our equipment.

And, boy, do we have a lot of it.

Axes, oxygen tanks, fire extinguishers, you name it.

Okay, where's the pole you slide down?

We're getting to that.

And this is the dispatcher's office.

Hmm?

What's a dispatcher?

(garbled radio transmission) Well, that's someone who answers emergency calls and then tells the fire truck where to go.

The dispatcher is like our lifeline to the rest of the world.

Without him, we'd be sunk.

Is the pole next?

It's coming.

Keep your shirt on.

When the crew isn't in training or in classes, they hang out here and wait for a call to come in.

(microwave beeping) Fire alarm!

The fire pole!

(grunting) Yikes!

Relax, Martha.

It's not an alarm.

That's just Bud's popcorn.

You want some?

Uh-huh, of course.

MARTHA: I tell you, Skits, it's not like my fantasy.

Being a firehouse dog is hard work.

They've got all kinds of equipment.

Lots more than Firedog Freddie.

If I'm going to get the knack of being a firehouse dog, I really have to practice.

Skits, that's my equipment.

(barking) Firemen have to get to fires extraordinarily fast.

So they have to get dressed quickly.

(barks) Now, time me.

Hold still!

(grunts) Ha!

(grunts) Ugh!

Sleeves!

(whines) Uh-oh!

Clothes schmothes.

Climbing a ladder, that's the real trick.

(grunts) Whoa!

(screams) Being good with a hose is actually the most important thing.

Okay, Skits, you distract him while I get the hose.

(barking) (barking) Hey!

Come back with my sponge!

(gasps, gurgles) Aha!

(gasps, coughs) This isn't like I dreamed it'd be at all.

(gasping, coughing) It's not anything like I imagined.

In my fantasy, I was great.

In reality, I stink.

I'm sure you weren't that bad.

No, Helen.

I have to face facts.

The truth is, I just don't have the gift for firehouse doggery.

(sighs sadly): Mmm... HELEN: Firedog Martha.

What a crazy, silly clown.

(bell ringing) Her hat won't stay on top.

Her coat keeps falling down.

She couldn't use the pole.

She couldn't steer the truck.

And when she tried to use the hose, she was simply out of luck.

(crowd laughing) Fi redog Martha, her fantasy was wrong.

She goofed up in reality.

(laughter echoing) She just did not belong.

(gasps) Oh.

That does it.

I'll go to the firehouse and tell them I quit.

What do you mean, you quit?

Well, the fact is, I'm not a very good firehouse dog.

I can't climb a ladder or hold a hose or... anything.

Firehouse dogs don't do that stuff.

Firedog Freddie does.

Eh, that's just a story.

In fact, real firehouse dogs never go to fires.

They don't?

Are you kidding?

It's too dangerous.

(phone rings) Firehouse.

How can I help you?

WOMAN: Help!

Help!

Our house is on fire!

There's smoke everywhere!

(alarm ringing) Okay, calm down.

Where are you located?

We're at... (line goes dead) Hello?

Hello?

Phone went dead before they could tell me where the fire was.

(sniffing) I can find that fire!

Quit kidding around-- this isn't some kid's tale.

This is reality.

(sniffing) No, i-it's actually the truth.

I can smell smoke.

Follow me!

This way!

Hey, Martha, climb on board.

We'd love to follow you, but we have to stick to the road.

Now, where's that fire?

That way!

HELEN: Some firemen climb up ladders, some firemen use a hose, but no one but our Martha...

Turn here!

...fights a fire with her nose.

(siren wailing) (siren stops) (sniffing) She helped to put the fire out.

She buried burning embers.

Her dogged heroism (cheering) the town itself remembers.

The firemen were grateful.

They all shook Martha's paw.

That nose is tops!

...exclaimed the chief.

It fills me up with awe.

"Firedog Martha, she's not a work of fiction.

"She's really truly real, plus, she has perfect diction."

(Dad chuckles) The end.

Oh, well... Congratulations!

Huh?

MARTHA: Shh!

Huh?

MARTHA: Shh!

(sci-fi horror movie music plays) (crow cawing) (gasps): Steve!

Don't!

I have to, baby.

Something bizarre is going on in that basement.

Bizarre?

What's that?

Don't you know?

Uh-uh.

You're beautiful, baby, but you got a lot to learn.

"Bizarre" means something strange is going on.

Like snow in July-- and that thing in the basement.

(gasps) (organ playing sci-fi horror movie music) (woman screams) (gasps, yells) (organ music continues over TV) (gasps) Wowzer, what a movie!

Uh, what happened after that?

Huh?

Huh?

I don't know-- I couldn't watch anymore.

I guess everyone turned into a pickle spaceman.

That sounds pretty scary.

It was.

The tacky sets, the wooden dialogue... (shudders): Terrifying!

TD: Space creatures are coming!

And they are us!

(whimpers): Space creatures?

Helen?

Hmm, well, that's strange.

(eerie creaking) (gasps) (gasps) They've pickled my people!

(eerie moaning) (strange voice): Martha... Time for your vinegar bath.

No...!

It's really happening!

The pickles are coming!

Don't worry, Helen-- I'll protect you!

(door opens) (panting): Wh-Where are the space creatures?

Let me at 'em!

Space creatures?

Here?!

Yeah!

Cool!

Who told you that?

MARTHA: TD!

I mean, I heard him say space creatures are coming who are us!

This is how rumors get started.

MARTHA: You're sure?

You're certain there aren't any pickles from space?

Positive.

TD was just trying to make my report on space exploration more interesting.

I don't know why you won't use my ending.

It's kind of farfetched.

Who cares?

It sounds exciting.

Space creatures are coming!

MARTHA (gasps): Pickle people!

Where?!

(groans): Martha!

It's just TD again.

(panting): Right.

Uh, I knew that.

I was just fooling around.

(fake chuckle) Why don't you fool around somewhere else, so I can finish practicing my report.

Yeah.

We have a lot of work to do.

Uh, you, too.

Fine.

I can take a hint.

I know when I'm not wanted.

Hey, why don't you guys go hang out at the grocery store?

Yeah.

That'd be fun.

No, really-- I heard a rumor that Granny Flo is introducing some super-secret product today.

Huh?

Will they have free samples?

Maybe.

I'm in.

I've seen that movie-- the one with the giant pickles.

So how'd it end?

Do they defeat the pickles?

I, uh, didn't make it that far.

I was too scared to watch.

Oh, drat.

I'd sure like to know, just in case any giant pickles ever show up here.

That's pretty farfetched.

(Martha and Skits gasp, bark) If you weren't going to throw anything, why'd you tell us to fetch?

Not "fetch."

(barks) "Farfetched"-- it's when you don't think something will happen.

You mean you don't think we'll see any giant pickle aliens like the ones in the movie?

No alien would ever be caught looking as fake as the ones in that movie.

(gasps) What?

What's wrong?

Nothing.

(nervous chuckle) I guess all this pickle talk has got me imagining things.

GRANNY FLO: By creaky!

This'll be the greatest marketing campaign to ever hit this town!

Folks'll be wacky for my new product.

And this is just the gimmick to introduce them.

(organ playing sci-fi horror movie music) Granny's Pickles!

Shouldn't we explain to people what we're doing?

I mean, these pickle costumes look really strange.

Strange is good!

We want strange!

Weird, wacky, odd!

Don't explain a thing-- leave 'em guessing!

Creates more interest that way.

(organ continues playing sci-fi horror movie music) Now, the first wave of pickles has already hit town.

Wave two, head out now!

Wave three, go in ten minutes!

(organ music resumes) Knock it off!

This is a food factory, not a music hall!

Meet me on Main Street for our big pickle promotion in one hour!

We haven't heard anything about Granny Flo's super-secret product.

I guess Ellen's rumor really was a rumor.

What's a rumor?

Is it a new kind of free food?

A rumor is a story or information that may not be true.

Like that there would be free samples.

You mean, there aren't any?

Uh-uh.

(Martha's stomach growling) Too bad.

I'm hungry.

And that's no rumor.

It's the truth.

I've got the growling stomach to prove it.

What would happen if aliens really did invade?

In movies, there's always some way to defeat them.

Some weak spot that does them in.

Yeah, like a virus.

A virus?

Or they can't breathe our air.

(gasps) Puh-puh-puh-pickles!

Alien pickles!

Alien pickles in tacky suits!

What do we do?

We've got to stop them, but how?

My mother says most people destroy the nutrients in vegetables by overcooking them.

We need a really big pot.

If only we knew how the movie ended, then maybe we'd know how to stop them.

Well, my parents haven't returned the movie yet.

We could go to my house and watch the rest.

Okay, you guys watch the movie, and I'll warn the others.

I know just how to get their attention.

MARTHA: The pickle people!

Run for your lives!

"Pick the people who run your life."

MARTHA: The pickle people are coming!

Run for your lives!

We're being invaded!

(gasps) ALF: Looks like pickles aren't going to be as popular as Granny hoped.

(watch beeps) Hey, time to meet Granny.

I can't wait to get out of this hot pickle suit.

Holy macaroni!

They're heading towards the center of town.

(gasps) The grocery store!

What if they destroy all the alphabet soup?

(movie theme music playing on TV) It's odd how people keep disappearing.

What's "odd" mean?

Odd means something is out of the ordinary or isn't normal.

What's "normal" mean?

You know, normal: same as always, the usual.

What's really odd is how this guy keeps defining things.

(phone rings) Talk about not normal.

Hello?

(garbled voice) No, we haven't found out how to defeat them.

Will, hurry!

The pickles are heading towards Main Street!

(gasps) That's where the library is!

Those brine-filled bullies better not touch those books!

You've got to stop them!

We're on the job, but keep watching!

Notice anything unusual about those pickles, baby?

What does "unusual" mean?

Different, like a peanut-butter- and-tuna-fish sandwich.

I can't take much more of this!

Neither can I.

(phone rings) Hello?

Have you figured out how to defeat them yet?

No, but I've heard the most disgusting sandwich idea ever.

Tuna... MARTHA: No time for that!

Hurry!

We've got to stop them.

Fast-forward to the end.

Good idea.

When you find out the answer, have TD meet me at the grocery store.

I'll try and hold them off until then.

Thanks.

My pleasure.

(movie fast-forwarding) Water!

I thought it was farfetched, but water really does destroy the pickles.

At last!

What's farfetched is the plot of this movie.

It's totally unbelievable.

I got to report to Martha about the water!

Can I borrow your bike?

Yeah.

Hey, could you return the movie?

It's on the way.

(door shuts) Look, the pickles are having a victory party.

I sure hope TD gets here soon with that pickle report.

TD: Martha!

Water!

No, thanks.

I'm not thirsty.

No, the way to defeat the pickles is with water!

It makes them melt!

You're going to need a bigger bottle.

That's unusual.

It looks like Martha is deserting us.

(Skits whines nervously) (grunting) (all screaming) (gasps) That's refreshing.

I'm ruined.

Ruined, you hear?!

What a world.

What a world!

What a promotion.

Very unusual.

After this, there won't be anyone on Earth who hasn't heard of Granny's pickles.

Really?

You'll have the most popular pickles on the planet, maybe even the universe.

So it wasn't a pickle people invasion?

No, it was just an unusual way for Granny to introduce her new pickles.

Thank goodness I didn't spread that rumor on my radio show.

Yeah, you could have caused a panic.

The good news is, if pickles ever do invade, we know one dog who can handle them.

Well, baby, weGBH access.wgbh.org