VO: Some of the nation's favorite celebrities... Why have I got such expensive tastes?

VO: ..one antiques expert each... Oh!

(LAUGHS) Tee-hee!

VO: ..and one big challenge - who can seek out and buy the best antiques at the very best prices...

Answers on a postcard.

Oh!

VO: ..and auction for a big profit further down the road?

(LAUGHS) VO: Who will spot the good investments?

Who will listen to advice?

Do you like it?

No, I think it's horrible.

VO: And who will be the first to say "Don't you know who I am?!"

Well done, us.

VO: Time to put your pedal to the metal - this is Celebrity Antiques Road Trip!

VO: Yeah!

VO: Taking a road trip today, wildlife TV presenters Michaela Strachan and Martin Hughes-Games.

Equipped with £400 each, they're embarking on a safari in Martin's home territory, the West Country, in search of that elusive species - profit from antiques.

But do you know anything about antiques?

I know a bit about silver.

MICHAELA (MS): Do you?!

MARTIN: I do, yeah.

And also, I brought a lot of my silver books with me!

Oh, my word!

You swot!

I... VO: Class swot Martin Hughes-Games studied zoology at university, before working behind the cameras on shows like "Tomorrow's World" and indulging his passion for restoring and riding motorbikes.

And after three decades, he finally ventured in front of the cameras, rapidly becoming a fixture on "Springwatch", "Autumnwatch" and "Every-Other-Seasonwatch"!

He's getting to grips with this 1964 MGB but words are proving more troublesome.

I mean, some...you get people in the...sh...you know, during the actual...um, what do they call it?

What, the auction?

The auction - that's it!

My word, you didn't do much homework, then!

You get people in the auction, and they just...you know, maybe they collect little...I don't know, teddy bears or something.

Exactly.

Then there's somebody else who collects something, and then bang!

VO: Michaela Strachan's been hard at work in front of the cameras since 1986, presenting children's shows like "The Wide Awake Club" and "Wacaday".

Now she's a regular on the "Springwatch" and "Autumnwatch" teams.

Are you getting competitive already?

Nooo!

VO: The early bird catches the worm - and perhaps she'll apply it to antiques hunting too.

But our celebrities are counting on their experts as well.

They'll use the same sort of skills, that incisive knowledge, peering...all the things that we have.

Yeah, right!

I tend to use a lot of guesswork, actually!

VO: Guesswork?!

Something James Braxton and Mark Stacey never use.

Just like they never get muddled!

MARK: James, how exciting!

We're meeting a pair of naturists.

A pair of naturists?

Naturalists, man!

Naturalists.

Goodness' sake!

What are naturists, then?

Naturists are...people...nudists.

Oh, no!

No, no!

Nudists.

Oh, no, no, no.

The only thing that's topless is the car.

VO: This topless beauty is a 1989 Citro n 2CV, but James is more pre-occupied with his potential partner.

Martin Hughes-Gains.

VO: "Games", James!

JAMES: It's a rather great name, isn't it?

It's a lovely name.

It's like "huge gains".

I think he would be a lucky person to go with.

It's an omen for the auction.

VO: James Braxton doesn't rely on good omens - he has a nose for a bargain.

Oh, smells of antiques!

VO: A qualified surveyor, he's notched up 25 years in the antiques industry and especially loves spotting silver and sculpture.

And he's always thankful for a great find.

Finally bought something!

VO: The prospect of working with wildlife presenters has him pondering.

JAMES: In the animal kingdom, where would you put yourself?

I'd be a grazer.

A grazer?

Yes.

You know, like a fine gazelle or something like that.

VO: Mark Stacey has rarely been described as a gazelle - but he sometimes does wonder what he is.

Do I look a cheeky bottom type of person?!

Don't answer that.

VO: Ha!

When not confused, he's built up many years' experience as an antiques dealer, auctioneer, valuer and consultant, with a particular passion for silver, art deco, retro items and cheeky comments.

MARK: I know what animal you'd be.

JAMES: What would I be, Mark?

Now, surprise me.

I'll give you a clue.

You'd like wallowing in mud.

(LAUGHS) A hippo?!

Yeah.

I think a hippo...hippo...

I wouldn't mind being a hippo.

I'd like to... Jolly nice to be a hippo.

Can we both be hippos?

Cuz that would be quite fun, wouldn't it?

Yeah.

Just snoozing all day.

VO: There's no time for snoozing - there's a road trip to accomplish!

Today's road trip begins near Corsham in Wiltshire and heads west, to dip a tentative toe in the Bristol Channel, and then east again to the edge of the Mendip Hills, for an auction in Frome, in Somerset.

Where are those springwatchers?

I don't know.

Where..?

These naturalists, naturists, whatever they are, always late you see... MS: Come on... Like you.

Hang on - I hear something.

Oh, here we are.

Here's some dis... Look, they're quite athletic, these people.

Sorry we're late...

Sorry we're late - we...

Very athletic.

We...we were going to look for a bit of wildlife!

I'm impressed with that.

We'd heard a report of a lesser spotted woodpecker, somewhere in woods here.

Oh, no.

And we thought, "We'll try and find it."

VO: Does bird-spotting skill translate to bargain-spotting?

A partner will help.

Martin, I like your name.

Sounds almost like "huge gains", doesn't it?

Huge gains!

Yes.

It's a...it's an omen.

Been called many things before, but not that!

(ALL LAUGH) Yeah.

JAMES: I think you need to go with the Welshman, Michaela.

And he knows a lot more about antiques than I do.

OK. And, uh...hopefully Martin and I... OK. ..could be the huge gains - the winning team!

Winning team.

Right, we got a challenge on now!

There's no cha... VO: As they head into Corsham, Michaela reveals her strategy for dominance over the rivals.

MS: Well, I thought maybe we could go for a little bit of a theme.

Obviously, being a wildlife person, maybe I could look for something with wildlife on it.

Oh, wow, yeah - that's a really good idea.

And I particularly remember those... You remember those little whimsies?

I used to get them as a kid... Oh... ..as going home presents.

Yes!

They used to come in, like, a little matchbox thing, and they're all British wildlife.

And I've noticed antique shops have those.

Yes.

Oh...you...you pulled a face!

Actually, they're one of my least favorite things in the antiques world.

VO: I fear these two will lock horns if Mark isn't tactful.

MARK: I will be honest with my opinions on things, if that's OK. VO: Corsham is a handsome town, filled with 16th, 17th and 18th century buildings, and a few surprises.

Oh, look at this.

That'd be great, if we could buy that.

That would definitely get a lot of money.

That would... Well, I don't know.

It's only half there, isn't it?

It's missing its head.

But I tell you what, we are...it is indicative, cuz we're going to "exterminate" the opposition!

Very good!

I like it!

VO: I wonder if Mark will like the stock in their first shop, Granny's Attic.

It includes those collectable animal figurines - whimsies.

Look - I don't believe it.

Mark's gonna get so upset, but look.

That...that was one of my favorites.

I used to love that one.

That's definitely not British wildlife though, is it?

And that one.

I had both of those as a child.

£1 each.

You see, I've got a whole collection now.

Little collection of animal whimsies!

VO: Not if Mark has any say in it!

Now, is this on the right line?

See, I quite like things like this.

It needs a bit of cleaning up though.

I love that.

I mean...now look.

That's so "Co"...um... "Crossroads".

Yeah.

D'you know... Of the 1970s.

MARK: That's a hideous color as well, isn't it?

MS: I went to Portmeirion the other day, where they do new ones of those.

Oh, yes.

They were really quite expensive.

So I reckon if we cleaned that up...

Seriously...

Sorry.

I...

I think that was a missed call.

(RINGS BELL) Time, gentlemen, please.

VO: With £400 to spend, Michaela spots another possibility.

Look at that.

Isn't that interesting?

Or is that just bric-a-brac?

See, I find that interesting.

Well, it's quite fun, isn't it?

Yeah.

Um...it's cuz it's act... Actually, that is quite fun.

VO: This modern fireside companion set includes a brush, shovel and tongs, and it's £20.

It's different, certainly.

Uh...

But you're quite liking it - you're liking it more than my whimsy, aren't you?

Oh, I...any...

Please, no whimsies!

No, you're quite right - I do like it.

I want to see the look of the other team's face, when we reveal our items as well.

Yes!

If we get that, you know, for a tenner or something... Yeah.

And that could be a good buy, actually.

MS: Yeah.

MARK: Well spotted.

Yeah, I like that.

Honestly, well spotted, cuz I walked straight past that.

VO: Michaela's choice gets a thumb's up - but the price doesn't.

Perhaps Vanessa can help.

MARK: To be honest with you, I think the auctioneer will estimate at £20-£30.

I don't know.

It could be just quirky.

If there's two or three people like it on the day, they might pay a bit more.

But I think we've really got to pay you a £10 note for it.

Cuz it's a bit of fun, isn't it?

VANESSA: I think that's fine.

MARK: Or even a £5 note.

Oh, she said "fine".

Oh, yeah.

I'm just playing the game here.

No, you're pushing it now.

Ten.

Am I pushing it?

I think...I'm happy, very happy, to pay £10 for that.

MARK: Are you?

MS: Yeah.

Thank you very much.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thanks so much.

That's lovely of you.

Are you happy?

I'm very happy with that, yeah.

I think that's great.

VO: It's not wildlife as we know it but at £10 it's a deal.

En route to Corsham, James and Martin have a team talk on the importance of dealing with the boss at each antique shop.

JAMES: It's like the natural world, really.

Yes.

There is a pecking order.

But we want to go to the primate.

OK. We want...

The silverback - the top man or top woman.

Yep, we do.

Yep, the silverback of lady owners.

That's what we want.

VO: Their first port of call is Harley Antiques, with its furniture and accessories.

Time will tell whether dealer Mark Rippon is a silverback or not.

James.

Nice to meet you.

Mark.

Good to meet you, Mark.

VO: Martin's spotting instincts soon kick in.

People love owls, don't they?

They do.

They do love an owl.

Emblematic of the goddess of... Athena.

Athena, that's right.

But in fact, sadly, a friend of mine's got owls, and you know "wise old owl"?

They're as thick as... Are they?

Terribly stupid birds, tragically, yeah.

He's got starlings as well, and the starlings are head and shoulders cleverer than the owls.

Not wise at all!

VO: How about some wise purchases?

What about a silver ashtray from the White Star cruise line, of Titanic fame?

We got a date letter and another mark.

Do you know your date letters off by heart?

No.

VO: Tut-tut, Mr Expert!

We've got the bar... Come on.

Clover leaf, it's in the four leaf clover.

It's quite a nice mark, that.

MARTIN: No, it hasn't got it in this.

VO: Serves you right - swot!

I've got a number of books I brought with me, I've done a bit of research... Don't really need it but it's quite useful.

And the special eyepiece, which, normally used for looking at insects, knew it would work here.

VO: The chaps think the ticket price is £18 - but it turns out it reads "£68"!

Ha!

Oh, no!

Oh, no!

Could it be 18, Mark?

No, it can't be that cheap, I'm afraid.

Eh, we're not, eh... What could you do that for, then?

20 quid?

No.

The most we could do that for would be 50.

JAMES: 50?

MARK: Yeah.

MARTIN: It's quite a faded ticket.

It's been around for a while, Mark, hasn't it?

It's been around for a while but it's still... 50 is the maximum we can go to, I'm afraid.

JAMES: Really?

MARK: Yeah.

VO: There's no deal to be done, so Martin and James leave empty-handed.

JAMES: Oh, dear.

VO: Michaela and Mark are putting shopping - and Corsham - behind them for now, to head 10 miles down the road, to Bath.

Of course, Bath is famous for its waters, architecture and being in Jane Austen novels, but without any "persuasion", Michaela and Mark have opted to go wild and west.

Hello, welcome to the American Museum In Britain.

Hello!

We knew you were coming so we've ordered the sunshine.

Oh, you've ordered it specially!

Do we...do we know... Hi.

VO: Laura Beresford curates the museum's impressive collection of American decorative and folk art.

Many of the exhibits have animal themes, so the plan is for Michaela to see animals in art, rather than in the flesh, as she usually does.

Well, that was the plan.

MS: I love this, this Native American.

Oh, it's wonderful, isn't it?

This is fantastic.

It's beautiful, isn't it?

So he is a ship's figurehead.

There was a frigate called the Mohawk, on Lake Ontario, at the beginning of the 19th century, and presume that this chap was the significant symbol of that particular ship.

VO: He's magnificent - but what about the wildlife?

Eagles feature a lot in American folk, as you can imagine.

You know, the great seal of the state...

It doesn't look very old though.

You know, the eagle, as a symbol had everything embodied in it.

If you think about America trying to establish itself as the new republic, and if you think about their big public monuments, their big buildings, we're talking about harking back to the Classical age.

And yet, they wanted to do something different.

So they picked the eagle as their new symbol of being so different from the mother country.

My favorite, actually, is this spectacular chap... MARK: That's wonderful.

Eh...this particular eagle was created by quite a notorious folk artist in the States.

He was known for getting very drunk, and so he would often end up in jail and his bail payments would often be carved animals, carved eagles.

MARK: Oh, wow.

MS: Really?

Yes.

He's particularly known for his eagles.

And his name was Old Schimmel.

MARK: That's such a joyful one.

It's so humorous.

It is, although...

It makes you smile, looking at it.

Well, absolutely, and we have people sort of talking about him being Gonzo out of The Muppets.

MARK: Oh yeah!

MS: Yes.

VO: The museum has a delightfully diverse collection of items, made by the people, for the people.

Many had practical uses - like the decoy ducks.

Do these ducks on the wall quack, as you go past?

No, they don't, but actually, rather wonderfully - You naughty thing!

- is that some of their heads move.

So when they were bobbing on the water, their heads sort of moved around to make them much more lifelike.

And many of them have cork inserts underneath, to keep them afloat.

MS: That's what I wanna find in an antique shop - quacking ducks.

VO: A quacking idea, Michaela.

And speaking of birdlife, the museum has another zoological treat - a collection of works by John James Audubon.

MARK: These are lovely, aren't they?

They are beautiful.

Oh, my goodness - they're exquisite!

VO: Audubon was THE outstanding wildlife artist of the first half of the 19th century in America, especially noted for his 435 life-size prints of birds.

He's...he's become very significant in the world of wildlife, hasn't he?

Absolutely, because he went into the American wilderness and drew, and collected specimens before people even knew that certain bird types, that certain mammals existed.

And so, when he came back to the populated areas of the east coast, this was completely mind-blowing to the public that he was presenting these drawings to.

He observed very closely, he took detailed notes about...mannerisms of flight, for instance.

I mean, he was an astonishing scientist.

He was not only an artist, he was someone who was such a great observer.

MS: So he was an iconic ornithologist, really.

Very much so.

Very much so.

But not just an ornithologist - he was very interested in the mammal world as well.

MS: So, if we manage to find one of his originals in an antique shop, for... Good luck with that!

Less than £400, then...

Uh, we'll buy it!

..we're laughing.

We're laughing.

But I...somehow doubt it.

Thank you, Laura.

We've... You're very welcome.

..learnt such a lot, haven't we?

Yes.

Thank you, Laura.

VO: Martin and James are following Michaela and Mark to Bath.

James is curious to know when Martin developed his interest in wildlife.

When I was eight, I got the school prize for nature.

I st... Ah!

So I must've been interested, even...you know, when I was tiny.

Yeah.

Em...but yeah, I just...

The thing is, it's all around you.

Yeah.

And so it's sort of something you can enjoy wherever you are, whatever you're doing.

VO: Wherever you are, whatever you're doing, making a profit needs to be your second nature today, Martin.

Craik's Antiques in Bath might have the right sort of specimens.

This is Aladdin's cave, isn't it?

I want everything already.

Look at... Full of goodies.

..suitcases!

Oh, magic crystal balls.

And the... Oh, gosh!

Look!

Nice br...

I know, it's fabulous.

Brass candlestick.

Although...

I think we've struck gold here, Martin.

Yes.

This is looking much more like it.

VO: With help from owner Caroline, they do strike - well, wood, not gold actually, but let's not nit-pick, eh?

CAROLINE: Now, that's interesting.

First World War.

JAMES: Yeah.

No, it is First World War, isn't it?

CAROLINE: Bit of trench art carving.

Wh...what is it?

With the "Calais".

VO: Soldiers and civilians produced trench art and Calais was a main port on the way to the battlefields in Flanders.

JAMES: Interesting you'd have a sunflower there, isn't it?

MARTIN: A sunflower?

Oh, yeah.

JAMES: You'd expect a poppy, wouldn't you?

And it's sort of slightly sort of, I suppose... Do you think it's stylized oak leaf?

VO: Martin won the nature prize when he was eight.

Over to him!

MARTIN: But then, poppies came after the war, didn't they?

That's rather lovely.

I know, it's... Well, it's interesting - history.

It's history.

JAMES: It is history.

CAROLINE: Social history.

MARTIN: It's... Oh!

JAMES: And military history.

Military and social history.

It's all history, rolled into one!

JAMES: And what've you got on that?

A tenner?

I was really looking for 25.

Cor, blimey!

I could let it go for 20.

Would that..?

I mean, just think of that poor soldier, in his trench, carving away, because he would put his own photograph or a letter in there and sent to his loved one.

JAMES: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

VO: Martin and James agree on shortlisting the frame and resume foraging for goodies.

JAMES: People use these for smart lights, and interior designers... Who's it made by?

Boosey and Hawkes, or somebody.

They're the great manufacturers.

Are your eyes still good?

MARTIN: Yeah.

"Maker to Her Majesty's Forces, A.

Hall... A.

Hall Gishorne, London, Birmingham, England".

Gisborne.

Oh, sorry...Gisborne.

Guy of Gisborne.

Guy of Gi... Oh, it doesn't quite ring... Who was Guy of Gisborne?

VO: A baddie in "Robin Hood" - and like Martin, he didn't play the tuba!

(PLAYS BADLY) Lovely tone.

Sort of.

Nice tone.

A lovely tone.

Very good.

Oh...it's got things and everything.

In harmony.

But is the price right?

How much have you got on it, Caroline?

50?

No.

Do you know?

Psychic - I was gonna say that.

Were you thinking 50 as well?

It needs a... No, I wanted 120 for it.

Oh, Caroline.

Oh, Caroline.

Please.

I've polished the thing.

Well, I know you've polished it, but just thin... You've... You mu... Caroline, you could've done a bit more polishing, I'm afraid.

Oh, well, let me get my duster.

It's beyond dusters!

It's beyond dusters, I think.

VO: Martin fancies a bargain.

Your starting price was 70... No, it wasn't.

Wasn't it?

My starting price was 120.

Oh, sorry.

And my finishing price was 75.

75.

Can tell she's been in the business a while.

I know.

VO: He's underestimated Caroline.

Would you throw in the beautiful..?

No, I wouldn't.

For...another 10... Let me finish.

No.

I know what you're going to say.

CAROLINE: No.

VO: But he's tenacious.

What about...

It would ha... ..£90 for all?

Hold on.

Steady.

I think you're being far too generous there.

Am I?

Seen better days, hasn't it?

CAROLINE: No.

But then, who hasn't?

It's seen life - not better days.

..better...no, it's... JAMES: Oh, life.

CAROLINE: It's seen life.

JAMES: It is, it is.

MARTIN: Mm.

CAROLINE: It's got a history to tell.

JAMES: It's got a history.

Mm.

What d'you think?

Oh, go on - 85.

85!

Caroline, well done.

She... VO: Result!

Thank you.

Lovely to meet you.

Really nice to meet you.

Thank you.

We'll go away.

Oh, did you want a bag or anything?

No...

I want this giftwrapped, please.

Well, that's extra!

"Get out my shop!"

VO: With two lots in the bag for £85, it seems Martin has the right instincts.

And with that, it's time for our trainee antique-spotters and their experts to go back to snuggle down in their hides for some shut eye.

Nighty night.

VO: It's a new day, and Michaela and Martin are raring to build on yesterday's purchases.

Michaela and Mark planned on animal-themed antiques buying, but ended up spending just £10, on a quirky fireside companion set with not a trace of fur or feather.

Oh!

They are class!

Look at them!

VO: They have a whopping £390 to spend today - if they can agree on anything.

..Guy of Gisborne?

VO: Martin and James seemed more in harmony, buying an early 20th century tuba... Lovely tone!

Nice tone.

A lovely tone.

VO: ..and a trench art photograph frame, for a total of £85.

It leaves them with a generous £315 for today's shopping.

Both teams have left Bath behind and made their way to Bristol.

James and Mark have not had an easy ride... ..so Michaela and Martin are the first to arrive.

They may be experts, but they're not exactly punctual, are they, Michaela?!

Martin, I actually think that they've given up with us both!

Cuz we're a bit rubbish.

Seriously, I think Mark was looking at what I was picking up, in that bric and bracy shop... Was he?

..and he just thought "Oh, dear!

She just hasn't...really, really hasn't got a clue!"

Hello.

Oh, you're... Oh, hello!

How lovely to see you.

We've had a bit of a breakdown.

Technical... Not James - the car.

Oh, no!

Oh, a brea... A personal breakdown.

You know the handbrake was slightly sticking yesterday?

Well, it finally decided... Oh, no.

..to not stick but seize.

How are we gonna get around, James?

Eh...I think Shanks' pony.

Oh, Shanks' pony?!

I've got my high-heeled boots on!

I know, the Sarkozys.

How are you gonna get on with those?

Well...oh, dear.

I've got our secret weapon over there.

He's a native.

Martin is a native.

I'm a native, my babber.

I...I can talk the lango.

Lango?

Lingo.

I also used to live in Bristol.

Oh, yeah, I'll go into shops and say "How much you want for that, my lover?"

Ah.

I tell you what speaks in this town - money.

And we've got more of it and we've got more time, so come on, let's get shopping.

Yeah, come on, let's go.

Good luck, boys.

Dear, oh, dear.

Thank you very much.

Hey, you could borrow a Lambretta.

Hark at...hark at 'ee!

'Ark at 'ee!

'Ark at ee!

Jolly lucky that young man does yoga, isn't it?

Yeah!

Way he got in that car.

Oh, the dulcet Slim Whitman there.

We didn't break our car!

Ooh, she's got in gear!

Well done.

Bye!

Buy some whimsies!

Whimsies!

They're trending!

They're so going to lose.

Yeah.

Losers!

Bye, losers!

Losers!

VO: Confident, eh?

As Michaela and Mark make for the first shop of the day, Mark's pondering the perils of being a TV presenter.

Yes, a well-known saying in television is "You should never work with children and animals".

MARK: Now, you do both.

MS: I do.

And I've survived to tell the tale!

Dare I ask which you prefer?

Eh... No, I tell you, not only did I do children and animals - I did...I did...um... slightly inebriated people in nightclubs as well!

Oh-ho-ho!

Doing a program called "The Hitman and Her", and I think that's probably the most challenging.

VO: What?!

Harder than agreeing on antiques with Mark Stacey?

And on that subject, you'd better get cracking with your £390.

The destination is Rachel's Antiques.

MS: Good morning.

RACHEL: Good morning.

Hi.

I'm Rachel.

Hi, Rachel.

Lovely to meet you.

VO: Rachel has an intriguing mix of stock, and dad Michael has more in his shop next door.

Michaela's all fired up.

Oh!

Yeah!

Doo-doo-doo-doo!

VO: And Mark's trying hard.

Oh, my God, there's a duck-billed platypus there.

Wow.

Oh, yea-ah!

Let's get a duck-billed... No, but it's an ashtray - look.

Oh, that's fantastic, isn't it?

A little duck-billed... Look at that.

I mean... And it's got... "Brownie Downey Registered Design".

And then you've got an old man with a Maori's he...it's a Maori, isn't it?

How often do you even see a picture of a duck-billed platypus... You don't.

..on an ashtray?!

I mean, that is unique, isn't it?

Yeah, pretty unique.

And do you want to see it again?

What do you reckon?

Well, I'm sorry I saw them now.

Shall we move on?

We might come back for those.

See, I like them.

VO: Ha!

No meeting of minds here!

See if you can spot something else.

These'll help.

Oh...

I was gonna say, that doesn't usually help, if you have the...the cover on the end.

VO: Well, maybe not.

Rachel has kindly... VO: Mark's still trying with the animal theme.

Now, look at that.

It's a little teething ring - for a child.

MS: I can see what it is!

VO: Mm.

Uh-oh!

Yes!

Well, I think it's...

It's a little pussycat, which is animal related.

But it's hideous.

Why is it hideous?

Well because it...it just is.

I mean, look, you know, it's... Are you going to be difficult all day?

VO: Try again, Mark.

Look.

This is, em, Victorian.

Nine carat gold.

VO: These are opals and moonstones too.

Delightful!

It's a bit boring though, isn't it?

No.

A bit boring?

But that... See, that's practical and useful.

What...what are you gonna do with that?

People collect them.

Yeah, but you're not gonna give that to a child now, are you?

No, but people don't want to give collect them for children - they want to collect them for their collector's cabinets.

See, I like something that has a point to it.

Yeah, I know.

What, you just that on the door?

Well, I'm rapidly beginning to think 'What is the point of this?

', but... VO: The point is to make a profit.

You want my honest opinion?

VO: Brace yourselves.

It's OK.

It's in its original box.

VO: "OK" is pretty close to agreement for these two!

They decide to put the brooch to one side and head next door.

MARK: See you in a minute, Rachel.

We've got a couple of possibilities, haven't we?

Gosh you are difficult!

VO: Perhaps Michael's Antiques has the perfect lot for this pair.

Hello!

Oh...oh, I'm liking the look of this.

Hello.

Are you liking this?

Liking the look of this.

MS: I love these.

MARK: Do you?

Oh, they're great.

Want me to switch one on for you?

Yeah!

Let's have a bit of music.

Does it work?

Yeah, but I can't tune it in.

The tuner's...

There's a little bit of string on there... Oh, that's no good, then, is it?!

Over the years... No.

I would... You could have it restrung.

It goes round the fan... Oh, really?

Oh.

Cuz they dry out, they snap.

See, I don't like that one so much but I like that one.

Em, there's a...there's a brother to that one.

There's another one over there.

Oh, really?

Oh, yeah, they...

They're cool, aren't they?

Bit trendy.

Bakelite.

But it looks like a toaster!

Like a toaster!

They was all designed in the '30s.

It's all art deco.

It's all like... Yeah.

Art Deco's quite in, isn't it?

VO: Mark's curious about the provenance of the radios.

Who made this?

It's the make you want, it's on the front there.

KB.

MARK: KB.

MICHAEL: That's a well-known.

Well, who are they, then?

You don't know.

Uh.

You don't know who they are!

Who's KB?

It was to do with Russia.

Yeah, the KB...G. KGB that is, you silly man!

KB!

Kolster-Brandes Limited.

VO: Definitely not KGB!

Kolster-Brandes made hundreds of thousands of radios in the late '20s and 1930s at its plant in Kent, and supplied communications equipment for the ocean liner Queen Mary.

Michaela prefers the toaster look-alike.

It's Bakelite that's simulated to look like rosewood, but it would come up lovely.

MARK: Oh, they're broken.

No, they're not.

Oh...oh, yeah.

What they...what they do with these now, you see they keep all that, they take all the gubbins out, and put... ..and put a modern one in.

Yeah.

VO: For once, Michaela and Mark both like the same thing, but a purchase boils down to price.

MARK: What would you do the two for?

If we bought the two of them from you?

£50.

Oh, that's too much, Michael.

Oh, no, lis... Cuz think about putting it into auction.

Can we say 30, Michael?

No, we can't.

35, and that's my limit.

Oh, Michaela!

I can't... That is ju... Come on.

Smile.

For 35.

That sounds great.

Oh, Michaela!

You know what... VO: Not quite the haggling Mark was looking for, but with the radios reduced from £50 to £35, it's a good price.

On the other side of Bristol, Martin and James have arrived at Odds & Todds, run by Jay Smith.

JAMES: Like that... MARTIN: Oh, penny farthing.

Yeah.

I like that.

OK. Well, here we go.

Oof!

Morning.

Morning James.

Hiya.

And I'm Jay.

Jay.

Hi.

Good to meet you.

Hi, Jay.

How are you?

We want some bargains.

JAY: Oh, do you?

BOTH: Yes.

Some beautiful, wonderful bargains we can take to auction.

Oh, right.

I'm sure you'll find them here.

VO: There's a shop full of house clearance to choose from, and £315 to spend.

Our transport-less twosome home in on a ladies' bicycle from the early 1900s.

In those days, they gave women far more mobility and independence than they'd had before.

But James is focused on present day possibilities.

So what could you do on something like that?

Uh...I...probably that could go for 200 quid, but that'd be about the death on that.

It's very clean.

JAMES: It's...it's quite clean, isn't it?

It's a nice look to it.

JAY: Yeah.

It's a nice example.

All you got to do is pump those tires up and you can ride it away, can't you?

That's the answer.

I think it's got to be 120.

Hasn't it?

VO: Martin joins the pursuit.

But the front mudguard's disappeared a bit.

What's happened to that?

It just stops by the stirrup there, doesn't it?

Can you see... where it's bust off?

JAY: You can't ring up a local Raleigh dealer, can you, and say "I want a front mudguard for a...1907 old bike"?

You'll have to help us a little bit, mate.

Go on, help us out.

Help us a little.

I'm...I'm helping you as much as I can.

MARTIN: 150 we could... JAY: No.

We could touch hands on that, chief.

I don't like to be that hard, but I...

I do on this one, I'm afraid.

Um...

I'll kind of meet you somewhere in the middle-ish and do it for 180, but that...that is it.

Jay, what about if we bought a couple of other little things?

We might do a little package.

Shall we come back to you then?

Yeah... VO: Smart move!

Put a few in together, then... ..couple of other things, yeah.

..we'll, uh, we'll see if we can work with it.

VO: James has spotted a magazine rack or canterbury.

JAY: A lovely '60s...

It is a '60s... '60s/'70s.

I'll tell you who likes all of this stuff - Mark.

Does he?

His shop in Brighton is full of all this sort of...

This sort of thing?

..'60s, quirky...this mid-century, "modern"... is quite cool.

Right.

We need a package...

I like that.

Like that?

That's interesting.

You... Oh, he's taking it with him!

Oh!

I'm taking it with me.

To make sure nobody else gets it.

Yeah.

You never know.

Mm.

These Bristol people.

VO: Martin has another idea for making a killing.

James, I've s...

I have seen something.

Oh, right.

OK.

It's not antique, but it is slightly interesting.

Hang on a minute.

Go on.

There we are.

You can't keep a good man down.

This, hiding... What on earth is that?

OK, now what this...

This is in good nick.

This is a bird box.

Yeah.

It's made of woodcrete?

It's very very strong.

Woodcrete?

VO: Woodcrete is a mix of sawdust, clay and concrete.

And why you need it is that woodpeckers will come along - this is the size for a bluetit - and they'll...in a normal bird box, they can bash it open and get the chicks out.

So these are super solid, these.

Let's get down and have a look.

Oh, so this is... Really...

It's sort of...

It...it's top... As far as...

It doesn't look great, but as far as bird boxes go, this is top of the range.

This is the Rolls Royce?

And I've got two of these in my garden, and I paid 30 quid, I think, for them.

What, each?

Each one, yeah.

VO: There's no price tag, but the bird box might help make up a package.

MARTIN: Honestly, these are very expensive little items, these.

JAMES: Yeah, it's good.

It's got style.

I like it.

Shall I see..?

Because he might not know what it is.

Yeah, he might know what it is.

Let's see if he'll give it to us for a quid.

OK?

Yeah, good.

That's rather nice, that.

Well, I think it is, yeah.

VO: Martin and James want a closer look at the bike before striking a deal.

It's pretty good, isn't it?

I love the riding position.

It's...

I love the riding position.

Do the brakes work at all?

Not... Oh, well, they do a little bit.

Do they?

Yeah.

They do, actually.

Yeah, that's pretty good.

What..?

Slightly better than the Citroen?

That's a little bit wobbly, but, you know, but there's... Sure there's no maker's mark on it or anything?

It does look like an Edwardian frame, doesn't it?

Sort of does, doesn't it?

Yeah.

Could imagine a suffragette on that.

You can, easily, yes, with their petticoats flying in the wind.

Yeah.

VO: The rear tire's had it, so at £180, James thinks the price for the bike is inflated.

Ha!

With the canterbury and bird box now included in the package, he tries again.

I think the fair thing, Jay, is 170.

You think the fair... Oh, he's off now!

I can't believe it!

Go on.

A tenner for the wheel.

Go on, mate.

No.

That was it.

170.

It's 180!

You...you know we want it.

I think 170.

Don't you, Martin?

I mean, it's nice.

I like it.

I like it.

It is a massive risk.

JAMES: Come on, Jay, you know... Yeah.

170, mate.

JAY: It's... No, it's 180.

OK.

It... We can't argue about a tenner... Oh...

He's firm, isn't he?

He's firm.

He's gone to the death.

That is the death.

That is the death, now, look.

OK.

I mean, you got a lovely...magazine rack.

It's not that lovely, mate - let's be honest!

VO: Jay's set on £180, so the deal is done at £160 for the bike and a tenner each for the magazine canterbury and bird box.

Got five things.

James, that is a sleeper.

That's...

It's gonna make us money, that.

You've got the lingo, you 'ave.

Is that what it is?

A sleeper?

Sleeper.

That's the same with motorbikes.

JAMES: Is it?

MARTIN: That's a sleeper that.

JAMES: That's a sleeper.

MARTIN: Make a fortune.

Sleeper in the auction.

We're... Ship shape and Bristol fashion.

Oh, I think we are!

Let's go to auction!

Oh, I nearly knocked that over!

VO: Michaela and Mark are still in Michael's shop, but the animal-antiques theme seems long forgotten.

Is that an organ?

Yes.

Oh, wow!

Now you're talking!

Will you take that.. How much is that?

Can you give us that for 35?!

MICHAEL: Yes.

You can have that for 35.

Oh, but look how cool that is.

MARK: Oh Michaela!

What do you mean?

This is brilliant!

(OUT OF TUNE CHORDS) Oh, yeah!

How much is this?

MICHAEL: £35.

35?

We'll take it.

VO: The organ is from the Edwardian period and Michael believes it's all original.

MICHAEL: Let me get that out here.

Mind yourself.

I wanna go to a good home.

Well it...

I mean, £35 Michaela!

Yea-ah!

Yeah.

Done.

Done deal.

MICHAEL: Deal?

MS: Yep.

OK. Lovely doing business with you.

If you could wrap it up, that'd be great!

VO: At £35, Michaela's sealed the deal.

I'm loving it!

VO: All fired up, they return to Rachel's shop next door to reconsider the brooch.

Well, it's got that nice old look on the gold as well, doesn't it?

You know, that mellow look.

I mean, I must say, when you put it against my thing, it looks quite pretty.

And I do think it's quite fun.

What would be your best on that?

RACHEL: I could do it for 80, but that is absolutely the bottom line.

Will you talk to us again... MS: It's a deal.

MARK: ..if we come back?

RACHEL: I'm not sure!

MARK: Go on...

Course I will.

Thank you.

Thank you very much.

MARK: Grab the box.

MS: I'll get the box.

Thank you.

Bye, Rachel.

Thank you.

Bye.

VO: Martin and James have been spared the indignity of the bicycle made for one, thanks to a speedy repair to the 2CV.

And they're forsaking Bristol for the Somerset resort of Weston-super-Mare.

It's home to a golden, sandy beach, a pier and, occasionally, visits from mods.

In some seaside towns in the '60s, rival scooter-riding mods and motorbiking rockers came to blows.

So, as a biker, Martin's about to walk into enemy territory.

Right, let's 'ave it!

Come on!

I'll 'ave it!

You're a Mod, aren't you?

No, I'm not, actually.

Aren't you?

I was a rocker.

Well, I'm a biker, but anyway, this looks fantastic.

Sorry, James, you know, I had to just get it in... Yeah, get in there!

Just in case!

Hello.

James.

STUART: I'm Stuart.

JAMES: Hi.

MARTIN: I'm Martin.

STUART: Martin.

Sorry about that, yeah.

This is the Lambretta Museum.

Look at this!

Lovely.

It's epic, isn't it?

VO: Stuart Lanning's collection of Lambretta scooters is mod heaven, but alien to Martin.

The collection of Lambrettas ranges from the 1940s to the 1980s, and there's a host of related memorabilia too.

What a treasure trove this is.

Oh!

I've not seen anything like this before.

STUART: Well, this is where it all began.

This is the first Lambretta - the Model A, produced...1947.

VO: This is the oldest scooter in the collection.

Its looks are a clue to its origins at the Italian manufacturer Innocenti.

So...it looks like...almost like a bit of chair or something there, doesn't it?

That chrome bit.

STUART: Well, Innocenti originally were a manufacturer of scaffolding.

Literally scaffolding that you get..?

They kind of like...

In the olden days, you know, in the '30s, especially in the '30s, scaffolds were made of wood, so he actually invented...helped invent making the scaffolding... Is that right?

..the metal, yeah.

So he produced...

There's clamps, there's scaffolding, had many contracts around Italy, and then the Second World War happened and the factory went in to producing bombs and bullets.

VO: After the war, the company spotted a market for low-cost transport, and started making scooters.

Were they highly successful?

Did they sell them?

Em...once again, it's...starting off a business, isn't it?

So I think they only did a few thousands of these.

But as we go through the production, they started to go into 50/60,000 on each model, yeah.

JAMES: Really?

MARTIN: Took off.

VO: Over the years, Lambrettas evolved gradually, through many different models, but all offering their owners style and freedom.

To us, when we were younger, these were a cheap form of transport.

You could buy a Lambretta, 15 quid, off some old bloke, out of the shed, do it all up, get on the road, go off to Brighton, go off to Scarborough.

MARTIN: It was escape.

Yeah.

Start that bike, and I could go anywhere in the country I wanted to.

That's right, yeah.

Preferably with a girl on the back.

Yeah.

Of course, yeah.

That never happened but I dreamt it might happen, you know!

VO: In the 1960s, scooters became a huge part of mod culture.

Look at that!

Well, the great Quadrophenia.

Yeah.

This is what, you know, this is what they used to do to individualize their scooters - put lights, mirrors on them.

It's absolute bobbins, isn't it?

Yes, bobbins.

VO: That's not a compliment - but then he's a biker.

The company continued to produce futuristic scooter designs into the 1970s, then its fortunes gradually faded.

But it's left an enjoyable legacy for long-time enthusiasts - and possibly one new convert.

That doesn't look like a scooter at all but that's Lambretta still.

Yeah.

It's a... Well, they call them Lambros, OK?

Lambro?

Yeah.

Lambros.

But that is an FDC.

It's 175cc.

MARTIN: Is that all?

JAMES: Is that all?

And it's... JAMES: Cor, that's a big old...unit, isn't it, for one?

STUART: And this is a very rare machine.

But we think maybe five or six were made but as far as we know, this is the only example left.

Wow.

Can I sit in?

Yeah.

Course you can.

Right, here we go.

This is a real tuk-tuk, isn't it?

Look at this, it's a tuk-tuk.

It is.

Shall I take the back?

Yeah.

Yeah.

In you go, mate.

Right, take me... Where d'you want to go, sir?

Camden Market?

I wanna go...Bristol.

VO: They'll make slow progress in that!

Michaela and Mark are eating up the miles, en route to their final shopping stop, in the village of Ston Easton in Somerset.

Along the way, Mark's keen to know more about what it's like working with animals.

MARK: Do you get emotionally attached to them?

Because obviously if you've been watching a nestbox for several weeks, and then something happens to the mother bird or the chicks, do you feel emotional - does that affect you at all?

Of course!

You know... Of course it affects me.

I am...

It must do, mustn't it?

Do you know, I was once labelled as being the "emotional belly of wildlife telly"!

Oh, my gosh!

Now there's accolade!

(LAUGH) I'm not sure I've ever been described as the emotional underbelly of antiques!

VO: If they can keep their emotions in check, these two might spend some of their remaining £240 at the Somerset Shop & Reclamation Yard.

We're looking for something sort of small and decorative.

Yeah?

Not a deer, Michaela!

Oh, come on - we want our wildlife theme... Oh, my word!

Although I'm sure it'll be inexpensive.

That is heavy.

£650.

OK, well, that's over our budget.

VO: That's a dear deer!

Perhaps Michaela and Mark can find something cheaper, with help from John Watts.

There's stock here ranging from the weird and wonderful to piano accordions.

MS: Oh, look at this!

MARK: No, I won't.

No, seriously!

No, I don't want to look.

I have found something brilliant.

VO: Mark's no match for an insistent Michaela.

MS: It sticks to our musical theme.

I've heard so mu... Oh, Michaela, no!

Why not?

No!

That's gotta be old.

It's hideous.

It's a...

It's '50s.

VO: The ticket price is £55 though even at 55p, Mark would resist.

Michaela, I hate it.

I absolutely hate it, with a vengeance.

Well, as you told me, you don't have to like it.

You're not buying it.

Yeah, but I don't want to buy it.

It's horrid.

It's...so tacky.

55 quid.

That's OK.

It's so tacky.

I'm sorry.

Well, just cuz you don't... Look, people play those.

They don't play them.

Oh, go on - have a go.

No, it's hideous.

I'm gonna have a go.

I don't even want to physically touch it.

VO: Could a serenade persuade?

Because it's a bit hideous.

(PLAYS) Oh, no, come on!

This is just brilliant!

No.

I'm not buying it.

No, I won't let you buy it.

(PLAYS BADLY) I'm not listening.

No.

No, no, no.

VO: After more argy-bargy and tuneless music, Mark comes clean.

We used to have one at home when I was a child.

Did you?

Can you play it, then?

No.

But my father used to try to play it at Christmas, and it drove us, my brother and I, mad.

But you can't...you can't let a personal memory spoil a possible profit.

I ce... (SHE GIGGLES) That's right, yeah.

The potential could be massive on that one.

Oh... Oh... You get someone in the auction room... That is going to absolutely... Get the right note.

That will never hit the right note, as far as I'm concerned.

Go on, I'll do it for 37.

No, 35.

37, yeah.

Thirty... Come on, thirty s...

I'll chip in £2.

36, and that's my final offer.

£36.

I got 37 written on that one.

36.

Come on.

Oh, come on, let's do 37.

We wanna go.

Come on.

37.

Right, there we go.

VO: It's Michaela's for £37.

Mark, be gracious in defeat.

I cannot believe we're going to a reveal with the piano accordion!

See, there it's doing a minor key...a major key.

No, I'm not listening, Michaela.

I cannot bear the sound of it!

VO: There comes a time in every man's life when he goes to a reveal with a piano accordion.

This is your time, Mark.

The beach at Weston-super-Mare is where the teams reveal all.

Oh, that's... Hello!

Oh, that's fab!

It's alright.

That is a kind of a Mary Poppins-styley...

I love it.

How much did you buy that for?

Mind your own b... We bought that for 160 quid.

Did you really?

We did, yeah.

160 quid.

And that's... That's quite a lot.

Have you painted it recently?

Uh...it's been restore...

It has had some work on it.

I think it's really nice but I think you probably spent a bit too much on it.

Do you?

What else have you bought?

Let's see.

MARTIN: Look at that.

Look at that.

MARK: Oh, my good Lord!

We thought ours was bad!

No, wait!

Look at that.

They're becoming very popular now.

Who told you that?!

Who told you that?

Did James Braxton tell you that?

Yeah, he told me that.

He said they're... MS: Really?

MARK: Yeah, I thought he would.

On trend.

On trend.

On trend.

They're trending.

Michaela, I want to ask you about this.

MS: Yeah?

MARTIN: Looks a bit rough, doesn't it?

MS: Yeah.

MARK: That's nice.

Where do you think and why do you think that was carved?

Do you want a clue?

Yeah.

Go on, give me a clue.

Give her a clue.

Think of the war.

Think of the wall?

Oh, it's a light switch.

No, it's not a light switch.

The war, the war!

Not the wall!

VO: Oos!

Easy mistake!

I thought, you know, you put your light... That, that apparently is probably carved in the trenches in the First World War, by a solider down there.

And I love your trombone, or whatever it is.

Yeah, the trombone.

Tuba.

Tuba.

It's a tuba.

Well it's been under the ground a long time, looking at the condition of it.

JAMES: I know.

This is...

Hang on, look, I'll show you.

MARK: Oh, no, please don't.

Look.

Look.

See that?

It's a nestbox.

Yeah.

It's woodcrete.

That's our sleeper.

Oh, that's good.

That's good.

Yeah, that really is a sleeper.

That is...

If there's somebody there who knows anything about bird boxes, we're gonna make a killing on that.

VO: Maybe - but you have serious opposition!

D'you wanna see ours?

OK. Come on, then.

That's gonna make us some money, that.

MARK: Shall I go this end?

MS: Yeah.

And you can do that end.

Ready?

Ready?

Are you ready?

Please.

JAMES: Dear, oh, dear!

OK, we'll start with this one.

What is tha..?

We'll start with this one.

Oh, what..?!

It looks fabulous, James.

That's just a bit of fun.

No, it's a compan...

Isn't that a wonderful companion set?

Companion set, yeah.

So you got the spade... MS: That's quirky.

JAMES: Quirky.

It is quirky.

It's quirky.

VO: If you think that's quirky, just wait!

I mean, this is the thing Michaela wanted, and I was...I hate... absolutely hate...

Isn't it brilliant?

Here it comes out.

Is she..?

A piano accordion.

I've got to give you a little demonstration.

Oh, please, don't... Because...

Honestly, this is...

Please, don't.

Please, do!

Please, do!

Go on, Michaela.

Go on.

Fabulous.

VO: Yes, go on!

Oh..!

(PLAYS BADLY) Sing!

Not to that, I can't!

VO: Worth the wait?

Honestly, he was so upset that I bought it.

Oh, I was livid.

But I think it's really cool.

Livid.

Cuz this, this is lovely - this is my choice.

Oh, lovely!

Look at that.

Gold.

Gold.

Opals and moonstones.

And moonstones.

Victorian.

That really is lovely.

That's nice, isn't it?

Isn't that stunning, James.

We do have one other item, but we didn't bring it with us.

Yes.

It was too big.

JAMES: Too big?

MARK: Yes.

It's about this big!

Yeah.

At least, and about this tall, and it's an organ.

An organ?

You bought an organ?

£35!

35 quid.

And it worked.

Really?

Fabulous.

And do you have to pedal it?

Is it a pedal..?

Yeah, it's a pedal, yeah.

Yeah, it's a pedal one.

It is a pretty rum old lot we've bought, isn't it?

Both of us.

Leave it down there.

It's gonna fly.

Ho!

Really?!

Yeah.

Now, hang on, stop crossing your fingers.

(SINGS AND PLAYS) Good luck tomorrow!

Oh!

Let's go to auction!

JAMES: Lovely.

MARTIN: May the best man and woman win.

VO: Time to be honest, or in this case, even more honest.

Accordion?

(LAUGHS) And as for the thing that they've got, with the... JAMES: The companion set.

MARTIN: ..fire thing.

That's shocking.

Really.

Honestly.

I'd've been ashamed if I'd made that for O-Level Art.

And that hideous magazine rack.

Oh, no, that's horrible.

That's nothing, I promise you, nothing to do with the '70s.

And the tuba?

Yeah, well...least said, the better, really.

The tuba's great.

It's gonna make us money, that.

Tuba's great.

The woodcrete... Woodcrete... "Sleeper".

That's our sleeper, yeah.

The bike is great fun, but £160?

I know.

I don't...

I mean, how much of it is actually genuine?

MARTIN: The only thing I'm a tiny bit worried about is their bit of jewelry's rather nice.

JAMES: Yeah, but £80.

MARTIN: 80 quid.

And remember, it's still a bar brooch, and who wears bar brooches?

Listen, the main thing is that we had a fantastic time.

We had a laugh.

Thank you so much.

It's a pleasure.

Put it there, chief.

MARTIN: Well done.

JAMES: Well done.

VO: So is it well done?

Time to see.

Our teams submit their choices to the scrutiny of the West Country's finest at an auction in Frome, in Somerset.

En route to the sale, Michaela develops pre-auction jitters.

MS: You know when you're in the excitement of it, and you buy all this stuff, and you think it's great, and then you kind of have dinner and you think about it properly, you think, "Oh, my goodness - what on earth have we bought?"

VO: James has the jitters too - especially about the bike.

JAMES: I need a...Tour de France cyclist.

Not to buy that bike, you don't, James, because any Tour de France cyclist is not gonna get on that.

No.

I don't see many Tour de France riders wearing Edwardian skirts.

VO: True.

Perhaps the bike'll find a less Lycra-clad bidder at Dore & Rees auction salerooms.

They started up in 1868 and they're still going strong, with fortnightly sales.

MARTIN: Careful!

MS: Morning.

MARK: Hello.

Oh, God!

Are you..?

Bit nervous now?

Oh, I'm terrified!

I'm absolutely terrified.

That's a lovely machine.

It's a lovely machine, isn't it?

See, while we were doing that, the French were busily doing this.

Well, if we get...

Draw your own conclusions!

I got a feeling that our organ might not go.

Let's, uh... Let's put a brave face on it.

OK, come on - let's go in.

Let's be positive.

VO: But is the auctioneer feeling positive?

The man on the rostrum today is Mark Rees.

One which is quite nice is the opal and moonstone brooch, nine carat gold, should sell quite well, should appeal to the ladies.

That would be the one item I'd run off with first.

The magazine rack, well that could come in at the bottom end of the retro market or even strike a note with the gothic market.

The companion set, then, that seems quite a bit of fun, that should appeal to somebody.

The ladies' vintage bike should do fairly well but as to a record-breaking price, then I don't think we'll be getting there today.

VO: Michaela and Mark spent as much time bickering as buying, but eventually used £197 of their £400 budget to buy five lots.

(BOTH PLAY BADLY) Martin and James were more attuned to each other, aw, and handed over a total of £265 for their five lots.

Profits go to Children in Need.

And do I sense tension in the air?

How you feeling?

Confident?

No.

VO: First up is Michaela's and Mark's companion set.

Will their investment go up in smoke?

Imagine it's winter, with the logs burning away in the inglenook fireplace.

No one's bidding.

He's fishing.

20.

20 I have.

20?!

We've doubled our money.

Wrought iron companion set there.

22 I have here.

Oh, it's going up.

24.

26.

What was that..?

28 now?

It's going to be sold at £26, then.

On the desk.

I can't believe it.

Sold at 26.

VO: It may look quirky but it's paid off handsomely.

It's not bad, is it, 26 quid?

JAMES: Well done.

MARTIN: Well done.

VO: Martin's and James' first lot is the nestbox - and they have high hopes of a nest egg.

Ha!

Two I've been bid.

Four now, if you want it.

For the little birdbox there.

Four now, if you want it.

Four.

Six.

Eight.

10.

12 now, if you want it.

Go on, go on!

For the little birdbox there.

It's gonna be sold at 10.

You can say where you've had it...bought it from.

JAMES: Keep going!

REES: 12.

Put your... Oh, well done, that... Bless.

14 now?

Think of the poor bluetits.

At £12 now.

You need a pair.

All done?

VO: It's made money - well, just about.

Yo!

Well, yeah.

Just...you've wiped your face, I think.

Yeah.

Licked our chops.

VO: The next lot sees an outbreak of solidarity on Team Strachan.

MARK: I have to make this absolutely clear - this is nothing to do with me, this accordion.

You told me to get it!

I d..?!

20 I've been bid here.

22 now, if you want it.

For the accordion and case there.

22.

24.

26.

28.

30 now, if you want it.

MS: Yes, come on, come on... Gonna be sold at £28, then.

At 28.

VO: Michaela's choice is definitely a little off key but it's not a disaster.

Somebody bought it!

Could've been worse.

That could've been worse.

VO: Martin's and James' trench art photograph frame is next under the hammer.

10.

12.

14.

16.

Oh.

REES: 18.

MS: Oh!

Keep going.

REES: 20.

MS: No way!

22 now, if you want it.

24.

26.

28.

30.

Woah.

32 now.

All done at 30?

VO: And a solid profit puts them ahead of the opposition.

Congratulations.

Well done.

Well done.

Well done, and that's £10 profit.

£10 profit.

VO: Michaela and Mark hope their pair of vintage radios will get a good reception.

10 I have.

12 now, if you want them.

REES: 12.

MS: Yeah, go on.

REES: 14.

MS: Yeah.

Up, up, up.

16.

You've gotta go a long way now.

20.

22.

24.

26.

28.

30.

32 now, if you want them.

Gonna be sold at £30, and all done at 30.

MARK: Oh, come on.

VO: The bidders aren't turned on or tuned in - it's a loss.

I'm sad, cuz... ..they...

I thought they were going to make a bit more, I have to say.

I did too, actually, to be honest.

VO: Next up is Martin's and James' much-mocked canterbury.

Will they have the last laugh?

Put a bid in, £10, then, quickly.

£10.

Hands all around.

Right, we'll just do it the long way, then.

Two, we've started.

Four now, if you want it.

Four I'm bid.

Six now, if you want it.

Six.

Eight.

10.

12.

14 now.

Go on!

You wouldn't make one for that, would you?

It's gonna be sold at £12, then.

On the top at £12.

Thank you very much.

VO: Much-mocked but money-making nonetheless.

Do you know, we haven't dropped yet?

Yes, alright!

Look, I'm getting competitive now.

Have you?

Oh, yeah - you have!

Yes, we have.

Twice.

VO: Perhaps the opal and moonstone brooch will get things back on track for Michaela and Mark.

40, we're away here.

45 now, if you want it.

45.

50 now, if you want it.

Here we go, here we go.

For the nine carat gold brooch there.

Oh, come on!

50.

55.

60.

65.

70 I have.

Oh, yes, come on.

REES: 75.

80.

85.

MARTIN: Oh!

90.

95 now.

Commission bid at 90.

Thank you.

VO: It's pretty, it's profitable and it puts Team Strachan back into play.

The tuba's next.

Did Martin and James invest wisely - or were they full of wind?

Come on, sea of hands.

12 I've been bid.

14.

16 now, if you want it, for the plated tuba there.

16.

18.

20.

22.

24 now?

It's gonna be sold at £22, then.

All done at 22?

No.

You can see the joy on their face!

VO: A good deal for someone - although not for their neighbors.

Oh, dear.

Oh... Oh, dear, oh, dear, oh, dear!

VO: It's the organ now, and an impromptu performance to woo the bidders.

This is a... Look, it's ever so nice - it works really nicely.

REES: I know, I know.

This is my second challenge of the day!

There it is, there.

(PLAYS) She's pulling all the stops out!

Start me away.

£10, then, quickly.

10, thank you.

12 now, if you want it.

12 I have.

Competition now.

14.

14 on a nod.

16.

God, it reminds me of Sunday school, doesn't it?

It did!

18 I have.

20 now, if you want it.

It's gonna be sold at 18.

VO: Sadly, all the stops just aren't enough!

Well done, Michaela!

Well done.

Lovely.

Lovely.

VO: Martin and James are trailing Michaela and Mark.

Will their big gamble take them into the lead?

22.

24.

26.

28.

Yeah, it's a long way to go... ..160 - we need 100 on.

34.

36.

38.

40 now, if you want.

It's gonna be sold at £38, then.

At 38.

Oh, dear, oh, dear.

All done.

Thank you.

VO: Oh, dear - all hopes punctured after that disappointment.

Oh, dear, oh, dear, oh, dear.

Oh, well.

I can convincingly say I think we've lost that one.

VO: And you'd be convincingly correct!

Our celebrities started with £400 each.

Initially, Martin and James were the swots, but after auction costs they're bottom of the class, with a loss of £171.52, leaving them with only £228.48.

Michaela and Mark made a disparate - and at times despairing - duo, but are today's winners, having lost least money.

With a loss, after costs, of just £39.56, they're left with £360.44.

Our gallant losers accept only one team can be leader of the pack.

MARTIN: You know, when bad things happen in life, you've got to just... Yeah.

..brace yourself, stand tall and walk forward, and not get depressed.

And of course, we had acres of fun.

Yeah.

We have had fun.

Fun.

I don't think I've stopped laughing.

Well done.

Listen, well done.

Lovely to meet you, Martin.

Congratulations, Michaela.

Well, you're coming with me, in the car.

Thank you for... Oh... Love... ..your help and your humor.

And thank you for making me laugh.

Commiserations.

Never mind.

We've learnt a bit, Martin.

I've learnt a lot, now, yeah.

I think we've learnt, basically, to stay with what we're good at.

BOTH: (LAUGH) subtitling@stv.tv