VOICEOVER (VO): It's the nation's favorite antiques experts with £200 each, a classic car and a goal to scour Britain for antiques.

Going, going...gone.

Yes!

I think I've arrived.

VO: The aim - to make the biggest profit at auction, but it's no mean feat.

Yes!

VO: There'll be worthy winners and valiant losers.

Tails.

VO: So will it be the high road to glory, or the slow path to disaster?

Argh!

Argh!

VO: This is the Antiques Road Trip.

Yeah.

Welcome to the final leg of our journey into the philosophy of David Harper and Paul Laidlaw.

To buy or not to buy?

That is the question.

PAUL: The voices in the head are reassuring me.

Buy it, it's gorgeous, it's rare, buy it and then no, no, no, you don't need it, you don't need it.

But look it's a lovely example of its kind.

Yeah.

VO: Two curious experts and this time, two classic cars because although they started out in a red Triumph, mechanical problems mean that they'll cross the line in a blue MG.

I feel sad for the Herald but goodbye.

Hello MG. PAUL: (LAUGHS) VO: Auctioneer Paul is from Scotland and is a maths graduate who almost became an accountant.

A self-confessed antiques geek, he's got quite an eye.

I've got to come clean, it's a Stanhope.

It isn't?

VO: Dealer David is from County Durham.

He admits to never actually having had a "proper" job and is also a lifelong collector.

That is Japanese silver, baby.

VO: He's been chasing Paul all week, and at the last auction finally pipped him.

I'll take that, it's pink trousers time.

VO: David began with £200 and, after four trips to auction, he's increased that to £325.

VO: Paul also started out with £200 and so far he's managed to amass quite a bit more, with precisely £470.26.

VO: David's not giving up though.

My self-confidence is ridiculously high.

Based on nothing.

BOTH: (LAUGH) VO: On this trip our chaps set off from Windermere in the Lake District, before traveling 600 miles and reaching their journey's end in the city of Dundee, Scotland.

Today they kick-off in Glasgow and make their way north and east towards the sea and the deciding auction at Dundee.

VO: Welcome to the second city of the British Empire, Glasgow.

Once an industrial powerhouse, it's packed with impressive architecture.

A fact not missed by Hollywood moviemakers who regularly film here.

PAUL: Glasgow, or Gotham City.

It's amazing, isn't it?

DAVID: It is.

It is a bit of a shock to you and I because we are a bit country bumpkins, at the end of the day, aren't we?

VO: Once all this fabulous sandstone was covered in soot, but the change in the city's industrial focus, combined with the Clean Air Act, means that Glasgow's old buildings, are certainly worth looking up at.

I am going to go and leave you with your new mate.

Try and not buy any junk that is going to make massive profits because it is really rather annoying.

I'm getting a bit of a reputation.

PAUL: See you later.

DAVID: See you.

VO: Now while Paul gets shopping, David has to concentrate on keeping that MG paintwork pristine.

Steady on.

Hello there.

A welcoming party.

How are you doing?

I'm Paul.

Hi, Paul, I'm Ros.

PAUL: Ros, great to see you.

VINCENZO: Vincenzo.

PAUL: Vincenzo.

VINCENZO: Nice to meet you.

I like your style my man.

I like this.

VO: Located in the east end of the city, at the famous Barra's market, Antiques and Collectables should offer up a bargain or two.

That is an early electric fire.

I think it's an accident waiting to happen.

We are never putting this near electricity, but period wise, late 1920s.

VO: It's a traditional Glasgow design influenced by the arts and crafts movement.

The city developed its own distinctive style, which you can glimpse in the most unusual places.

Maybe a bit too quirky for the folks at a general sale in Dundee though.

Plus with a healthy lead, it looks like he's playing it safe for now.

If push came to shove, I would consider these at the right price.

Victorian shaft and globe, heavily cut decanters, hollow blown stoppers - the correct stoppers which is important and no damage.

Not bad.

Ticket price £40.

I wouldn't want to pay more than £10 or £15 for those.

VO: Ha!

Paul seems stuck in a bit of a quandary.

How will his opponent fare a little further along the Clyde, I wonder?

This place is on the large side too, 25,000 square feet apparently.

Better get to work David and try to close that gap.

I'd love to buy this.

Wouldn't that be hilarious if I bought that?

VO: That's one word for it.

Oh, it's £600.

That would be brilliant if I could buy that.

(CHUCKLES) Laidlaw would go mad.

VO: I think we'd all get a bit hot under the collar actually.

Ah, now there's a dealer.

What's he got?

So let's have a look at that, so it's a Canterbury.

Walnut, what is it, 1880?

Something like that?

Yeah, with a hint of arts and crafts.

It's a bit going on there, hasn't it?

Yeah.

On its original porcelain casters probably.

It is, yeah.

VO: A Canterbury is a stand for holding loose leaves of sheet music, or magazines.

In Georgian, or Victorian homes, you could expect to find one beside the piano.

The name may derive from one archbishop of the same name who allegedly commissioned an early example.

Is there a ticket price I wonder?

It would have to be shockingly cheap, that's the problem.

It is shockingly cheap.

What's shockingly cheap to you?

£95 for it.

VO: Crikey Bruce that sounds cheap.

You can't go wrong.

You reckon?

You can't go wrong.

That now, sadly, the buyers of that are dropping off.

Oh, yeah, I know, that's why it's that price.

Ten years ago - £1,200.

You could sell it like that.

Will you take 50 quid for it?

No, I can't do that.

Is that too hard?

It's too hard.

OK. Will you take 60 and we're done?

I'll take 75.

I will meet you at 70.

75.

Go on, shake my hand, £75, thank you very much.

But that's good, it's nice to get a deal done.

VO: Bruce has also got a slightly battered little ink well he'd like to recommend.

It's an interesting little thing, isn't it?

So yeah, onyx base.

Has a tiny wee chip on it though.

Where is that?

Oh, yeah.

Tiny, I mean tiny.

A sweet little inkwell, isn't it?

Bonny thing.

Cloisonne top.

So again, a similar sort of period to the Canterbury there, isn't it?

It is actually, yeah.

You know, 1880, 1900 maybe.

What kind of money is it?

Dead cheap.

I'll go with the dead cheap, no haggling so if it doesn't feel right, I'll just say no.

So... £15 DAVID: Go on then.

BRUCE: You can't lose.

Thank you very much indeed.

No, I can't, I can't lose on that.

That has to be a profit.

VO: A flying start and perhaps some bargains for David.

Now what about his traveling companion?

Last time we saw him, Paul was thinking, albeit not very hard, about those decanters.

No, we've moved on.

That's older than it looks, if that was teak you'd go, "It's 1970s, isn't it, with that line there?"

It's oak and I think it may be 1940s.

VO: Yeah, but what is it?

It's an oak cake stand.

We've got this whole cup cake revolution going on.

All of a sudden auctioneers can sell cake stands.

VO: Don't forget the auction's in Dundee as well.

There you have it, nice and compact.

Pull this little...

Pull that off... VO: Whoops!

PAUL: (SIGHS) ..and then it...

Pop that in there, it secures it.

That's a little diamond, isn't it?

VO: I think he's quite excited.

Easy missed.

(WHISPERS) Has the dealer missed it?

Does he think it's another piece of '70s, maybe Scandinavian inspired?

Right, we've got something.

VO: Sounds like Paul might be onto a bargain.

Suddenly there's even more baking-related paraphernalia.

A big set of counter top beam scales.

In the '80s when there was a vogue for kitchenalia, these were heavily reproduced.

This, however, is an original 19th century set in brass and cast iron, rather elaborate.

The earthenware scales bare the trademark of John White and Son of Auchtermuchty.

How cool is that?

VO: Well, I think that rather depends on the price.

There's £85 on the ticket.

Right, pondering done.

Time to grab Vincenzo and get bargaining.

Right, hit me with prices.

Number one how much are the beam scales in the window?

I couldn't do less than 85.

PAUL: And the cake stand?

VINCENZO: The cake stand.

Yeah, I'll give you a tenner for the cake stand.

No, I think more.

15 quid?

As a start.

As a start.

OK, that's one deal.

VO: £15, not bad Paul.

I'm offering you 50 quid.

No, I couldn't do that.

Look, I will do for you 70.

60 quid and that as well.

75 squids, job done.

Jeez, it is hard to make business with you.

OK, you know what?

Let's do it at 60, 75 with the cake stand.

It's a deal?

PAUL: A pleasure, Vincenzo.

VINCENZO: Pleasure, Paul.

PAUL: Thanks.

VINCENZO: Thank you.. VO: So £15 for the cake stand and £60 for those scales.

He's under way.

Back together again, but car lovers had better cover their ears.

Oh, I love this little car Paul.

I love it.

VO: Our two have now left Glasgow and headed north and east, towards Falkirk.

VO: During the 18th and 19th centuries, Falkirk became a major center of Scotland's Industrial Revolution.

Its wealth partly based on access to the county's burgeoning canal network.

Look at that!

My goodness me.

That is very, very high.

VO: Vertigo sufferer Paul has come for a ride on The Falkirk Wheel.

An award-winning feat of Scottish engineering, which takes her canals into the 21st century.

PAUL: Is it Richard?

RICHARD: Yes.

How are you doing, Paul.

Good to see you Paul.

What a vision to behold.

VO: Around 12 stories high, the wheel - yes, we know it's not really a wheel - is a very modern and astonishingly simple device.

The final link in an £84.5 million project to make the network navigable again.

70 miles of canals had fallen into pretty bad disrepair.

By the 1950s, they were looking to fill in this beautiful canal and turn it into motorways.

Really?

Oh my word!

But slowly and surely, the momentum grew, people's enthusiasm for it grew and they wanted to save it.

VO: By far the biggest task Richard and his team faced was replacing the 11 canal locks required to join the lower Glasgow canal to the much higher Edinburgh route.

We wanted to make sure that we just didn't build another set of locks, that's what they would have done 250 years ago.

We wanted an icon for the 21st century.

We wanted something that would deliver so much more.

VO: Great Scottish engineers, Thomas Telford and James Watt, cut their teeth designing canals, so it's fitting that the Wheel won so many design awards.

I'm getting a strange sensation because I'm a landlubber, so I am already getting my sea legs.

VO: But then it is the world's first and only rotating boatlift.

Really simple in its design.

Everyone can understand quite how it works.

But in scale, it is a thing of beauty.

Now, you say, very simple to understand.

Assume I'm very simple.

These are like giant bathtubs basically and they have a gate on either side of them.

The wheel will then begin rotating around the big major cog up the top.

Slowly and surely, the gondola up top begins to come down.

And it just swaps itself over, both sides are always in balance.

Archimedes principle allows us to do that.

Ah, eureka!

Eureka, we have it.

Any size of boat that sails into this big bathtub displaces its own weight in water.

So always up top and down bottom, always perfectly in balance.

VO: On reaching the Union Canal, via some very fine views, it's easy to see why tourists love it.

Even those with a fear of heights have little to worry about on this gentle trip.

Sitting here in my bathtub, just looking out over the land.

That was alright.

And I am not putting a brave face on it.

PAUL: (CHUCKLES) VO: But while Paul's been going round in circles... ..David's motored on, maneuvering the Midget from Falkirk to Dunblane in Stirlingshire.

David doesn't need much encouragement in the competitiveness stakes of course, but shopping in Wimbledon champion Andy Murray's home town, can only help surely.

Hi, there.

This is lovely.

I'm David Harper.

Hi, there, I'm David.

David as well, well that's easy.

We won't forget that, will we?

Not easily.

VO: Oh, well.

I'm sure we'll cope.

Now it's time to take a good look around, and nestled nicely in the window there's an Oriental vase.

I wonder how long it'll take our Chinese enthusiast to spot it?

You've got a big old pot in the window there.

Yeah.

VO: Not long then.

I think it's going to be too far away... DEALER: Too far away.

DAVID: I'll just try you.

I'll do it for three.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

VO: Sounds pricey.

Any other oriental items?

There's an Imari big plate there.

Imari plate, yeah, I saw that.

Can I have a...

I can do it for 40 quid?

Right then, let's have a look at this together, David.

OK.

So Japanese Imari.

Yeah.

A typical thing really, isn't it?

Decorated on the back as almost all Japanese Imari pieces are.

Typical colors and shape and design.

Circa 1880, 1900 maybe, somewhere round there.

DEALER: 1880s, yeah.

DAVID: Made for our market.

It's a mass produced thing, but still it's hand painted.

Yeah, it's nicely colored.

Even at 40 quid, I think we're too far away.

I'd do it for 30.

Yeah.

That is a bargain.

If it was a tenner I'd have it.

But is that it?

No, that's too far away.

VO: No quite!

I don't think he's serious about it.

Working up for another go at the Chinese vase I fancy.

That big old pot couldn't be 100 quid, could it?

VO: See what I mean.

No.

No chance.

I know I am chancing my arm here.

I know I am.

Yes, the best on the big vase would be 250.

Right.

Can I have a look at it?

Can I bring it out?

Yeah.

Brilliant.

Right, here we go.

Big old lump.

VO: Yeah, big enough for a tennis trophy I'd say.

OK, so it's famille rose.

Painted enamel, again, typical scene, would have been one of a pair obviously.

Circa 1900, might be 1920.

Yeah, yeah.

It's a tourist piece made for the West and it's the kind of thing that people might get carried away with in auction.

Any damage David, do you know?

I think the rim's been done up here, hasn't it?

Couldn't be one and a half could it?

No.

No.

Sorry.

Really?

250 and you get the stand with it as well.

Just trying to work out how much money I've got.

VO: Shopkeeper David's standing his ground, but we've seen our David try his "count the cash" routine before.

Or maybe he really doesn't know how much he has got?

Would 160 get it?

I'd give it to you for 200 and that is it.

I'd go 160.

There's the cash.

180 and you've got a deal.

That's it.

That is it.

And who are you against?

Paul Laidlaw, he's a killer.

Aye, but he's Scottish!

I know he is.

VO: I'm not sure that was a wise move David.

David, I am going to be horrible.

170 and I'm done.

170.

Good man.

Thank you very much.

You got a good deal, I tell you.

DAVID: I think a fantastic deal.

DEALER: You have.

I really appreciate it and that is so up my street.

Right!

Now I've got to carry the blighter.

VO: No complaints please, after a deal like that David.

VO: It's the end of another busy day, just one more sleep and the final auction will be almost here.

VO: Nighty night.

Next morning Paul shares his breakfast secrets.

You put the salt in the porridge as you're making it and then a wee bit of sugar on the top... Oh, when no-one's looking.

VO: David certainly set off at a canter yesterday.

Spending £260 on an ink well, a vase and a very fine Canterbury, leaving him just £65 to spend today.

You can't go wrong.

You reckon?

VO: While in the lead Paul was a great deal more cautious.

Freeing just £75 from his overstuffed wallet, for some Victorian scales and a cake stand, leaving almost £400 available for today's shopping.

That's a little diamond, isn't it?

VO: Later they'll be making for the auction up in Dundee, but our next stop is in deepest Perthshire at Rait.

Feeling lucky, punk?

Of course I'm feeling lucky, I always feel lucky, don't I?

I know and it'll happen one day.

One day.

They used to give lessons in how to get out of these things gracefully, didn't they?

You just take your time.

I must sign up for one.

You're not getting any younger are you?

Let's be honest.

VO: This is a substantial place, lots of shops, lots of dealers.

Room for them both to take a good look, without fear of discovering the other lurking around the corner.

That's a bit of a struggle, but delicious things.

VO: Paul's already getting itchy feet.

While David with just £65 in his pocket, is putting a brave face on some very nice things.

When you walk into a shop like this that looks absolutely immaculate, half of your job has already been done.

The stock is fab.

Now all I need to do, sounds easy, is buy something for very little money.

VO: Like these two perhaps?

Very "David" sort of items I'd say.

A pair of jade cups in that cabinet.

Probably no fantastic age.

I would have thought they were 1920s, but they're just quite a nice color.

VO: Andrew's ticket price is £65.

They've got that mottled jade.

If you hold that up to the light, it just absolutely is magnificent.

I mean that is, never mind 1920s, that is millions of years old.

The piece of jade is, yeah.

The piece of jade is millions of years old.

As a rule of thumb, if it looks really crude and almost rounded in its shape, and not very detailed, that is the earlier jade.

These aren't ancient.

I can just see the swirl marks where it's been turned on some kind of lathe.

So I rate those as very chancy pieces... ..and right up my street for Chinese.

They couldn't be 25 for the pair, could they?

I think I would struggle at that I think.

They are utterly gorgeous.

Make them 30 and I'll have them.

Make them 35 and you've got a deal.

I will have them, thank you, Andrew.

Absolutely marvelous, thank you very much.

VO: Hang on here's Paul, look.

Still having trouble spending, but at least he's actually got some cash to worry about.

I know I'm being cautious.

I'm looking for the safe bets.

That's not my style!

I am still looking for good things, but I'm thinking, "Hm, no, not at that price".

I'm losing my mojo.

VO: It was only one reverse, Paul.

Come on, get back on the horse.

Right, never mind that.

I'll show you some things.

VO: Finally about to fork out, are we?

A pair of little pickle forks.

Sweet.

Arguably redundant.

By...Charles Horner.

We associate Charles Horner of course with fabulous... lovely art nouveau pieces of small jewelry and so on.

Hat pins and brooches.

That name sells.

May I have a look in this cabinet please?

These don't disappoint.

I love the little terminals on those tines there.

There's a little return and it just accentuates them.

A pair, that's a plus.

That said, they're not an easy sell.

And it's only the Charles Horner thing that gives them a fighting chance.

You've got 50 on them.

Is there much slack in that?

There is a little bit.

35 I could do those for.

I'll no haggle any further at 30, I'll just take them.

Yeah, OK. PAUL: Easy.

ANDREW: Deal.

Thank you very much, Andrew.

VO: Whilst Paul's been reacquainting himself with his wallet, David's slipped nextdoor.

Hi, there, I'm David Harper.

Hi, Raine.

Raine, lovely to meet you.

You too.

Hi, there.

Thank you very much.

Fabulous things all over the place.

Great.

I'd love to find something really quirky.

Odd.

You don't like this sort of Scottish vernacular stuff?

Yeah, I do, what have you got?

An old door lock.

That's the sort of thing I love.

I do.

This is a bit mad.

VO: Ah, he's clocked that.

It is, it is completely mad.

I like a bit of madness.

Does it work?

I doesn't work, no, at the moment.

What have you got that described as?

Continental, isn't it?

Art deco-y, but it's one of those art deco, made definitely within period, probably 1935, but a cheapy.

Yes, absolutely.

Not made for anyone with any money, that's for sure.

No.

How much?

Because I literally have 25.

£25.

That's all I have got left.

Raine, that's it.

VO: 30 actually David.

I can't do that for 25, I am sorry.

DAVID: Are you sure?

RAINE: Yeah.

I mean it isn't...

I mean...

I just think it's got a great novelty funny value.

I know, but I paid more than that.

Are you sure?

Do you want to have a look at your book?

Let me just go and check my book.

Go on then.

VO: So while Raine "checks" what she paid for the clock, David will hopefully have a bit of a recount himself.

Before you say anything, I have to come clean because I've just done my calculations and I don't have 25, I've got 30, but I don't want to give you 30.

I still want to give you 25.

25!

Right, OK... Having looked at my book, I was telling you a little porky, because it would give me a slim profit on that as it happens.

Oh... Oh... As it happens.

So... Shall we do it?

Yeah, why not?

25.

Fine OK.

Thank you very much indeed.

Good luck with it.

Brilliant.

VO: All smiles again.

That's a relief.

Thank you.

VO: All smiles on the road, too.

Traveling east from Rait towards the coast and St Andrews.

VO: In medieval times, the town was an important center of pilgrimage.

What a lovely place actually.

Isn't it delightful?

Yeah, very nice.

There's a university here, isn't there?

Isn't it one of the oldest universities in Europe?

VO: It is!

But there's yet another venerable and prestigious institution based in St Andrews - namely The Royal and Ancient Golf Club, known worldwide as the home of the game.

Didn't they film Chariots Of Fire on that beach?

I think you could be quite correct.

VO: Yes, that too!

David, although obviously not a golfer himself, does have form having bagged a pile of golf gear earlier in the trip.

He must have got the bug, because now he's come to take a look behind the scenes, at the museum dedicated to the sport.

You must be Laurie?

That's right, Laurie Rae, nice to meet you.

Great to meet you and I must say, this is the furthest north I've been in Scotland.

Dearie me, well..

It's terrible.

I'm glad you've made it up this far at least.

VO: The game is said to have originated in Scotland and the very first reference was back in 1457, when it was banned by James II, so as not to distract his subjects from their archery practice!

But although they were playing here at St Andrews back in the 16th century, the first rules were actually written in Edinburgh.

This is the very first minute book of The Royal and Ancient Golf Club.

Would you like to have a look?

I'd love to.

I mean the book itself and the handwriting is just beautiful.

They're lovely artifacts in themselves.

I love the English.

"Articles and laws in playing the golf".

That's right, aye.

So what's rule number one?

You must tee your ball within a club length of the hole.

That's fascinating.

Yeah.

VO: The capital may have had quite a say, but St Andrews was known as the metropolis of golf, and by the 19th century, with the advent of professionalism, players began looking to The Royal and Ancient to govern the game.

The British Open began in 1860 and local boy Tom Morris was an early champion, striking the very first shot, before winning several times.

In the store room they have examples of Morris's homemade golf balls.

Wow.

Just feels wonderful, doesn't it?

It's not perfect in any way.

Is that because it's been beaten so many times and would it have been an absolute perfect sphere?

It was certainly as spherical as they could get it.

It's basically made by stitching pieces of leather and they're stuffed incredibly full with feathers.

Feathers?

It could be light enough to be struck, but it is also, as you can feel it, it's very firm.

It's as tough as old boots, isn't it?

It really is.

This is an example of, again from around the 1850s.

This is a Hugh Philp of St Andrews club.

This is the type of club that you would have used alongside the feather ball.

So you can see how incredibly elegant they are.

Elegant.

That is absolutely beaut...

It's just a piece of art.

Philp himself was one of the most renowned club makers of that period, sometimes called the Stradivarius of club making.

VO: Throughout its history, the R & A has staunchly maintained a men-only membership policy, so it's surprising to discover that St Andrews was also where, in 1867, the world's first women's golf club was born.

Look at the clothing they're wearing there.

That must have been very difficult.

It was incredibly restrictive.

You can see them with their bonnets, bustles, heavy volume of skirts.

Certainly very difficult to play in.

Indeed it was discouraged, if not impossible for the ladies to swing a club above their shoulders.

VO: One of the more shocking exhibits at the museum is the cabinet dedicated to Gloria Minoprio.

Famous not so much for her golfing prowess, as for introducing, in 1933, a very practical innovation.

Trousers!

That was a shock?

It certainly was, yeah, even the Ladies' Golf Union issued a statement deploring this move by her.

There was reports on her wearing the trousers as far away as Australia, so it certainly made a big impression in the golfing world.

Did she go on to become anything special in the golfing world?

Not really, I'm afraid not, no and in fact she then trained as a conjuror.

Ah!

That is fantastic, I would have loved to have met a woman like that.

VO: Trust David, of the infamous pink strides, to identify with some scandalous trousers.

But how about Paul?

On the back nine and looking for a birdie or two?

Or better still a rummage!

PAUL: I'm Paul.

FELICITY: Felicity.

Hello.

Felicity, lovely to see you.

Very nice to see you too.

I like this.

It's got a lovely feel.

A lovely feel, great ambiance.

There's no way I'm walking past your door ever.

VO: That's it, Paul, get stuck in.

There's got to be treasure tucked away here somewhere.

What's all that?

VO: Ah-ha!

Badges and so on.

A good old Black Watch, the Royal Highland regiment.

That's the Fife and Forfar... What is that one?

PAUL: Fife and Forfar Yeomanry.

FELICITY: Oh, is it?

That's a signaler's qualification badge and a little bronze rank pip.

And that is a little Argyll and Sutherland Highlanders watch fob, I guess.

That there is in a strip sealed bag is an auctionable lot.

OK!

What is the price on it?

Well, what shall we say?

Don't be too ambitious.

There's nothing in there that's any way rare and I am going to be really straight with you, Felicity.

The best thing in there is the watch fob.

But there is a nice little puckle there.

50?

No.

There's £25 to £35 worth there I reckon, nine times out of ten.

So I want to give you 20 quid for them.

25?

This is me being very tough.

30?

We shook!

Shall I see if I can spend something else?

Yes.

Great!

VO: Yes, a good find, deserves a hand.

Now what's that in the window?

We have early 20th century split cane, two-piece fly rod.

Look at that little turned keeper there.

(POP) Did you hear that?

I heard a pop like a champagne cork.

That's precision!

This was made by Robert Turnbull from Edinburgh.

Was he famous?

He made rods for all the Royal Family and the Tsars and the last one of these made £70,000.

No way?

I'm just making all of that up.

You made it up!

You rotter.

VO: Really, Paul!

But it's honest as the day is long and it's straight.

It's not worth a great deal, you know that, I know that, but you've not over cooked that at £18.

It's cheap.

Not cheap enough.

VO: Come on Felicity.

Don't let him run rings around you.

17 to you.

We're not going down to pounds, we'll be here forever Felicity.

You know me?

Yes, we are, cuz this is your last shot and I know you've got plenty of money.

VO: Well said!

Drat!

Drat!

It's worth a tenner to me.

Not worth any more.

It is worth a tenner.

You are so tough.

Tommy, come on, come and negotiate.

VO: Ah, back-up!

I refuse to see you bullied down... See I needed him.

..to this ridiculous price.

VO: Oh, lordy!

12.

Yeah, try for 12.

Shall we try for 12?

Maybe 12.50.

VO: Felicity!

You're a right bad one for shaking a hand and then bumping it up again.

I know.

50p!

We're not doing 50p.

£12, that is a lovely deal for both of us.

OK, very good.

Thanks again.

Thank you.

VO: Now let's get their purchases out in the open.

Huh!

Remember all those times you said to me, be gentle with me?

Yes?

Be gentle with me David.

Really?

You're not feeling confident?

Really?

Oh, ho!

Mr Harper!

OK, go for it, you reveal.

Oh.

Oh...

It doesn't look too bad now that I see it again.

That's a good looking Victorian scale.

Late 19th century I assume?

Yeah.

John Watts and Son of Auchtermuchty.

(WITH SCOTTISH ACCENT) Auchtermuchty?

No!

DAVID: This I like.

PAUL: Do you?

I do very much.

I like the original bag, that's good.

This, your cake stand, good fun thing, nice design, it's got a very good style.

I'm glad you like that.

For me... ..it's my favorite lot.

VO: This is a very civilized affair.

Mother-of-pearl, are they hallmarked?

Silver?

Charles Horner.

Oh, very good make Charles Horner.

Dull as dishwater, the last thing I would have looked at, but Charles Horner.

Again, it's yesterday.

Welcome to the 21st century.

DAVID: Here we go.

PAUL: You... DAVID: Hang on.

PAUL: What?

Hang on.

Min...ding...dong.

Which hotel is now missing... (LAUGHS) ..a famille rose jardiniere?

VO: That's more like it!

So there's been a massive chunk out of there, has there?

Not really.

What do you mean not really?

Not a massive one, it's had wear and it's been touched in in places.

You don't eat my wares.

It's been missing a massive chunk.

It's all patched!

Ah, get on with it, it's decorative.

VO: One item savaged.

Now lovebirds.

Tell me the clock works?

No, has that cheered you up?

Has that cheered you up?

It's poor quality, I know that.

VO: What will he make of the Canterbury?

Original handles, original porcelain feet, 1870, 1880, it's a very good thing.

I don't think you can buy cheap Canterburys and that I really like.

What did you pay?

DAVID: 75 quid.

PAUL: Oh!

Interesting.

Nail-biter, nail-biter.

VO: But what did they really think?

I don't think Paul has anything of any super-duper merit, apart from possibly the fishing rod.

The rest of it is... ..ordinary, unexciting and not worth very much money.

It's all about the Canterbury.

He has got that at a hell of a price.

Well done that man.

If it does £250, that bridges the gap.

The Chinese vase is rubbish.

If he was unlucky, he loses the profit that he makes on the Canterbury with a pot.

VO: After starting out in Glasgow, the final leg of our trip will conclude on the east coast of Scotland, at Dundee.

Now this town is justly famous for its jam, jute and journalism.

VO: Meaning the cloth they used to make, the marmalade they still do and the publisher responsible for some of Britain's most famous comics.

But as well as all that, Dundee gave us The Average White Band!

Now what's Paul got on?

It's pink trousers time again.

You know they say it takes a real man to wear pink Paul Laidlaw.

A real man.

It's an homage really.

VO: Quite.

Welcome to Curr and Dewar, where I'm sure the Dundonians will be anxious to pick up a few pieces.

I wonder if auctioneer Steven Dewar considers any of our experts' lots above average?

I do like the Canterbury That's a nice bit of figured walnut.

I think that one could do quite well.

The Chinese vase, it's a good size, but it has restoration.

That I think could hold it back.

VO: David began with £325 and he's spent almost all of it, a total of £320, on five auction lots.

VO: While Paul started out with £470.26 and he's spent a mere £142, also on five lots.

VO: The final auction approaches and David, as always, is irrepressible.

I'm slightly nervous, but very excited.

Because the estimates are good.

VO: Well, let's see how his bargain inkwell fares for a start.

Nice item there onyx and gilded.

Interest on this one starts me off at £20.

I've £20 on commission, take two anywhere for the inkwell.

I've £20, are you sure folks?

For the inkwell there, £20.

22, 25?

I have £25, commission buyer.

I have £25, last chance with me... DF, thank you very much.

VO: A profit, but it shouldn't disturb his rival.

I feel I got away lightly there.

VO: Now for Paul's even cheaper fishing rod.

Start me off £10.

Surely now for the split cane rod...

Surely now, come on.

Surely now.

Ten is the wave sir.

Keep going, I need more than that.

12 bid.

£12.

That's it.

Are you sure?

Got my money back.

£12 we have.

At £12.

15.

Slow, slow and steady.

At £15... Fair.

A trickle of a profit.

VO: Quite a catch for someone.

It's hardly a scorching start for us there.

No.

VO: Paul has much higher hopes for his Auchtermuchty scales though.

Who'll start me off £50?

30 only?

Surely?

30 in the middle.

At 35, 40, five, 50... ..five, 60, five, 70, five, 80... DAVID: Oh... STEVEN: five, 90, five.

95 lady's bid.

He's a nice auctioneer, isn't he?

Now you like him.

He is a nice man.

100.

And 10.

110 at the back.

Last chance, sir?

At 110 all done?

Is it me, or did the sun just come out?

VO: A fine profit puts Paul ahead.

Don't look round, the back, you cannae see the back wall for Chinese people on mobile phones.

What could they be here for?

There's only one Chinese object in here.

What's that?

My vase.

No!

VO: He's toying with you, David.

What will we say for this one, £100?

Or 50?

There you go.

Surely now £50?

30?

VO: Oh, dear, David.

30 is bid.

At £30 now, any advance at £30?

First bid in £30, five anywhere?

No.

At £30, surely?

VO: He's trying his best.

At £30, the only bid we received.

At £30... Are you absolutely sure?

Five.

40.

No, £40.

At £40... Drop the hammer.

Five.

50.

No, £50.

At 50 now.

Last chance folks.

At £50, are you sure?

PAUL: Yes.

DAVID: No.

Mr Walsh, thank you.

VO: A loss that can at best be described as stonking.

So I am going to wish you all the luck in the world and I sincerely mean that.

VO: Now presenting Paul's pickle forks.

Nice pair of forks there, interest starts me off on commission at £20.

At £20 for the pair of forks there.

22, 24 on commission.

At £24.

26.

At £26, any advance at 26?

£26.

VO: Nothing like that vase though!

Paul wasn't too excited about his militaria either, but he knows his stuff, so let's just see.

What will we start?

£30?

20?

10 only?

Ten is bid, militaria.

12 ma'am, 15, 18, 20, 22, 25, 28, 30, 32, 35, 38, 40, 42, 45.

45 in the front.

At £45 any advance?

At £45 now... 45.

VO: An honorable return on those.

Time for David's crazy clock.

Interest on this one, what will we say, £30?

20?

15 folks?

Surely, good art deco style.

15 is bid.

At £15, any advance at 15?

18, 20.

£20 in the front here, at £20.

Anybody else?

For the clock there at £20 all done... £20 now, thank you.

VO: But a small loss.

I've worked out to beat you I need to sell the Canterbury for £48,000.

PAUL: (SNORTS) VO: Quite an exaggeration, David, but it's not looking good, you're right old fruit.

Perhaps your little goblets can help?

What will we say for these?

£50?

Or 30?

20 and go?

Can't tempt you in?

20 only.

Surely we can get a bid for £20 out there for the pair?

Oh, no... No interest...

Thinking of dead horses.

£20 is bid sir, thank you.

At £20 and five anywhere?

At £20, first bidder, first price all done?

Thank you.

VO: It's all turning out very badly for David.

I cannae sit by and watch this happen.

Thanks Paul, that makes me feel a lot better.

It's going to be alright.

It's going to be alright.

VO: Dundee?

Cakes?

How can Paul's bargain stand fail?

Interest on this one at £25 commission.

£25, 30, five... Eurgh, unbelievable.

It's cheap enough.

That's a nice piece of furniture that.

At £35.

Are you bidding?

Last chance then?

At £35, commission buyer...

Thank you, Wiseman.

VO: Crumbs!

Another profit for Paul.

You were right about pink trousers, changes your complexion, I mean everything has just gone swimmingly the day.

VO: The last lot is the Canterbury that Paul was rather afraid of.

It has to make an absolute fortune for David to win.

We are for the Canterbury there, a good looking Canterbury.

And I have interest on my book which starts me off at £250.

At £250 for the Canterbury, at 250.

At 250 on commission.

At £250.

At 250 opening bid.

STEVEN: Are you all done?

DAVID: Come on.

..at 250.

It's happened to me again.

PAUL: One bidder.

DAVID: One bid.

250, thank you very much.

That is a good result.

Big result, what a way to go out.

Not really, not really.

..you loser.

VO: David began with £325 and despite that final surge, he's made a small loss of £15.70 after paying auction costs.

Leaving him with a total for the week of £309.30.

VO: Paul started out with £470.26 and, after paying auction costs, he's made a profit of £47.42.

So Paul wins this leg and the week's trip with £517.68.

VO: All profits donated to Children In Need.

Well done, chaps.

Let your pink pants do the driving.

PAUL: (LAUGHS) PAUL: Victorious pink pants.

DAVID: Welcome to your new life.

BOTH: (LAUGH) # If you're ever in a jam, here I am.

# I love that!

# If you're ever in a mess, SOS.

# DAVID: No?

DEALER: No.

No?

No.

# If you ever feel so happy, you land in jail # I'm your bail # It's friendship, friendship # Just a perfect blendship... # I've always said you were amazing.

Paul, you know what, I think I love you.

# Ours will still be hot.

# VO: Next on the Antiques Road Trip, Charlie takes on the Iron lady.

Margaret Thatcher - this teapot's not for pouring.

VO: And Thomas takes on Charlie.

Do I need this for Rosco?

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