[MUSIC PLAYING] NARRATOR: The nation's favorite celebrities-- Oh.

I just want to touch base.

NARRATOR: --paired up with an expert-- Boo!

NARRATOR: --and a classic car.

No hands!

NARRATOR: Their mission-- to scour Britain for antiques.

My office, now!

NARRATOR: The aim-- to make the biggest profit at auction, but it's no easy ride.

Who will find a hidden gem?

[HORN HONKS] I like that.

NARRATOR: Who will take the biggest risk?

This could end in disaster.

NARRATOR: Will anybody follow expert advice?

But I love this.

Why would you buy something you're not going to use?

NARRATOR: There will be worthy winners and valiant losers.

No, I don't want to shake hands.

NARRATOR: Put your pedal to the metal.

Let me get first gear.

NARRATOR: This is the "Celebrity Antiques Road Trip."

[THEME MUSIC] Yeah.

On there, in this "Antiques Road Trip," are two gents with long careers in the fourth estate, broadcasters John Sargeant and Peter White.

They are traveling in a sweet 1961 Morris Minor convertible, manufactured before seatbelts were compulsory, so they're not wearing any.

Seatbelts, that is.

I haven't driven a car like this for more than 40 years.

We had one like this with my wife, the first car we bought, we were terribly proud of it, and-- I had no idea.

Good gear change.

Oh, gosh, if I'd done that.

At least you can hear them all, though.

Modern cars are quite boring for blind people, because they just purr along, you know.

Nothing much happens.

Whereas driving with you is very exciting.

NARRATOR: Broadcaster Peter white has been on the airways for five decades.

A stalwart of Radio 4 since the '70s, Peter has been blind since birth and is the BBC'S correspondent on disability affairs.

As reporters, we are competitive, aren't we?

Well, but I'm very competitive as well.

I already won a cooking prize.

I've also won a stand-up with various other BBC notables.

Right.

Stand-up comedy, and the assumption there was I think that I got the sympathy vote, but I don't think that's true.

I think I was much funnier than all of them.

NARRATOR: Ha!

John Sergeant is a broadcasting legend, a journalist for 30 years rising to political editor at the BBC before retirement, brought roles on "Strictly Come Dancing" and fronting many subsequent documentaries.

JOHN SERGEANT: I can't be allowed to win, can I?

I mean, it would be-- it would be wrong.

It would be bad.

It would be-- it would be immoral, wouldn't it?

Because you have this unfair advantage of being able to see.

Yes.

I'm suspicious that there'll be a dump-- this will be a double bluff, and because everybody will assume that the blind person is going to win out of sympathy or whatever it is-- Yes, that is good.

--and then what will happen is that out of the blue, guess what, John Sergeant, who can see these antiques, wins.

He win a double twist.

A double twist.

NARRATOR: Hmm.

Lost me there.

Over to our antiques double twist now, James Braxton and Phil Serrell traveling in a 1980 MG BGT.

Now I fear for you, Phillip.

Why is that?

Well, they're brainy.

They're top broadcasters.

PHILIP SERRELL: What are you trying to say, James?

Well, I'm worried that your old gray matter is up to it.

PHILIP SERRELL: Well, I've had a word with the one gray cell, and I think we're going to be on form.

Oh, you're going to be on form, are you.

What about you, though?

I'm fine, because I can employ many, many words.

My lexicon is fully maintained by constant study and readership of PG Wodehouse.

NARRATOR: Which is as good a qualification for this program as any.

You've got command of the language.

So, you can describe things, can't you, and that can be impressive.

PETER WHITE: I mean, I shouldn't play it down too much.

I mean, touch is quite important because part of the pleasure of a lot of antique is the feel of them.

Whether that enables me to value anything is another question, because you can only say what the value is to you.

NARRATOR: Indeed.

Time to rendezvous.

Look at this, very stately, two senior veteran broadcasters approaching.

Here come the boys.

What a very smooth motion there.

Well done.

Are we all right there?

Very good, very nicely done.

Well, here we are.

We get out, if we can get this to work.

NARRATOR: James and Phil, meet John and Peter.

Right.

Well, look, we're a team, aren't we?

Yeah.

In the metaphors of sport, were a small one.

We are small, but we're incredibly powerful.

We are powerful.

Shall we just go and show him how it's done?

Yeah, let's.

Yes.

I think I ought to drive.

You can drive until we get into the country.

[LAUGHING] Right.

Let me show you the way.

NARRATOR: Duly paired up, they're ready to hit the road.

[MUSIC PLAYING] JAMES BRAXTON: Are you a collector of anything antiques?

No, but I have a little bit of a weakness for sort of sailing things.

OK, OK.

So, you know, telescopes.

I always imagine that you're in that sort of silly world where you're trying to pretend that you're a great captain.

So it's barnacles.

It's knots.

All that sort of nonsense.

Or fish, stuffed fish.

Stuffed fish, nautical.

I have a weakness for all that stuff.

OK. Yeah.

Well, let's see if we can satisfy that weakness.

Yeah.

NARRATOR: Stuffed fish, eh?

I wonder what Peter's interested in netting.

PETER WHITE: Two things I'd like, I do like tactile things, obviously.

I love rounded shapes.

That's why you're with me.

[LAUGHS] And the other thing, of course, I like are things that make a noise.

You like things that make a noise?

PETER WHITE: I like music boxes.

It's a bit specific, though, isn't it?

I mean, you know, we've got to beat this John Sergeant.

NARRATOR: Yes, you do.

With 400 pounds each in their pocket, our teams are sailing South of the River Thames and touring the B-roads and byways of Surrey, before tootling to auction in Windsor.

John and James are starting the road trip on the south bank of the Thames, in the Surrey town of East Molesey.

I almost think it's a good sign when the stock spills onto the streets.

NARRATOR: At the first shop, Hampton Court Emporium, a veritable cornucopia of antique delights await our treasure.

Hunters Oh, I do like this.

Now, look at this.

JAMES BRAXTON: What's that?

It's pretty.

Have you got granddaughters?

JAMES BRAXTON: Not yet, no.

Well, when you have, you want them to want something like this.

Now, they may not like it.

They may want something that goes whizz and bubbly bubbly and be electronic.

But you see, for a grandparent, that's lovely, vintage traveling sewing kit.

And you think, how industrious, how sweet, but I like the idea of giving that to a granddaughter.

That would be lovely, wouldn't it?

These are unusual.

You see, you've got-- these are-- you've got thread wound round card there, but these were things like thread crosses.

So if you took it-- it was thrift.

You could save thread, wind it around there.

Now, what about the price, though?

25.

Doesn't seem a lot to me, does it?

No, I think we can probably-- What's the case like?

Is that leather or plastic?

JOHN SERGEANT: It feels like leather.

JAMES BRAXTON: Really?

JOHN SERGEANT: Yeah.

Feels like leather, looks like leather, therefore, is leather.

We might take that.

And you never know, we might secure it for 15 or something.

Or 10.

Or 10 even.

10 would be wonderful, wouldn't it?

10.

NARRATOR: I hope!

For a first shop, 10 would indeed be amazing.

Back in the MG, Peter and Phil are talking tactics.

I'm not very good at bargaining.

I always feel sorry for people selling things, you know.

It's not going to be any use to you, is it?

No, no, no, no.

But what is interesting for me working with you, I'm a great believer that your fingertips tell you as much as your eyes do.

Does it help you value it, though?

That's the thing.

Well, if you want to value it, you've got the wrong bloke with you.

PETER WHITE: Oh, really?

NARRATOR: He jests.

Worry not, Peter.

Have the others found anything of value?

Lots of curios everywhere, aren't they?

Well, that's good.

I like those, the Great Exhibition.

It still fills me with something-- I don't mean pride, what's it got to do with me, but it's still an amazing structure in Hyde Park, isn't it?

You think of it there, and the biggest at that time in the world.

And we must not forget, you know, what was built off the back of it, the Victoria and Albert Museum, National History Museum, the Albert Hall.

But also it's the idea that, you know, we are the country of the Industrial Revolution, and we're going to show it off.

And we're going to show off all the things we can make now.

It's not a reprint, John, is it?

Don't you think?

Well, it doesn't look like that to me.

I think that this is-- If that's not a reprint, that's a fabulous item.

Well, it's only 18 pounds, isn't it?

That's nothing.

That doesn't seem to be-- it's got a nice frame.

JAMES BRAXTON: You are handling history and a winner.

NARRATOR: I love it, buy it.

Very decisive.

Let's talk to Valerie.

Valerie!

Don't say it's a good item.

Hello.

Hello, gentlemen.

Right.

Well, we've got a selection.

Ah, you found something.

It's, I'm afraid, disappointing when it comes to price.

Oh.

Oh, dear.

I mean, we like it, but we're worried about giving you too much money.

[LAUGHS] That's an unusual approach, John, isn't it?

What I've noticed, Valerie, it's been cut out, hasn't it, from its original thing-- Oh, yes, they have.

--and then just laid on a later thing here.

Well, might that affect the price?

I'll phone the gentleman up, and I'll find out what he will do.

Just say, you want to help this poor, you know, rather difficult person who-- I shall tell him.

OK.

I'll make a phone call and see what we can do.

Yeah.

Please.

What would you be happy paying for that, John?

The trouble is, I'd be very happy to pay the price that's on it.

What?

I know, but-- is that the problem?

Have I said something wrong?

No, it's a game.

Remember, it's a game.

Right.

NARRATOR: But is the dealer playing?

They would love to know what your best price is.

12 pounds.

Oh!

12.

Did you say John Sergeant?

[BOTH LAUGHING] NARRATOR: She did, it's a deal at 12 pounds.

And what about that present for a granddaughter that John liked?

The sewing case, priced at 25 pounds.

JAMES BRAXTON: What could you do, Valerie, without your head being chopped off?

Without my head being chopped off, I could do 20.

Worth every penny, isn't it?

I think so.

NARRATOR: Two items for a total of 32 pounds, an excellent start.

Nice flowers.

John, John, two fine, fine purchases.

I think we deserve lunch and I can smell it.

Lunch?

Over there.

Over there.

NARRATOR: Bon appetit, chaps!

[MUSIC PLAYING] Meanwhile, before their shopping commences, Phil's taking his journalist on a special sporting assignment, which should please Peter.

If you could have been any sportsman of any era, who would you have been?

Oh, do you know, I love boxing.

I love it.

Oh, Ali.

Well, yeah, but I wouldn't have wanted to be Ali because I can't imagine being somebody like that.

But he's the greatest sportsman of the 20th century.

I think he probably is.

But I'd want to be someone like-- who remembers Terry Downes?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

All-action Cockney middleweight fighter.

Slugger.

Slugger.

I would have like to be Terry Downes.

Well, that's a good answer, one I wasn't expecting.

NARRATOR: There'll be no fighting today, however, or it just wouldn't be cricket.

Our chaps are heading off to Chertsey, in the borough of Runnymede, and one of the country's most historic cricket clubs, to meet club historian Martin Allen.

PETER WHITE: So, how old is Chelsea club, then?

Well, we've been playing here just 100 years, but the club can trace itself back to 1737.

So there's the friendliest of rivalries between clubs as to which is the oldest, but we must be one of the oldest five, six seven cricket clubs in the entire world.

But there's some lovely stories of teams from Hambledon coming up to Chertsey.

And of course, in those days, horse and cart, take two or three days to get here.

They'd have their game.

They'd then play, and they'd take two or three days to get home.

PHILIP SERRELL: Sounds like a great trip to me.

And they would play for winnings.

20 guineas, 50 guineas, 100 guineas.

Why don't you come and look at the square and see what the wicket looks like?

I'd love to stick my finger in the ground and see how it is.

Yeah, you can be the moisture meter.

NARRATOR: The club is very proud of one of its early cricketers who came to be known as the first great bowler in the history of the game.

His name, Edward "Lumpy" Stevens.

Don't you love it?

MARTIN ALLEN: Nobody quite knows where he got his nickname from.

It was either to do with some warts on his face, which is a little unkind, or it was to do with his prodigious appetite, or to do with the fact that in those days there was no preparation of the wicket like there is here.

The bowler would go out and pick where the wicket was going to be pitched, and he would always pick somewhere with lumps on it.

Because he wanted to play somewhere it would be in his favor.

He was born-- nobody knows exactly, that's records in those days, 1735 or so, but was playing for Chertsey between about 1756 and 1790, that sort of time.

How did the game look?

Presumably, it was very different then.

Oh, totally different, almost unrecognizable from today.

Because there was no standard size of the bat, length of the bat, width of the bat.

And one of the big changes was in those days, there were two stumps only and one solid bail.

And "Lumpy" Stevens was part of the revolution that that brought around, because in a famous game, he was bowling to John Small, who was recognized as the best batsman in the country in those days.

And three times in Small's innings, Lumpy bowled the ball went through the gap between the two stumps.

And, of course, he wasn't out.

Because it hadn't dislodged the bail?

MARTIN ALLEN: Just lost the bail.

And Lumpy, being a very competitive cricketer, was furious at that fact.

The lawmakers in those days met in the Star and Garter pub in Pall Mall and said, we need a third stump.

And so the third stump was decreed to be part of the wicket, and the very first game with the third stump was played at Leyland Burway, which is a couple of miles down the river from here, on the 5th of September, 1776, between Chertsey and Hambledon.

And we here at Chertsey now have our bar that's called The Third Stump.

NARRATOR: Peter has loved cricket since he was a boy and played at school.

PETER WHITE: It was a blind school, so they were all blind teams.

We did run, so we ran.

So you've got two blind people running in opposite directions from each other, and I took a single, and I thought there was a quick second if I turned fast.

I turned, ran back, ran straight into the blind wicketkeeper, who'd come out from behind to pick up the ball, broke me nose!

Good Lord.

But I went off, got treated, and then came back and completed my innings with a broken nose.

Did you win the game?

We did, and I got from 5 to 10 with a broken nose.

NARRATOR: Ouch.

Time for the chaps to take a turn.

Blind cricket is played using an ordinary cricket bat and a ball which emits a bell like sound.

Shot!

I think that's four runs, that, Peter.

Ready?

Yeah.

Oh, good shot!

That's a great shot!

NARRATOR: While Peter and Phil are having a great innings in Chertsey, John and James are heading east to the Kingston Antique Center for more sport of the antiques kind.

The lemon curd has arrived.

[LAUGHS] NARRATOR: And look at this spread of goodies.

Oh, isn't this lovely?

So much variety, isn't there?

JOHN SERGEANT: Oh, this is nice.

Look at this.

This is journalist's heaven.

JAMES BRAXTON: Did you use a typewriter?

JOHN SERGEANT: Of course, I did.

Really?

No, the last one I bought was in 1980, because I had to write a script for a film for a documentary.

Yeah.

And I had a typewriter like this, and I thought, now I've made it.

I had to learn-- JAMES BRAXTON: To touch-type.

JOHN SERGEANT: To touch-type because that meant you were a tough reporter and knew what you're doing.

It didn't matter if you were typing correctly.

You're making this lovely noise.

You're right.

It is a lovely noise.

And it is.

And it meant that you-- And then that gentle ting.

That's it.

And "ting," and then you do that, as a, oh, well, we've got to.

And then you wouldn't look at the keys.

You'd make sure that other people were looking, because they could see that you could in fact touch type.

65 pounds, do you want to buy it?

No.

No.

Look, this to me, this to me looks modern.

I mean, it's absurd, isn't it?

JAMES BRAXTON: Come on, we need to move on, John.

We want bargains.

Bargains.

NARRATOR: Yes, plenty here for your delectation.

Well, this is all women's stuff, isn't it?

I mean-- I don't follow it.

Now, it's all a mystery.

Jewelry.

You can imagine my wife, oh, yes, I like that.

And you try and show an interest, but frankly-- what color?

I know.

NARRATOR: Oh, well, that's the jewelry out the window, then.

While these gents look for something a bit more masculine, Peter and Phil are catching up.

They got here before us, that's really annoying.

Right.

How did they beat us?

- I don't know.

They must have driven quicker, I think.

[LAUGHS] Peter, this is not a race, you know.

NARRATOR: No, but it is a competition, and Peter's keen.

Oh, no, Peter, do you like music?

I do.

Do you?

Peter, what we've got-- he's got a 1930s Columbia record player.

This is heavy, Peter.

Is it?

Well, they were, weren't they?

That kind of equipment, everything was heavy in those days.

Columbia, that's a good make, isn't it?

It's a good name.

You see, you know-- Can you feel it?

This is so perfectly-- oh, the old shellac record.

Yeah.

On there, it's a bit dusty.

Yeah, it's a lot dusty.

- Has it got a needle?

- Yeah.

Let's see if we can make it spin.

[MUSIC PLAYING] Oh, Peter, are you in the mood?

Is this Mantovani?

PHILIP SERRELL: I don't know who it is.

I think we're probably going at about 30 and a half, not 33, here, Peter.

Will I wind it up a bit more?

Actually, I think-- can I wind it?

- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Let me wind it.

I love these things.

Absolutely love them.

PHILIP SERRELL: Do you?

[MUSIC WOBBLES] Bing Crosby.

Got to be.

More like "Bung" Crosby.

NARRATOR: [LAUGHS] Ar 150 "founds," perhaps not the sound of a winner.

Moving on.

Meanwhile, what manly things are attracting John and James?

Now, a lot of this may be junk, but some of it-- some of it is nice, isn't it?

Yeah, it is nice.

It's just nice, attractive.

Ceramics, lots of glass and China.

I like that.

Yeah.

Shall I?

I'll pass it out, John.

Look at that.

JAMES BRAXTON: Never trust to handle.

Never tru-- what do you mean "never trust a handle?"

Oh, you mean, the handle might fall off?

Well, I think first of all, you always pick it up by its body.

It's got a lovely body, nice shape, isn't it?

It's heavy.

But I like about it-- It's got a touch of me about that, that body.

Yes, but also, it's very much more a touch of, you're in the Mediterranean.

You're by the beach.

You see this.

You work out that aqua means water, so it makes you feel better.

And you think, oh, I'd like to take that home.

I just think it's lovely.

It's got this holiday.

It's got Mediterranean.

It's got sunshine, and I want it.

You're dead right about the Mediterranean because this tin-glazed earthenware, so this tin is a tin oxide that you get this white from, was all over the Mediterranean.

Then in Spain, it was called Hispano-Moresque, and in Italy, it was called maiolica.

We called it in Britain majolica.

It's not terribly old, John.

I think it's definitely this century.

And 98 pounds, wow.

98 pounds of happiness.

98 pounds of happiness.

Possibly, 40 pounds of happiness, John.

Even happier happiness.

Even happier happiness.

All right, shall we try?

If we got it at 40, you could afford to fill that with wine.

Shall we go and see the man?

Let's do it.

This is time for awkward silences.

Time to go.

Hello, hello.

Hello.

It's got a nice echo, hasn't it?

It's wonderful.

Sounds like the Mediterranean.

NARRATOR: Ah!

Viva l'Italia.

Who do we have here?

The opposition.

John-- JOHN SERGEANT: You'll want to know what we've been up to.

Of course, we do.

And we're not going to tell you.

Well, well.

That's-- you've crept up on us.

We have.

I certainly wouldn't bother with that.

Well, we are not going to bother with that, actually.

JOHN SERGEANT: What have you bought then, James?

Many treasures.

Yes.

Amazing!

JAMES BRAXTON: And how have you done?

I'm actually not prepared to divulge.

NARRATOR: Fair enough.

Onto David at the counter.

David.

JOHN SERGEANT: 98 pounds, that seems a lot.

That seems a lot of money for a water-- an old water jug.

The best price they can give you is 88.

I can take 10% off.

In bingo terms, two fat ladies.

Two fat ladies?

88?

88.

But what about two thin ladies?

I mean, can't you just come a bit more towards us?

One fat, one round.

For you, John, I'll do 80.

JAMES BRAXTON: I like that.

I like it, I do.

I'd like it more if it was 40.

All right.

Well, look, we've got to settle.

Yeah.

OK.

Thanks very much.

Let me give you 80 pounds.

Thank you very much, John.

OK, well, thank you.

Thank you, David.

Thank you.

It's marvelous.

Right.

There'll be one very cheery antiques dealer-- Well, I hope.

--at this emporium tonight.

won't there?

NARRATOR: Indeed.

Now, an advance on a stuck record?

Oh, there's dealer David again.

So it's a Pye.

Turntable.

It's the black box hi-fi 1950s.

It is exactly like one I used to have.

It's got real sentimental value for me.

It's got that arm with the little clip on that clips across.

I would-- if Phil will let me, I may even overrule Phil, actually.

NARRATOR: The ticket price is 125 pounds.

DAVID: I'll do it for 50.

PETER WHITE: Would you do it for 50?

DAVID: Just because it's you, I'll do it for 50.

Right, done.

I don't care what Phil says.

[COUGHS] Oh.

NARRATOR: Your services were not required, Phil.

But that concludes the day's shopping.

I think you've probably done better off without me than you have with me.

[LAUGHS] NARRATOR: Time for our teams to retire and recharge their batteries for tomorrow.

Nighty-night.

[MUSIC PLAYING] It's a new day and our quartet of curio-enthusiasts are raring to go in search of auction gold.

Just how are our esteemed broadcasters rising to the challenge?

All journalists have a ruthless side, don't they?

Oh, yes.

One of the things we did buy, I did drive them down.

And I said, right, I'm going to do that whether Phil likes it or not.

Oh, right.

Well, I find with James that I think he's trying to stiffen me a bit.

So, I-- and of course, I then tend to go to the other extreme and want him to dig in.

I can't believe that you would be like that, John.

NARRATOR: And how are our venerable experts finding their proteges?

What was John like with the old bargaining?

He's quite adept.

He can read people's minds.

I think everybody is a bit of an open book to him.

PHILIP SERRELL: Peter, he's a smiling assassin.

And I felt kind of sorry for the dealer in a way because he didn't know that Peter had whipped his trousers down before he bought the thing.

I mean, Peter-- I mean, he is.

You know, he's got that lovely, boyish, charming smile.

Yeah.

And before you know where it is, he's good, really good.

He's good.

PETER WHITE: You see, I've got a hunch that you've bought more than I have.

I don't know.

How you were rather smug, I thought.

I want to give the impression that I know what I'm doing.

Well, you succeeded.

I did think you knew what you were doing.

NARRATOR: So far, John and James have spent 112 pounds on an engraving of the Great Exhibition of 1851, a leather-cased sewing kit, and an Italian maiolica water jug, leaving them 288 pounds to spend.

Oh!

Well, did you say John Sergeant?

[LAUGHS] NARRATOR: While Peter and Phil spent 50 pounds on the 1950s Pye record player, which means they still have 350 pounds in their piggy bank.

Done!

I don't care what Phil says.

[COUGHS] Oh, dear.

NARRATOR: Time to partner up.

JAMES BRAXTON: Perfect.

Very good.

Hello.

Now, don't get too comfortable, John.

Why?

I think we've got to rush off and get antique-y.

Action.

NARRATOR: Seats swapped, tally ho.

We must eschew the smaller item today.

Yeah, we've done the smaller items in little bits and pieces.

I want something big and impressive now.

Chunky.

Chunky.

Something I can be proud of.

Yeah, NARRATOR: And will East Molesey be the place to find that treasure?

Well, it's raining cats and dogs, so John and James will be glad to get indoors at Bridge Road Antiques to seek their fortune.

Interesting window, John.

So we've got a lot of sort of Chinese figures here that have been converted into lamp bases.

JOHN SERGEANT: Does it matter that I wouldn't want to live with any of these?

It doesn't matter, no.

Because, don't worry, there are 2 billion Chinamen who do.

[LAUGHS] NARRATOR: So what might our Englishmen fancy this morning?

So you put something in there, press it down, turn the handle.

Out comes the old mince.

I wonder how much that is.

58 pounds.

NARRATOR: That's an expensive bolognaise.

JAMES BRAXTON: Sue, we noticed the things in the window there.

SUE: Yep.

JAMES BRAXTON: We quite like the sort of Chinese figure with the elephant.

How long have you had these in the shop for?

Not very long, actually.

Probably about two two weeks.

Two weeks.

Yeah.

Right.

You don't like it, do you?

Well, it just looks, to me, sinister and not the kind of thing you'd want to live with.

I might just-- do you mind if I took that shade off?

No, I don't mind if you can.

Yeah.

Well, it looks a bit better.

With that off, it might look even better.

All this is elephant.

There's some sort of child.

This devil, because he does look a devil to me, he looks pretty grim.

NARRATOR: This is Chinese immortal Li Tieguai, depicted as a bad-tempered beggar.

Probably imported at the turn of the 20th century, these carvings are now prized amongst Chinese antiques collectors and often make their way home.

That's the theory anyway.

How much did you say again it was?

60 pounds.

60 pounds.

JAMES BRAXTON: I think 50 would be a fair price.

JOHN SERGEANT: Really?

What do you think, Sue?

It's a price.

What do you mean, "it's a price?"

Is it fair?

It'll be fine.

JOHN SERGEANT: All right, OK. You can blame me if it doesn't make any money.

JOHN SERGEANT: Oh, that's good.

I like the idea of blaming you.

Blame me.

And you can carry it and I don't have to ever see it again.

JAMES BRAXTON: No.

NARRATOR: So good, bad, or ugly?

Time will tell.

Now I wonder if there's something that they can both agree on.

Right.

I like that.

JAMES BRAXTON: Oh!

That's nice.

That's-- That's a wherry.

Right.

It's like-- it's a sailing barge.

OK. And it'll be-- I should imagine that would be Norfolk.

I'll bring it down, John.

Yeah.

Oh, it's got some weight.

Is that good?

[LAUGHS] I'm not sure it counts with the painting.

It's a lot of paint on it.

It's nice.

You see this, this is the wherry.

OK. Yeah, but it also reminds you of happy times.

Yeah.

JOHN SERGEANT: I think that's rather jolly.

JAMES BRAXTON: A lot of people would like that.

You think all those people that go on holiday in Norfolk.

Life on the Broads.

Life on the Broads.

There doesn't seem to be a ticket on it, must be free.

JOHN SERGEANT: What do you think for price, though?

Can we talk?

Yeah.

What's the price?

Well-- - For us we're talking about.

- For you-- We're not just anyone.

We're just talking about us.

John's price.

Think about us and how-- 45 pounds.

Well, now, no, what if we said 40 pounds?

What do you think?

SUE: Go on, then.

40.

Let's shake the lady's hand.

OK. Because we're all into happiness and everything.

Happiness.

Thank you, Sue.

JAMES BRAXTON: Really kind.

I think we've bought two very nice items.

Excellent.

Our work is done here.

NARRATOR: The picture of success.

Well done, chaps.

With one purchase under their belt so far, how are Peter and Phil feeling about the day ahead?

You've got one item bought, and you spent 50 quid, so you've got 350 left.

Yeah.

Any plans?

I have to warn you, that money rather burns a hole in my pocket.

PHILIP SERRELL: Oh, Lord.

Really?

It may not be the right thing to tell you.

Are you extravagant?

You may have-- well, it's just that if I want something, then I tend to go for it.

NARRATOR: On then to their second shop of the trip.

Ready to get digging and root out the seeds of auction success.

Any hardy perennials looking promising?

PHILIP SERRELL: Peter, I'm not sure I've succeeded or failed, my friend.

Mm-hmm.

But I'm going to take the stopper out.

Stopper.

That's a bit of a clue.

And I'm going to hand you that.

Right.

Oh, I love the feel of that.

Have a good feel of that stopper as well, my friend.

Because I think that's got a bit of shape and form as well.

Oh, right.

I like these.

Partly because they contain one of my favorite liquids.

PHILIP SERRELL: Which is?

That's a decanter.

Whiskey is the-- the thing is I haven't got one of these.

I normally just pour it out of the bottle.

It's curvy.

It's smooth.

It's got a nice weight to it.

PHILIP SERRELL: Yeah.

And a sort of almost a swan neck, perhaps not quite as thin as that.

That's priced at 36 pounds, Peter.

Mm-hmm.

I'd like to try and buy it for 20 quid, if we could.

I know you would.

NARRATOR: That looks like a probable purchase.

What else might pique Peter's interest?

I'll tell you what I would be interested in.

Is there any toys?

Something a bit different.

Maybe it makes a noise.

That's not essential.

PHILIP SERRELL: If you want something that makes a noise, you should have gotten James Braxton.

[LAUGHS] Right.

Well, if you can find me some-- PHILIP SERRELL: OK.

I'll go and have a look, Peter.

NARRATOR: Mr. Serrell is on the case.

I've got three little things here I'd like you to have a look at.

OK.

The first one, it's in your hands now.

And you've got a key there, Peter-- Goodness me.

--that you can turn.

What's that?

There are two circles.

There's two circles in a figure of eight.

Yeah.

And each circle has got a little train on it.

You can feel the little train there?

Yeah.

And there's two tunnels.

And if we just-- What, through there?

Yeah, yeah.

And the little trains just go around and round and round in a circle.

So if I start-- if you take your hands off now, and I press the start button-- PETER WHITE: It's rather cute.

PHILIP SERRELL: It's quite sweet.

Now, that is priced at 25 quid.

You might be bored with it after about half an hour.

Less than that.

Less than that.

Yeah.

It looks to me like it's 10 quids worth.

Yeah.

Well, you never know.

Let's put that down.

Yeah.

Right, Peter, we've got a little fluffy dog.

If you can feel the fluffy dog.

Aww.

Do you like him?

Oh, he's cute.

PHILIP SERRELL: Now, that, Peter, is priced at 42 pounds.

Is it?

Yeah.

No.

That's clearly missed the mark, hasn't it?

Let's put that one down.

I like his collar.

Do you?

But I've got another thing here for you right, which I'm going to wind up.

OK.

I mean, I like that, but-- right.

Right.

What's that?

That's a donkey's tail.

They don't wag their tails.

Oh, this one does.

You hold him.

Let me take the dog.

Right.

You've got a donkey that wags its-- it nods its head and wag its tail.

So, out of the three toys, which is your favorite?

The donkey.

How much are they asking?

If I can get it off you.

Do you know?

Well they're asking 45 pounds.

[INHALES SHARPLY] - Are they?

Oh, he's got that-- I love it.

He's got it straight, that sharp intake of-- [INHALES] sharp intake of breath.

I love the way he wags his tail.

But the lady's-- the lady's here who owns that.

So we might be able to get a deal.

- Oh, is she?

- Yeah.

Hang on.

Let me get my white stick out.

Get that smile going as well, Peter.

Get that winning smile going, all right?

Right, which way do we go?

That way?

OK, let me just take you by the hand, my friend.

OK. OK. NARRATOR: Time for a charm offensive.

Valerie, this is Peter.

Hi, Valerie.

Hello, nice to meet you too.

PETER WHITE: There are two things I am interested in.

As for the decanter, I would-- I'd like to offer 25.

25.

I'll make a little telephone call and find out-- Would it help if Peter spoke to her?

Probably.

We'll have a go.

You could schmoozle, couldn't you?

I can try.

OK. - There's the telephone.

- Yeah.

OK. Hello, Sally.

I'm Peter White.

At 36, it is a bit above my price.

You'd go to-- would you go to 25?

You've got a deal.

25 I can do.

That's about the top of my range, but I'll do 25.

All right, Sally.

Thank you very much indeed.

Nice to talk to you too.

Thank you.

Bye.

Do you want a proper job doing this all the time?

[LAUGHS] NARRATOR: Steady, Phil, or he'll have yours.

Hee-haw.

I do like the donkey, I must admit.

He's very cute.

But it's over 40.

I can't do that.

Can I offer you 20 for it?

VALERIE: 20 is a bit too little really.

I think I'd probably prefer around 30.

30?

Now I'd go up to 22.50.

Oh, well, let's meet in the middle.

25.

25?

Breaks my heart, but-- I'll include the key for free.

You're a silver-tongued woman.

OK, 25?

VALERIE: Yes.

PETER WHITE: There you go.

NARRATOR: That's the way to do it.

10 pounds for you.

NARRATOR: Total spent, 150 pounds.

Now, trot off.

Well, time and tide wait for no man and John and James are heading for Surbiton and a trip on the River Thames that should particularly appeal to John.

As Oscar Wilde said in "The Importance of Being Earnest," he said every man should have a hobby.

What's yours, John?

No, I do.

I suppose my favorite hobby is sailing, but now that does not imply that I'm any good at it.

If things go wrong, and it's real.

You can-- you could kill yourself quite easily with a sailboat.

You can drown, yeah.

NARRATOR: Hmm.

Hopefully, it will all be plain sailing today in Surbiton at the oldest river sailing club in the country, established in 1870 by rich gentleman who wanted to race on the Thames for pleasure.

They were able to achieve technologies which ultimately resulted in the A Rater, the fastest yacht on the river.

And today John and James will be setting sail in one.

First, though, time to muster with club Commodore, Miles Palmer, for a crew briefing and maybe a pint.

So tell me, what exactly is an A Rater.

OK, an A Rater is a dinghy with three people crewing it, a helm, a mid-hands and a jib-hand.

It's about 26-foot long with a 45-foot mast.

A great big mast.

Very tall.

And it's designed to catch the wind above the trees really high up, because generally on a river, the wind is pretty poor low down.

So it's quite unique in terms of its dimensions.

NARRATOR: It's designed to be very fast, that's the point.

The A Raters were developed by the members of the club, and now the A Rater is integral to the club's survival, really.

And we sell other boats, but the pinnacle of the sailing at this club is Thames A Rater.

NARRATOR: Well, the sail's being hoisted on this 1930s A Rater called Vagabond, and our chaps are ready to try her out.

Now, when we're leaning back like this, Miles, this is part of the history of this boat, isn't it?

It is.

We're going to actually have to take a tack first.

And then-- And then you're going to tell me?

And then I'll tell you.

Right, OK. All right.

Yeah, so this boat in the '30s was owned by a chap called Beecher Moore.

One, he puts a bigger mast on it.

And then because it's narrow, he couldn't hold the weight of the mast.

So he thought how can I get more righting power out of this boat?

Yeah.

So, how can I make it stay upright more?

So he developed, in the '30s, this thing called the bell rope, which was attached around the spreader points, the hands.

And it was literally a rope with a monkeys ball on the end of it.

And the crew, bless them, had to jump out on the side of the boat.

So, they're grabbing this rope.

Yes.

From up here.

And that then develops into a trapeze that you always see on these racing yachts with people harnessed, strapped in.

Yeah.

And it started on this boat?

It started on this boat in 1934.

This particular boat?

This particular boat.

Well, James, did you hear that?

We're sitting on history.

Well, we are.

This is us.

Gosh, we're going now.

All right, hold on, James.

Don't falter.

All that hard work.

I know.

OK, do you to come back here, John?

I'm just going to get down to-- I'm getting as low as I can at the moment.

I'm a bit by the lee.

OK. Well, look, isn't this amazing?

Me helming, fantastic boat.

JAMES BRAXTON: Now, I don't want to add any complications.

No, no.

We have got a canoeist coming up, John.

I know.

Have you clocked him?

I think it would be a mistake to ram the canoe, wouldn't it?

I think it'd be great fun, wouldn't it?

NARRATOR: While the chaps speed back to the club, Surbiton is also the final port of call for landlubbers Peter and Phil.

With 300 pounds still in their piggy, they're making their way to an appointment at Joseph Berry Interiors to meet the eponymous Joe.

- Hello.

- Hello.

Come on.

Step there.

Hello there.

NARRATOR: This contemporary and quirky antiques emporium feels rather like an art gallery than a shop.

Which exhibits will attract the attention of our cultured gentleman who still have 300 pounds to spend?

Look at that.

Looks like that's a Victorian terracotta.

Here we are, Peter.

Oh, right.

If you want to get ahead-- Hello, Phil.

--get a head.

Oh, is that a clue?

Yep.

There you are, my friend.

I think it's a bust, isn't it?

It's a human-- it's a human head, isn't it?

Yeah.

Yeah, I've just found its nostrils.

[LAUGHS] PHILIP SERRELL: Nice.

NARRATOR: Quite a good pick, that.

Phil's fetching the unusual plinth made from a weathered wooden dockyard post.

I'm going to lift it up now.

- Are you all right doing that?

- Oh, yeah.

Don't drop it on my foot, will you?

Don't you worry.

You just stay where you are, chap.

Not quite sure how we're going to describe that in the auction, but, you know what, I quite like that and I think it's going to look-- Oh, that's more like it.

That could go in my front hall.

it Might have to if you can't sell it.

It'd be better than a letter rack, wouldn't it?

This is kind of the shabby side of shabby chic really.

What's your best best?

So, what have I got?

250 roundabout on the two.

What about 170?

Peter, have you got those pills to pop under my top lip.

I think I really would like to see us have a maximum of about 130 quid, because any more than that-- we've got to pay commission, and it might just turn around and bite us in the behind.

I think the stand's unusual.

I think I've had a while.

I'm happy to do a deal.

But I've gotta make some money too.

PHILIP SERRELL: Right.

Do you want me to get a handkerchief out?

[LAUGHS] NARRATOR: [LAUGHING] Cheeky.

So the bust is a possibility.

What else might appeal?

Right, Peter.

Yeah.

You've got two items here.

On the right we've got four drawers, which are, in all probability, out of a chemist.

But they're out of a much, much bigger set of drawers.

That's priced at 195 pounds is the ticket.

PETER WHITE: How much could they be?

I could do 120, possibly a little bit more if you're buying something else.

Right, go along about a foot, Peter, the other way.

Yeah.

Oh.

Oh, yeah.

See, this is what I like.

I'm one of those, I like to fiddle with things, you know?

I love these.

I'll tell you what this reminds me of-- it reminds me of those paper windmills you used to get in funfairs on the pier.

I used to go there to Weston-Super-Mare when we were at school.

And I loved those things.

NARRATOR: Ah, nostalgia.

This grown-up toy scratch built from specimen timbers would not look out of place on a gentleman's roll-top desk or wooden-panelled library.

PHILIP SERRELL: If they were giving them away, which would you take home?

Definitely the windmill.

PHILIP SERRELL: Yeah.

I don't know why.

I can't really explain that, except that every day I passed it, I'd spin it around.

I like the drawers, the set of drawers, but it would have to be the bust.

NARRATOR: We're breezing towards a purchase here.

The windmill is priced at 110 pounds.

PHILIP SERRELL: Can the windmill be 50 quid?

What are we at?

We're at 130 on the other set.

Yeah.

It would be 180, wouldn't it, for two?

I'll do 70.

I like 200, it just sounds a bit more tactile.

And you like tactile, so that's all good.

PETER WHITE: I'm going to settle for that because that's the figure I had in mind.

I know-- Phil will be cross with me.

I'm cross with you.

You wouldn't know it.

What are you doing?

No.

How much?

Come on, while he's not looking.

In the middle.

200?

200.

Done.

PHILIP SERRELL: Have you not learned anything in the last two days?

NARRATOR: He's learned to negotiate almost a third off.

Well done, Peter.

I'm blown away.

Peter has spent a total of 300 pounds, and I do declare that five purchases apiece have now been made.

It's time now to gather the chaps together and reveal the lot they'll be taking to auction and discover who is jealous of what.

Now, don't fall in.

How did you get on, Peter?

I think we came with a late, devastating burst.

Really?

Yes.

We were just all the time consistently good.

PETER WHITE: [LAUGHS] We were, we were, we were.

Right.

Very even.

You better just show us how good you were, then.

All right.

Very even keel, the whole thing.

One, two, three.

Look at that.

I can't see a thing.

JOHN SERGEANT: I know.

I can tell you.

Let me tell you, you're the lucky one, Peter.

[ALL LAUGHS] JOHN SERGEANT: It's very good.

Peter, they bought a log.

Did they?

Yeah.

Peter, we got this immortal riding on an elephant, which is rather nice.

And then we got bats and various other things Chinese.

So you've bought a-- you bought an immortal.

You've got a watercolor.

Yes, we got that.

Not just a watercolor.

No, that's really nice.

Look at this.

Look, this is Norfolk, right?

And that's a wherry.

Oh, that should do well in Windsor.

JOHN SERGEANT: Yes.

no.

That'll go down-- there are lots of people in Windsor who go on holiday in Norfolk and long for that kind of picture.

We got also rather a nice bit about the Great Exhibition, 1851.

PHILIP SERRELL: You're a big fan of the Great Exhibition, aren't you?

JAMES BRAXTON: And so's John.

No, yeah, we are.

Do you want to see what proper antiques look like?

[LAUGHS] Fire away.

PHILIP SERRELL: Do you want to have a look?

Let's just-- you hold that, Peter, let's just whip the-- Ready?

Well, let's just whip that off.

One, two, three.

And then we've got a bit more to go over here.

Peter, do you want to come and-- Yeah.

This is really is it.

This is the-- is our piece de resistance.

Looking after Michelangelo, is it?

No, we think it's actually buying Michelangelo.

And what's your favorite one, Peter?

PETER WHITE: My favorite one, the one I'll use most is the decanter, I think.

But I like the windmill.

I've got a-- because I used to get these at Weston-Super-Mare, you know, the paper ones.

But this is the real thing.

Peter, you better demonstrate-- - Can I demonstrate the donkey?

- You're absolutely right.

Where is he?

PHILIP SERRELL: He's just down there.

PETER WHITE: Oh, there he is.

My sweet little donkey.

Isn't it good?

Hang on.

Let's find out where his head is.

There you go.

Don't get the wrong end.

Otherwise we really will be in trouble.

This is what he does.

Look at him wagging his little tail.

I think we've all done very well.

Let's go and have a drink, Peter, and mull over what the opposition have done, shall we?

Go on.

NARRATOR: Come on, spit it out.

What do you really think?

I'm not worried.

I think that we have got a fantastic selection ourselves.

I'm confident in what we've got.

Did you like their donkey?

I did, actually, yeah.

I thought that was perhaps the best item of all.

- Quite fun.

- It was funny.

Yeah.

And I could do with a few laughs.

Yeah, yeah.

Of their lots, the most tactile lot for you is probably that Chinese wooden carving thing because you could have picked it up and you know, you're not going to get too much out of a print and a watercolor, are you?

- No, no, no.

I think the point, as far as I was concerned, was to make sure that all the items I actually liked and thought were good fun and that other people would like them.

That's all you can judge it.

It's all we can do.

NARRATOR: Time will tell.

Having begun their journey in East Molesey, our reporters and their fixers meandered the lanes of Surrey before heading north to auction in Windsor, where the wives will be merry.

But who knows about the husbands.

I've chosen things that a sighted person will choose.

So I've chosen a picture of the Norfolk Broads and, you know, things like that.

And I don't think-- well, is that me being insensitive?

Shouldn't I have been choosing things that we could talk about and that you would be able to enjoy as well?

Oh, no.

I don't think you should worry about that.

I didn't think about you at all.

One would want you to be buying the things that you would want.

I wouldn't want you to have to feel your influence by making it accessible to me.

No, no, that's right.

And also, I'm thinking of the marvelous title of your radio series that you've got.

"No Triumph, No Tragedy."

Meaning, you've got to get on with your life.

It's different from my life.

But we've all got to get on with it as it were separately.

What I was trying to reflect with that title, with that radio series, is that normally, when you see disability reflected in the media, whether on television or on radio, people, you know, they either talk about the tragic disability that somebody has got or the way in which they have triumphed over it.

That is not how our lives are at all.

I do not wake up in the morning and think, oh, God, I'm still blind.

You know, we live our lives as they are, and they do not fall into triumphs and tragedies.

NARRATOR: Good philosophy.

John and Peter are winding their way to Windsor Auctions, our sale room today, where a crowd is gathering to bid, and there's online bidding too.

Very good.

Well done.

John, good morning.

Peter, good morning.

NARRATOR: Of the 400 pounds, they each started out with, John spent 202 pounds on his five lot.

Our work is done here, John.

NARRATOR: While Peter's five lots cost him 300 pounds.

It's a human head, isn't it?

Yeah.

Yeah, I've just found its nostrils.

NARRATOR: Before the auction starts, let's get auctioneer Harry Ballin's opinion of their purchases.

The early terracotta bust, I really like that.

It's a cracking piece.

We've had lots of interest in the room and online.

I can see it making about 200 pounds.

Watercolor of the Norfolk Broads, we all like this.

It's a nice thing.

It's a bit samey.

It's a bit safe, but it will sell.

NARRATOR: Well, we'll see.

No reserve.

It's pretty well bound to.

Go on, chaps.

Take your seats and if you're sitting comfortably, we'll begin.

First up, John and James's Chinese root carving which so divided opinion.

Right, start the bidding at 40 pounds.

40 pounds.

Any interest at 40?

40 pounds I have and I'm looking for 42.

45, sir?

Yeah?

48 at the back.

Yeah?

48.

50.

55 at the back?

Oh.

unstoppable now.

65?

No?

Are you out?

He's looking the other way.

So it's back with you at 60.

Selling on your wall at 60 pounds.

Fair warning to all.

NARRATOR: And it's made a 10-pound profit.

Only a minor victory.

No, not quite the route that i hoped it-- NARRATOR: Time now for Peter and Phil's decanter.

Chin-chin.

Oh, hello.

Hang on.

10, I got there.

12 here.

Come on.

Come on, come on.

18 there.

20.

22.

No, you're out.

25, sir.

No?

It's 22 over here.

I have 22 over here in the middle of the room.

At 22 pounds.

Fair warning.

NARRATOR: 3 pounds lost there, then.

No celebrating that with a wee dram.

There we are.

At last, a bit of fairness has come into all this.

A bit of common sense.

NARRATOR: A colored print from an exhibition now.

That's the Great Exhibition of 1851.

30 pounds.

Any interest at 30?

What about 20?

Oh, no.

What about 20 pounds?

I have.

Thank you very much.

20 pounds, I have.

22, I'm after.

22, I have.

I'm looking for 22.

Selling at 20 pounds.

Fair warning.

NARRATOR: That's an 8 pounds profit.

They say it's a good thing to be born lucky, don't they, Peter?

NARRATOR: Now, can Peter and Phil's wooden windmill turn in a profit?

50 pounds, shall we?

Any interest of 50 pounds?

I have.

And 55 and 60.

65 and 70.

They're away.

No, come on, sir.

Don't look at your feet.

70 pounds, are you sure?

70 I have here.

75.

80.

85.

90.

95.

100.

110.

110, I have here.

115?

120?

125.

That's good.

I'm enjoying these auctions.

They are just going crazy.

Twice you've broken your limit.

We can go to 130.

Yeah.

130.

135.

Yeah?

140?

There's 135 in the back of the room.

And I'm looking for 140.

Fair warning.

NARRATOR: They nearly doubled their money there.

That should put the wind in their sails.

That was my hunch, I have to say.

Just on touch.

Yeah, that just shows you have got the touch.

NARRATOR: Next up is the Italian maoilica water jug John really splashed out.

On any interest at 20 pounds to the water jug at 20?

20 pounds?

Any interest at 20 pounds?

Schadenfreude, I love it.

22 online.

25 at the back?

Yes?

No?

Is that a shake of the head?

Ratification.

MILES: 22 pounds online.

Selling at 22 pounds.

I'm looking for 25 now.

Thank you very much.

25, I have.

I'm looking for 28.

28 online.

Yes, that hysteria.

[LAUGHS] They've got you.

But why are we getting these tiny little amounts extra?

Selling therefore at 30 pounds.

Fair warning to all.

Are you sure?

NARRATOR: Oh, dear.

50 pounds lost.

John's really trailing now.

We've lost 50 pounds.

That's clawed a little bit back.

NARRATOR: Peter's clockwork toy now.

And if this doesn't make a profit, I'll bray like a donkey!

30 pounds for a donkey.

Come on.

- Come on, donkey.

It's a lovely-- HARRY BALLIN: 20 pounds then.

Any interest at 20 pounds?

Oh, hello.

20 pounds in the middle.

22 here.

PETER WHITE: Go on.

HARRY BALLIN: 25.

28.

28.

Lovely.

30.

Selling at 30.

Fair warning.

JAMES BRAXTON: That's another good one.

NARRATOR: I'm going to bray anyway.

[BRAYING] That's donkey for profit.

Only made a fiver.

Made a fiver, that's not bad.

NARRATOR: Time now for John and James' leather-cased sewing kit.

Any interest at 20?

10 pounds?

Any interest at a tenner?

It has to be sold.

It has to be.

A fiver then, sir.

5 pounds.

Thank you very much.

5 pounds.

I have an 8 I'm looking for.

5, I have, and I'm selling that way in unless I hear 8.

Fair warning.

NARRATOR: Well, that turned out to be a stitch up.

15 pound loss.

Oh, no!

We are shocked.

After 5 pounds.

With the things that we bought, there was a consistency right across-- we weren't one-hit wonders, were we?

No.

No, but we're talking emotion.

We're talking sentiment.

NARRATOR: Well, sentiment drew Peter to the next lot, the 1950s Pye record player.

Will it be a long player today?

Any interest of $30?

20, then?

We mustn't look smug, James.

HARRY BALLIN: 20 pounds, I have.

A lady who hasn't learnt to download music.

20 pounds, I have and I'm looking for 22.

PHILIP SERRELL: Hang on, we are being talked down by the auctioneer here.

I'm selling a 20.

NARRATOR: Oh, dear.

What a shame.

Not quite the sweet sound of success there.

Oh.

We are doomed now.

No.

NARRATOR: Next is Peter and Phil's terracotta bust and maritime plinth.

They have high hopes for this.

150 I have, and I'm looking for 160.

160 I have, and I'm looking for 170.

170, I have.

180, I now have.

190.

Come on.

HARRY BALLIN: 190 online.

I'm looking for 200.

He always comes up smelling of roses.

HARRY BALLIN: Selling at 190.

Looking for 200.

NARRATOR: A very classy 60 pounds profit there.

Well done, chaps.

Is a win in the bag?

Peter's very good.

That's very good.

Well done.

Well done, Peter.

NARRATOR: We've reached our last lot now-- the painting of a wherry on the Norfolk Broads.

Is it a masterpiece?

50 pounds, we're looking for.

We are straight in at 50 online.

Oh, well done, you.

NARRATOR: Ha, nobody in the room still bidding.

Online competition is fierce and the price has rocketed.

What are we at?

MAN: We're at 330 pounds.

We're looking for 340.

HARRY BALLIN: Anybody else in the room want to get involved?

No?

Selling therefore at 330 pounds.

NARRATOR: 330 pounds?

Oh!

That's a fantastic 290 pounds profit, courtesy of discerning sailor, Mr.

Sergeant.

And he may just have pipped Mr. White at the post.

Now, we must be gracious in victory.

Peter, I think we should just get up and quietly get out of the bidding.

Do you think so?

NARRATOR: Time to tally up the figures.

Peter started with 400 pounds and after auction costs, made a profit of 25 pounds and 54 pence, finishing with 425 pounds and 54p.

Very respectable.

John also began with 400 pounds, and he too made a profit-- 162 pounds and 90 pence after saleroom charges.

So, with a total of 562 pounds and 90p, we declare that Mr. John Sergeant was first past the post and that he is winner of this "Celebrity Antiques Road Trip."

Round of applause to them both, and all profits go to children in need.

Hurrah!

Peter, I want to paint the scene for you.

Yes.

You've got two very smug-- Smug?

Moi?

Well, very magnanimous.

You can't even spell magnanimous.

JAMES BRAXTON: Of course, I can't.

I'm dyslexic.

We are gracious in victory.

NARRATOR: Oh, those smiling assassins.

You fancied the wherry, and I fancied the windmill.

And they both did well.

Yeah, but it was great fun.

I really enjoyed it.

Yeah, I enjoyed your company too.

Yeah, I know, it was good.

We were well-met, weren't we?

We were.

And well matched.

It was fun.

NARRATOR: It was "wherry good," gents.

God bless you and all who sail in you.

Ha-ha.

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