antiques experts... Let the Road Trip begin!

VO: ..behind the wheel of a classic car.

IZZIE: Ooh!

DAVID: You hit the roof then!

VO: And a goal - to scour Britain for antiques.

Pump yourself up... with antiques.

VO: The aim - to make the biggest profit at auction.

But it's no mean feat.

That's a top job, isn't it?

VO: There'll be worthy winners... AUCTIONEER: £400.

RAJ: Fantastic!

VO: ..and valiant losers.

I'm screaming on the inside.

VO: Will it be the high road to glory...

The gloves are off.

VO: ..or the slow road to disaster?

The gearbox has gone!

VO: This is the Antiques Road Trip!

Yee-ha!

VO: They're on their last leg, but does it show?

Whoa!

Oh, that was nice and gentle.

Well done.

Cool, cool, cool.

VO: Trying to make a splash on this trip are auctioneer Phil Serrell and dealer Irita Marriott, but only one of them is succeeding.

Well, madam, it's catch-up time.

Actually, do you know what?

I feel quite relaxed about it because I'm that far behind you.

I don't think I've got a chance of catching you up, so I'm just going to enjoy what I buy, I think.

Two things - you should always enjoy what you buy.

Oh, yeah.

Well, I...

I've done that and look where it's got me!

And... you're not that far.

VO: Yes, he is.

Not waving, but drowning.

Ha!

Phil bought a church sign last time that cast him adrift... Philip Serrell is leaving the building.

VO: ..while Irita stayed afloat with a set of canny buys, as they say in the North East.

And she sailed on to win four auctions in a row.

Ha-ha!

In the last four days, I think I've made about £3 a day.

That's a great rate to work at.

PHIL: Mm, yeah.

Who knows?

IRITA: £3 a day... By the end of the trip, I might have made 15 quid.

PHIL: (CHUCKLES) VO: Not quite.

Ha!

But Phil is trailing, with £214.36... ..while Irita has swelled her piggy to a quite impressive £391.36.

But they both seem to be enjoying the ride, which is the main thing.

IRITA: I have a thing about when I see a hill, wherever I'm going for a walk or whatever, whether I'm visiting somewhere, I always need to try to get to the highest point.

It's that feeling of freedom and achievement when you've gotten to the top.

That's your competitiveness.

Oh.

It's Philip Serrell, psychoanalyst.

(CHUCKLES) VO: Dr Freud and his patient began their journey in Sproughton and will reach the finish line at Howick Hall near Alnwick.

Gosh, how time has flown.

I started in a summer dress on our first leg, and now... Gosh!

..I feel like I need wooly hat and gloves.

Well, I had shorts somewhere or other.

That wasn't a good look for the British public.

Oh, that was an awesome look.

Serrell in shorts.

VO: With their extremities mercifully under wraps, their first stop today is in Powburn, in the foothills of the Cheviots, which straddle the border between Scotland and England.

They'll both be shopping at Hedgeley Antique Centre, a large emporium which is crammed with the goods of more than 30 dealers.

Come on!

Hurry along.

And if you can't find anything amongst the riches here, you're fired.

And Phil, you're on the back foot, so I'm paying particular attention to your work today.

Oh, yes.

Silly old goat.

Well, watch out because Irita's not wasting her time.

I find that pictures are very personal taste.

You either love it or you don't.

I love this.

I like floral paintings and this looks like a nice old French one.

Probably mid-century or so.

The frame has been repainted.

And yes, it's not quite flat, so it's been a bit stretched and... ..got a few nicks on the edges.

That quite appeals to me.

Got nice colors.

I think that might be an option.

Pop it back.

I'm sure Phil will not be looking at that.

Ain't his cup of tea.

VO: Oh, I don't know.

He likes a bit of old, bashed and tatty.

What the... is that?

VO: Looks like some kind of brass pump.

Always look at the label.

Always, always look at the label.

So this says it's a brass pump.

Well, you can't argue with that, can you?

VO: No, I said it first.

The label says, "The Rosebery oil pump.

"Manufacturers, Ernest Hill."

Looks like Beta Works of Sheffield.

I wonder if they're still in existence.

VO: Do you know - they are!

Manufacturers of pumps and lubrication equipment for the automotive industry since 1841 and still going strong.

So, what I'm guessing you do with this is you drop this into a 45 gallon oil drum or something like that, and then you use this to pump the oil out, which would then come out here into your kind of oil can.

I mean, who would not want one of those?

It's £45.

What's that worth?

I haven't got a clue.

Not the first idea.

Keep looking, Philip.

That's the answer.

Keep looking.

VO: Yeah, crack on.

Because nothing's escaping the laser beam of Irita's gaze.

Now, I could not find an older thing in a whole entire shop.

This is cool.

This is awesome.

This is something that someone metal detecting would have probably found.

What does it say?

Roman iron brooch, first, second century.

Now this is what you call an antique.

Fantastic to have it in one piece.

It is probably the oldest thing I have ever handled in an antiques shop.

Gosh, that's got some age.

It's rusty.

It is stuck together, so you can never use it.

You can... You could not even open it because if you tried, it would just break.

I have to buy it.

It's £15.

So much history.

Right, I'm taking that with me.

VO: Looks like it's time to speak to Brian, the dealer.

Brian, I think I've just found the oldest thing in the shop.

Ah, yes, Roman brooch.

Isn't it cool?

Lovely.

IRITA: It's £15.

DEALER: Right.

And that's OK with me.

That's grand.

You look surprised.

I...I'm very surprised.

But no, that's grand.

One thing I will ask - there was an oil painting.

IRITA: That was priced at 65.

DEALER: The French one, yeah.

IRITA: Yes.

DEALER: Yeah.

It's not my thing - it belongs to another dealer, and... IRITA: OK. DEALER: ..he prices very competitively, so... probably a fiver off.

So you're looking at 60 quid... 60 quid.

OK, so 60 and 15.

IRITA: £75.

DEALER: 75.

Yeah.

Here you go, let me get you some cash.

I shall pop it here for you.

DEALER: Grand.

IRITA: Thank you very much.

IRITA: It's been a pleasure.

DEALER: OK, nice to see you.

IRITA: Bye.

DEALER: Bye-bye.

VO: And with those two purchases under her belt, her work here is done.

But what about our country boy, eh?

I'm kind of regressing to my youth here.

And before you all start, it was a long time ago, but I've got a very good memory.

And I was brought up on a farm.

And this is a piece of hor... a horse harness.

This is kind of like a calico here.

This is straw filled, so it's almost like the back of an archery target.

And then at the front, you've got this leather collar and this would've... this would have sat around the head of a heavy horse.

This is originally £75.

The ticket price has been dropped to £38.

But if I bought that and the pump, I could either put the two together or sell them as separate lots.

I mean, it kind of keeps my options open for the next place.

VO: Time is marching on.

So after another quick trawl, it's probably time to talk to Brian.

Bri-an!

Hello, matey.

Hello.

You've got a couple of things that I quite like here.

Right.

Alright... You've got that pump thingamajig.

Yes.

And the old leather harness.

Oh, the horse harness?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Which has already been reduced in price.

You couldn't do the two for 30 quid?

No, I couldn't do it.

It's... What would be your best for the two?

What about 15 quid for the pump?

So that's 45 for the two.

If I gave you a tenner for the pump, would that do that... DEALER: (CHUCKLES) I am trying really hard here!

OK, 10 quid for it...

I'll tell you what, I'm going to take the pump, look.

Right.

OK.

Thank you very much indeed.

VO: Having divested himself of a tenner, he's off on his merry way.

I'd be merry too, if I had a gold Aston Martin.

Yeah!

VO: Heading ever further north on this trip, Irita is off to Ford, where the beautiful castle was once home to a woman little celebrated in British art - Pre-Raphaelite painter Lady Louisa Waterford.

When she was widowed in 1859, she inherited her husband's estate and set about transforming it.

She designed a model village for the estate workers, and its crowning glory is a magnificent schoolhouse filled with life-sized watercolor murals painted by her own hand.

Irita is going with curator Vicky Smith-Lacey to the school, commissioned 20 years before primary education became compulsory, and is as stunning as it is unique.

Oh, my goodness...

I love watching people come in for the first time.

This is not what I expected.

VICKY: You don't, do you?

You think village hall... You come in.

Pre-Raphaelite murals.

This is absolutely incredible.

Can I be your pupil?

Go ahead.

Yeah.

You can educate me about this beauty surrounding us.

This is what I like to call Northumberland's Sistine Chapel.

She started in 1862.

It took her 21 years to finish them all.

IRITA: Yeah.

VICKY: So she finished in 1883.

So along the north wall, we have nine scenes VICKY: from the Old Testament.

IRITA: Mm-hm.

On the east and the west, we've got these massive scenes from the life of Jesus.

And on the south wall behind me, we have more characters from the New Testament as well.

Where did her inspiration come from?

So she very much drew from nature, but she's also inspired by her faith.

So we've got these biblical scenes here, her interpretation of the Bible, and...

But the flora and fauna are distinctly Northumbrian as well...

They are absolutely breath-taking.

Louisa modeled her biblical figures on the villagers and on the tenants on the wider estate.

Yeah, so they... She painted from life.

So they all came to her studio up in Ford Castle, VICKY: in the attics.

IRITA: Mm-hm.

Including the sheep, actually, in David the Shepherd.

She painted them from life too.

And the models would get a little reward for sitting for her, like a sixpence or a jelly piece.

It feels like she really had this great attachment to the people around her.

VICKY: Yeah.

IRITA: She appreciated them, and she wanted to capture it all.

VICKY: Absolutely.

You know, she... she knew a lot of people in high social circles, but she chose to model these VICKY: on her community... IRITA: Yeah.

..and her tenants and workers.

And that's really, really unique here.

And she was quite a lady, yeah.

VO: Generations of children were schooled here until 1957, when this became the village hall.

In her lifetime, Lady Waterford had some recognition for her work, but her name and art are not widely known today.

VICKY: She sadly died in May 1891 at Ford Castle, and she was buried at Ford Church.

Her good friend, the artist George Frederic Watts, designed her gravestone.

He was a great champion of Louisa.

He said she was born an artist greater than England had ever seen.

So I think that's quite a fitting person to design her gravestone.

IRITA: That's so sweet.

VICKY: Yeah.

I feel like it's a very sad thing that more people are not aware of all of this being here.

I think it's got a lot to do with the simple fact she was a woman.

But it's also, I think, about setting the record straight.

She didn't believe in her own abilities.

She didn't promote herself.

But that's where I can come in, cuz I can do that for her.

Here at Lady Waterford Hall, we've got a growing collection of her art alongside her masterpiece, and it's really got to be seen to be believed.

Who did she choose to model these murals on?

It wasn't the Gladstones, the Ruskins, or the Queens of England - it was her tenants, and she's immortalized this community, this unknown community, in her artwork, and I think she should be remembered for that.

VO: Ford Village is testament to her progressive thinking, but its former school enshrines Lady Waterford's artistic talent, which deserves to be shouted from these fine arts and crafts rooftops.

VO: Phil, meanwhile, is off to another shop, presumably with his thoughts firmly fixed on a last-ditch attempt at bagging a winner.

VO: He's making for Wooler, the lovely wee town known as the gateway to the Cheviots.

His destination is Evergreen Antiques, a fine shop full of interesting-looking things, and Mark is busy keeping the place shipshape.

Mr Serrell, I feel that this may be just your kind of shop.

Don't disappoint me.

These are quite interesting here.

I mean, these are... these are military cap badges.

Militaria is becoming really, really... like, very, very collectable.

There's about just over 20 here.

There's a slight problem, in that I wouldn't know whether these were worth a pound each or £1 million each.

I suspect it's probably somewhere in between the two.

But there's a demand for them.

And I wouldn't really be interested in buying one or two of those.

I'd just be interested to buy the whole shooting match... ..and sell them as a job lot at the auction, because I think they might do quite well.

VO: They're not ticketed, but he's still got just over £204 to spend.

Carry on, Corporal.

See, who doesn't like a glass of the old vino collapso?

Well, in fact, even a bottle of vino collapso.

And this is a nice little wine rack.

Not quite sure how old it is.

35, 40, 45... 50 bottles!

I mean, that's my sort of wine rack, that is.

What would that make at auction?

Well, it's probably going to make between 30 and 50 quid, I think.

But...

I think there'd be a demand for it.

I quite like that.

So, so far, I've got the cap badges and I've got the wine rack.

Be nice to find something else, I think.

VO: I was right - this really is his kind of place.

No prices, either.

Ha!

I keep being drawn to this figure here.

I mean, I quite like it.

I like...

I like the colors.

Um, I don't know the age.

I don't know the potter or modeler.

But I just love the colors.

I mean, whether it's meant to be the Madonna and child or not, I don't know.

In a way, it might be more commercial if it wasn't, but it's signed here, look.

Can you see that, where it says G Kemper?

VO: Georg Kemper, 1880 to 1948, German sculptor and ceramicist who often worked in majolica.

But we've got this mother and child.

I mean, I have no idea what that's worth.

Kind of thinking, in my book, it's... at auction it's £60 to £90 worth, but I haven't got a clue.

But I quite like it.

So, what do I want to buy in this lovely shop?

I've got a choice, really.

Let's see where we end up.

I'm going to have a word with Mark.

VO: You do that.

PHIL: Mark.

MARK: Yes, mate?

I think you've got a great little shop here.

You've got some hidden nuggets, haven't you?

MARK: Thank you.

PHIL: What's really interesting about it is it stands looking.

MARK: Yeah.

PHIL: And if you have PHIL: a good look round... MARK: Yeah.

..there's a few hidden gems.

Hopefully not too expensive... MARK: Well... PHIL: ..but you've got some real little jewels.

VO: None of the items are ticketed, so let's see those Serrell negotiating skills.

The wine rack, the figure.

I really love the colors.

Yeah.

Would... Would you take 90 for the two?

Could you go up to 100, Phil, and I'll do that for you?

Yeah, I'll have those two for 100.

MARK: Yeah?

PHIL: Thank you very much.

You're welcome.

And what about the cap badges?

Would £30 buy those?

If you go to 40, another tenner.

MARK: That's £140 for the three.

PHIL: Yeah.

Yeah, we'll do that mate.

You're an absolute gentleman.

It's been a pleasure.

Let me... Really?

Most people say that PHIL: to get me out of the shop!

MARK: (CHUCKLES) VO: 65 for the majolica figure, 35 for the wine rack and 40 for the cap badges leaves him with just over £64.

He's going for broke.

MARK: Thanks very much.

PHIL: Cheers.

PHIL: Bye.

MARK: See you later.

Ta-ra.

Good luck.

VO: Time to collect Irita and catch up on the day.

You've seen things and bought things that I wouldn't have bought.

I could have been in the same shop as you and had them put under my nose and I wouldn't have bought them.

Now, I have to say, I always say I know nothing about nothing.

I bought nothing.

I know nothing about anything.

If you know nothing about nothing, that's a double negative, so you must know something about something.

At least I've made you smile!

Oh!

VO: See you tomorrow.

Oh, what a glorious morning, eh?

Where's Howard Keel when you need him?

But look, Northumberland is just showing off.

That's just really, really gorgeous.

That is absolutely mind-blowing.

Tiptop, tiptop.

VO: And they're showing off in that Aston Martin.

Phil laid waste to his funds yesterday, leaving himself but £64.36 after securing a wine rack, a majolica Madonna, an oil pump and a collection of cap badges.

Look, I think there was 27 of them.

27 of them for £40!

Yeah.

So I thought...

So if they make four quid each, there might be 50 quid profit in them.

VO: Irita is still flush with £316.36 after taking a fancy to a French painting and a Roman brooch.

Now, I could not find an older thing in a whole, entire shop.

That's older than me, isn't it?

Maybe by a year or two.

So is that Roman?

(GIGGLES) Yeah.

Can I remind you it's our last day of shopping?

Yeah, it's sad, isn't it?

It's sad.

I'm feeling so emotional about it!

Are you going to go out with a bang?

IRITA: I'll try.

PHIL: I think I can say that.

I always try to go out with a bang.

VO: Well, we expect nothing less.

After dropping off her passenger, Irita is making her way back to the village of Ford.

The Old Dairy is her next port of call.

Huge former farm buildings full of salvage, antique and vintage.

And there's Keith minding the shop.

It's an eclectic mix of wares, so what might she be after?

How pretty are these?

Oh, if you were doing a vintage wedding or something, how beautiful!

Do you reckon they might fit me?

Now is it me, or did the ladies used to have smaller hands?

Or do I have particularly large hands?

Well, I'll go with the smaller hands back in the day.

I wish I could have fit in those.

VO: If not the Lilliputian gloves, then what?

Maybe this will point me the right direction towards the profit.

Do you know what it is?

It's a weather vane.

Well, part of it.

This is the top bit of a bigger thing, really.

I have never seen... ..quite one like it.

I'm not sure - is that a good thing or a bad thing?

It's just a piece of metal that has been cut out and all hand-painted.

It's unusually bright for a weather vane.

It looks very folk arty.

Might even be American, you know.

I quite like the look of it.

It's just got a little bit of charm about it.

VO: If you want to bet on Dobbin, he's £55 and you'll need to talk to dealer Keith.

IRITA: Ta-da!

DEALER: Aha.

What do you think?

(GIGGLES) You've got a nice horse there, nice steed.

A bit of folk art, isn't it?

It is, yeah.

And he's priced at £55.

Well, 55.

Um... 35.

£35.

OK, £35 it is.

That's 20, 30 and five.

Thank you.

Oh, thank you very much.

DEALER: OK. IRITA: See you later.

VO: That 35 hardly makes a dent in her budget.

She still has just over £281.

Time for Irita to use some real horsepower to travel through the lovely rolling countryside of the North East.

VO: Phil, however, is hoofing it to the village of Etal, where the local community holds an annual celebration of that arable fixture, the scarecrow.

Local historian Eric Musgrave is waiting to introduce Phil to some of these straw residents.

PHIL: Oh, hi.

ERIC: Hello, Phil!

How are you doing?

Alright?

Walk this way!

VO: Oh, look - Phil's got a doppelganger!

How long have scarecrows been around?

Ever since people have been cultivating crops, there's been the need to protect the crops from feathered predators.

Humans were used... PHIL: Right.

ERIC: ..to scare birds away, so the job was given to the youngest boys ERIC: and the oldest men... PHIL: Yeah.

..on the farm, who were unable to do the heavy work themselves.

Remember when we took a football rattle... PHIL: Yeah.

ERIC: ..a wooden thing that made a hell of a noise?

PHIL: Bird scarers.

Yeah.

ERIC: Bird scarer.

That's exactly what they were.

They also had two bits of wood that would flap together like that... Clappers, yeah.

Clappers.

Exactly.

So these... Tins, old tins with stones in them that were spun round and round...

Anything that...

Anything that could... ERIC: literally, could rattle.

PHIL: Yeah.

So that's what they would use.

Not a very nice job and not very well paid, but very important because we have to remember that people's crops were for sustenance, to keep them alive.

So they weren't necessarily selling to supermarkets or having a great national distribution.

It was all for local consumption.

So it was very important that those crops were kept safe, so that they could develop, so that that community could have food the next season, the next year and so on.

It was literally keeping people alive.

But then somewhere along the way, somebody hit on the very good idea of using a human figure, an effigy.

And...

Always got to be human?

Well, they... they tend to be, ERIC: don't they?

PHIL: Yeah.

Scarecrows like our friend here, they look, at least generally, they look like a human being.

Yeah.

So I think it's interesting that they've decided that a human is the best figure to scare away birds.

VO: And human-shaped effigies protecting crops are found universally across different cultures of the world.

And are... are there kind of regional differences in scarecrows in the UK?

Or is a scarecrow a scarecrow a scarecrow?

I don't know about whether there's difference in design, but I certainly know there's a lot of names for scarecrows all across the UK.

And I... Don't ask me for the derivation, but all Scrabble players should pay attention.

Oh, go on, then.

Let's have some of these.

Because across the country they're known by some names such as Jack O'Lent, hodmadod, tattie-bogle - that's just across the border in Scotland.

Yeah.

Craw bogie - that's one that's nearly like... PHIL: Yeah.

ERIC: We've got craw, being the Scottish version of crow.

PHIL: Yeah.

ERIC: Interesting, isn't it, that we, universally, we know what a scarecrow is, despite all those regional differences.

And I wonder how many of those regional differences are still kept alive.

I hope...

I hope a lot of them are.

I mean, I can remember when I was a kid - my memory is that good - that the scarecrow was quite a simple figure.

But as time's gone by, they kind of adopted a spooky look, haven't they?

What's that all about?

It is quite a sinister thing when you... when you think about it.

It's... it's a human form, an effigy, stuck in a very lonely field.

I mean, that in itself is a little bit strange.

And then to imagine that it's there all through the night, when it comes at dawn, it's still there.

It hasn't moved.

One can understand why it's got this sort of slightly sinister air about it.

VO: Today, Ford and Etal are hosting their annual Scarycrow Trail, where the artistic talents of the local community are put on display.

They're in competition to see who visitors and locals will judge to be the best scarecrow, and it's an impressive array to choose from.

Is there any relevance as to what each person makes as their scarecrow?

There could be.

There doesn't have to be.

But, for example, this year I know one of the gardeners who works here on the estate, their scarycrow is pushing an old lawnmower.

So there's obviously a reference there to what the dad in the household does.

So you can do anything you like.

But of course, occasionally there might be a reference to what you yourself do or did, if that... That makes it really lovely, doesn't it?

It's...

It's great fun.

VO: As a non-local, Phil's being given a special dispensation to help enter a scarycrow in the competition.

Phil, Phil, Phil, the moment of truth has arrived.

We've given you a little bit of a start here, but I need your finishing touches if you're going to win that award.

So it's meant to be a likeness of yourself.

Is there anything you think that we should be adding?

Well, I think the first thing we need is a slightly fuller figure.

You reckon?

OK, alright.

If you say so.

I didn't like to say.

VO: Get stuffed, Phil!

PHIL: So... ERIC: OK. Oh, oh, the finishing touch.

It's the Serrell scarf.

Oh, absolutely right...

It's the trademark.

The trademark piece.

Never without a scarf.

ERIC: Even in bright sunshine.

PHIL: You can't have too...

It's always sunny in Etal.

PHIL: You ready for this bit?

ERIC: Uh, I'm not sure.

PHIL: You ready?

ERIC: OK.

I want...

I'm looking for a horrific finish.

That's what's needed to win this prize.

ERIC: Oh.

Oh, my word.

PHIL: Look at that!

Oh, well, we've gone to a different level of horror.

Look at that.

Thank you so much.

Thank you.

VO: Now that IS scary.

(CHUCKLES) Meanwhile, Irita's not very far away, and she also seems to be communing with some of the locals.

Hello, beautiful!

Well, have a lovely day.

I'm off to a shop.

See you, bye!

VO: The next and last stop for shopping on this trip is Alnwick, a town with an enormous fairy-tale castle and a long history dating back to 600 AD, which is still younger than Irita's Roman brooch.

Who knows what fine pieces of the past she might unearth at Alnwick Vintage and Antique, where there's two floors to explore?

I wonder what will attract her beady eye.

Now, shall I play Phil at his own game?

(CHUCKLES) Oh, look how beautiful that is.

Royal Worcester Porcelain.

Who knows better, Royal Worcester, than Philip Serrell?

Oh, you see, some people say peacocks are bad luck.

I don't think so.

They're just beautiful.

How could they ever be bad luck?

I absolutely love Worcester Porcelain with peacocks.

Trusty phone.

You get a torch on, and you shine through.

Now I can see that there is a blemish.

But that does not look like restoration to me.

It does, however, look like there's some strokes, like paint strokes, as if it might have been regilded in this one spot here.

Now, the price.

Let's have a look.

£175.

Not a million miles away, but... that blemish worries me.

That possible regilding worries me.

I think it's definitely worth asking though, because I would love to buy a piece of Royal Worcester, that I absolutely love, on a trip with Phil.

VO: Phil will be green with envy.

Oh, speak of the devil.

Come on, Phil.

Get cracking.

This really is the very last chance to bag something and make a comeback.

There must be something with your name on it.

It's a poor old Road Trip if it doesn't have a Philip Serrell coffee table in it.

And I think we might be looking at a Philip Serrell coffee table.

So here we've got a... Well, it's a bit worn here, look, but it looks like it says "personal baggage".

Well, I've been called that before.

You know?

So it's personal baggage.

And on the front... ..we've got the First Battalion of the Surrey Regiment.

And then there's this guy's name, which is OES.

Lord knows what that says.

It's funny, isn't it?

Like, 20 years ago, people wanted things in pristine condition.

Now they don't want things in pristine condition.

And, um, I think that's just quite a fun thing.

It's a bit worn, it's a bit battered, but I actually really quite like it.

But like everything in life, it's down to price, isn't it?

I don't know.

I think it's priced at 90 quid, but you never know your luck in this world.

You never know your luck.

VO: Time to see what dealer Helen can do.

Helen, I love this.

Oh, you like the box, do you?

Well, yeah, I'm...

It just makes me laugh that back in the day it was a battered old box, and now it's quite cool and trendy, isn't it?

Certainly is, yes.

And the rougher the better, really.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Absolutely.

And that is rough.

DEALER: It is!

(THEY CHUCKLE) OK. Cut to the chase.

Can I offer you 35 or £40 for it, please?

Er, 45?

But would you take 40?

DEALER: I'll do it for 40.

PHIL: Will you?

You're an angel.

I'm going to pay you some money.

20, 40.

Thank you very much.

DEALER: Very nice.

OK. Bye-bye.

PHIL: Thank you.

Bye now.

VO: Very generous.

And the box will be sent on.

Time for a stroll while Irita continues her quest, having earmarked the Royal Worcester vase.

Isn't that beautiful?

Scottish.

A piece of Scottish metalware.

Wee case.

A piece of Japanese.

This is referred to as Komai mixed metalware.

And why is that?

Because it's mixed metals.

Basically, all it is, is a piece of metal that is inlaid with various other metals, like silver in various places and 24-karat gold.

I mean, it is quite simply and traditionally decorated, but how beautiful.

It just sets itself so nicely on the black base, and it's simply a cigarette case.

Nowadays, not much use really, is it?

Because how many people would use it?

But now, recycling.

Put your cards in and off you go.

And on the back, signature.

K24.

Now that would stand for 24-karat gold.

It's rather pretty.

Now, the Komai family was a family who made swords, decorated swords in this manner in the late 1800s.

And... when the swords were not as popular or were not needed any more, they had to find other ways to bring income.

£35 for something that was created in the 1900s with mixed metals, fantastic quality, signed.

And now with a new use.

I mean, what there is not to love?

I think that should come with me.

Right, I'm taking that with me.

VO: You do that, pet, as they say hereabouts.

Hello there, Helen.

Hello.

Now, what a shop you've got.

DEALER: Thank you.

IRITA: I quite fancy that.

That's nice.

A little case.

Japanese.

£35.

I've also seen a Worcester vase that is in a cabinet.

And that worries me ever so slightly, cuz there's a few issues with it, and that is priced at 175.

So that's 210 for the two.

Yes, I think we could probably go down to 150.

VO: That is generous.

IRITA: Yeah, yeah, I'll... DEALER: OK.

I'll go with that.

Now, let me pop that down.

VO: 30 for the cigarette case and 120 for the vase.

Not so thrifty there at the last, then.

Calling time on the shopping for this trip.

Well, that is it.

There is no more.

Done and dusted.

My kids would say I look like a big baby, with the lip out.

PHIL: No, it's sad.

IRITA: But that's how I feel.

I'm rooting for you to win, Phil.

I think I've got some way to go.

Come on, have some faith.

The meek shall inherit the Earth.

And here I am.

(CHUCKLES) Phil!

VO: Praise be!

Nighty-night.

And they're en route to a very grand Northumberland finale.

PHIL: Isn't it lovely?

It's so beautiful.

We've seen some countryside, haven't we?

IRITA: Yeah.

Be interesting to know, and I suspect someone might tell us, how many miles we've covered.

VO: Well, I'm not totting it up.

Irita and Phil will be watching their auction at Howick Hall, just east of Alnwick.

PHIL: I'll tell you what, it's not over until the fat lady sings.

PHIL: And I'm just warming up.

IRITA: (CHUCKLES) VO: After a stroll in the glorious gardens, they'll be ready to come away into this fine mansion - ancestral seat of the Earls Gray since 1319 - for a wee cup of the tea.

Er, lemon for me, please.

Ha-ha!

Their items are going under the hammer in the South West, at Kenn.

VO: Clevedon Salerooms is the auction house, where they'll be bidding online, by phone and in the room.

Mark Huddleston is the man with the gavel.

VO: Phil forked out £190 on five lots.

What has Mark got flagged as a winner?

The trunk is a nice one.

We think it's very early 20th century, and there are traces of the paint on there.

Sometimes people like to use these in the front room as a coffee table or something like that.

Useful storage as well.

So hopefully that will perform well.

VO: Irita parted with £260 on her five lots.

Mark?

The weather vane is an interesting one.

If it's an American early folk art one, it should perform very well.

If it's eastern European, however, it may not perform quite so well.

VO: Back at Howick Hall, it's almost time for that final reckoning.

Welcome to my front room.

Isn't it lovely?

Yeah, it's gorgeous, isn't it?

Really, really lovely.

VO: The auction is under way, and first up is Phil's wine rack.

I've got 25.

Internet, you need 28.

28.

30 with me.

35 to stay in.

My bid at £30.

I'm asking 35.

At £30 I will sell.

Are we all done?

35 back in the room... Oh!

40 anywhere?

A room bid at 35.

Looking for 40 now.

It's with the room at 30.

Internet's 40.

Mr Serrell, you're in profit.

..at 40.

£45 is bid.

And 50, will you?

I've got 45 in the room.

Who's got 50?

At 45 then, I sell to the room.

Ta-da!

VO: A tenner to Phil!

Small profits never win the race.

VO: Well, can Irita's French painting net her a bigger profit?

Commission bids start me here at 60, but the internet... IRITA: Straight in there... MARK: ..at £120... PHIL: Well done, you!

IRITA: What?!

30 will be next.

130 to stay in.

120 with the internet.

Who has 130?

Impeccable taste online... That jumped a bit, didn't it... 120, the internet.

I'm looking for 130 now.

Are we all out in the room?

The internet has this one.

At £120 I sell.

Fair warning.

You must be delighted with that?

Oh, I'm very happy.

PHIL: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

IRITA: Very happy.

VO: I should think so at doubling her cash.

Somebody clearly liked it just like I did.

VO: Yeah.

I'm worried for Mr Serrell.

Time to see if his brass pump can rack up some profit.

I have £10 here.

MARK: Who's got 12?

PHIL: Get in.

Rosemary, Hill of Sheffield.

At £10 only with me, advance at 12.

Looking for £12 now.

My bid at 10.

Looking for 12, surely.

IRITA: Surely?

MARK: It's with me at £10.

Well, there we go.

VO: Oh, dear.

That was what I expected, really.

Well, you didn't lose money.

Mm, well...

If we don't mention the commission.

VO: Mum's the word, eh?

Ha!

Time now for Irita's Japanese cigarette case.

Straight in at £35.

Asking 40.

£35... That's a good start.

..at 40, and 45 here.

45, my bid.

I'm selling to commission at £45.

Are we all finished... IRITA: Short and sweet.

MARK: 45 is the bid.

I'm selling to the book at 45.

Well, that's done, isn't it?

VO: Yes, her piggy is filling up again.

That was alright.

£15.

Profit's profit.

It's better than a loss, isn't it?

IRITA: I know.

PHIL: Yeah, yeah.

VO: Under the hammer next is Phil's collection of cap badges.

My bid at 30.

35.

40.

And five?

45 in the room.

MARK: Clears commission.

IRITA: Very good!

Internet, 50.

Looking for 55 now.

55, the room.

60?

Looking for £60.

Who has 60?

No, don't put it down.

Are we all done at £55?

That's kind of OK. VO: A bit disappointing?

Listen, it could have been 15 quid the other way, so I'm very happy with that.

Well... VO: Next up is Irita's Royal Worcester vase.

£120 starts me.

130 will be next.

Straight in there.

At £130, surely.

At £120 on commission.

130, the internet clears the book.

At £130.

Who has 140?

130, the internet bid, and I will sell.

Are we all absolutely sure and done?

The gavel's up.

I'm going to sell to the internet at £130.

I think you got out of jail on that.

VO: Well, at least it's not a loss.

Moving swiftly on.

Clearly, people didn't think it was perfect.

Yeah.

Otherwise it would have made 300, 400 quid.

VO: Well, I have high hopes for Mr Serrell's majolica Madonna.

Surely time for fortune to smile on him.

I have £60 here.

Who's got 65?

Worth 65, surely.

Got a long way to go there.

65 online.

70 here with me, and try five.

Give us £75... Oh, he's got a commission bid.

70 here with me.

75, the internet.

Where's 80?

It's online at 75.

80.

Competition online.

85 will be next.

85 and still going.

Need 90 now.

Jumps to 90.

And five, will you?

I'm looking for 95.

95 is bid.

100?

Looking for £100.

MARK: 95 is the internet bid.

IRITA: No.

Rare thing, and I will sell.

Are we all done at 95?

I sell to the internet at £95.

I think that's really, really cheap.

Like, really cheap.

VO: Yep, I think so.

That surprised me.

VO: Phil, I'm fearing for you, mate.

Let's see if Irita's Roman brooch will continue her winning streak.

I have interest here at 10, 12, £15 here with me.

15 is bid.

18 will be next.

£18, a room bid... Hey, well, it's got a profit.

20, surely?

Rare little thing.

At £18 only.

Is there 20?

20?

20, I have now.

22 for you, sir?

22, thank you.

Selling at 22.

Somebody liked it.

Don't think that was dear.

No.

That was cheap.

For, like, 2,000 years' worth of history, which is... IRITA: I know.

PHIL: ..what it is, isn't it?

VO: Sold at second century prices.

Ha!

It kind of illustrates to people that you can go and buy a huge chunk of history like that...

Exactly.

..for little money, can't you?

VO: Staying with the army now.

It's Phil's last chance to fight back, with the military box.

I have interest here at 30, and five.

40's your next.

Looking for £40.

40, surely?

40, worth that.

Thank you.

40 online.

And who's got five?

Five at the back of the room.

Thank you.

Against you, internet.

50 they go.

And five for you, sir?

50 if you... 55 if you wish.

It's 50 online and five in the room.

Looking for 60 now.

Ha-ha!

60, jumps to 65.

£65, I will sell.

Be quick if you're coming in.

Selling to the internet at £65.

Well, for a moment I thought it's going to be 40.

VO: At the end, at last, a decent profit.

We're eking out little profits, aren't we?

IRITA: Mm.

PHIL: Yeah.

VO: No.

Yours are smaller than hers.

Hoo!

Time for the last lot now - Irita's charming horse weather vane.

I have £60 starting me on commission... IRITA: Ho, ho!

PHIL: Not surprised at all.

65.

65 on the... 85 bid.

I have 90.

Need five.

I have 100.

Looking for 110.

110, commissions are out...

It is galloping... Online now at £110.

Asking 120.

110 is bid.

Who's got 120?

Decorate your house with it, at £110.

120, I have a fresh place.

Looking for 130 from the net.

It's at 120...

He's working for it, isn't he?

Internet, are you coming back?

I'm selling to the room this time, at £120.

Are we all done?

Gavel's up.

I'm selling at 120.

I'm not at all surprised by that.

I'm happy with that.

VO: Happy?!

My Little Pony was a champion!

It deserved to make that profit.

PHIL: Yeah, yeah.

IRITA: Mm.

That is what we call a trouncing.

I've lost the money.

You're in profit, sir.

I've lost the car.

Oh.

Um, I've lost everything.

(FEIGNS SOBBING) It's all gone!

I mean, everything's gone wrong!

IRITA: Phil... PHIL: What?

IRITA: ..you have me.

PHIL: Well... every cloud has a silver lining.

VO: Here's the sums.

Phil ends the trip after auction costs with £245.76.

Well done.

While Irita did indeed trounce him, with a total after saleroom fees of £489.70.

She is declared the victor and all profits go to Children In Need.

Well done!

Irita led Phil a merry dance.

Ha-ha!

I think the well's dry.

VO: They enjoyed that classy car... No!

My bacon sandwich.

VO: ..and took in the sights.

That's a Loom chair!

VO: There were mood swings... 150!

Woohoo!

VO: ..tantrums... Philip Serrell is leaving the building.

VO: ..and fun... (CHUCKLES) VO: ..even as Irita galloped away with it.

Ta-da!

VO: Missing you already.

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