VO: It's the nation's favorite antiques experts...

Perfect.

Sold!

VO: ..behind the wheel of a classic car.

Lovely day for it.

VO: And a goal - to scour Britain for antiques.

Every home should have one of these.

VO: The aim?

To make the biggest profit at auction.

But it's no mean feat.

Yes!

VO: There'll be worthy winners... 950.

I'm going to make £1,000!

VO: ..and valiant losers.

Nooooooo!

VO: Will it be the high road to glory?

Make me a big profit.

VO: Or the slow road to disaster?

Are we stuck?

IRITA & RAJ: Yay!

VO: This is the Antiques Road Trip.

VO: Get away!

VO: Who's ready for another rip-roaring adventure?

These two are.

Come on, put your foot down.

Foot's right down.

RAJ: Couldn't go any further down.

That's it.

Look!

Down, down, down!

Ha-ha-ha!

VO: Our excitable antique aficionados Raj Bisram and Irita Marriott are currently taking in the views around Oxford.

Oxfordshire, I think is a beautiful, beautiful county.

If I had this beauty to look at, I mean, why would I look anywhere else, if you're next to me?

I think I'm going to have to take you to an opticians.

Why?

Just take a compliment like a man.

Say, "Yes, I am."

VO: Oh, he's far too modest for that.

Last time out, Irita bought big.

Unusual.

Everybody likes a bit of unusual.

VO: While Raj opted for tiny.

RAJ: Comedy, collectable, right up my street.

VO: But when their items went under the hammer... No bid on, then, thank you.

I have never had a no sale!

VO: ..it was Raj's turn to shine.

£420, then.

Thank you very much.

Whoa!

IRITA: It was a great auction, wasn't it?

RAJ: All I've done is even out the balance of the car, because you, it was all the way down that way.

And now I've kind of evened it up a bit.

What are you trying to say, there, you're evening out the balance?

VO: I'm sure he's just referring to his pocketfuls of cash, Irita.

Because, having started out with £200, our Raj has grown that into a very impressive £527.36p.

Oh, yes!

Mind you, Ms Marriott has been no slouch either.

She started with the same amount and is currently sitting on £402.70p.

IRITA: Are you going to go big or are you going to be cheap-cheap-cheap-cheap-cheap?

As I've said to you on many occasions, I will be led by what's in the shop.

IRITA: In other words, he is going to be cheap-cheap-cheap-cheap-cheap!

VO: I think she's got his measure.

After starting out in Suffolk and having a shufty round East Anglia, our pair have pointed their MG Midget westwards.

They'll make it to the other side of the country before their final auction in Penzance, Cornwall.

Yeah!

Haha!

Do that again, do that again!

VO: Blimey.

On this leg of the trip, our pair will shop till they drop all the way to Bristol.

And let's make a start amidst the hallowed halls of academia in Oxford.

And having dropped Irita off, it'll be Raj first into the fray.

His destination, Antiques on High.

A wonderful collection of quality items on offer here, all lovingly looked after by Vince.

Fancy some jewellery?

They've got you covered.

Want some copper?

There's oodles.

They've even got some of this stuff.

RAJ: Now, there's a spectacular case full of what we call carnival glass because it was given out as prizes at fetes and carnivals and fairgrounds, etc, etc.

It was made sort of as a poor man's Tiffany, but it's got this lovely, lovely twinkle to it.

VO: Bit like yourself, eh, sunshine?

I mean, that's quite a very decorative piece and it's got £12 on the ticket.

What's that going to be worth in a few years' time?

Probably £10.

VO: That'll be a hard pass, then!

Anything else around here catching your eye?

Wow.

This is adorable.

Absolutely adorable.

Here we've got a carriage warmer, and it would be used on long journeys, you know, carriage journeys, to keep you warm.

Made of brass.

It's got this lovely little wooden handle as well.

Look at that.

You can see inside that it's clearly been used, but it's still in excellent condition.

It's even got, on the top here, to let how much heat comes through as well.

Absolutely fascinating.

This is a really quality piece.

Sounds like I'm getting really excited.

VO: It does, rather.

£40 is the price on that.

But when you think about the history of something like this and where it's been, what it was used for and the condition that it's in, it can't help but get you a little bit excited.

VO: Sounds like a keeper.

Now, 20 miles north, as the crow flies, is the market town of Brackley, where Irita is just pitching up at her first destination, the Brackley Antique Cellar, deep in the bowels of the earth.

This subterranean Aladdin's cave boasts 100 dealers displaying their wares, so there's bound to be something to help you eat into Raj's lead.

(SHE CHUCKLES) IRITA: Talk about a classic old-school antique.

Crested ware.

If you lived in 1900s up to 1920s, '30s, even '40s, and you went on holidays, this is what you would have come home with.

Each and every town in the country has their own crest.

That crest was put on a piece of porcelain with the name of the place underneath, hence crested ware.

They were made by every single porcelain-maker in the country.

VO: So not especially rare or valuable, then?

You'll never catch Raj like that.

Keep looking.

Back in Oxford, though, he's busy getting his mitts on something else.

Now, these are quite nice.

I mean, they're of the period that people seem to like, which is art nouveau.

It's a period which was from 1890 to 1910, and they look as if no-one's really touched them since 1910.

If you look inside them, there's quite a lot of dust in there.

VO: Proves they're old, Raj!

They're typically art nouveau.

They've got all the flowers and, of course, these semi-precious stones.

That's one thing to check whenever you buy anything with stones - always check that they're not loose and that they're all there.

VO: Sage advice.

All present and correct on these two.

What is missing, though, is a price tag.

There's something about them, you know, that beaten look about them.

They're not the BEST best quality, I have to say, but, you know...

I think they're decorative.

It's going to come down to the price, but I really like them.

VO: He's getting up quite the collection now.

Meanwhile, back in Brackley... IRITA: Oh, just look at these fluid lines!

Isn't that glorious?

VO: ..Irita seems to be picking up the same sort of vibes.

Made out of terracotta.

Continental.

Inspired by art nouveau, so circa what, 1905, 1910?

Yeah, actually, I didn't spot this at first.

This says "France."

And it looks like there's some sort of impressed maker's mark, but I can't quite make out what it says.

I mean, it's a lot of vase.

You know which bit appealed to me the most?

VO: The sinuous lines?

The charming figure on it?

The price tag.

VO: Fair enough.

£17.

Now, I feel like an absolute cheapskate looking at this, but I have some ground to make up.

VO: Well, at that price it can't hurt your chances too much.

You'll need to see Yvonne - she's in charge today.

IRITA: Yvonne, sorry to disturb you.

Now, I've had a good look around and one thing has caught my eye.

There is an art nouveau lady kind of vase, about so big.

Yep.

IRITA: And it is priced at £17.

And guess what?

I'm an easy customer.

IRITA: Here is £17 for you.

YVONNE: Thank you.

IRITA: And I shall grab you on my way out.

OK, lovely.

IRITA: See, I told you - pain-free!

VO: And that barely troubled her budget, now sitting at £385.

Now, so far, Raj has racked up a pair of vases and a brass heater.

But is he done yet?

Not on your nelly.

I'm always drawn to things that are a little bit unusual and this cabinet here has got a lot of biscuit tins.

but they're all in different shapes of different things.

I mean, look at that - there's a handbag there.

That is a biscuit tin.

VO: Doesn't go with your outfit though.

What else can you find in there?

RAJ: Look at this one.

This is absolutely lovely.

This clearly looks like a very large locket that you would put round your neck, but if you open it up, the biscuits would go in there, and it's made by a very famous company called Huntley & Palmers.

British company founded in Reading around 1821.

And they made all these novelty tins and they've become very collectable now.

VO: That one's priced up at £60.

RAJ: This one, apparently, was made around 1912 so we're talking well over 100 years old.

I think any biscuit tin collector worth his salt would snap this up.

It's lovely.

VO: Sounds like you'd better see if you can buy it, then.

RAJ: Hi, Vince.

VINCE: Hello, Raj.

How are you?

RAJ: I'm OK. VINCE: Good, good.

I've seen three things that I really like.

OK.

The first thing is the burner and you've also got a biscuit tin in the shape of a locket.

With, like, a cameo style on the front?

RAJ: Absolutely.

Yep, that's the one, and down in that cabinet you've got a pair of art nouveau vases, as well.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Now, they weren't priced.

VINCE: Well, they were priced at 40.

RAJ: Right.

Do those for... (HE SIGHS) VINCE: ..20.

RAJ: OK, yep.

Er, the burner... VINCE: 15.

RAJ: Yeah.

And the very nice tin that's got 60 on it - VINCE: I'll do that for 25.

RAJ: Wow.

VINCE: How's that sound?

RAJ: Oh, that...

Listen, that sounds amazing.

VO: What a top chap.

£60 for all three.

VINCE: Thank you.

RAJ: Thank you.

VINCE: Alright.

RAJ: And I shall be back.

VINCE: Alright, take care.

See you soon.

RAJ: Cheers.

Thanks.

VINCE: Bye bye.

VO: Three items bought and still £467 in his pocket.

No wonder he's smiling.

Now, Oxford, of course, is a renowned seat of learning, and, down the centuries, many a notable scholar has studied here.

Irita's taken a break from shopping and come to the city to find out about one particular academic - a ground-breaking and influential female scientist.

And science writer and biographer Georgina Ferry has her story.

GEORGINA: Hello, Irita.

IRITA: Hello, Georgina.

What a beautiful spot this is.

Isn't this lovely?

This is Somerville College, and this is the place that played a really important part in the life of Dorothy Crowfoot Hodgkin - perhaps the most famous scientist most people have never heard of.

She's the only British woman scientist ever to have won a Nobel Prize.

Oh, wow.

VO: Born in 1910, Dorothy took to science from a very young age.

At secondary school, she successfully petitioned to be allowed to take chemistry - a class traditionally for boys only.

She developed a love for the subject and excelled at her studies, gaining a place here at Somerville College in Oxford when she was 18.

She did a four-year course.

The first three years were just all of chemistry, learned all of chemistry.

But then in her final year, she was able to do what she really wanted to do, which was to look at molecules and find out how they're actually put together.

VO: She was able to do this thanks to X-ray crystallography, a way of photographing the very building blocks of matter.

This brand-new technology had already been used to solve the atomic structure of diamonds and other inorganic compounds.

But Dorothy wanted to use the science to investigate biological material.

She was able to set up her own laboratory, actually in a basement room in the university museum.

I mean, nothing like any laboratory you'd think of today.

And she began working on insulin.

I think everybody's heard of insulin - it's what diabetics have to take.

So understanding its structure is incredibly important.

So, in the meantime, she got married, she had two kids.

World War II broke out.

And then a very important discovery was made in Oxford of how to actually get penicillin and turn it into a useful drug.

But nobody knew what the structure of penicillin was.

So she put insulin on one side for the moment, started working on penicillin.

And she was actually able to solve the structure of that molecule by the end of the war - by about 1945.

And that was incredibly important for the future of antibiotics.

By understanding the structure, chemists could improve it.

This amazing, important discovery that was in a little basement room - that's incredible.

It is absolutely incredible.

VO: In the years that followed, Dorothy's notoriety in the scientific community grew.

As well as penicillin, she successfully mapped out Vitamin B12, and it was this pioneering work that led to her Nobel Prize in chemistry in 1964.

And you might be surprised to know that I have here to show you the actual Nobel Prize.

IRITA: The real thing?

GEORGINA: The medal.

The real thing.

Here we have, solid gold... IRITA: Oh, wow.

GEORGINA: Dorothy Crowfoot Hodgkin's Nobel medal.

That gives me chills.

GEORGINA: I bet.

VO: In 1969, some 30 years after she began work on it, she finally solved the structure of insulin.

This meant that the hormones could be synthesized, saving countless lives of people suffering with diabetes.

And with the clout of her Nobel Prize behind her, Dorothy realized she could be influential on the world stage, too.

GEORGINA: She was tremendously interested in world affairs, particularly relationships between East and West.

She spent a lot of time visiting Russia and China and really trying to get the scientists in those countries to interact with scientists in the rest of the world.

And I suppose the Nobel Prize opened the doors for her?

GEORGINA: Absolutely.

It gave her a platform where her voice could be listened to.

When she was teaching students here at Somerville, one of her students was a certain Margaret Roberts, who grew up to be Margaret Thatcher, prime minister of the UK.

When Dorothy wanted to really send a message about improving relations with the Soviet Union, she was able to go and talk to Margaret Thatcher.

She was invited to Chequers a number of times.

She was certainly a trailblazer herself.

VO: A remarkable woman who deserves to be recognized as one of the country's most important scientists.

Meanwhile, Raj has left the city and ventured out to the country.

With three items in the bag and over £460 left, he's feeling quite chipper.

Who knows what awaits me?

Who knows?

And that's the lovely mystery of the road trip.

VO: Well, there's another shop on the horizon, for starters, in the village of Tetsworth.

Welcome to the Swan, a former tavern turned antiques emporium that can trace its roots back to the Middle Ages - just the sort of place to display lots of quality, historic items.

They've got rooms full of 'em.

And, after a bit of obligatory hat-wearing - that's got to be cold on the old bonce - it's on with the search.

RAJ: This is a fairly standard export-ware Chinese bowl.

But I like the colors on it and the decoration, - the roses, etc, and the blue, as well, the deep blue, which I quite like.

VO: Very nice.

It has issues, mind you.

It's really damaged.

There's a crack there.

There's a crack there.

There's a crack there.

There's a crack there.

VO: I think we get the picture, Raj.

In the old days, these were stapled together.

They were actually stapled.

But this one, obviously, has been glued together.

But it does appeal to me.

It's got £45 on the ticket.

If this was in good condition, this would be worth probably a couple of hundred pounds.

So if I can get this for somewhere around the £30 mark, then, you know, I like taking risks.

This might be a risk to take.

VO: Only one way to find out.

Let's go and see Sharon at the counter.

SHARON: Hello.

RAJ: Hi.

I've found something.

I'm so pleased.

Now, this is very, very damaged.

It's the 18th century Chinese export bowl.

You've got £45 on the ticket.

Can I make you an offer?

You can make me an offer.

How about £25?

That's not going to quite cut it.

35 would be better.

Er, well, I'll go to 28.

What do you think?

I think she'll be OK with 28.

You sure?

I think she'll be OK with 28.

Yes.

We can do a deal on that.

We have a deal.

Thank you very much.

VO: Not exactly blowing the budget today, is he?

Just under £440 left.

SHARON: Brilliant.

Exact money, as well.

Thank you very much, indeed.

SHARON: Thank you very much.

RAJ: It's been a pleasure.

And enjoy the purchase.

VO: And after that busy day, it's time to pick up his traveling companion and compare notes.

Have you had a good day, Irita?

I had a great day today.

I only bought one thing.

RAJ: Oh, only one thing?!

IRITA: Yeah.

RAJ: Not like you.

IRITA: What about you?

Normally, spend, spend, spend with you.

I want to spend, spend, spend.

It just didn't happen.

VO: There's always tomorrow.

Nighty night.

VO: Next morning, our MG Midget mates find themselves in the Cotswolds.

Did you see that?

There was a waterfall.

Somebody had a waterfall outside their gates.

VO: Ah, they've all got them round here.

Now, sometimes, these early-morning car chats really tackle the big issues.

IRITA: Raj?

RAJ: Yeah?

You know, when you get ready and you have a shower, do you use a shampoo on your head?

I don't, actually, no.

I just...

I just give it a little polish.

OK?

Little polish and that's me done.

VO: Yes.

That beeswax works wonders, doesn't it?

Ha!

It was a slow buying day for our Irita yesterday - only managed to get one item in the bag.

It's a lot of vase.

Don't you think?

VO: So, she still has £385 and a lot to do today.

Raj, on the other hand, bought a sackful.

Sounds like I'm getting a bit excited.

VO: He still has £439 after picking up a brass heater, a pair of vases, a cracked Chinese bowl, and one other thing he's brought along to share.

This is a locket for a really big chest.

Oh, blimey!

Can you imagine wearing that as a locket?

That's rather pretty.

But it's not a locket, obviously.

It's a biscuit tin.

IRITA: No!

RAJ: Yeah, it's a biscuit tin.

IRITA: That's cute!

And, on the back, you can see here - Huntley & Palmer.

Oh, of course it would be.

Let me guess.

It was cheap, cheap, cheap!

Er, no, it was cheap, cheap, cheap.

(DEEP PITCH:) Cheap!

VO: Well, that and all their prized possessions will go under the hammer in Clevedon later.

But, before that, there's some shopping to attend to, starting off in Tetbury, where, having jettisoned her passenger, Irita has just rolled into town.

She's heading to the wonderfully named Top Banana.

Let's hope her visit is fruitful.

Ha!

It's a labyrinth of wondrous items in here, all spread across three floors, with so much to look at.

And given that she is a bit behind in the buying stakes, I imagine that our Irita will be straight down to business.

Should I be working right now?

VO: Swivel chairs permitting.

Whee!

VO: Now that's out of her system, it's high time she knuckled down.

IRITA: Look at this.

Shiny!

Oh, blimey O'Riley!

Now, let me take you back in time.

Let's say you are in early 1800s and you're ready to go to bed.

There's no central heating.

It is a cold, cold winter's night.

You get one of these bad boys out.

VO: It's basically a huge 19th century hot water bottle.

I bet that would keep you toasty.

Ha.

An 18th century electric blanket.

I have seen many of these, and this is pretty much a Rolls-Royce of one.

VO: With the price tag to match - £95 on that bed warmer.

I think that's a definite possibility, this one.

That could be some hot stuff at auction.

Oh!

VO: Lordy!

Oh, dear.

(WHISPERS) All breakages must be paid for.

VO: Luckily, they built them tough back then.

Now, what else can you see?

I'm feeling a bit like a magpie, today.

Let's hope I find some treasure.

VO: I think she's on to something.

IRITA: Ah!

Aren't they precious?

I can spot some quality.

And these are it.

We're talking enamel, we're talking silver, we're talking Norwegian.

VO: Some sweet Scandi spoons.

IRITA: Set of six.

And, by the looks of it, absolutely mint.

Mid-century Norwegian stuff is immensely collectable.

Now, there's one worry - there is no price.

Could be a good thing.

Then again, could be a really, really bad thing.

Well, I suppose I'm going to have to ask that question.

I do like them.

Hmm.

Stay right there.

VO: We're not going anywhere.

What have you got?

IRITA: From one piece of enamel to another.

What about this?

Silver - again.

Enamel.

But, this time, not Norwegian - I think this is French.

And it's a brooch.

I think that looks really, really pretty.

And for the quality and workmanship that that is, £38 ticket price.

I think that's a good start.

VO: Sounds like you're ready to do a spot of haggling.

The man you need to talk to is Charlie.

You just have to find him first.

VO: He's in here somewhere.

Honest.

IRITA: There you are, Charlie.

CHARLIE: Oh!

I looked for you everywhere.

This place is massive.

I know.

I'm sorry.

It's such a maze.

But that's a good thing, because there was plenty to look at.

CHARLIE: A lot of treasures.

Lots of treasures.

Now, I have found three bits.

What have we got?

IRITA: There is a beautiful, large bed warmer.

CHARLIE: The copper and the brass.

Yeah.

Yes, that's the one in the corner?

CHARLIE: Yes.

IRITA: It was priced at £95.

CHARLIE: Yeah.

You want the best price?

IRITA: I want the best price, please.

OK.

I think we could come down as low as probably 20 for that.

IRITA: 20?!

CHARLIE: Mm.

IRITA: £20?

CHARLIE: Yeah.

It's a knockout.

Well, that's a definite yes.

VO: What's that saying about gift horses?

Now, onto those unpriced Norwegian spoons.

Do you have any idea of what those can be?

The best on those, probably be 80.

OK. And, also in the same cabinet, there was a little enamel brooch with like a rose in the middle.

VO: Priced at £38, remember?

Now, if I bought both of those out of that cabinet, what could they be together?

Probably chuck the brooch in for a tenner, so 90 all in.

Charlie!

I have never been this excited to part with my money, Charlie, now.

VO: Add in £20 for the bed warmer and that comes to £110, please, ma'am.

CHARLIE: Thank you.

You've made my day, Charlie.

I will grab them on my way out.

OK, great.

IRITA: Have a good one.

CHARLIE: Thank you.

IRITA: See you later.

CHARLIE: See ya!

VO: That's one satisfied customer.

Still, with £275 in hand and a healthier amount of treasures for her trouble, ta-ta, Tetbury.

No shopping for Raj just yet.

Today, he's headed further west to the city of Bristol.

Keen for a bit of physical exercise, our action man is popping to the local sports club.

And here to show him round is Duncan Jones.

RAJ: Hello, Duncan.

DUNCAN: Hi, Raj.

How are you doing?

I'm good, thank you.

Welcome to Bristol Civil Service Sports Club.

DUNCAN: Let's go.

RAJ: After you.

VO: Whilst this place may look very unassuming, it has a long and illustrious history with one particular sport.

(LIGHT TAPPING) That sounds to me like the sound of ping-pong balls!

VO: This is just one of 25 clubs in the oldest table tennis league in the world... RAJ: Oh, look at that!

VO: ..of which Duncan is a former chairman.

The league was set up in 1902 and is almost as old as the sport itself.

It was invented in England in around about the 1880s as a winter pastime, and the early game had a different look, because they would play with champagne corks, they would use books as a net, they would use cigar boxes for a bat.

So that's how it started.

More of a parlor game, really.

RAJ: I mean, champagne corks.

DUNCAN: Yeah.

That sounds a little bit posh, doesn't it?

DUNCAN: Well, yeah.

Well, the first players came from middle-class Victorian society.

So, you know, they were probably a bit posh - had the room, nice tables to play on.

VO: Although specially made equipment soon replaced those makeshift bats and balls, ping-pong, as it was known at the time, remained a pastime of the well-to-do.

But that all changed in 1901, when the ping-pong craze swept the nation and local leagues sprang up everywhere.

The Bristol League was set up by local man John Mycroft Boucher, who also happened to win the league's first championship in 1902.

And it's still running, obviously, which makes it the oldest in this country and then in the world.

Amazing.

Considering this is the oldest league in the world, there must have been some great players come through over the years.

DUNCAN: There have been lots.

In 1922, I think it was - 20 years after the initial craze - the Daily Mirror ran a national competition.

They had 40,000 entries.

And, at the finals in London, a local guy, James Thompson, took away the prize.

He, actually - James Thompson - went on to become an English champion.

Captained the English team twice - played for them four times - so he was an exceptional player.

VO: The rapid success of the sport, which officially became known as table tennis in the 1920s, was partly due to the fact that it was cheap to take up.

All you needed was a ball, a net, a table to play it on, and a couple of bats.

Of course, that piece of kit has seen a lot of dramatic changes over the years.

The original one is the one nearest you - a long-handled bat, as you can see, and that's vellum, which is like an animal skin, on them.

And they give off the typical ping-pong sound, which is where the name came from.

So have a little go.

RAJ: I can see what you mean.

And that one dates from 1902.

So that's an old one.

A really early one.

That's a very early bat.

After that we have the sponge bats, which is, you know, that's where we are now.

They really help with the ball control.

They grip the ball, they give it the spin and the control.

And it's amazing when you see the top players with the top bats.

Incredible.

VO: Now, enough chat.

Time for some action.

So while Raj heads off to get changed, we'll meet his opponent - 95-year-old Brian Ellison, the club's most senior member.

Let's see if he can teach this young upstart a thing or two.

RAJ: Brian, I see you've got your supporters' club with you, so you've got a big advantage over me.

VO: Well, that and the 50 years of playing under his belt.

RAJ: It keeps you pretty fit, this game, doesn't it?

Yeah.

VO: What started out as a parlor game is now a fast-paced international and Olympic sport, watched by millions.

RAJ: OK, I'm going to start my A-game in a minute.

VO: But with table tennis tables in parks, public spaces and sports halls across the globe, it's a game that everyone, young or old, can get into.

RAJ: Brian, in table tennis, do they have seniors events as well?

Yes.

Have you played in seniors events?

BRIAN: No.

RAJ: No?

Not good enough.

RAJ: It doesn't look that way to me.

VO: And with this club taking in new members all the time, the oldest league in the world looks set to continue for many years to come.

Well, you've absolutely whupped me, Brian.

VO: And he was going easy on you.

Meanwhile, somewhere out in the countryside... IRITA: # I need to do some shopping # I got some work to do # My singing is terrible... # VO: Well, it won't win Eurovision, but she seems happy enough.

With £275 to spend, Irita's also Bristol-bound.

In fact, she's heading just around the corner from the site of Raj's ping-pong prowess.

Gloucester Road Reclamation is her final port of call today.

Time to get your rummage on, girl.

It's a huge warehouse piled high with everything you could possibly want and lots of things you never knew you needed.

It just takes a bit of work to find that auction-ready item.

IRITA: Are you ready for this?

Oh, blimey.

Oh, my... Oh, my goodness!

VO: Well, quite a lot of work, actually.

IRITA: Does that give away what it is?

These came... from a church, from end of the pew.

Look how beautifully carved that is.

Nice, solid oak.

I mean, these days, when it comes to antiques, it's all about recycling.

Because somebody could buy these.

They might put them on end of the bench.

They might use them as an interior decorators' piece.

They could, I don't know, make a statement in a hallway.

There's so many alternatives and ideas what you could do with something like this.

And that is 120, 140 years old, and it looks like there's more than one.

VO: Mind you don't pull something.

That one's a bit knackered there.

VO: Well, there's more.

IRITA: It might be an idea maybe to buy two of these.

VO: Who needs a gym membership, eh?

Oh, my God!

Goodness me.

Right.

I think...

I think I can't get out.

VO: Blimey, you need someone with muscles.

And I think we have just the man.

Fresh from his morning workout up the road, Raj has arrived.

Oh.

So what's going on here, Irita?

Well, I'm a little bit stuck.

Can I help a lady in distress?

Oh, Raj, are you here for moral support or physical support?

If I can morally help you, I will.

So keep smiling.

You'll be fine.

I'll be back in a couple of days for the physical help.

See you later.

VO: Who says chivalry is dead?

Well, thanks, Raj.

VO: Let's see if he has any luck digging up something.

Now, I always get excited when there's something I haven't ever seen before, and I haven't actually seen one of these.

It's actually a barium sulphate soil testing kit, and I think every home should have one of these.

VO: Yeah.

Try getting your rhododendrons to grow without one.

RAJ: Here we go.

We've got a BDH soil indicator color chart which tells you what your soil is, the pH in it.

I mean, it looks like it's complete.

It looks like it's probably 1940s, 1950s, even.

And if you were a gardener, what a perfect gift.

Because gardeners always want to know what the pH of their soil is.

VO: They talk of little else at my allotment.

No price tag on that.

You'll have to ask.

But it's different, and it's definitely a possibility.

VO: Let's see if you can buy it, then.

James is the man you need to talk to.

RAJ: Hi, James.

JAMES: Hi.

How you doing?

I'm good, thank you.

James, I found something.

You've got...

It's a soil testing box.

What's on it?

I would say probably £60 on that one, I think, because it's just rare items and it's not something you don't see every day.

So what would be your best price for it?

I think I could probably go as low as 35, but I don't think I could go below that.

Do you know, I think that's very fair.

So at £35, James, we have a deal.

VO: And even with that last purchase, he still has over £400 left.

I shall take it and be on my way.

Brilliant.

VO: Now, don't wander off, James, because it looks like Irita has finally broken free and she's ready for a haggle.

IRITA: James.

JAMES: Hi, you alright?

Now, I have found some pew ends down on the floor.

Yeah.

Do you know how much they are?

I think I can do about 45 each on the best condition ones, but probably £10 less each on the ones with scratches.

Because there are two that have quite big chunks out of the carved wood.

Yeah, it's probably those ones.

Are you sure that it's as good as it can be?

Erm, say 25 each on the damaged ones.

And that's probably the best I could do.

That's £50 for the two.

Yes, That's correct.

Yeah.

Well, I'll say yes to that.

JAMES: Brilliant.

IRITA: Let me find you some money.

And that hefty deal leaves her with £225 in her pocket.

I'm not going to bother carrying them because they're really heavy.

JAMES: They are heavy.

Yeah, brilliant.

I'll leave them for someone else to pick up.

IRITA: Thank you, James, bye.

JAMES: Cheers, have a good one.

VO: Probably wise.

I don't think the Midget's suspension could cope.

Now, only one place left to go.

One auction each.

So this is number three.

IRITA: This is like, make or break.

You've got some good items, haven't you?

Yeah.

Look at you.

Whenever you go quiet, I start to worry.

VO: You'll find out soon enough, Raj, after some shut-eye.

We've done the buying.

Let's give the selling a go.

Our pair are pitching up in deepest Devon for a bit of auction viewing where the car is not the only way to travel.

Oh, look at that old railway.

I know.

Isn't this beautiful?

IRITA: This must have been an old station hotel.

RAJ: It must be.

VO: You're bang on, Irita.

Once offering respite to weary train passengers, the Moorlands Hotel now boasts a pretty impressive feature at the bottom of the garden.

Steam-powered, too.

IRITA: Are you ready?

RAJ: I was born ready.

VO: After starting in Oxford, our dynamic duo have made their way to Parracombe, up near the north coast of Devon, but not before dropping their items off at Clevedon along the way.

The Clevedon sale rooms are where it's all going to happen, with digital bidders lurking online and analogue ones actually here in person.

And then a room bid, and I sell.

VO: Raj was thrifty, spending just £123 on five auction lots.

Let's see what today's gavel man, Mark Huddleston, makes of it all.

The Huntley & Palmers biscuit tin is an interesting example.

I found one sold in America, but we don't know who the lady is on the portrait, so, answers on a postcard.

I think it should fetch £25 to £35.

VO: Irita spent a little more - £177 on five lots, plus the one that didn't sell last time.

Favorites, Mark?

The carved-out pew ends are slightly unpredictable.

Hopefully someone wants to either hang them on the wall or has the seat and back to make another pew.

VO: Hmph, you never know.

And talking of pews, shall we take one and settle in for some remote auction watching?

RAJ: A beautiful day.

Here we are in North Devon.

What could go wrong?

Well... VO: Yes.

Let's not tempt fate.

We'll kick off with Irita's little enamel brooch.

£10.

Would you have bought it?

I'd have bought three of them.

I have just £12.

Start me.

15 is your next.

At 15, surely?

15.

Thank you.

18, where?

15.

A room bid, looking for 18.

IRITA: What?

RAJ: You're in profit.

..seems good value at 15.

Good value?!

VO: Gobsmacked, I think you'd call that expression.

Oh, that hurt.

But at the bottom line, it's a profit.

If it makes a profit, smiley face.

VO: Very true, Raj.

I wonder what face he'll make at the end of his biscuit tin sale.

£25.

Is that all you paid for it?

Well, that's quite a lot of money for a biscuit tin without biscuits in it.

Immediately, internet interest at £90.

What?

MARK: Five now.

90 bid.

Rare thing.

That's amazing, Raj!

Oh, come on.

IRITA: One more.

MARK: ..with the internet then.

IRITA: Make 100.

MARK: ..if we're all done?

RAJ: It doesn't look like it.

MARK: £90.

That's lovely.

£90 for a biscuit tin.

That's amazing.

VO: You see?

Grins all round.

Look at that smile.

Look at that... Look at that smile.

VO: Next up, Irita's Scandi spoons.

Will they cause a stir?

I have £45 on commission.

MARK: Need 50 now.

IRITA: That's a start.

I need 50 on them.

A little set at £45.

MARK: 50, back of the room.

RAJ: Here we go.

Commissions out at 45?

..a little bit more.

Anyone got 55?

50 is the standing bidder now.

MARK: We'll sell... IRITA: No.

No!

VO: Do you know?

I think she's disappointed, or skuffet, as they say in Norway.

Raj, is this, like, Irita Marriott half price, spring sale or something?

VO: It's the battle of the heaters now.

First up, Raj's carriage one.

IRITA: It will be interesting to see whose is hotter, yours or mine.

Start this one, with me at just £20.

Who has 22?

IRITA: That's a profit!

MARK: 20, £22?

22, the lady, looking for 25.

At £22.

MARK: Anyone got five?

RAJ: Nice quality.

IRITA: Really, really pretty.

RAJ: Come on.

At 22, I'll sell.

Are we all finished?

Oh.

VO: Not a scorcher, but not bad.

Time for round two.

Irita's big bed warmer.

I can see bids climbing on the internet.

MARK: We're at £22, already.

IRITA: Wow!

You're in profit.

MARK: It's still climbing online at 25.

MARK: 28 will be next, £28.

IRITA: 28.

Looking at 30 from the net.

Come on!

£28 to the gentlemen seated, at 28.

RAJ: Wait, wait, wait.

MARK: Sell.

That was a bit quick.

VO: A whole pound more in profit than Raj's.

It's less than what I thought it might make.

But that's kind of been my pattern in this auction.

The best is yet to come.

VO: Indeed, there's Raj's next offering, for starters.

Soil-testing kit?

When was the last time you saw one?

When was the last time you needed one?

Who's got 15 to start me?

£15, surely.

RAJ: Oh it's not going to do it.

MARK: At £15 only.

Make it 10, then.

Oh, my goodness.

No one got soil?

Haven't you got soil?!

MARK: £5.

I'll take a five.

Five, we've got, thank you.

You've got a bid!

It's jumped to eight on the Internet.

Good heavens.

Oh, it's really getting lively now.

MARK: Ten.

We're back in at £10.

MARK: Anyone got 12?

RAJ: Come on.

MARK: Coming back?

I'm at £10 only, still good value at £10.

At £10, you've got one?

RAJ: Yes!

IRITA: £10.

VO: Hours of exciting soil-testing ahead for that lucky bidder.

Maybe soil-testing kits aren't as popular as I was hoping.

VO: Next up, Irita's Minton fish plates, left over from last time.

Can she land a sale here?

Start me at £30 the pair.

IRITA: Come on.

MARK: 30, I have.

Anyone got five?

Here with me at £30.

Who's got five?

Internet at 35.

That's more like it.

40.

Looking to the room for 40.

IRITA: One more.

MARK: Otherwise online at 35.

Be quick.

Selling at 35.

RAJ: Good, brilliant.

Fantastic.

VO: Good things come to she who waits.

That's brought a smile to your face.

RAJ: Yeah?

IRITA: Maybe a little one.

VO: Raj's export China bowl is next.

Let's see if it's all it's cracked up to be.

Huh!

I have £25.

MARK: Starts me, 28 next.

IRITA: See!

IRITA: You're nearly there.

MARK: ..at £25, 28 and 30, here with me, 35... Hey, you're in profit.

RAJ: Small profit.

MARK: Who's got five?

IRITA: Come on.

MARK: At £30 I will sell.

MARK: Are we all finished then?

IRITA: What?

30, the bid, on commission, selling at £30.

I'm happy with that.

VO: Given the state of it, I'd say that was smashing.

Whether it's £1 or £2, it's still a profit.

VO: The first of our art nouveau offerings, now.

Irita's vase.

Start me at just £30.

£30 on this one.

IRITA: Come on, somebody go in.

RAJ: Go on.

MARK: 30 if you wish.

At £30.

IRITA: Somebody!

£30, looking for 30.

MARK: 20, then.

IRITA: Don't go down.

Come in at 20.

15, then, if we have to.

IRITA: No.

MARK: At 15 surely?

It's meant to go the other way.

RAJ: It's going the wrong way.

15, can't believe it.

Even he can't believe it.

MARK: 15, we've got.

18.

RAJ: 15.

18 and 20 and two...

It's going, it's going - 22!

MARK: 25.

RAJ: You're in profit.

..at 22.

Do you have 25?

Otherwise I'll sell then at 22.

IRITA: Oh!

MARK: The bid's with me.

RAJ: Well, it was a profit.

IRITA: It's a fiver.

VO: Yes.

Remember what Raj said about smiley faces?

A profit is a profit.

I keep saying it.

A profit is a profit.

VO: Well, it's his turn now.

That pair of art nouveau vases.

I can start these at £45.

IRITA: Oooh!

MARK: At 45 with me.

I need 50.

50, I've got.

55, with me at £55.

MARK: Anyone got 60?

IRITA: Awesome.

55 my bid, 60 to stay in.

MARK: 55 here with me... IRITA: That's really good.

Slowly, slowly.

I'm on commission and I sell at £55.

RAJ: Well, I'm pleased.

IRITA: That's good.

RAJ: Yeah.

VO: I think it was the dust what won it.

Well done.

I... (TRAIN WHISTLE) He's happy.

VO: And finally, Irita's chunkiest lot.

The pew ends.

Let's hope they're worth all that heavy lifting.

IRITA: Some people put them on end of staircases, bottoms of book shelves... RAJ: Maybe put them on the end of a pew!

(LAUGHTER) Start me just £30, surely?

£30 we need.

Go on, somebody in.

MARK: 25, then.

RAJ: Come on!

20 with me.

22, where?

IRITA: Oh... MARK: Looking for £22.

IRITA: I'm not even watching.

At 22.

Thank you.

25, where?

IRITA: 22.

MARK: Room bid at 22.

Anyone got 25 for me?

Room bidder at 22 then, I will sell.

Are we all finished at £22?

IRITA: Oh, my.

MARK: £22.

£22.

I feel for you.

VO: At least you didn't buy the expensive ones.

It's not gone her way today.

Well, tell you what, I'm drawing the line right there.

No more losing for me.

Be afraid, Raj Bisram.

RAJ: Oh, my goodness.

IRITA: Be very afraid.

I don't like it when you look at me like that.

VO: I think we'd better move swiftly on to the numbers.

Irita started this leg with £402.70.

That's dwindled a bit after today.

So after auction costs, she now has £366.74.

But the Cheesy Grin Award goes to Raj, who started with £527 and after sale room fees, has seen that grow to £574.10.

But we're all smiley faces, really.

I'm ready for a party.

RAJ: Are you?

IRITA: Ready?

IRITA: Wooohooo!

RAJ: Oh.

Hold on!

VO: Bonkers.

The pair of them.

(HE CHUCKLES) subtitling@stv.tv