VO: The nation's favorite celebrities... Wow.

VO: ..paired up with an expert... Ow.

Ow.

Get it sorted.

VO: ..and a classic car.

She's beautiful.

Ooh, we're steaming.

VO: Their mission - to scour Britain for antiques.

Is that antique?

I'll take it.

I'll take it.

VO: The aim, to make the biggest profit at auction.

VO: But it's no easy ride...

There's a dog chasing us!

VO: Who will find a hidden gem?

I love that.

VO: Who will take the biggest risk?

Ah!

VO: Will anybody follow expert advice?

Yeah, uh, OK, I know what that means.

VO: There will be worthy winners...

Yes!

VO: ..and valiant losers.

Disaster.

VO: Put your pedal to the metal.

Let's go shopping.

Woo-hoo!

VO: This is the Celebrity Antiques Road Trip!

VO: Keep dancing!

VO: And we're off!

Today we're north of the border in Scotland with Britain's most famous vicar, Reverend Richard Coles, and the rather dashing Glaswegian actor Joe McFadden.

Is your mantelpiece covered in knick-knacks?

It's covered in... Yeah, it's funny, as you get older you do pick up things that you just never would have looked at before.

So true.

VO: In the 1980s music was Richard's forte.

He reigned supreme in the top 10 as one half of the super successful band The Communards.

MUSIC: "Never Can Say Goodbye" by The Communards VO: They were one of the most popular acts of the 80s.

In fact, they had the biggest-selling single of 1986 with "Don't Leave Me This Way".

Gosh, that seems like an age ago.

I don't know, I think you've a really unfair advantage.

I'm not saying that you are an antique.

I'm just saying that the oldest thing I own is some pickle at the back of the fridge.

VO: Joe has been in the acting biz since he was a young un.

More recently our pals have boogied on down on Britain's most popular TV dance competition.

JOE: Isn't it nice, by the way, not being in a dance studio, sweating away.

RICHARD: Much as it was fun.

JOE: Yeah.

It's nice to be out in the world isn't it?

It was lovely doing it but it was really nice when it finished!

It was just the aching.

Did you have real pain?

Total pain.

My lower back, my knees, and also I had the added humiliation of looking like a walrus that had been tazered.

Not at all.

Well, you are too kind, Joe.

You were brilliant, you know you were.

But, you know, I actually thought I could dance.

I seriously thought I could dance.

You could dance!

Well it wasn't like, it was a bit like dancing wasn't it, only smaller and worse.

You had a great partner.

Yeah, I mean, it's a once in a lifetime thing isn't it?

And it's funny because you try and explain to people and you kinda can't.

Unless you've been through it you just can't understand what it's like.

So, yeah, we'll always have that, we'll always have Strictly.

You said to me in the beginning "you're going to do really well" and I was like "no, no I'm not".

But I knew you were going to be great, Joe.

And I suspect you're going to be very good at antiques as well.

VO: Well, only time will tell.

Guiding our celebrities as they dance across a rather soggy Scotland are experts David Harper and Phil Serrell.

Isn't there a Scottish term for this weather?

Is it "dreich"?

No, it's called a fantastic Scottish summer.

Is it?

Yeah.

VO: For their vehicular pleasure, we have a Mercedes 300.

This is a really good car, isn't it?

They're bomb-proof, Phil.

Absolutely lovely.

Three-liter engine, automatic, cruise all day long.

You and I, if we wanted to, if we were really risque, we'd take off to the south of France, just you and I. VO: Tempting though that might be, there are celebrities to meet.

You know I know absolutely nothing about antiques whatsoever.

Have you done an auction before?

I have, I bought my first car at auction.

Have you been to many auctions?

Not many, although I have bought... That's reminded me I did buy a candelabra at the Liberace auction.

Of course you did.

I mean I know them both from TV.

I'd never put them together.

What is the connection?

Dancing?

Well it's Strictly, isn't it?

Cuz Joe won Strictly.

Do you think I'd do well on Strictly?

Oh my... Phil.

I would pay a lot of money to be live in the audience if you were wearing a leotard.

If I was on Strictly I'd have a fork-lift truck as a dance partner.

VO: Well, let's shimmy and shake our way to Leith harbor, where your partners await.

JOE: Here we go.

DAVID: He might make it.

Look at that.

How are you, mate?

Lovely to see you.

How nice is this?

It's very good to meet you.

Very good to meet you.

We've had lots of fun already, haven't we?

Yeah we have, we've loved the cars.

We'll soon put that to an end.

VO: Phil's road trip buddy is going to be Joe, and Richard will be joining David.

But which duo will be waltzing to victory?

Come on!

Get on with it!

Alright, alright, alright!

VO: Phillip Serrell, calm yourself man.

And they're off.

Oh... (BLEEP) VO: And... they're off!

Here we go!

VO Ha ha.

VO: Now Richard, I've got to ask you a question.

Certainly.

What came first, the desire to be an international pop star or one of the best known vicars in the world?

I mean music and church came together cuz I was a chorister.

DAVID: Oh you were?

When I was a kid.

Although I didn't do religion seriously until I was in my 30s really.

Really?

RICHARD: Yeah.

DAVID: OK.

I was too busy running around raising hell in my 20s.

Tell me more about the raising hell.

Well I can't remember it.

It was that good?

Some of it was really good.

I remember a year in Ibiza, I remember the beginning of the year, I don't remember the end of the year at all, but... ..apparently I bought a speedboat.

VO: Ooh!

You've got £400 to spend on this trip.

Hopefully you'll remember what you've bought this time.

This is a home run for you, isn't it?

Yeah, coming to Scotland in this beautiful weather.

PHIL: Absolutely.

It doesn't get any better than this.

So I am assuming that you've got all the antique shops already sorted.

You know, where we're going, what we're gonna buy, all done and dusted.

No, I'm not a big antiques buyer I have to say.

PHIL: What?!

JOE: I know, I know.

Do you think there's going to be some competitiveness between you and Joe?

Joe's a much more redoubtable competitor than I am.

Although I wouldn't say I was untouched by competitiveness.

I try to mask it.

You've a beautiful way of putting things.

Well I hope so.

Thank you, that's nice of you to say.

Joe, have you got any sort of particular thing you might be buying?

The only things that sort of catch my eye when I'm out are sort of Rennie Mackintosh stuff, everyone from Glasgow loves all that.

Yeah.

The Glasgow boys...

I like art deco, arts and crafts... Do you think you've got a good eye for that?

I mean I know what I like.

I don't know if I can spot value in things but I suppose that's why you're here.

Phew... No pressure!

All the best for that one Joe, I tell you.

VO: Everyone is heading for auction in Newcastle upon Tyne, but we start our trip in Edinburgh.

VO: This grand old city is steeped in history, so it's a good place to hunt for goodies.

VO: Courtyard Antiques has everything from furniture to militaria crammed into its two floors.

JOE: This looks nice.

Look at this.

VO: But with £400 to spend and so much to look at, where to start?

That is absolutely fantastic, I love that.

It's like proper old, isn't it?

Oh they make noise, don't they?

Looks like a Steiff doesn't it, looks like...

They're like me, they growl a bit.

JOE: There's a drum here.

Are you a good drummer, Joe?

Well I did do a routine in Strictly where I had to drum.

Show me, show me, show me.

Did a Charleston.

Oh it doesn't have a string on it, we had the strings on.

Yeah.

And it was, we were swiveling at the same time to it.

Really?

Yeah.

VO: You've still got it, Joe.

That's a nice one, right?

VO: Anyway, across Edinburgh, Richard and Phil are getting their show on the road.

VO: They're visiting Cabaret Antiques and Curios.

There we are.

Right outside the door.

Are we up for it?

We're up for it.

Come on then.

VO: Blimey, someone's full of beans this morning.

DAVID: Look at that, nimble.

I haven't been nimble since 1984.

VO: Don't worry, you won't need to move very far to find treasure in here.

And dealer Terry is on hand to help.

You're got loads of stuff here.

I mean I keep looking at things and there's almost too much to look at, there's so much.

Tell me what you're drawn to.

RICHARD: Ceramics is a big thing with me, anything in that sort of area is good.

Glass I like, although I don't know very much about it.

Have you got anything very exciting for us, Terry?

You know your stock.

Well I've got a very exciting brooch.

Ooh.

A very exciting brooch?

Yes, Victorian, it's a harvest festival brooch.

RICHARD: One that you would have stuck a sheaf of corn in?

TERRY: That's the one, that's the one.

That is fabulous.

Oh I see.

So you would wear that, you would stick your thing in and go to your harvest supper.

Yeah, you'd go to the harvest festival.

RICHARD: Where I grew up in the village we had a harvest supper... TERRY: Yeah.

..where the first farmer to get the harvest in, his wife would bake the harvest loaf.

DAVID: It's very Scottish, actually, in its decoration.

TERRY: Oh very, yeah.

RICHARD: I like it.

Do you?

I could imagine that pinned to the blouse of a bluestocking Edinburgh lady... Yeah.

..of the Golden Age.

I don't know what I'm talking about.

No you don't.

VO: Well, you had me fooled.

DAVID: It's enamel decoration.

I'm thinking of the market as it is today, so is there very much of a market for... Well, an unusual piece.

..brooches like that.

It's quite pretty and it would look good on a photograph, and if we're going to an auction with online bidding you can sell that very easily to someone in Sydney, it wouldn't make any difference.

Right.

And so you're opening up to the world market.

VO: But is it silver?

DAVID: But there's no hallmark, so there lies the problem once it goes into auction.

The auctioneer will just describe it as a white metal.

As a white metal.

What sort of money is it, Terry?

It's ticket price 85.

Very best price to you, 65.

65, OK. Shall we just ponder on that for a moment?

Yeah.

I'm a bit worried about the auctioneers putting it down as white metal.

They will put it down as white metal, yeah.

VO: We'll leave them to ponder and zip back across the city to see how the other two are faring.

Carpet sweeper.

JOE: Oh, some curling stones...

Curling stones?

Yeah.

That's very Scottish, isn't it?

VO: Well, when in Edinburgh...

So do you think it's a wise move to buy some curling stones and take them down south of the border?

They're a nice thing to have around, aren't they?

I mean you probably wouldn't use them for curling, but as like an object in the house for keeping doors open and stuff.

Yeah, I think they're quite cool.

45.

VO: £90 the pair, then.

PHIL: Do you know where curling stones come from?

Now you can't have an Englishman telling a Scot where these come from.

JOE: What do you mean, come from?

What they're made of?

PHIL: Where the stone comes from.

Er...

Yes, ker-ching, got him.

Tell me.

Ailsa Craig.

JOE: Is it?

PHIL: Yeah.

PHIL: All this granite... JOE: They all come from Ailsa Craig?

I think there's one other place they come from but pretty much all the Scottish curling stones come from the granite on Ailsa Craig.

JOE: The same place, wow.

PHIL: Just off the west coast of Scotland.

JOE: Just off, yeah, yeah.

PHIL: So there's no handles.

JOE: No.

If there were handles, they're worth 50 quid apiece.

If there's no handles, they're worth, I dunno, 10, 20 quid.

Oh OK. PHIL: It's something we might be able to have an option on.

JOE: Yeah.

OK. Keep looking.

VO: I wonder if the other team are closer to spending any of their £400 yet.

Ceramics, perhaps?

Do you like a bit of Clarice Cliff?

RICHARD: I do, yeah.

VO: Yeah.

Clarice Cliff, one of the 20th century's most influential ceramic designers.

So the art deco period, you know the roaring 20s and the exciting 30s.

That's got to be Clarice Cliff Terry, I'm hoping.

It is, yeah, yeah.

Tell us about that.

Right.

It's just...

I'm hoping you've had it for 14 years.

Yeah, I've had it a while.

Good.

It's a good start.

It's a wall pocket.

Clarice Cliff.

Newport Pottery.

How lovely is that?

How lovely is that?

And very, very cheap.

VO: Cheap!

Cheap!

Cheap!

DAVID: So a wall pocket for your living room.

RICHARD: Yeah.

You know you are a fashionista.

1930, 1935, it's just you, Richard.

Exactly.

It's screaming me.

Just an earlier period.

DAVID: Pre-Second World War, no doubt about it.

RICHARD: What would you put in it?

DAVID: Dried flowers, or just something...

It's a show-off piece because Clarice Cliff at this time was absolutely the height of fashion.

Super hot.

Super hot, and she's never cooled off.

Why do we love Clarice Cliff so much?

I think it's the vibrancy.

Yeah.

And the story of Clarice Cliff as well, I mean I think she's one of the 20th century's most remarkable women.

Came from absolutely nothing, started work in the potteries at 12, 13, worked her way through, started making her own designs, married the owner of the factory, moved into the great big posh house and developed her own range of Clarice Cliff.

This is the more mass-produced.

This was made during a period when Clarice was very well known.

She would have had a studio of 14, 18 girls painting under her control.

It's very jolly and you could imagine that... Yeah.

..on the wall of your bungalow in Worthing or some place.

Yes.

Yes, absolutely.

RICHARD: The price on the ticket is £95.

TERRY: Right.

RICHARD: Ruinously expensive.

Very, very cheap.

However.

However.

£65 is the cut-off point.

When you say the cut-off...

The cut-off, that means absolutely £65, that's it.

You're giving me one of your looks there, Terry.

Yeah.

VO: She's a tough one.

What am I doing wrong?

What am I doing wrong?

No you're doing everything right, yeah, yeah.

But Terry's just doing it right... TERRY: Yeah.

DAVID: ..a bit better.

What about if we were to do a brooch... TERRY: Ah.

DAVID: Ah.

..pocket combo.

Yes.

Go on Terry.

Go on Terry.

Go on.

Go further than you've ever gone before, Terry.

For me.

Shh.

Live dangerously, Terry.

£110.

Ooh, so £55 each.

RICHARD: I'd like to do that.

TERRY: Yes.

Well I would like to do it.

Shall we do it?

Let's do that.

Shall we live dangerously?

Let's live dangerously.

Terry, we're living dangerously.

You've got to live dangerously in this game.

Thank you very much, Terry.

You drive a hard bargain, if I may say so.

Well that's me being soft.

Really?

That's you being soft.

Yes.

VO: Hehe.

Well that's Richard and David off the mark, spending £55 on the Clarice Cliff wall pocket and £55 on the brooch that may not be silver.

Wahey!

VO: How are Joe and Phil getting on?

Enamel signs are big, right?

They're sort of collectable.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

VO: And with a ticket price of £150, this sign is well within their £400 budget.

I mean I'm not crazy about advertising smoking, but... PHIL: But it's of an age gone by, isn't it?

Yeah.

That looks kind of old, doesn't it?

Yeah it is.

It's a bit faded here.

But... JOE: Shows its age though.

Yeah but farmers used them to prop up sheds and then kids would fire air guns at them which is why you'll find dinks, the enamel comes off and they rust underneath.

They've gone all battered.

PHIL: Yeah.

What do you think, do you think it's an option?

Yeah, I do.

VO: Best find the boss then.

Hi Lewis, how are you, are you well?

I'm Joe.

Lewis, good to see you again.

It's that awkward moment when we want to talk about money.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Go on, tell him what you think.

JOE: We like the enamel sign out the front, we like the curling stones, so yeah, just your best price you can do for a fellow Scot?

Is what we're after.

Just love the way he got that in there.

So what are we thinking?

£120, that's genuinely my best.

Yeah, I mean I'd be happy with them in my house, so... PHIL: Good, cuz I think you just bought them.

JOE: £120, thank you.

VO: Well, that's £80 for the sign and 40 for the curling stones.

Thank you very much.

Thank you.

JOE: Nice one.

PHIL: Onward and onward.

VO: Back in the Sprite with their first antiques in the bag, conversation has moved on to one of Richard's other passions.

I came to football late in life and in fact it was Italia 90... Yeah.

..when I first thought oh, actually, this is quite good.

And then I became a very avid Arsenal fan in the 90s, and then I've just remained one really.

VO: Just as well, Richard.

Because you're heading across to the Leith area of Edinburgh, home to Hibernian FC - a football team with an ecclesiastical heritage.

Well you can teach me a bit about football then, Richard.

Well don't expect the offside rule in half an hour.

Took me 20 years just get it.

Yeah well that's right, yeah.

VO: They're meeting Tom Wright, the club historian.

RICHARD: Can we leave our jackets behind... DAVID: Brilliant.

TOM: Give it to the lady here.

Do you mind?

Thank you very much.

VO: Talk about making yourself at home, David.

RICHARD: So tell us a bit about Hibs.

Why is it here and when did it get here?

In the mid 1800s in Ireland there was a potato famine, when all the crops failed and because most of the people were poor at that time the potato was a staple diet, and there was very little food.

They reckon out of a population of about eight million at the time, almost a million died, which is incredible.

Yeah.

VO: It's estimated two million more people were forced to emigrate around the world in search of better living conditions.

And as a result, an estimated 13,000 Irish families settled in the Cowgate area of Edinburgh.

In 1875 a local clergyman, Canon Hannon, was instrumental in setting up Hibernian Football Club to give young Irish men something to do in their spare time.

And he realized that forming a football club would be good for the youth of the area.

VO: But getting a game against an established team would prove difficult due to anti-Irish sentiments.

When Hibernian applied to join the Scottish Football Association, they were refused, being told "we're catering for Scotsmen, not Irishmen".

The club persisted with their efforts and on Christmas Day 1875, Edinburgh rivals Heart of Midlothian broke ranks and played a game against Hibs.

This first game eventually led to Hibernian being admitted into the Scottish Football Association.

TOM: Canon Hannon was a fantastic influence on the club and he became in effect the club's first ever manager, and indeed he was made president until his death in 1891.

I don't know where he found time to fit in parish and Hibs.

I suppose he didn't have Strictly Come Dancing, did he?

Aye.

I personally think that Hibs were the very first community club in the entire world.

Most of the football would be friendlies or benefit games.

VO: A lot of money raised from these games would be used to help the locals.

But it wasn't just good causes the club played for.

This Edinburgh Association Cup is the very first cup that was won by the first team in 1879, when we beat the Hearts in the final.

Hibs won it three years in a row and the habit at the time, they got to keep it in perpetuity.

So it's a wonderful, wonderful little trophy.

You're going to get your loop out in a minute and check for hallmarks.

I'm looking for the hallmarks.

That's what I'm looking for.

Yeah.

VO: I suppose old habits die hard, David.

I'll hand that back to you there, Tom.

Can do, can do.

Richard.

Silver plated.

RICHARD: Well we're experts in Scottish silver.

Well being a Hibs supporter, I know very little of silver.

VO: Don't worry, there's always next season, Tom!

TOM: Would you like to go and see the pitch?

I'm gonna embarrass you by taking a ball with us.

OK.

Yes, alright.

That looks like a very traditional ball to me, that.

It really look like, that's the old do.

That's the kind of early school ball.

That's the one I remember from school.

DAVID: Yeah, me too.

DAVID: OK ready?

RICHARD: Yeah.

DAVID: Come on, Richard.

RICHARD: I don't run.

I'm so self-conscious, like...

Strictly.

DAVID: OK. RICHARD: Oh!

VO: Perhaps you'd better stick to antiques, eh David?

Tom looks like a guy that loves to do a deal.

Yeah.

How about if we make him a bid - a football, and one of the trophies?

DAVID: How much money have we got left?

RICHARD: 290.

DAVID: 290... Let's put no more than 90 into it.

OK. OK. Tom, can we have a quick word?

I didn't think it was a bad offer myself.

That football's not coming home.

VO: Over 140 years since the inaugural match, Hibernian FC continue to use sport to improve the lives of locals.

A true community team.

VO: Meanwhile, what's the chat in the Merc?

Yeah I have to say, I... mostly modern stuff that I buy, I'm ashamed to say.

But the older I get, the more I do appreciate older things.

I wanna... Is that why you're with me?

VO: Ha ha ha!

They're en route to the village of West Linton in the Scottish borders.

VO: Home to Gladstonebag Antiques & Vintage.

PHIL: Gladstonebag... JOE: Ah.

PHIL: ..Antiques...

Right.

JOE: This looks interesting.

Let's get some bargains.

VO: This rural antiques center is home to an eclectic mix of goodies.

PHIL: That's quite cool.

That's kinda cool, isn't it?

If it works.

PHIL: Yeah, well.

JOE: Yeah.

It does work.

It's fine, aye.

PHIL: How much is that, Paul?

Eh, it's on at £45.

It's come out of a bank.

I'd quite happily have that in the house.

PHIL: Yeah.

Mind you, the only thing I don't like is that there, look.

JOE: Yeah the little, little dents.

PHIL: Yeah.

JOE: But that means we'd get a discount.

One of the problems that I have, I can remember starting work and having one of those in the office, which kind of makes me feel very old.

When you think we should buy something like that, Joe.

Yeah, well cuz that looks really retro to me, really antique-y.

VO: Meow!

Sorry...

Doesn't mean it's not nice.

VO: I think that's off the list.

Whilst I was here, I was just looking over there, have you got a store over there?

I do, I do.

Cuz I do like stores.

You do, I know.

Likes to rummage.

Yeah, can we go and have a look in your store?

Yeah.

Yeah, sure.

Fingers crossed for this place.

Ah, you can't beat a good store.

VO: Philip, you just can't resist getting a peek at some fresh stock, can you?

JOE: Hobby horse, screen... PHIL: Oh!

What's that tin box that's got "trust" on it?

PAUL: That's a deed box.

PHIL: And how much is the deed box?

That is all of £20.

PHIL: I'm just thinking... PAUL: You're going to ask me to get it out, aren't you?

Paul, would that be awfully difficult, to get it out?

PAUL: I'll get it out.

PHIL: You sure?

Yeah.

PHIL: Get it out, let's have a look.

JOE: Oh it looks old.

PAUL: There you go.

Nice one, thank you.

Looks pretty old, yeah.

Good weight to it.

PHIL: Me or that?

JOE: Henry Johnstone's Trust.

VO: Deed boxes were traditionally used to store important documents.

Often made of metal in order to be fireproof and keep out the bugs.

See that top is just a bit shot, isn't it?

PHIL: Does it open, Paul?

VO: It's seen better days.

PAUL: Yeah it should open.

I know it should open.

PAUL: Aye.

PHIL: The question... oh!

Oh, its front.

There you go.

It is quite nice.

It's not bad for 20 quid, I think.

PHIL: It's not good either.

I think that looks nice for 20 quid.

Just... shove these in.

Oh you're right.

What do I know, though?

I mean for 20 quid, it's nothing, is it?

You're right.

It's nothing.

PHIL: Absolutely right.

VO: Do you go with your heart or Phil's brain?

Decisions, decisions.

PAUL: You having that one?

Yeah.

I've made an executive decision.

VO: Heart is it, then.

Should we shake it?

PAUL: Yeah.

JOE: Nice one.

PAUL: Cheers.

JOE: Brilliant.

VO: That takes Joe's total spend for the day to £140.

Really?

Have a little faith.

VO: And that's everyone done for the day.

JOE: Lovely, wasn't he?

PHIL: What a really nice man.

First day on the Antiques Road Trip over, Richard.

Yes, what fun.

How are you feeling?

I really enjoyed it.

Good.

It great fun kind of sniffing stuff out.

What's the plan then for this evening?

I suppose just regroup, have a bit of dinner and maybe a wee glass of wine?

With you on that one.

Yeah?

VO: That sounds like a plan.

Sleep tight.

VO: Good morning.

Our celebs Joe McFadden and the Reverend Richard Coles are up with the larks, and it's time to get this show on the road again.

I'm a sort of terrible haggler, I just don't know how to do that kind of thing.

Yeah.

But actually David was very encouraging and I turned out to be a bit more kind of brutal at haggling than I thought I would be.

Than you thought you would be?

I think I might have rather disgraced my calling.

VO: But at least you bagged yourself some loot.

VO: How are the experts in the other classic car?

I think with Joe and I, we're like peas in a pod really cuz we're both really happy... And handsome.

..smiley, young... Yeah.

..bubbly... Yeah.

..infectious personalities.

Yeah.

VO: You don't say, Philip.

Right, time now for a bit of show and tell.

RICHARD: Oh.

DAVID: Woah!

Where's he going?

Good to see you, my friend.

Lovely to see you.

Yeah, lovely to see you, yeah, you too.

Have you been dreaming about antiques?

I've been dreaming about you, David.

DAVID: Have you?

RICHARD: That's not an antique.

You two are always smiling.

What have you got to smile about?

PHIL: Can I just say... What?

We're in Scotland, the sun's shining... RICHARD: Where?

PHIL: I've been practicing.

JOE: God's country.

I've been practicing.

You ready?

Go for it.

That looks like rigor mortis, Phil.

Are we gonna reveal our purchases?

RICHARD: Shall we?

DAVID: Shall we?

Well first of all, we're very happy to show you, ladies and gentlemen, this exquisite piece.

You'll recognize it instantly, Phil.

Good old Clarice.

Clarice Cliff, that's right.

RICHARD: I know you like nothing more than pottery budgies.

I'm gonna wipe the smile off his face.

No, nothing will wipe the smile off that face.

Nothing can, I'm just too happy to be with you guys.

VO: He's a nice boy.

Over to you, show us what you've got.

JOE: OK. PHIL: Come on, Joe.

RICHARD: Oh my...

So we've got...

The Philip Serrell curling stones.

They're lovely curling stones.

Which don't actually have handles.

Can I have a feel, Joe?

PHIL: Useful.

JOE: Very heavy.

Oh God they are, aren't they?

I'm not proud of this but I was once ordered to leave the ice rink in Perth for being, well I wasn't drunk, but for having had a drink, and being in control of a curling stone.

VO: Best avoid Perth, then.

Ha!

Let's remind ourselves of what they bought.

Yesterday Richard bought that Clarice Cliff ceramic wall pocket as well as a harvest brooch that might just be silver.

I like it.

VO: And he still has a considerable £290 left to splurge.

I love that.

VO: Joe, meanwhile, has splashed the cash on an enamel sign, a deed box and his curling stones.

They're a nice thing to have around, aren't they?

VO: Leaving him £260 in his back pocket.

I know what I really want to find.

Go on.

A perfect curling stone with handle for 10 quid.

Oh, wouldn't that be... Actually, that would be the dream.

The Joe smile, does it come naturally or is it something you've worked at?

Have you always been smiley?

Well the thing is, I've got a lot to smile about.

Well, you've got a very cheery face, Joe.

You're a joy to be with.

You too.

What, a smiley face?

No, you're a joy to be with.

I'm not having you saying that I go around smiling, it's just not on.

Don't, don't spread that vicious rumor.

No, no, we don't want people thinking I'm happy.

VO: David and Richard have made their way to Newhouse, North Lanarkshire.

They're paying a visit to Greenside Antiques and Decorative, which shares its home with a garden center.

As you do.

VO: Now, what's tickled Richard's fancy?

RICHARD: This back cabinet here... DAVID: Yep.

They look like Poole chargers.

Well spotted.

So what do you know about Poole?

Um, well, Poole pottery... Yeah.

..it's very distinctive.

Yeah.

It's one of the great names of British pottery of the period.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And those are pieces which, I think if you were interested in Poole, you'd be interested in.

DAVID: I absolutely agree.

Now Poole pottery is very collected.

Yeah.

All over the world.

They're still going, I believe.

Yeah.

And they're known for their cheerfulness, their vibrancy.

DAVID: And great quality as well.

VO: Time for a closer look.

Best get dealers Allan, Elaine and Teddy, too.

DAVID: Who's the assistant, who's this?

Who's this?

RICHARD: Hello.

ELAINE: This is Teddy.

Teddy!

Hello gorgeous.

ELAINE: He'll give you a good price.

RICHARD: Always good to have a big lively dog around ceramics.

ALL: (LAUGH) These are ammonites, aren't they?

ALLAN: Yeah.

ELAINE: Mm-hm.

DAVID: Oh, right.

But very much Poole pottery in the 1960s and 70s kind of funkiness, which is really good and vibrant.

What sort of money are they?

I would give that to you...

This is gonna be really bad because when you get a very long build-up, Richard, in this business, you're gonna get prepared for a very big shock.

ELAINE: Yeah.

That is gonna be more than £50, I can tell you, be prepared.

I've got a lot of big vet bills at the moment.

ALL: (LAUGH) ELAINE: And my dog needs fed... That dog is the picture of health, come on.

ELAINE: I would do it for 50.

But if we were to look at 40, would that be a thinkable thought for you?

I would do it for you, because you want to win, you told me how badly you want to win.

Don't, don't say that, I'm a vicar!

Would you do the other one for the same price?

ELAINE: Yeah, I would actually do that for 30.

What do you think?

I'm thinking that you're thinking, you might want to make a really hard bid for the pair.

What he said.

I mean for the pair, what would you consider to be a good price?

What were we at, we were at 70, weren't we?

Yeah.

I think the best I could do... DAVID: 50.

Was that the dog?

Did the dog say that?

I thought I did hear the dog say that.

The dog did, that's a clever dog.

DAVID: Yeah, we would take that off Teddy if... We would do that.

What do you think, wagging your tail?

ELAINE: OK then.

RICHARD: 50.

ELAINE: Done.

DAVID: Brilliant.

RICHARD: That's a deal.

DAVID: Thank you.

Thank you very much.

VO: Looks like Teddy did you a favor.

That's a curling stone.

VO: Have your prayers just been answered, Richard?

And I think that is a curling... RICHARD: It's just a brush, isn't it?

RICHARD: A curling brusher I think.

Mind you, that looks an early one, that one.

Let's have a look.

RICHARD: Oh, and it's got the handle on.

DAVID: It's got a proper handle.

Wouldn't it be awful if at auction we were to perhaps achieve more on a curling stone with a handle and brush than, say, any rivals or competitors who might be trying to flog curling stones with neither?

I think it would be absolutely magnificent.

But it would have to be much cheaper than their curling stones, because what we want is our complete curling stone and brush to make a lot more than their two rubbish curling stones.

RICHARD: Oh gosh, that would be sweet, wouldn't it?

Do you think this is rash...pu...?

It depends on how nice Allan is.

Allan.

DAVID: Shall we go and talk to Allan?

VO: I thought Teddy the pooch was calling the shots.

Will it collapse your desk?

No, no.

That is super heavy, isn't it?

I'll tell you what, that is an early curling stone.

I think that's 19th century.

Victorian.

Do you think it is?

RICHARD: Oh, Victorian!

ALLAN: Many years outside, it's withered away... DAVID: Yeah.

RICHARD: ..back to the natural sort of stone.

Well it's like people, don't you think?

When people, you see the crags in their faces.

Take Phil Serrell, as an example.

That is a Phil Serrell of the curling world.

The thing is, there's a price issue here.

DAVID: What sort of price are we talking about?

And bear in mind it's gotta be cheap, Allan.

Give us your best death price, go for it Allan.

I'll do my best for you.

Today only, for you guys, £15 for the two.

Oh!

Oh!

I think we can live with that.

I think we can live very well with that.

RICHARD: I can live very nicely with that.

Allan, thank you so much.

VO: That's £65 for the Poole chargers and the curling stone and brush.

RICHARD: Thank you very much.

VO: And they're still got £225 left to spend.

Let's take a deep breath.

Oof!

Right.

Come on Phil, let's go.

VO: Meanwhile, Joe and Phil have made their way west, and to the city of Glasgow.

So is this your home patch?

Yeah.

Yep, this is my, this is my childhood right here.

Yeah, it's such a great city, especially when the sun's out like today.

It's always lovely coming back.

This is Cathcart Road, which I lived on.

You lived on this road here?

Yeah, we're just about to pass the flat that I grew up in.

Yeah, this flat here, above that shop.

It seems so small now.

Bluebird cafe, that's where we used to get our ice creams from.

Where, where, where?

Bluebird cafe, right there.

This area round here, was it... it was built up on shipyards and steel?

Shipyards, steel, lots of trading.

VO: At the height of its industrial might, Glasgow was considered the second city of the Empire.

Its engineering workshops supplied goods all around the world.

However, some of that engineering knowhow was reserved for the good people of Glasgow who manned the factories.

With a growing population of over half a million, an easy way of moving workers around the city was needed.

(SUBWAY TANNOY) And the answer to that 19th century conundrum can still be found deep beneath the city's streets.

And it brings back childhood memories for Joe.

What's the difference between a subway and an underground?

In Glasgow it's the subway, in London it's the underground.

Oh, right.

Single.

£1.70, brilliant.

PHIL: It's all very orange, isn't it?

JOE: OK, so, just flash the thing... Shove that on there.

Yeah, shove it on there.

There you go.

What was that?

Let's do it.

Look after me, Joe.

I will, I will, don't worry.

It's funny this used to be really thrilling as a child coming on this.

Still is!

You should get me on one of those tether things, cuz I will get lost.

VO: Glasgow boasts the third oldest underground system in the world, after London and Budapest.

JOE: The great thing about the Glasgow subway is you can't get lost.

PHIL: Really?

JOE: It's one line that goes one way... PHIL: So there is one line.

JOE: And if you miss your stop, you just stay on for 20 minutes... PHIL: Really?

..and you get to it again eventually.

PHIL: Oh, that'll do!

It's very kind of orange, isn't it?

JOE: Well, funny you should say that.

It's affectionately known in Glasgow as The Clockwork Orange.

PHIL: Oh, really?

But it goes round in a circle and never stops.

VO: And if you want to learn about the Clockwork Orange, local historian Andrea Pearson is the person to ask.

There she is, hello, how are you?

I'm Joe.

Hi Joe... JOE: This is Phil.

ANDREA: I'm Andrea.

I'm Philip, how are you?

Good to see you.

Hi Philip, nice to meet you.

ANDREA: If I can take you back, if you imagine what Glasgow was like in the Victorian era, it was getting very messy on the streets.

It was busy, there was a lot of work, there were people coming from all over Scotland because the industrial revolution was really driving a lot of industry in the city.

You might have heard of our local lad James Watt?

PHIL: Yeah.

He had something to do with that.

So after the steam engine, everything was getting mechanized and there was a lot of work here in the city so people were pouring in.

And on the streets, everything was horse-drawn.

So there were trams, but they were pulled by horses.

But you can imagine it was busy and it was quite, quite messy as well.

JOE: Yeah, lots of manure.

Yes.

Exactly.

Which was a problem.

VO: The city grandees decided they needed a fast and efficient way of moving workers around the city.

London already had an underground.

Mm-hm.

So it was decided in Glasgow to try to replica a similar system.

Yeah, what year was this?

ANDREA: In Glasgow it was about 1890.

JOE: That early?

ANDREA: So 1891, they started work.

PHIL: How long did it take them to build it?

It took five years, it was a massive project.

Really?

They had an engineer called Alexander Simpson.

At that time Glasgow was full of engineers, we had some of the world's best engineers... Yeah.

..so he was charged with getting it all done.

JOE: Mm.

ANDREA: And it eventually opened in 1896... PHIL: Yeah.

..just before Christmas.

VO: But unlike its London counterpart, which still had steam trains running on its tracks, this system would use groundbreaking technology.

So they had a continuous cable.

Dragging it all the way round?

ANDREA: All the way round.

VO: The train drivers were known as grip men, as they had to skillfully use a clamp system in the cab to grab onto the constantly moving cable that pulled the trains around the lines, before releasing the cable again to stop at the stations.

JOE: And was it in this configuration that we have today, in the circle?

Yes, exactly the same.

These tunnels are exactly the same, cuz it linked the main centers of population with the big areas of work, which were Govan and the shipyards and so on.

PHIL: Right.

ANDREA: And it was a flat fare, a penny, everybody could get on.

It was a great social revolution because people were able to all travel together.

JOE: Mm.

(SUBWAY RUMBLES) PHIL: It's quite loud, isn't it?

ANDREA: Yes.

PHIL: Yeah, really.

PHIL: Not good for conversation, is it really?

ANDREA: No, maybe that's why it's been very successful.

JOE: What?

ANDREA: Shall we get on?

Yeah.

Yeah, let's do it.

OK, here we are.

Let's do it.

Absolutely, how's this?

JOE: OK. JOE: Here we are.

I nearly ended up on your lap there, Joe.

When the subway opened, was it a success?

Yes, in fact there were queues around the block.

Seriously?

On the first day, yes.

It was completely overwhelming.

JOE: Big excitement about it.

ANDREA: Yeah.

VO: The entire network was eventually electrified in 1935.

It made a real difference to the city, did it?

Yes, absolutely, it became the main mode of transport.

Mode of transport.

The kind of preferred mode of transport.

I feel a bit of a gooseberry here, I can't hear a word.

What did she say?

JOE: Aw, sorry.

PHIL: What she say?

It made a real difference to Glasgow.

It made a real difference?

Everyone could get around all the city.

Oh right, OK.

It made a real difference.

VO: It's a testament to the ingenuity of Glasgow's engineers that 120 years later, this subway is still carrying upwards of 40,000 passengers a day through its tunnels.

Wow.

VO: Meanwhile, back above ground, Richard and David are also in Glasgow.

DAVID: It's a big one, look at that.

Oh wow.

That is one big antique center.

VO: They're visiting their last shop, Glasgow City Antiques.

And with over 20 dealers, this emporium is positively brimming with treasure.

Just as well - they've still got £225 left to spend.

Great!

An industrial unit full of antiques.

What more could you want?

Not much.

Not much.

Look at that.

My God.

DAVID: That is delicious.

RICHARD: Ooh.

The mirror.

Oh yeah, that's lovely.

DAVID: Oh my gosh, would you have that in your house?

I think if I were to look at it, my face would rather let it down.

VO: Nonsense, Richard.

That's gorgeous, look at that.

It's so elegant, isn't it?

And so... Oh, so sort of...

I love the curve on that.

The shape of it is... Really good.

..absolutely outrageously good.

Is it...

It's the real thing, that's the... Is it Regency?

It is Regency, bang on.

Yeah.

1820.

Maybe a tad earlier, 1810.

Late George III period.

Has it been done up, do you think?

Yes it has, God you're very good.

I'm not.

VO: He is.

You are good, Richard.

I was just about to say it's had a previous restoration.

Can you see there's like a blooming on the polish?

RICHARD: Yes.

DAVID: That is a later French polish.

So it's a mahogany frame, little bone roundels.

Missing one here.

And the repairs... RICHARD: Yeah.

..can you see the repairs?

RICHARD: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But you can absolutely see that that is not the original color and patination.

But it's very rare for something like that to retain its originality.

Mahogany was only introduced to British cabinet making in 1730... OK. An exotic wood from, you know, the South Americas, so it cost a lot of money to get it here.

And so the person that bought that had money.

DAVID: And I've never in my time seen that shape.

It's £65, that is 10% of its value 15 years ago.

Get out.

I think we should get it.

VO: That's that decided then.

One item in the basket.

Now, remember that little brooch Richard bought yesterday?

It's quite pretty, but there's no hallmark.

VO: David wants to know if it's silver once and for all.

So he's acquired a testing kit.

David's done this many times before, but if you're trying this at home, I'd recommend safety goggles and gloves.

What are we actually looking for?

Well I'm just waiting for that little drop to change color.

We're looking for a nice red, a deep red, which will tell us it's silver.

VO: Uh-oh, look who's just arrived.

A little space right at the door, made for us.

Cheers.

Cheers.

VO: This could get messy.

JOE: Shh!

PHIL: What are you doing?

We're doing a little bit of silver testing.

PHIL: Silver?

DAVID: Yes.

You can test for silver?

You can test for silver if, Joe, you have the correct equipment.

It's all about equipment.

Have you got one that tests for gold?

Yes.

Have you got some gold?

We might do.

So today Phil has put me in the driving seat pretty much and said to trust my heart and to, yeah, to go with my instincts.

VO: No pressure then, Joe.

Hopefully I have some instincts to go with.

We'll see.

JOE: Phil?

PHIL: Yeah?

Do you wanna come and look at these?

PHIL: What have you got?

They're kind of arts and craftsy, aren't they?

Well it all depends on how they pick up and turn round because normally those things are quite like pressed co... those aren't like pressed copper, are they?

Not at all, they're heavy.

Oh, actually, those are really good.

JOE: It could be an option, right?

PHIL: Yeah, very, very...

I love those.

Well done you.

That's been clearly set into some sort of concrete...

It's been cemented into... PHIL: Yeah.

So what we've got is a piece of copper.

In terms of date, I think they're late 19th century.

Am I a real philistine to say that I want to polish those?

No, but I wouldn't.

JOE: Really, you'd leave them like that?

PHIL: I think these have got a lovely pattern and color to them.

JOE: Yeah, real character, haven't they?

PHIL: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Sir, I gotta tell you, not only can you dance, but you don't have a bad eye either.

VO: You old smoothie, you.

Moving swiftly on... Aww... That's kind of you.

Well no, it's truthful.

How much are they?

JOE: It says... PHIL: 180?

JOE: 180 on the... PHIL: How much have we got left?

JOE: 260?

PHIL: 260.

Maybe half of that?

PHIL: Do you remember that Bruce Forsyth program?

Lower, lower.

Higher or lower?

Lower!

If you could get those for a tickle under £100, that would be lovely.

That'd be great, right?

VO: Let's talk cash with the man in charge.

John?

John?

So we like these little panel things and we were wondering, what's the best that you could do for us for them?

150.

Oh... That's quite rich for our blood, isn't it?

JOE: You could do it for a turn, right?

JOHN: No.

JOE: Even if we're buying something else?

Doesn't make it...

It's all different dealers, so... JOE: Yeah.

PHIL: Is the dealer here?

JOHN: Yes.

Can I ask you to do us a favor?

Could you tell her I'm gonna persuade him to take her dancing on Friday night at the local Glasgow hop.

At 130 quid.

Glasgow hop.

PHIL: Could you do that?

I will ask her.

OK but keep them for us, definitely.

JOHN: Yes.

PHIL: OK, thank you.

VO: What news, John?

What's the verdict?

Yes, you can get them for £130.

PHIL: Done.

JOE: That's great.

Done.

Shake the man's hand.

Nice one, thank you so much.

Thank you now.

VO: Well that's a nice result for Joe and Philip.

I wonder how David's silver test is getting on.

You know, Richard, I think we could look at that all day long and even though we're both a bit color blind, we could never say that was red.

VO: Oh dear.

I wonder, a sort of deep garnet, perhaps?

DAVID: That is not silver as we know it.

It could have a low-grade silver in it, so like a 700 or 800-part continental silver, possibly, but it's gonna have to be described when we send it to auction as "potentially continental silver, white metal brooch".

But it was not made in Scotland and it's not the silver that we were hoping for.

VO: Never mind chaps, perhaps you'll get a better result with the mirror.

Hello John.

Very pretty Regency mirror.

DAVID: Bit out of fashion, £65 on it, what's the death?

JOHN: I'm quite sure we could do it for 50.

That's brilliant.

I think we have to have it... RICHARD: Yeah.

DAVID: We love it.

We love it.

Right.

Much obliged, guys.

DAVID: Thank you, John.

RICHARD: Thank you very much.

JOHN: Thank you.

DAVID: Appreciate it.

RICHARD: £40, £60... VO: Well, that's your shopping done, boys.

JOHN: There we go.

RICHARD: Thank you very much.

VO: Back inside, Joe and Phil are still on the prowl.

JOE: That could be an option, couldn't it?

Laphroaig, it's a good Scottish whisky.

JOE: Looks like it's got some age to it.

PHIL: That is quite cool, isn't it?

JOE: It's really cool?

It's old, right?

Yeah I kinda think that's been, that's been stenciled on there recently.

JOE: New, isn't it?

PHIL: What's the other side like?

Tip him over.

JOE: Oh yeah, good idea.

PHIL: # Roll out the... # Proper old, that's much better.

If you cut that down there, you've probably got two garden tubs or two upside down little coffee tables, really.

I quite like that.

JOE: It's good, right?

PHIL: Yeah.

What could you get that for?

Si...

It says 70, maybe we could get it for 50.

You're learning this, aren't you?

VO: That could be because you're not a bad teacher.

Actually, I think it's got a twin over there.

What, that one over... Do you know it has, hasn't it?

PHIL: So it's a brace.

VO: They're like buses.

Wait for one, and then two turn up at the same time.

How's it going?

We were having a look at this...

Right.

..nice barrel.

What's the best you could do for us on that?

Seeing it's you, you can get it for 50.

PHIL: So if we bought the two, would that be 90 quid?

JOHN: No.

JOE: Come on.

It'd be 100 quid.

But for two, you're getting rid of two of them.

Look at all that extra space you're gonna have.

The space... JOHN: If I could I would, but... PHIL: I understand that.

JOE: We've still got two big barrels on our hands.

Nice one.

You've got two more here.

JOE: There you go, don't bother counting it.

VO: Ha!

That's a total of £230 for the two barrels and the pair of copper panels.

And that deal concludes the shopping for this trip.

I have to tell you that I think you've done really well.

Yeah?

I think you've done really well.

JOE: It's been so much fun.

PHIL: Yeah.

I'm actually really looking forward to seeing how much they get.

Oh my... VO: Time to head to auction.

It's been lovely rootling around other people's knick-knacks, that's been good.

I like that you are turning into an antique demon.

Cuz you wanna win, don't you?

Come on, you wanna win.

I kind of do.

But more, it's like a healthy competition.

And the prospect of defeating old Joe and Phil.

Oh, that's just the icing on the cake.

Very good.

Very good indeed.

VO: Sweet dreams.

VO: Wakey wakey!

It's auction day, and our dancing duo are enjoying the river Tyne.

RICHARD: Oh look at it.

JOE: It's gorgeous.

I do a bit... about Newcastle.

It's a lovely town.

Yeah.

A romantic town.

VO: After starting in Edinburgh Richard and Joe have foraged their way across Scotland, before heading south of the border to auction in the wonderful city of Newcastle upon Tyne.

I had one real triumph at auction, where I found a picture that I'd been looking for for ages and ages, and it came up at auction and I bid for it on the phone and I got it.

I could get auction fever, I know I could.

I'm very happy in a sale room.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's quite exciting, isn't it?

VO: Oh, yes it is.

Newcastle is the most populous city in the northeast.

It's situated on the north bank of the Tyne, and its most famous landmark is the bridge that spans the river.

But there's no time for sightseeing.

Our four road trippers are meeting at Thomas Miller Auctioneers.

Hello!

Hello boys!

Don't just drive away!

VO: OK, let's get down to business then.

VO: Joe and Phil spent £370 on five auction lots, including the pair of copper panels.

I've gotta say, I think these two are absolutely delicious.

What are your thoughts?

Yeah I really like them, I'd be quite happy to take them home and find a use for them.

They're period, the copper, 1890, 1900.

They're really good.

OK.

They paid 130.

I'd pay 130 for them.

VO: Richard and David spent just over half their £400 on five lots.

What will Joe make of the Poole chargers?

Very much 20th century.

Oh right.

But do you think these are in Richard's taste or David's taste?

JOE: I don't think they're in anyone's taste.

I wouldn't buy them... Ooh!

I think they're horrible.

PHIL: Put it down, quick.

JOE: That's Poole.

PHIL: Don't drop it.

Nah, no one's gonna buy that.

Shh.

VO: Ouch.

£40, it's your last call.

VO: Now, what does the guy in charge think?

As in auctioneer, Guy Macklam.

£40 in the room sir, selling to you at £40.

The barrels I think are quite interesting.

We have sold quite a few barrels at the sale room recently.

Quite popular, people who are kitting out bars, obviously people like whisky, they won't just be appealing to a buyer who wants a planter or a garden table or something like that.

The antique mirror, although a nice item in its own right, I think is probably lacking a little bit of wow factor.

It's a nice thing, but in this market I think it might struggle.

VO: Today Guy's got a full house, as well as having buyers waiting on the phone and online.

So let's get ready to rumble.

Let the games begin.

VO: Who's gonna win the battle of the curling stones then?

First up, Richard's Victorian stone and brush.

With a handle.

So this is gonna set the price of curling stones today.

This is gonna be interesting.

Set a precedent.

Yeah.

For 10 bid, 12, 14, 16... Drop the hammer, drop the hammer, drop the hammer.

..at 18, 20.

Any advance on 20?

Five at the front, 30 here, 35.

Go on.

Go on.

They only want the broom.

It's your last call at 35 to you, sir.

VO: Richard's off to a flyer.

PHIL: We're really pleased.

DAVID: Cracking.

Really really...

Thanks Phil.

..thoroughly delighted.

15!

VO: Will Joe's curling stones impress as well?

Handle-less.

Sorry?

Handle-less.

People like to personalize them.

Yeah.

I hope.

I'm at 30, five, 40, five... AUCTIONEER: ..50.

RICHARD: Really good.

Bidding five, 60 with me.

JOE: They are nice.

DAVID: They're on fire.

Any advance?

Last call then.

I always think quality outs, don't you?

Selling at £60.

VO: # Anything you can do... # Ooh, Joe's off to a winning start as well.

DAVID: Well done.

RICHARD: Well done.

JOE: £60!

DAVID: Well done.

VO: Next up, Richard's brooch.

Not silver, but worth a mint?

It's a tin brooch, with some pebbles in it.

20 bid, 25 offered.

DAVID: Come on.

AUCTIONEER: Internet bidding here at 25.

30 offered, creeping forward, 40 competition, and again sir.

Go on.

Selling at 40.

VO: Never mind.

It's a nice piece.

I thought it was gonna be 20 quid.

Really?

I was hoping it was gonna be 20 quid!

VO: How will Joe's deed box get on?

It should do better than 20 quid.

Yeah.

10 bid, 12, 14, 16 online.

Come on.

AUCTIONEER: Is there any advance?

18, competition, don't give up sir, 20, and again five.

DAVID: Ohhh.

25 at the doorway.

It's your last call, at 25 it sells.

VO: That's another profit for Joe.

Excellent work.

Profit, profit, profit?

Yeah.

JOE: A little bit.

PHIL: A pound.

VO: Will Richard's budgie fly?

This is the dead budgie lot, isn't it?

It's the historic 20th century ceramic piece.

DAVID: Yes.

JOE: Who has a pocket on the wall?

Everybody, Joe.

Haven't you got one?

50 bid, five, 60, five, 70.

Come on.

I've got £70 offered.

Is there any advance on 70?

Go on.

I'm shocked and stunned.

Selling away at £70.

VO: Tweet tweet.

Hurrah!

Ha ha!

Dead budgie.

It's a wonderful tribute to the avian world.

VO: Time for Joe to roll out the barrels.

Yeah.

Two barrels.

DAVID: Two barrels.

PHIL: £100.

Roll out the barrels.

They're lovely, those.

What a load of rubbish.

I'm bid 50, five... DAVID: Oh.

AUCTIONEER: ..60... DAVID: Oh it's off.

AUCTIONEER: ..five, 70.

New bidding internet, 80, five, 90, five, 100 bid.

We need more than that, we need more.

AUCTIONEER: Any advance?

They're nice barrels, those.

At £100 they go.

VO: They wipe their face.

They were strictly barrels, weren't they, really?

VO: Ha ha.

Mirror, mirror on the wall, can Richard make a profit at all?

We both love this mirror, guys.

Yeah, we love it.

You've done an 18th century costume drama, you were in Cranford.

I was, I was.

Dame Judy would have done her powder in such a mirror.

She'd have put her wig on.

The bid is just 30.

Oh!

Five, 40, I'm bid £40 here.

Go on.

45, creeping forward, 50 we're up to.

Come on.

Keep going internet, 50 bid, 55 offered, the room's still out.

£60 on the net.

DAVID: Come on.

AUCTIONEER: 65, 70 bid.

DAVID: Good.

RICHARD: It's a lovely mirror.

Selling at £70.

VO: Another decent decent result.

That's good, 20 quid.

Yeah.

It's good.

Safe and secure.

I can't believe it went for £70.

That's what they are now.

That's what they are.

VO: Joe spent big on these copper panels.

Fingers crossed.

What do you think they're gonna make, Joe?

£300.

PHIL: There's nothing wrong with a touch of optimism.

I've got the...

I'm quite calm about this.

You've got the jitters.

I'm bid 100 straight in.

110, 120, 130 online, is there any advance?

Come on.

There is, there's 140 bid.

Bidding in New Zealand at £140.

Wow, isn't that good?

Any advance?

Bidder overseas at 140.

They're worth more than that.

Selling away then at 140.

VO: Joe's keeping up his winning ways.

I'm sort of kind of disappointed that price.

Yeah.

VO: It's Richard's last lot, and his last chance to make a profit.

Joe, I'll keep him talking, you go and pull out the internet connection.

Just whip the plug out.

I'm bid 40, 50, 60.

Yes.

AUCTIONEER: 65.

Is there any advance on £65?

70 in the room.

DAVID: Ehh.

PHIL: Drop the hammer.

AUCTIONEER: 70.

That's your lot, that's your lot.

Don't give up, it's standing at 70, it's your last call.

VO: Well done, Richard.

Not bad at all.

It's alright.

I can't stand smug people.

I really don't like smug people.

We're not smug, we're not smug.

It's fine.

It's not the winning, it's the taking part that counts.

No, we can do smug.

We haven't been smug yet.

Yeah.

We can definitely do smug.

PHIL: Yeah.

That is not a... RICHARD: This'd be smug.

Burn.

VO: Last up is Joe's enamel sign.

There are always collectors out there for these things.

JOE: This may really make a difference.

JOE: Oh, oh that's nice, that.

RICHARD: Oh that's lovely.

Nice.

Bid me 100 straight in.

120, 130 we're up to.

Ooh.

At 130, 140 on the telephone, any further interest in the room?

That's cheap, that.

It's your last call.

Online, yeah.

At £140 it goes.

Well done, guys, well done.

That's a nice one.

It's fine, it's the taking part that counts, it's not the winning.

Said the winner of Strictly Come Dancing 2017.

VO: Bravo!

That's the biggest profit of the day.

Let's go.

Let's do it.

VO: Do you know, I don't think there's a sheet of bronco between them.

Let's do the math.

Richard and David kicked off with £400.

After sale room fees, they made a modest profit today of £8.70.

VO: Joe and Phil started with the same amount, and after their auction fees they made a profit of £11.30.

So by just £2.60, they are today's winners.

Those profits go to Children In Need.

And we won!

Are you serious!

Get in!

JOE: Yeah!

PHIL: Joe!

Oh, sorry, sorry.

It's not the winning, it's not the winning.

Well done, well done, well done.

Steward's inquiry.

Come on, we'd better get you guys in the car.

JOE: Yep.

RICHARD: Let's go.

VO: But after a bruising contest, they're still friends.

Bye chaps!

JOE: Bye!

RICHARD: See you!

Well Joe, you'd think I'd be used by now... Aww... ..to being defeated by you.

You're so good at so many other things.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah but you won, and actually, credit to you, Joe because...

It was a very close run thing though.

But you deserved to win.

Thank you so much.

I think you deserved to win.

I think we were very lucky.

Oh Richard, do you know, I never can say goodbye to you.

Oh you.

# I never can say... # Harmonies, come on.

Do you know what I want to say to you?

I wanna say "keep dancing".

Keep dancing!

VO: Toodlepip!

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