- My dad kissed my mom literally with his dying breath.

After the stroke, he was unable to swallow, which meant he had to be fed through a tube, which was a form of artificial life support.

And because he was on artificial life support, he was ineligible for rehabilitation and would not recover.

My sister and I had agreed to tag team trips to San Antonio.

She had been there for these first few days and I was arriving.

She taught me words like hospice, which are different than hospitals, and also end of life directive, which my dad did not have.

And now he couldn't communicate, he couldn't talk, he couldn't squeeze your hand if he heard you.

What he could do, however, was kiss my mother.

My mom would stand at his bedside and say, give me a kiss.

And my dad would raise his head up off the hospital pillow, and you could see all the sinews in his neck.

And he would pucker his lips and my parents would kiss and my dad would drop his head back down.

It was the most sensational parlor trick for anyone who had the courage to enter the hospital room of a dying man.

My mom thought she could take care of my dad by having a tube inserted into his trachea to breathe, and a tube inserted into his stomach to feed him.

And when I talked to the palliative care nurse, she asked me why I thought my mom wanted to keep my dad alive that way.

And I said, my mom is hoping for a miracle.

And she said, a miracle can happen with or without the tubes.

And so finally my mom agreed to let my dad die.

And my sister was coming back for her second stint, and I was getting ready to go home.

And we brought him home and the hospice nurse came to help us change his bedsheets, which was an incredible feat of strength and skill, and also to wash him.

And so my sister and I were on each side of him, and I asked the hospice nurse, with all due respect, how long do you think he has?

I knew my father could hear me, so I was being very careful with my words, but I wanted to go home.

I wanted to end my semester.

I wanted to make sure my husband knew where my kids Hanukkah presents were before I came back, but I also wanted to be there at the moment of his death.

And so the hospice nurse said, look at him, do you see how his skin is modeled?

Do you see how his face is sweaty, but feel his hands, they're cold.

He doesn't have long.

And I looked at my dad and he opened his eyes and he looked right at me and I said, hi, dad.

And the hospice nurse said, he's passing, he's passing.

And my mom was in the corner of the room and we called her over and we were all standing around him.

My mom was standing at the head of the bed and my dad lifted his head up off the bed and he kissed her with his final breath.

If this would've happened a year earlier my last words to my dad would've been something about my mom being his victim and his last words to me would've been, I hope you rot in hell.

We had made amends.

My parents had not been an affectionate couple.

I had sat on the floor of my living room, folding laundry, watching soap operas with my mom, watching those characters kiss with wide open mouths and I was like, yes, that, that is how I wanna kiss my husband with passion.

Not like my parents in '50s sitcoms who pecked each other on the cheeks.

I wouldn't have been able to articulate it at the time, but the moment I saw my father's soul leave his body, I knew I had to leave my husband.

My dad had made me feel like I wasn't good enough my whole life and I couldn't choose him as my dad, why then would I be with someone whom I didn't have to be with?

I could choose not to be with him.

This person who later admitted that he used deprivation of affection as a form of punishment.

So my dad was leaving me with this message that I deserved affection.

I deserved to be kissed with passion.

So I had a conversation with him and I hired a lawyer and I found an apartment around the corner from his house.

And it was very beige and it was entirely mine because for the past few years of my marriage, all my self-talk had been, how am I gonna get out of this?

And I had finally done it.

So I bought some carpets, some colorful rugs.

I bought some art for the walls at thrift stores and from my artist friends and I invited my kids over and they walked in and they looked around and one of my sons said, so this is who you are.

And it was at that moment when I saw my dad kiss my mom with his final breath, that I caught this glimpse into the universe and my place in it.

Thank you.

(audience applauds & cheers)