Hi, I'm Doctor Vanessa Weaver, your host of this special, The Upside of Aging Confronting Ageism.

And for those of you who don't know me, I spent my entire career really advocating for a level playing field for people in the world of plays.

Whether they worked in the government, whether they worked in corporate America, in agencies are just part of society.

So this recent proliferation of what I consider just flagrant ageism, comments and behaviors really disturbed me.

And I tell you, I was really kind of waiting for this groundswell of reaction and comment to really say, you can't make that ages comment or you can't, you know, show that kind of commercial.

And I was like, why are people speaking up?

And it became very clear to me that Vanessa needed to speak up.

And so it's really out of that, and in conversations with my community of friends and colleagues, that this, this special was born, the upside of aging, confronting ageism.

Well, I'm excited that we were going to kick off this conversation circle because we have some incredible guests who engage in their personal storytelling and really the lessons that they've learned.

Well, we're going to kick things off with that first conversation circle, and I'm just excited to have these incredible guests here with us today to talk about how you're experiencing aging.

And I'm calling you all the season grown ups.

Right.

So we're barring we're barring the term grown ups from AARP.

And Kimberly, bless us with the season.

So you not seasoned grown ups.

So I really want to talk a little bit before we before we get into these mystery questions that you have, I want you to share with us what was the first recollection you had with somebody tree that you are considered to?

Oh, what was that like?

Oh, well, I was kind of late to the party to recognize that I'm aging and getting old.

In quotations.

It was just last week I was coming back from Los Angeles after celebrating my son's 40th birthday, and I was coming down.

There was a lot of construction in the airport, came down like my second set of escalators, and I don't travel like I had a huge carry on and huge books with the New York Times and books and papers, and I come stumbling off the escalator.

I was saying, where is gate?

Oh my goodness, yeah.

48 and there is a woman down there with a wheelchair and she looks at me, she said, would you like me to take you there, please?

That was my great revelation in my life.

I thought I'd ever been offered to get a ride to the gate.

What?

You take the ride.

That's what I was once I did.

I'm not so seat.

Oh.

Why not?

It was fabulous.

And that's what, you know, brought the revelation.

But then I said embrace it because it was at the gate was about a mile away, and boy, was I happy.

Wow.

This is this is it was a bittersweet experience.

Right.

So there are a lot of benefits to a lot of benefits.

Yeah.

That wheelchair.

Well, let me ask you, two years ago, I was walking into a store.

Coming out of the store was a young man, you know, speaking the eyes, and you can make eye contact.

And he says to me, what's up, pops?

And I thought, oh, my God, he's talking to me.

This was that was actually the first time that anybody had ever been referred to me as being old, that I considered it.

And how did that make you feel?

What if oh, you felt.

Oh, when the.

Yeah, yeah, pops.

You guys ever call me pops?

But did you speak back to him?

Oh, absolutely.

No.

What did you call him?

What's a blur?

What's a blur?

And he's going to call.

First of all, you have to understand what we were in.

I want to say he's a southeast and Northeast.

You know, self.

He's going to call me pops.

I'm gonna call him blur.

And what it means when you up.

I mean, that's how we always say I'm going.

You know, I was going in the store.

He was coming out.

So it was it was interesting.

And when I got in the car, I thought about that all the way home.

This young man actually call me pops, and it registers.

He registered to death.

What about you, Kimberly?

So I've always been a toys R us kid.

Okay, so I always have thought that I was just like this young, spraying, fabulous young woman.

And I consider myself to be that way till this day.

But recently I was in one of my schools.

I have a program this, you know, five check up, which is a mental wellness program for kids.

And so these are like a new set of kids.

So this boy comes up to me, goes, oh, you look like my grandpa.

That's it.

I said, really?

He said, yeah.

I said, oh, she must be fabulous.

And he said, she is fabulous.

I said, thank you, sweetie, and I you know what?

I actually use that as like a badge of honor.

You know, I just was like, usually I say, I'm your auntie, right?

But when he said that, I, I, I was like, thank you.

You know, because not a lot of people get that opportunity to grow up and to feel the love of kids and to be around them.

So you know, my thing is, the more that I hang around the kids, the younger I feel, right?

So that was that just happened like a couple of weeks ago.

But it's interesting because most people, I think when it's kind of been said, hello, grandma.

I think he kind of would have been taken aback a little bit.

And it's a glamor, glamor that's just said that's three glam glam to me.

Okay.

Start with Barbara.

Let's let's see your question okay okay okay.

And the Oscar is I guess.

Describe your mindset about how you choose to live.

How do you feel about this stage of your life?

No boundaries, travel, new ventures, new beginnings?

I have to say, the mindset about how I want to live.

And during this period is that I embrace it with a great because I can't really it's more it.

I embrace, embrace, it really is.

And I look back at all the other decades and when you're talking about seven decades, that's a lot of decades.

And I say, I think this is the happiest I've ever been and the most confident in myself that I've ever been.

So I embrace that sense of empowerment, of feeling confident, feeling good about where I am in life.

In work, professionally, I feel I've never been as creative.

I still work 80 hours a week and people say, oh, that's crazy, but I say, but I have a choice, I can choose.

I choose to do that, because it's meaningful to me and it brings me my joy.

And I think that when you realize where you are in a point of life that you can do and choose your joy, that is a really special gift, doing your joy and your joy and celebrate.

And so, Kimberly, you know, what's your mindset in terms of how you choose to to live your life at this stage?

Grandma glam, glamor, glam.

You know, I wake up every day thanking God for giving me this day.

And so I wake up thinking, you know what?

I have a new day to do new stuff and forget about what didn't go right the day before a new day, you know?

And so I really have started living in the present, and being very mindful of that because sometimes, you know, our minds are, like, wandering and you're not paying attention to what's actually going on in that particular time.

And I just think that sometimes we lose, like the thoughts that we had and things that we wanted to do because we're so busy multitasking that I really have become more present.

And that's really important to me because I have a lot of things going on.

You know, I'm an entrepreneur.

I've been taking care of my mom, you know, take care of my family.

And I have, like, this amazing group of friends who, my community.

Right there, my sisters and brothers from another mother.

And we all connect on a level where it's full of love and joy and fun.

I believe in fun.

I believe in having fun.

What does it look like?

I mean, oh, fun to me.

Looks like I love to dance.

I love to work out.

I speak to people.

That brings me joy.

I love, you know, God's gift to me, you know, to provide my access to clean water for my kids.

I love this new journey that I'm on with this mental wellness with my kids and fun looks to me is going to my schools every day.

I can be filled in some kind of way.

And when I see those kids and they see me, that just brings me joy.

Oh that's great.

So yeah, it really does.

So you talked about community together.

You talked about joy together.

You talked about, you know, finding your purpose and doing it.

That's that's and she's a connector like me.

And she was like, Kimberly, I have all these people.

I want you to meet her in the water.

Their mental wellness, they're doing that stuff.

So, yeah.

What was going on?

If I can just add one thing to that.

Also, what part of the joy we don't sweat the small stuff anymore?

Yeah, okay.

We have learned how to take adversity or unexpected things that happen, even on a daily basis and say, it's okay, okay, we'll deal with it.

Yeah.

And especially with, you know, professional or working with groups of people or things like that.

So you don't sweat the small stuff.

No.

Yeah, I can relate to that.

Yeah.

Most of the time sometimes I don't, I sometimes I don't sweat the small stuff, but I'm trying to get better with it.

Well, let me ask you, Nick, what's your or doctor Nick is your stage name.

And as I say that not sweating the small stuff, I'm with you.

That's all part of retirement.

That's when you don't just kick back.

You don't sweat the small stuff.

But for me, I spent 38 years as an air traffic controller, working the whole realm.

Yeah, that's a stressful job.

Yeah.

Wearing, cutting, going to do a job, wearing a headset, talking to people I can't see.

I thought that up.

A 25 year career in radio, wearing a headset, talking to people I can't see.

Go figure.

So so so so.

So are you an introvert or.

I'm not.

You're sort of an introvert extrovert.

I'm very outgoing, very outgoing.

But it was fun.

Now that I am retired from everything, I find my peace.

I find my joy.

When the weather is right, I'm on the golf course.

When the weather is not like now, it's too cold.

You can find me.

Peace and harmony.

Sitting downstairs in the recliner with the headphones on, listening to some jack and those headphones again.

I don't feel, and I have a 20 year old grandson who now lives with and lives with us.

He is getting into vinyl and I love it because I have a, I have a very extensive vinyl.

So you all are sharing that interests.

Yes.

Oh, wow.

Yes.

He he is coming home.

Jim-Bob, look what I found.

You found it?

Old Miles Davis home.

I'm like, wait a minute.

I don't even have that.

It's not so.

It's fun.

I'm finding my peace and my joy.

Well, we I was just so excited to hear about the joy that you that you talked about all three when you said time and the communities that you developed and the hits that he still connected to a bit to something years.

But one of the aspects that we also wanted to talk about, without the happiness that you had now, how do you deal with ageism?

How do you deal with it?

So if you could share with us in that cool moment, when somebody said something that was somewhat offensive or did something or even observed, was somebody else like to hear that, that perspective?

Why don't we start with that?

You know, my not cool moment was when I and I knew, this is like, I'm going back to my air traffic control career.

As an air traffic controller, you have to retire at the age.

By the age of 56.

You cannot work airplanes beyond it.

Now, you could go back and sit behind a desk and be a manager.

That's not me.

I'm a hands on kind of person.

The not cool moment was, you know, you're going, you're in your 30s, in your 40s, and you've had an A ball.

You're working in airplanes and it's challenging.

Then all of a sudden you realize, I've got to retire at about a year.

I'm going to be forced to retire.

Coming up.

156 that to me, that was my not cool month.

I still to this day, and I've been I've been retired from the accounting for almost 25 years now.

I'm still on an airplane, flies overhead.

I find myself looking up at wishful thinking that I was if I was there in the control tower, I'd be home.

But what made that not cool?

If you knew that you had to retire at 56 still when it hits.

But yeah, what made it not cool is is it painful or is it or is it the revelation that this is over?

This is going to be over.

It's not painful.

It's revelation that the fun you had won't be.

You won't have this fun again.

Thanks for sharing that.

Thanks for sharing that.

What about you, Barbara?

And I think the closest I have is once I might be meeting a group of new people and someone thinks they might be compliment me and they say what's called like a left hand, a compliment.

Boy, I bet you were really something when you were younger.

That's a not that's a not that cool that you were really that I look I said, well, maybe I was, but I'm really something now.

Oh and how do they respond?

I try to do it with humor.

We took it.

Well, I didn't mean that.

I said, of course you didn't.

But but that type of comment where they think they're complimenting you because they know, you know, we do.

We are of a certain age, but it really isn't it.

It pulls us up and makes us think and say, oh my gosh, am I that old?

That that would be the response.

And then I quickly dismiss it out of the way.

So, you know, you don't let it become, you know, you don't let this like they put it away and say, that's okay.

But yeah, what's interesting about what you what you said the technique of using humor.

Yeah.

To really respond to that.

And that's a real skill to do that, you know, because a lot of times people shut down.

Yeah.

Know, you know, and they leave with hurt feelings and feel like they did not control that situation and in complete control of that.

No.

Thanks for that example.

What about you, Kimberly?

What's the not cool moment for you?

So, you know, I don't even, think about that cool moments.

Because I feel like I have some beautiful people in my life, and they feel like they have not cool moments, and, you know, they want to express it, and it just makes them feel so torn down, you know?

And so I always say, hey, listen, you gotta just turn that around and do you know, things that are not going to make you feel that way.

Because when people say that kind of stuff to you, like you said that, you know, I think it's a reflection on them, to be perfectly honest.

Right.

And so I just, I, I haven't really experienced it, because I'm always just, I'm like the ever ready money.

But what I just, I just tell my friends and my family, it's like, you have to really believe in yourself and your abilities and where you are.

And if somebody you know has kind of like a comment or something like that to you, I swear it just bounces off of me because I just that negative energy, I'm kind of like a force field, you know, it just bounces right off of me because I still I feel young, you know, I feel energetic.

And I always want to be this way.

Okay.

But but the reality is, is that people who that you care about, they have they, they come to you with those not cool moments.

They do.

They mean you tell them the word no, I just say, you know what?

Listen, you cannot let anybody steal your joy, okay?

And I really, that joy word is something I likes to say.

You cannot let anybody to to steal your joy.

And I just said, sometimes, you know, people have to have that self-awareness about, you know, what they say to people and I think that's another graceful thing, you know, as growing older because, things that were said to me that kind of crushed me when I was younger.

I would never say that to anybody because I knew how that felt.

Right?

So I would never say anything.

You know, every time I see I was like, girl, you are so fabulous.

You know, every time I, I would never say anything about that would make you feel some kind of way.

And then, to be perfectly honest, I look at these young girls and I don't think they have anything on us.

Okay.

All right, I think I really do.

I just think that, you know, with with growing old gracefully and doing things to maintain your own mental health and your physical, and your emotional, you know, we don't have to deal with all that stuff, you know, things that happen, like in our 20s and 30s and 40s, you know, it's like you said, it's so different now because the way that I look at my I've always looked at life in such a positive way, and, and grown gracefully.

So.

Yeah.

Okay.

I mean, there's a, there's a group of people that I call the kind of the clueless.

Yeah.

They're kind.

They think they're being kind, but they're really clueless.

And then the clueless.

I think it's up to us to help, you know, make them aware of that in a it's nice a possible way, you know, with humor or something or engaging them and not letting it go.

Because in terms of fighting ageism, I do think it's important for us to acknowledge it.

And when it does appear, make people aware of it.

Well, I'm glad you said that, because, you know, my experience with a lot of seniors is that they kind of take that ageism in wearing on their shoulders and just kind of orbit and carry it like it's their burden to, to carry.

They don't want to make a big fuss.

They don't feel like every moment.

It's a teachable moment.

So let me just take the inside, take that age, just comment and just sit with it and just move on.

But I love you both for your perspective of don't let it, you know it's part of you and don't let you know.

Just bounce it back.

Because we do have responsibility, I think, to let people know when they post about this.

Okay, well, let me ask Nick.

Nick, you know, we talked a lot about the excitement of, of of living and, and and I feel it in the conversation some from the three of you.

But we know the society often stereotypes, the.

Oh, I don't want to say the older person, but the what's that term?

Seasons.

The seasons, the season grown up.

Yeah.

And they often put them on a shelf or when they retire, you know, all of the experiences and skills they had go with them out the door.

So let me ask you the question.

What what what is society missing from, you know, putting seniors on the shelf, missing the experience that a scene can provide?

Seniors have walked the path that younger folks now must walk.

The seniors know what troubles lie ahead for the most part, even when they, even with a, yes, they know what troubles are ahead and they know how to avoid those pitfalls.

Younger folks have to live that experience the day they become a senior, and they too will be able to do that.

But right now, that's that's experience is missing.

What what do you, what's what is society missing?

You know, the experience, the knowledge the seniors have.

What what else do you think society is missing?

By putting seniors on the shelf?

Well, I think it depends, too, on what society is, because I think our society.

Yeah, you see it more in the U.S. and other countries where they Revere the elder or even within our country, Native Americans and things like that, where you were brought up with a reverence for the the elders and their knowledge and their ability actually to tell you and share about the past and what you lose in that is are the storytellers of the past and history so that we can learn from that.

And that is a great loss.

And I think that that is one of the ways seniors can say, we can tell you what happened in this circumstance so that you don't have to repeat it.

And I think it can be very clear and informed or like, you know, in surgery, of course, when doctors or interns are operating and people make mistakes, they say, oh, we learn from that.

We never make that mistake again.

Yeah.

And it's the same thing in each of our lives, in each of our careers.

Now, what the mistakes we have made, we embrace them and say we have learned from it, and we will share that with you so that you don't have to make the same mistake.

Okay, Kimberly, what's what's your perspective on that?

You know, that's why I love working with kids.

You know, because I love being able to, you know, pass my knowledge, you know, and my experiences down to them.

Because the torch has now been passed to us, right?

Because we got the torch was passed down, you know, from our parents are, you know, our great grandparents, our grandparents.

And for me, I just think that, like, really embracing our kids and and talking to them and giving them, you know, having these relationships with these young folks, I think really, you know, has a lot to do with it.

And a lot of times, parents, you know, are working and they've got other kids and they may not have, you know, the opportunity to really sit down and talk to their kids.

So, you know, I just think that it's maybe it's important that we have more of these, like, opportunities for, seasoned adults to be able to season grown ups, you know, to be able to, like, have these relationships with, with younger people because I think that that's really important because there's an old saying, it's like, I wish I knew now what I knew that values.

Yes, I do have that backwards.

But, you know, but that's one of those things like, oh my gosh, if I would have known that in my 30s, I'd be at a different place.

And I am like, you know, as a seasoned grown ups.

But yeah.

Now we hear from Yana Van Zandt.

She's a renowned motivational and spiritual leader, the host of the least two highly acclaimed TV shows to save the mind with the Yana Fix My Life.

And Yana is the author of five New York Times bestsellers, and she's written 19 books.

Yang is going to share her inspiring story on what happens when you have those unpredictable, what we call Life Happens events, and she's going to talk about how she handle those are still confronting ageism and living still living on purpose with confidence and happiness.

I'd like to welcome to our show my friend, the renowned Yana Van Zandt.

Good, I what does renowned mean?

What does that mean?

Are we now?

You know, sometimes, I mean, I feel so connected to you.

I don't always really, introduce you with all of the the importance and presence that you have in this world and impact on our lives.

I just I'm kind of I've used the term and now to capture all of it.

Okay.

If you.

We don't have to.

Let's just be here girlfriends and then I'm not.

I'm going to let these folks in into our own entrepreneurship here.

Oh yeah.

Earlier we ask, I guess, as a way of connecting with the audience to share the first recollection when someone treated them.

I view them as old.

Do you have a recollection?

Do you have a first recollection when that happened to you?

I think it was my kids when they said, old lady, the kids college you.

Oh, like, why were they calling you old lady?

Old lady?

Because I was doing like a old lady.

Check your phone.

You got a text because you know, I don't come from a generation where we text you, pick up the phone, you call somebody, so they would say, old lady, check your text.

Old lady, where's your phone?

You know, I, I just took it as a kind of a joke, but I guess I really am an old lady compared to them.

You know what you share with the with the audience that you are wonderful.

72.

Just vibrant.

Not on any kind of me.

It's.

I don't know how many people I know that could say that.

But if you think about your life right now and I know, you know, your second daughter died.

What?

Not not a year and a half ago now, right?

It'll be two years this year.

Two years isn't what?

July?

August?

What's what's your what's your life happened events since then and and what what mindset has allowed for you to control its impact on your life?

Well, the Life Happens event is that she was raising her grandson, her son.

Son.

So when she made transition, he he was transferred to me.

And so at 69, 69, I became the mother of a five year old.

And, you know, every time he said, I want to say, oh, man.

Because it feels just like that.

I mean, I know that you've been dealing with, you know, been celebrating and and and and raising him, but I tell you, it feels like an old man moment.

Right.

Well, it was a oh, my moment.

It was oh my moment.

I mean, it was a whole lot of things, words I can't repeat here on PBS, but and, but at the end of the day, after I got through the first, second and the first moment in the first hour and it was like, well, you know what?

I'm gonna I'm gonna be here another 18 years because I gotta get him out of college.

That's going to be guys 18.

That was my that was my mindset.

And you know, what a privilege.

What a privilege, what a what a what a blessing that God would entrust me at 69 with a five year old.

So I'm gotta get him through college, a high school, and get him to college so that at least another 18 years old and then one day school.

How how are you going to deal with the football practices, the baseball or the art class or whatever it is he likes to do?

You have a village?

I have a village.

And in that village there, young people are old people and I have people.

Okay, I'm not going to the football field.

What are you doing?

Wednesday at 330?

You know, having raised three kids and two grandkids, I know how to plan.

And I know how to get people to do stuff.

There are people who do anything for my potato salad.

I need to make you some potato salad.

I need to, for I use a chicken.

What?

I need where you Wednesday at 330.

And how much need for gas?

You know, so you leave.

That's when you lean into your village.

And if you don't have a village close to you, then you go to your community.

But you got to be clear about what this is.

What is the blessing in it first, not the difficulty.

What's the blessing index?

Why is that important?

I mean, I don't know that I would think about what is I, I mean, I wish, you know, I aspire to be like so many ways, I don't know that I would be thinking, what is the blessing in having to raise a six year old full time, not just weekend visit, but make a full, you know, a lifetime commitment to that?

So why is it important to think about the blessing in it?

Because if not, you'll be stuck in your human limitations.

Stuff.

You know this child ended literally landed in my lap you know.

And so it has to be divine.

It has to be, it has to be divine.

I like I said, I've raised my three children, two of my grandchildren, and now I've got my great grandson that has to be a blessing.

So the first thing I had to say was, you know, okay, thank you.

For another 18 years at least.

I'm because I know the the grace and the mercy of of our creator, that you're not going to take this kid from his mother and his grandmother and give him to me so that at some point in his growth and youth, I'm going to disappear, too.

That's not going to happen.

Wow.

You've given us some jewels today.

We gonna do as you always as a woman that raised three children, in a very difficult time on, public assistance and with, a violent husband.

I got some, I got skills, and I got receipts.

Okay.

So if I could do that with three kids at 30, I've got skills that I can use at 70 to deal with 170.

Well, you know, yeah, with our time is running out.

But let me ask you one quick question.

You know, when you think about these life happen events to people who we call seasoned grown ups with the major wakes up.

If there was one major watch out that you could leave with our audience, or that you will leave with our audience, what would that be?

Don't think it's wrong.

Don't think it shouldn't happen.

Don't think you don't deserve it.

The first thing you ask is, okay, what?

Skills, tools, gifts, talents, abilities do I have that I can use in this situation?

But the minute you start, if you start off with, this is horrible, this is bad, this is wrong.

That can be happening.

Wises you going down, you going?

You're going to circle the drain right where they are.

You know, you are so persistent in this in your in your mindset approach because, you know, you first told us that we and when you were confronted with this situation, you said, what's the gift in this?

What's the gift?

What's the gift?

And then you prayed and I guess you did your spiritual hygiene.

Yes.

We're going to learn more about in your next book.

Yes.

And I'm requesting that I do the first interview of that.

Okay.

Yeah.

So I just want to thank you for being a part of our Upside of Aging show, Confronting Ageism.

And you've given a lot you've given a lot of advice and techniques for me to follow as well as our audience.

I want to thank you again.

Yeah.

Well, thank you for having me.

And thank you to everybody out there.

I mean, we're here so this the purpose.

I'm doctor Vanessa Weaver, your host of The Upside of Aging Confronting Ageism.

Welcome back to this segment.

This is going to be our second conversation circle.

And in this conversation circle we're going to talk about what are some of those life transition points and how does that impact how you decide to celebrate this stage of your life as a seasoned grownup?

So why don't we start with al with your question?

Well, my question reads, when do you know it's time to leave?

What if you don't have a choice?

Well, first, let's start with the first part.

And let me let me clarify.

Leave a job, not leave your marriage or your relationship.

Move.

If you leave your job, if you don't leave the marriage, when do you know it's time to leave your job?

In the culture and the profession that I was in, you knew the ending date when you signed up, when you took an oath of enlistment, you knew that it was for four years.

So in four years, you have to depart.

But if you stick around like I did for 36 years, you know that retirement is imminent.

You're going to you're going to retire.

So what age?

Well, you go from 18 years of age until me for me was 50 something years old.

I was still is it vibrant at 50 and I was at 18.

In my mind.

So it was very difficult to understand that it was time to leave.

But the reason I knew I was leaving is because I had what I call a great GPA, and the GPA for me was goals, plans and action.

I had set goals for life after my departure.

I had written down plans, a plan without, on paper, a record.

It's not a plan at all.

It's just a dream.

And so I had those plans.

I had no goals.

And then I had the most important point of all of it.

I had what you call action.

I took action and that took courage.

But, let me let me switch to you because, you know, I did understand that you retired twice.

First time was a total failure.

But yes, I retired twice.

Why do you say the first time was a total failure?

I had intended to retire permanently, but then a good friend of mine who I worked with for many years called me up, and he had just become the chief operating officer of his company, and he inherited a big mess.

As far as projects that were going on.

So he asked me if I would do him a favor and come out of retirement and help them sort out the mess, which I did.

Let's let's see your mystery question.

Talk about, for me, signs of aging.

Well, you see, I don't take my hand off.

I think this is a permanent situation right here.

My question is what next number one.

And then what's the plan work play or hybrid.

So again going back when I was 54, I found myself divorced with three young children under the age of 13.

So I did the math and said financially, there is no way I'm going to be able to retire when I'm 65 years old.

So I basically said, for me, I've got to work longer than that.

But I also said in 2010, when I was faced with another sign of aging, once society feels, you know, recognizes as you aging is I signed up for Social Security.

That was kind of getting hit over the head with with a with a board.

But it again reminded me it's time to start planning for my retirement income.

So I started to think about what could I do, what did I want to do?

After I retired working professionally?

And I had a couple of choices.

One was I could continue doing what I was doing on a part time basis, but I was really burning out at it and I felt I wanted to do something different after I retired.

And then I started to think, well, what kinds of things could I do?

And I basically said, I've got to do some research and find activities that would feel rewarding and challenging for me.

After I retired.

So I did that and I came up with two causes that are very important to me.

One is fighting Crohn's and colitis, fighting Crohn's disease and ulcerative colitis.

A family member of mine is afflicted with that.

And the second one was gun violence prevention.

And my daughter's best friend's boyfriend was murdered on Christmas Day in 2005 by someone toting a gun.

So between those two things, I felt very strongly this is where I wanted to dedicate a lot of my retirement time to helping these causes.

I was fortunate to have some friends who were involved in organizations that were doing these things, and through that, I was able to join the board of directors of the Coalition to Stop Gun Violence in 2014.

Now, I knew I was still going to be working full time beyond 2014, but I felt that this would be a good way to transition.

I could work part time for that organization while still working full time professionally until I was ready to retire.

And that's when that's how it worked out.

And I basically said, I've got to do some research and find the activities that would feel rewarding and challenging for me after I retired.

So I did that, and I came up with two causes that are very important to me.

One is fighting Crohn's and fighting Crohn's disease and ulcerative colitis.

A family member of mine is afflicted with that.

And the second one was gun violence prevention.

I was fortunate to have some friends who were involved in organizations that were doing these things, and through that, I was able to join the board of directors of the Coalition to Stop Gun Violence.

In 2014.

Now, I knew I was still going to be working full time beyond 2014, but I felt that this would be a good way to transition.

I could work part time for that organization while still working full time professionally until I was ready to retire.

And that's when that's how it worked out.

I'm intrigued by your plan, because you started planning on how you're going to live the next phase of your life before you retired to second time.

I think that's that's awesome.

My father didn't do that and he was lost after he retired.

What do you say?

Lost?

What do you mean, lost?

He didn't have any.

He didn't have speaking to al.

He didn't have a he didn't have a plan.

He didn't have an action item.

He became more of a couch potato and just sat and watch TV too many hours a day.

Okay.

And it was very it was depressing for me to see that.

But it was also enlightening because it helped me understand what I didn't want to do when I got to be that age.

You know, it's really important because, you know, we talk about mindset and we don't talk a little bit about that.

And what the data shows is that those individuals that have a mindset towards, you know, actively engaging in their lives, they live longer, they're healthier and they're happy.

And the data is pretty conclusive around this, that and the those folks who, you know, decide to be, you know, kind of cast potatoes and then just kind of exist, they wither away.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

They, they, they tend to go earlier.

So Joy, let's see your question.

And let's hear your question.

Life happens.

Life happens.

Life happens.

I guess my biggest life happens moment was when I was 32, which enabled me to, to I think, take the rest of my life to, to plan.

And, that's when my husband died unexpectedly.

And I had three small kids and the youngest 18 months, and, you never expected, you know, you don't plan for that.

My plan was to have.

I'm sorry.

My plan was to have, you know, walk down the street, you know, was, you know, elderly and and, with my husband's hand, you know, holding his hand and, and that kind of thing.

So it was really hard for those first couple years to see seasoned couples walking in the street, because it reminded me every day of what I did not have, but because of the kids, I had to rearrange all of my notions.

In terms of working in terms of, of, you know, what I wanted for them and how I was going to, you know, help shape their lives as a single parent.

And, you know, we, I learned a lot from them.

And, you know, as we went along and, and I think with the, help of family and friends we talked about, so that the network, that community that we built is so important, because you can't do it alone.

Yeah, you can do, and, so things worked out fairly well.

So are you still working now?

I am still working my own business.

I, and I think it was my father's passing, I think in 87 that that, you know, sort of, convinced me that I needed to rewire.

And, so the things that I was doing as a part of the foundation that I was working in, in terms of communications, I then sort of made into my own business and, just that's what I that's what I started.

And how old were you?

If I can ask you, when you did that, when you made when you started your business was about 60, 60, 66, 60.

The time is your new start in the business.

Yeah.

So that was a lot of stereotypes, right.

In terms of.

Yeah.

So let me ask you if I can you can tell me if you can answer the question that I'd like to ask, was your son running for governor of Maryland?

One of those life happens moments that you have to, accommodate that?

Or is that just him over there?

And then you're over here?

No, that's a family.

No, he.

He spoke to all of us.

Obviously.

You know, his his family, you know, his wife and kids first.

And, because it does involve the whole family.

And, so in what you can say, where you can go, what you can do, all those things.

And so you, you sort of take that, take that on.

And the night that, that he was, elected, it was it was one of those wow.

You know, wow moments.

Yeah.

It can be.

Yeah.

Again.

No.

And it just shows, you know, sort of the if you work hard enough and if you believe and have faith strong enough things, you can make it enough.

But thank you for that, Claire.

What's your question?

My question?

It's family.

It's it's my time or, you know, family obligation.

And it's like financial care taker and grand kids, just Chinese family, you know, and age of four, it's like, take your, you know, your parents and your siblings and, you know, it's ingrained in my, you know, my mind.

So it's, you know, I have, you know, the first, you know, Asian women at Mobil Oil and then ours.

And I have a great job.

I can help, you know, my parents and also my my siblings and my my dad passed away.

60.

So my mom was the spiritual support for her.

So that's why, you know, I have to do, you know, just going and, you know, and just, you know, the the job and, you know, promotion, promotion, propagation for you is it's not family versus your all, you know, time.

I mean, this is your time to do what you want to do and go where you want to go.

Spend your money the way you want to spend right now.

You're saying you're focused on your your family, my family, direct all of that.

So do you ever feel any kind of frustration about that or I would love to retire.

But, you know, I have, you know, the balance.

It's the Chinese, you know, taking care of your family and me.

I still balance.

Not right now.

What would be a point of advice?

How you would give anybody?

Not whining.

So, this whole thing, do I retire and I do.

How and and how do I get my mind wrapped around that?

I think you wrap your mind around very easily.

You don't allow people to give a description of you without your qualifications to go with it.

Don't describe me and forget my qualification.

You tell them I'm 55 years old.

I've been serving in the military for 36 years.

I'm a black African, male, African-American male.

That's a description.

You hadn't said anything about my qualifications.

So if you tell them qualifications, my livelihood go on, because they might put me on a contract and call me back to be that great beard.

Okay?

Okay.

So let's I want to start off by just I mean, I wasn't saying you were now motivational, a person and a businessman, a global businessman.

But I know that you had a TV show.

What was the name of that show?

It was called The Last Round shows.

Highest rated, fastest canceled talk show in the history of television.

We had high ratings, but I refused to compromise.

And one of the things I encourage people to do that you want to make, walk away money, that if things don't look the way you want them to look, and it doesn't resonate with who you are, that you want to have enough money that you can walk away.

Most people, because they have not had a mindset and been trained to be entrepreneurs and think in terms of a job or a job, that journey of the broke.

But when you are willing to take the initiative to create something that you are your own boss, that you can call your own shots, it just it didn't work for me.

Somebody telling me what time to get up, how long the lunch break will be, what time I get off.

I got to ask for permission to go on vacation.

And most of all, how much I'm worth.

No, that didn't work for me.

And.

And so there, there.

When you think about the fact that over 300 million jobs are going to be replaced by artificial intelligence, and there are people there who hate their job, but because they didn't take the initiative to create a transition plan, the initiative to say, I'm going to create something different rather than just stay here and complain and work just hard enough to keep them from firing me, and they pay me just enough to keep me from quitting.

That's a contract for mediocrity.

We know that's so interesting because to the point that you're making, all of the data shows that over 60 or 70% of people are really not engaged in their jobs now.

They're doing jobs that, as you'd say, provide them an income that can truly but they're not really excited about it.

And what you're saying is that there's something much more exciting out here for each of us.

If we think about it and plan for it.

Yeah, life has no duplicate and when you think about the fact that when you're young, life is slow, but when you get older it picks up speed spatially.

After 35, things happen to you.

Things happen to people you care about.

And if you got bills, you say, then I just pay that.

Last week, let me drive.

So it goes real fast.

Because the more you own, the more that owns you.

So having a game plan of how you going to make the rest of your life the best of your life?

That comes by planning, that comes by.

You're looking at your life and asking yourself, what is it that gets me excited about getting up in the morning?

What is it that I can do now that feeds my soul and spirit and be able to earn a living serving people with this skill, with this passion, with this hobby that I love?

Earlier we asked, I guess so, you know, it's all about this mindset in so much of what we've already talked about.

It's about the mindset and the discipline to to to really challenge myself every day to get up and think about what you know, what excites you and what's the plan for that.

But I want to actually we can just step back a minute and ask you, what was the first recollection for you when someone treated a viewed you as old?

Well, I was looking at getting another talk show when my show was canceled and a person several years later took me around to talk to some potential producers.

And they said, he's he's good.

He has charisma, he's a smart guy, but he's old.

And I remember I don't forget when I was in the car waiting for her to come and she said, they like you, but they said that you're old, so I just lost it as well.

Let me look here.

Let me go ahead and show this little punk how old I am.

I could do 140 push ups nonstop, and I got out of car.

She said, you can't go that challenge.

You had to do some damn push ups.

Yeah.

I'm like, oh God, these are.

You're crazy, but get back in the car.

But let's, at the height of your success, you decided not so much to take a pause, but to incorporate a family member into your life and be the primary care person.

And I ask Emma, does she feel any resentment for doing that?

So I'm going to ask you, do you feel any resentment for having her for having made that type of choice?

I get to do this and I enjoy it.

I love my brother and all of us have to ask ourselves at some point in time, who am I?

Where am I going and who's going with me?

And and if you ever ask those questions in the wrong order, this is Doctor Howard Thurman, who's a mentor of Doctor Martin Luther King Jr. That you'll be in serious trouble.

I'm a person who love to help.

I'm a giver, I serve, I get to serve my brother.

I've spoken to to stadiums as big as 80,000 people, and people go online unless I'm speaking in the Georgia Dome, spoken around the world.

But now I get to give my brother hope.

I get to say to Wesley, listen, your wife is gone, but you're still here and you got a lot of life in you to live, and let's do this together.

And so in life, there's a quote I love in life, you will always be faced with a series of God ordained opportunities, brilliantly disguised as problems and challenges.

I see this as an opportunity for me to share with my brother.

We were in the womb together, I told him, I said I came here looking out for you.

You went out first five minutes later I heard a slap and you yell and I said, hey, what's up?

And they pulled me out.

I came here looking out for you and I will continue to do that until you take your last breath.

I'm just saying thank you for the blessing, for you really being a part of our show on the upside of aging.

I'm Doctor Vanessa Weaver, your host of The Upside of Aging Confronting Ageism.

And I like to say goodbye to you and goodbye in this brown.

But for only a moment.

Thank you.

Bye for now.

LaVar ball.

Thank you les.

You were awesome.

I've enjoyed being your host for The Upside of Aging Confronting Ageism.

I hope this show has given you a new perspective on aging and the opportunity to celebrate life and living.

I'm encouraging as season grown ups to continue to make us proud by living life abundantly and on purpose.

I'm Doctor Vanessa Weaver and I wish each of you a be happy week.

Bye bye for now.