>> Announcer: THE UPCOMING PROGRAM WAS PREVIOUSLY RECORDED.

THE VIEWS EXPRESSED ON THIS PROGRAM ARE NOT NECESSARILY THOSE OF WTJX, ITS BOARD, STAFF OR UNDERWRITERS.

♫♫ >>> HEY, GOOD EVENING, EVERYONE, AND THANK YOU FOR JOINING US ON ANOTHER EPISODE OF "THE WELCOME MAT."

MEANS.

HOW ARE YOU?

>> I´M GOOD.

I LOVE WHEN YOU CALL ME MEANS.

JUST A LITTLE BIT.

>> I DON´T KNOW HOW MUCH YOU LIKE IT BUT LET´S KEEP IT PROFESSIONAL.

>> KEEP IT PROFESSIONAL.

>> TELL THE FOLKS HOW YOU´RE DOING.

>> I´VE BEEN GOOD.

BEING COVID FREE.

>> NICE.

HOW THE BABY?

>> SHE´S GOOD.

I WOULD THINK YOU KNOW HOW THE BABY´S DOING.

>> SHE´S GIVING US ATTITUDE.

BUT SHE´S ALL RIGHT.

SHE´S GOING TO BE GOOD.

>> THE TERRIBLE TWOS WILL BE THE TERRIFIC TWOS.

>> TERRIFIC TWOS.

>> THERE WE GO.

HOPE YOU GUYS ARE READY FOR THE CONVERSATION THIS EVENING.

SOMEONE SENT ME AN INTERESTING ARTICLE.

IT WAS SAYING THERE´S A NEW BILL THAT IF FATHERS AREN´T MARRIED TO THEIR CHILD´S MOTHER AND THEY WANT TO BE LISTED ON THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE THEY WILL HAVE TO TAKE I AMANDATORY DNA TEST BEFORE ANYTHING CAN BE MADE OFFICIAL.

SO THIS LAW WAS HAPPENING IN TENNESSEE, I BELIEVE, BUT I WAS THINKING HOW WOULD THAT LOOK LIKE IN THE V.I.?

JUST TO GIVE THE PEOPLE A LITTLE MORE CONTEXT, THIS REPRESENTATIVE IN MEMPHIS WENT TO THE BARBER SHOP TO GET HIS HAIRCUT OR WHATEVER AND THE GUY COMES UP TO HIM, HE´S LIKE YO, I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THIS CHILD THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE MY CHILD AND THE KID WAS LIKE 5 YEARS OLD.

SO THEY GO TO A COURT AND HE LOST HIS JOB, HE LOST HIS LICENSE.

HE ACTUALLY HAD TO DO SOME JAIL TIME BEHIND FIVE-PLUS YEARS, OF CHILD SUPPORT.

BECAUSE THE JUDGE WAS LIKE SOMEBODY GOT TO FEED THE CHILD, SO IT´S GOT TO BE YOU.

SO IT JUST KIND OF MAKE SENSE THAT IF YOU ARE GOING TO SIGN A BIRTH CERTIFICATE FOR THE KID IT SHOULD BE YOUR CHILD.

FROM A LADY´S PERSPECTIVE HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THAT?

>> I´M ALL FOR THINGS BEING FAIR.

SO I DEFINITELY FEEL FOR THE GUY IN THIS SITUATION.

I DON´T THINK THAT IT´S FAIR FOR SOMEBODY TO BE HELD RESPONSIBLE FOR SOMEONE ESSENTIALLY LYING TO THEM.

HE WAS IN A COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP WITH THIS PERSON FOR A LONG PERIOD OF TIME.

YOU´RE GOING OFF OF TRUST.

SO IT´S VERY DISHEARTENING THAT IT HAPPENED.

BUT I THINK WE HEAR THESE STORIES OFTEN.

>> VERY OFTEN.

>> DO YOU ANYBODY THAT -- >> I DO.

I DO -- NO, I KNOW PEOPLE WHO ARE RAISING OTHER PEOPLE´S CHILDREN THAT KNOW THAT THAT IS NOT THEIR CHILD.

>> BUT DO YOU KNOW PEOPLE WHO DON´T -- YOU KNOW FOR SURE THAT SOMEBODY´S CHILD AIN´T THEIR CHILD AND THEY DON´T KNOW IT AIN´T THEIR CHILD?

>> NO.

I WOULD HOPE NOT.

>> IT´S A CRAZY SITUATION.

FOR ME THE ARTICLE SAYS PEOPLE WHO AREN´T MARRIED -- I THINK PEOPLE WHO ARE MARRIED TO.

AND THE CHILD DON´T LOOK LIKE YOU.

BUT I THINK THE APPREHENSION FROM A WOMAN IF ANYTHING -- I MIGHT BE WRONG.

YOU COULD CORRECT ME.

WOULD BE I GUESS JUST BECAUSE IT MIGHT SEEM INSULTING.

SO IF YOU BRING A GUY INTO THIS PLACE AND IT´S LIKE, WELL, I KNOW THAT THIS IS THE FATHER OF MY CHILD, AT THE END HE MIGHT FEEL KIND OF INSULTED.

>> I CAN SEE HOW IT CAN BE INSULTING.

BUT I THINK IT´S ABOUT HOW WE APPROACH SITUATIONS.

I KNOW WE TALK AND I´M VERY MUCH ADAMANT ON PROTECTIONS FOR WOMEN BUT I´M ALSO FOR PROTECTIONS OF MEN AS WELL TOO.

BECAUSE IF WE´RE BEING ALL THE WAY FUNKY HUMAN BEINGS, MAN, WOMAN, WHATEVER THEY IDENTIFY AS, CAN BE SOME TERRIBLE HUMAN BEINGS.

>> TERRIBLE PEOPLE.

FOR SURE.

>> SO I AM ALL FOR US HAVING PROTECTIONS ON A WHOLE FOR THE POPULACE.

>> DO YOU THINK IT´S SOMETHING THAT WOULD STRENGTHEN OR WEAKEN OUR RELATIONSHIP?

THE ONLY WAY I COULD PROBABLY SEE IT WEAKENING THE RELATIONSHIP OBVIOUSLY IS IF YOU KNOW FROM JUMP HEY, THIS AIN´T YOUR KID, BUDDY.

BUT DOES IT STRENGTHEN THE RELATIONSHIP?

DOES IT MAKE THE COUPLE MORE SECURE?

>> OKAY.

IF IT´S LIKE A MANDATORY THING, THEN IT´S NOT A THING FOR THE RELATIONSHIP.

YOU KNOW?

BUT IF IT´S LIKE A GUY WITH HIS SIGNIFICANT OTHER AND THEN LIKE ALL OF A SUDDEN LIKE THINGS GOING GREAT, EVERYTHING FUNKY OR WHATNOT AND THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN YOU GET PREGNANT AND HE´S LIKE YEAH, I THINK I WANT A DNA TEST, IT´S LIKE WAIT, HOLD UP.

I THOUGHT EVERYTHING WAS GOOD WITH US.

>> YEAH.

THEY POP UP WITH A DNA TEST.

THE MANDATORY THING, IT WOULD ACTUALLY GET RID OF A LOT MORE MAURY EPISODES TOO.

>> WELL, MAURY RETIRED.

>> MAURY QUIT.

>> MAURY HAS QUIT.

SO NOW WE NEED TO PUT THINGS IN PLACE.

>> WHAT IT WILL DO IS THE ACCOUNTABILITY FACTOR.

OF COURSE SOME PEOPLE ARE APPREHENSIVE ABOUT CHILDREN BEING THEIRS AND TAKING CARE OF THEM IF THEY´RE NOT.

I MEAN, THE MANDATORY PATERNITY TEST WOULD JUST BE LIKE KIND OF A OKAY, YOU ARE FOR SURE THE FATHER, YOU WILL BE HAIR, TAKE CARE OF HIM OR HER, THEY WILL HAVE TO GET YOU ON CHILD SUPPORT.

SO AIN´T NO CLOUDINESS.

AIN´T NO THE CHILD DON´T HAVE MY NOSE -- >> I DEFINITELY THINK IF THIS IS SOMETHING THAT´S MANDATORY NOW, RIGHT?

YOU KNOW FOR SURE THIS IS YOUR KID.

YOU HAVE NO EXCUSE TO SAY I AIN´T PAYING NO CHILD SUPPORT, I AIN´T DOING THIS BECAUSE I DON´T KNOW IF THAT´S MY KID.

SO YOU CAN´T USE THAT.

YOU KNOW FOR SURE THIS IS YOUR CHILD.

YOU NEED TO STEP UP, DO YOUR DUTY.

>> HANDLE YOUR BUSINESS.

>> HANDLE YOUR BUSINESS.

AND QUITE FRANKLY LIKE I THINK THE CHILD SUPPORT SYSTEM, TO ME, WAS PUT IN PLACE TO MAKE SURE PEOPLE ARE DOING WHAT THEY´RE SUPPOSED TO DO OR WHATNOT.

BUT IT SHOULDN´T BE LIKE I HAVE TO GO AND PUT YOU ON CHILD SUPPORT.

>> RIGHT.

>> TO MAKE SURE THAT YOU´RE SUPPORTING YOUR CHILD.

PEOPLE SHOULD -- IT SHOULD BE AN INSTINCT THING.

>> SO LISTEN TO THIS.

I WAS LISTENING TO THIS PODCAST THE OTHER DAY, AND THIS SCENARIO WAS BROUGHT UP.

SIMILAR TO THIS.

YOU ARE WITH SOMEONE FOR YEARS.

THERE´S A CHILD IN THE PICTURE P YOU ASSUME THIS IS YOUR CHILD.

6 YEARS OLD OR SOMETHING THE KID NEED A KIDNEY, THE KID NEED A LIVER.

THE KID NEEDS SOMETHING.

AND YOU GO AND TAKE BLOOD AND THEY SAY YOU KNOW YOU COULD GET SAMPLES MATCH.

SO YOU COULD GIVE YOUR LIVER, GIVE YOUR ORGAN TO THIS KID.

BUT YOU ALSO AT THE SAME TIME FIND OUT THAT THAT AIN´T YOUR KID.

WILL YOU STILL GIVE THIS KID YOUR BODY PART?

NOW, THIS IS SOMETHING -- >> YOU´RE GOING TO GIVE THE KID YOUR BODY PART?

>> IF I AM RAISING THIS KID, 6 YEARS OLD, I´M GOING TO LOOK AT IT AS MY KID.

BUT IF I NEED MY KIDNEY FOR MY REAL CHILD AT SOME POINT.

MY NEW REAL CHILD IN THE FUTURE NEED THIS KIDNEY.

IT WOULD BE A TOUGH DECISION TO MAKE HONESTLY, THE ROLE OF A FATHER IS A LOT MORE THAN BIOLOGICAL.

AND THE BOND YOU WOULD BUILD WITH THIS PERSON IS PROBABLY NOT SOMETHING THAT YOU EVEN THINK FOR THE CHILD.

YOU WOULD BE MORE RESENTFUL TOWARD THE PARENT.

THE OTHER END OF IT IS THE CHILD KIND OF HAVING THE ISSUE OF OKAY, AS I GROW UP WHO IS MY BIOLOGICAL PARENT.

YOU KNOW?

AND THAT WOULD BE AN IDENTITY THING IN ITSELF.

BUT FOR ME TO TAKE ORGANS OUT OF MYSELF TO GIVE TO THE CHILD THAT AIN´T MINE, THAT´S A TOUGH THING, MAN.

IF YOU WERE A GUY, WOULD YOU GIVE IT OUT OF YOURSELF?

>> JUST KNOWING ME WHO I AM AS A PERSON I MAY END UP GIVING MY ORGAN BUT -- >> YOU´RE A WILD BOY, MAN.

>> BUT I´M NOT A GUY.

>> YOU DON´T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT IT.

>> I DON´T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT IT.

>> DO YOU THINK THAT JUST THE IDEA OF MARRIAGE IN OUR SOCIETY TODAY, IT´S DIFFERENT THAN BEFORE, RIGHT?

>> MM-HMM.

>> DO YOU THINK THAT JUST KIND OF HAVING CHILDREN -- IT SOUNDS SO CRAZY.

BUT HAVING CHILDREN OUT OF WEDLOCK, DO YOU THINK THERE´S SOMETHING TO THE PERCENTAGE OF PEOPLE RAISING KIDS THAT´S NOT THEIRS BECAUSE OBVIOUSLY THINGS DO HAPPEN WITHIN MARRIAGES?

SO GETTING INTO MARRIAGES, GETTING INTO FORMAL UNIONS HELPED TO BREAK THAT CYCLE OF ILLEGITIMATE CHILDREN?

>> I THINK IT CAN.

IT CAN BREAK THE CYCLE.

PEOPLE GET DIVORCED EVERY DAY, MY BOY.

IT´S A CATCH 22 IN THAT SENSE.

I THINK IT CAN HELP CURB IT IN SOME WAY, SHAPE OR FORM.

>> BUT IT WILL ALWAYS BE UP TO THE MOM, MAN.

>> OH, BOY.

SO ONE THING THAT STUCK OUT TO ME WHILE READING WAS THE TERM OUT OF WEDLOCK, WHICH GOT ME THINKING ABOUT US AS A CULTURE.

SO I THINK AS A YOUNGER GENERATION STARTS TO GROW OUR CONNECTION TO THE TRADITIONAL IDEA OF MARRIAGE HAS DECLINED.

SO BETWEEN OUR PARENTS´ GENERATION AND OURS I´M SEEING A LOT LESS WEDDINGS.

BUT THAT HASN´T STOPPED PEOPLE FROM HAVING CHILDREN, THOUGH, HAS IT?

>> I FEEL LIKE HAVING CHILDREN IS SOMETHING, IF IT´S DONE PURPOSEFULLY, IS SOMETHING THAT IS BUILT OUT OF LOVE.

>> YES.

>> IN THE SENSE THAT WE LOVE EACH OTHER AND WE WANT TO BRING MORE LOVE INTO THE WORLD.

OBVIOUSLY, CHILDREN PEOPLE AREN´T HAVING PURPOSEFULLY IS GOING TO COME FROM SEX.

AND PEOPLE ARE HAVING SEX.

SEX IS FUN.

SEX MAKES YOU FEEL GOOD.

WHAT ARE YOU LAUGHING FOR?

>> I´M NOT LAUGHING.

>> YOU JUST LAUGHED.

>> I´M JUST -- >> OKAY, COOL.

IT´S FUN.

>> IT´S FUN.

>> IT MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER.

>> IT´S FUN WHEN YOU´RE DOING IT WITH THE RIGHT PERSON.

>> IT COULD K FUN WHEN YOU´RE DOING IT WITH OTHER PEOPLE TOO.

BUT THAT´S NOT SOMETHING I HAVE EXPERIENCE WITH OF COURSE.

IT´S KIND OF LIKE -- I DON´T EXPECT PEOPLE TO NOT HAVE CHILDREN BECAUSE THEY´RE NOT IN A MARRIAGE.

ACTUALLY, TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK OF THIS.

ONE OF MY CLASSMATES WAS POSTING ABOUT KIND OF LIKE ARRANGED PARENTING IN A SENSE.

SO LET´S SAY WE´RE NOT TOGETHER, WE´RE FRIENDS, WE LOVE EACH OTHER IN A PLATONIC WAY, WE LOVE EACH OTHER AS PEOPLE.

WE´RE BOTH SUCCESSFUL.

WE KNOW OUR PARENTING STYLES WOULD BE GOOD TOGETHER.

SO YOU´RE A CERTAIN AGE, I´M A CERTAIN AGE, WE DON´T WANT CONNECTIONS WITH SOMEBODY BUT WE WANT CHILDREN.

WE HAVE CHILDREN TOGETHER AND CO-PARENT AS SUCH AS FRIENDS.

>> YEAH.

>> WHAT DO YOU ANY ABOUT THAT DYNAMIC?

>> I THINK THAT´S ACTUALLY REALLY GOOD.

SO THE CNN COMMENTATOR VAN JONES, HE DID THAT WITH A VERY GOOD FRIEND OF HIS.

HE HAD ALREADY HAD TWO CHILDREN PRIOR TO.

NOW HE WANTED A THIRD.

AND HIS FRIEND ALSO WANTED A CHILD.

SO WHAT THEY CALL IT IS CONSCIOUS CO-PARENTING.

>> CONSCIOUS CO-PARENTING.

>> YES.

THEY BOTH FLEW THEY WANTED TO HAVE THIS CHILD.

I GUESS THEY HAVE WHATEVER LEGAL PAPERWORK OR WHATEVER IT IS.

BUT I DO THINK THAT IT´S -- TO GO INTO SOMETHING LIKE THAT SO RESPONSIBLY, BOTH PEOPLE BEING SO RESPONSIBLE, I THINK THAT DOES HELP WITH THE FUTURE GENERATION OF BIRTHING RESPONSIBLE AND HEALTHY HUMAN BEINGS AS WELL.

>> WHAT I DO THINK, THOUGH, IF THEY´RE NOT TOGETHER, RIGHT?

THEN HOW DOES THAT IMPACT THE CHILD KIND OF IN AN UNDERSTANDING LOVING RELATIONSHIP?

SO AS WE -- YOU ARE A MARRIED PARENT CHILD.

>> YES.

>> I´M A SINGLE PARENT CHILD.

EVEN THOUGH BOTH MY PARENTS WERE IN MY LIFE.

I THINK THAT THE WAY THAT I I GUESS -- I DON´T WANT TO SAY TREAT BECAUSE I DON´T TREAT WOMEN IN A CRAZY WAY.

I GUESS MY AFFECTION LEVEL IS DIFFERENT BECAUSE I HADN´T GROWN UP SEEING THAT AFFECTION OFTEN.

YOUR AFFECTION LEVEL, WHEN WE STARTED DATING, WE´RE TELLING PEOPLE OUR BUSINESS, BUT WHEN WE STARTED DATING YOU HAD A HEAVIER AFFECTION -- >> YEAH.

>> -- LEVEL THAN I DID.

AND MAYBE YOU STILL DO.

>> BUT I DON´T THINK THAT HAS TO DO WITH YOU COMING FROM A SINGLE PARENT HOUSEHOLD AND I´M COMING FROM HAVING TWO PARENTS IN THE HOME.

BECAUSE THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO WERE BORN WITH TWO PARENTS IN A HOME AND THEY ARE TERRIBLE HUMAN BEINGS.

AND THEY CAN´T FUFRPGS, THEY DON´T MAKE HEALTHY HUMAN CONNECTIONS.

>> VERY TRUE.

>> AND THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO COME FROM SINGLE PARENT HOUSEHOLDS WHO ARE OUTSTANDING CITIZENS, WHO CAN COMMUNICATE WELL, WHO CAN SHOW LOVE, AFFECTION, AND EVERYTHING WELL.

I THINK IT´S ABOUT THE ATMOSPHERE IN WHICH THE CHILD IS RAISED BECAUSE PEOPLE CAN COME FROM -- YOU KNOW, THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO HAVE LIKE TUMULTUOUS HOUSEHOLDS.

AND THAT AFFECTS THEM, STAYING OUT OF RELATIONSHIPS MAYBE BECAUSE BASED ON GROWING UP IN A HOUSEHOLD.

THAT WASN´T MY STORY.

YOU KNOW, I WAS RAISED ON LOVE.

AND DISCIPLINE AS WELL.

BUT YOU KNOW, I THINK THAT CHANGED AS WELL TOO BECAUSE IT WAS WHAT MY PARENTS WANTED TO GIVE TO US BECAUSE OF WHAT THEY DIDN´T GET.

SO THE CONSCIOUS CO-PARENTING CAN DEFINITELY WORK BECAUSE IT´S TWO PEOPLE KNOWING THAT THEY GENUINELY WANT TO LOVE A CHILD.

>> FOR THIS PERSON.

>> YES, FOR THIS PERSON.

>> BUT THEN I ALSO THINK ABOUT -- BECAUSE THIS HAS ALWAYS BEEN MY THING TOO.

AND THIS IS NO DISRESPECT TO ANYBODY WHO HAS CHILDREN NOT BEING MARRIED.

ONE OF MY THEORIES WAS ALWAYS OKAY, WE´RE NOT FORMALLY TOGETHER, WE´RE NOT MARRIED, WE HAVE A KID, ESPECIALLY BEING A MAN, YOU COULD KIND OF JUST SAY HEY, I HAVE OPPORTUNITY SOMEWHERE ELSE.

BETTER OPPORTUNITY FOR YOU IS BETTER OPPORTUNITY FOR THE KID.

BUT THAT LEAVES ME IN A PLACE WHERE I CAN´T SEE MY KID EVERY DAY OR I CAN´T SEE MY KIDS ON THE WEEKEND OR WHATEVER SCENARIO WE HAVE.

NICK CANNON HAS -- HOW MUCH NOW?

WHAT ARE YOU ROLLING YOUR EYES AT NICK FOR?

IS HE CONSCIOUSLY CO-PARENTING?

>> NO.

I DON´T THINK THAT HE IS.

I THINK HE´S SOMEONE WHO HAS AN ABUNDANCE OF WEALTH AND HE HAS AN OPPORTUNITY TO BE ABLE TO SPREAD HIS SEED TO AS MANY WOMEN AS HE POSSIBLY CAN.

AND HE´S DOING THAT.

NOW, IF WOMEN CHOOSE TO ENTER INTO THAT WITH NICK CANNON, THAT´S THEIR BUSINESS.

>> SO TO THE POINT, HE HAS CHILDREN, I THINK MULTIPLE OF THEM ARE IN L.A.

BUT HE KIND OF HAS TO BE IN A LOT OF PLACES AT THE SAME TIME.

SO WITHOUT THE MARRIAGE THERE IS THAT CHANCE OF NOT JUST YOUR PARENT, NOT JUST YOUR CHILD GETTING RAISED WITHOUT TWO PARENTS IN A HOME BUT JUST KIND OF THE PARENTS -- SPEAKING OF LOVE, DO YOU THINK THAT LOVE GENERALLY SPEAKING HAS DIED DOWN IN OUR COMMUNITY?

I KNOW WE MADLY IN LOVE AND AS A COUPLE WE -- >> I HATE THAT.

>> I HATE IT.

TO PEOPLE WE MAY INTERACT WITH, DO YOU THINK PEOPLE ARE STILL HOLDING OUT HOPE FOR FALLING IN LOVE AND BEING MARRIED AND STUFF LIKE THAT?

>> YEAH.

>> YOU THINK SO?

>> I DO THINK SO.

I DO THINK IT´S 50-50.

I THINK THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO ARE HOLDING OUT HOPE FOR THAT LOVE, YOU KNOW, FOR THAT COMPANIONSHIP AND THEN THERE ARE SOME PEOPLE WHO ARE OKAY, YOU KNOW, BEING IN THE STREETS.

I DON´T MEAN TO SAY IT LIKE A DEROGATORY TERM OR IN A NEGATIVE WAY.

BECAUSE THERE ARE SOME PEOPLE WHO -- THEY´RE OKAY LIVING THAT LIFE.

THEY´RE OKAY, YOU KNOW, NOT SETTLING DOWN AND BEING FREE TO BE WHO THEY ARE TO PICK UP AND GO WHEN THEY WANT TO, BEING SINGLE.

AND THAT WORKS FOR THEM.

BUT I DO THINK THERE ARE THOSE WHO GENUINELY JUST WANT TO FALL IN LOVE, YOU KNOW.

AND HAVE A LIFE PARTNER.

>> I SEE LOTS OF PEOPLE DON´T WANT TO SETTLE.

AND WHY SHOULD THEY?

SO FROM THE WOMEN´S PERSPECTIVE BECAUSE THOSE ARE SOME OF THE PEOPLE THAT I SEE MORE OFTEN THAN NOT.

I´M NOT SAYING -- MEN AREN´T UP TO THEIR STANDARD.

AND IT´S NOT NECESSARILY A STANDARD THAT´S RIDICULOUS.

IT´S THE IDEA THAT THIS GENTLEMAN IS COMING WITH SOME TYPE OF ABILITY TO -- NOT TO SAY TAKE CARE OF THEM BUT TO JUST KIND OF STAND ON THEIR OWN.

THEIR RESPECT FOR WOMEN.

THEY HOLD SIMILAR VIEWS AND VALUES.

THEY HAVE SOME AMBITION TO GO FORWARD.

IT SEEMS THAT OUR STUFF IS LACKING.

AND OF COURSE IF SOMEBODY DOES HAVE THAT AND YOU´RE NOT PHYSICALLY ATTRACTED TO THEM.

SO IF YOU´RE A WOMAN AT 35, 36, 37 -- WHAT ARE YOU SMILING FOR?

>> I´M LISTENING TO YOU.

>> IF YOU´RE A WOMAN AT THOSE AGES AND YOU JUST KIND OF IN A PLACE WHERE YOU KNOW WHAT, I MAY GIVE UP ON THIS LOVE THING BUT I ACTUALLY DO WANT A CHILD, AND I KNOW THAT THIS GUY´S A DECENT GUY, I´M GOING TO HAVE A KID WITH HIM OR SPERM BANK, WHATEVER THE CASE MAY BE.

FROM THE GENTLEMAN´S PERSPECTIVE SOME -- I THINK A LOT OF US, OR THEM.

THEM.

I THINK A LOT OF THEM ARE IN PLACES WHERE PEOPLE OF THEIR AGE AND PAIR GROUP AREN´T.

SO A LOT OF US AND OF THEM GOING OUT IN PLACES WHERE THE 20-YEAR-OLDS, THE 22-YEAR-OLDS, 23-YEAR-OLDS, WHO ARE STILL TRYING THE SINGLE LIFE OUT ARE THERE AND THE WOMEN WHO ARE A LITTLE MORE READY TO JUST KIND OF CHILL THEY MIGHT BE OUT TOO BUT JUST NOT IN THE SAME SETTINGS.

AND I THINK THEIR PATHS AREN´T PARTICULARLY -- YEAH.

>> I CAN SAY THAT I AM HAPPY TO NOT BE SINGLE -- >> BEING SINGLE LOOKS FUN.

>> NO, IT DOESN´T.

FOR MEN MAYBE.

>> IT WOULD LOOK FUN FOR SOMEBODY LIKE ME.

>> FOR SOMEBODY LIKE ME IT WOULD NOT BE FUN BECAUSE I AM SOMEBODY WHO LIKES TO BUILD CONNECTIONS AND I CAN GET EMOTIONALLY INVESTED.

SO I DON´T THINK BEING SINGLE IN TODAY´S DAY, ESPECIALLY LIKE THE AGE OF SOCIAL MEDIA -- >> THAT´S WHAT MAKES IT FUN, THOUGH.

>> I DON´T WANT TO -- I THINK THERE´S A LOT OF PRETENDING.

>> THERE IS.

>> THERE´S A LOT OF PRETENDING TO BE SOMETHING YOU ARE NOT TO IMPRESS THE WRONG TYPES OF PEOPLE.

I CAN´T DO THAT.

I DON´T WANT TO DO THAT.

>> SO LET ME CLARIFY.

DATING FOR MARRIAGE MIGHT NOT BE FUN.

IT MIGHT BE TERRIBLE.

>> YEAH.

>> BUT DATING FOR THE SAKE OF DATING -- >> DATING FOR THE SAKE OF DATING SHOULD BE FUN -- >> IT WOULD BE FUN AS HECK.

BECAUSE THE THRILL OF MEETING SOMEBODY NEW IS SOMETHING THAT I WOULD PARTICULARLY ENJOY.

I´VE HEARD PERSPECTIVES FROM OTHER PEOPLE SAYING, WELL, THE SCARINESS OF MEETING SOMEBODY NEW IS A WEIRD THING BECAUSE YOU DON´T KNOW HOW IT´S GOING TO PAN OUT.

>> THE ONLY THING SCARY FOR ME IS IF I MEET SOMEBODY NEW AND I´M JUST WONDERING IF THEY´RE A SERIAL KILLER.

LIKE THAT WOULD BE MY -- IF I LIVED IN THE STATES OR SOMETHING.

YOU KNOW, GOING ON A RANDOM DATE OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

BUT LIKE LOCALLY MAYBE NOT SO MUCH.

>> YOU GET SOME WEIRDOS -- >> WE DO HAVE SOME REAL WEIRDOS.

BUT THE ADVANTAGE IS I HAVE FRIENDS AND STUFF AND IT´S LIKE OKAY, I´M GOING TO THIS PLACE, SO YOU´RE GOING TO COME TOO BUT YOU SIT AT THAT TABLE IN THE BACK AND THEN JUST KIND OF LIKE SCOPE OUT THE SCENE AND IF YOU SEE ME LIKE THROW UP THE SIGN THEN YOU KNOW TO COME RUNNING.

>> I´M SEEING SCENARIOS ONLINE ABOUT WOMEN WHO MAY NOT FEEL AS COMFORTABLE BEING OUT WITH A GUY ON A FIRST DATE, MIGHT BRING A FRIEND ALONG.

DO YOU THINK THAT GENTLEMAN ACTUALLY HAS TO PAY FOR BOTH?

>> NO.

>> I AGREE.

I AGREE, MAN.

IF -- >> IF YOU ARE BROKE, IF -- YOU SHOULD SAY THAT.

YOU SHOULD STAY HOME.

>> YOU CAN STAY.

I AIN´T GOING TO STAY.

>> BECAUSE IT´S NOT LIKE -- >> WE HAVE TO HAVE REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS.

I DO THINK, THOUGH, IN ALL SERIOUSNESS.

THERE IS THE IDEA THAT IF YOU COMPROMISE WITH SOMEBODY THAT YOU´RE SETTLING.

AND THAT´S NOT THE CASE.

LIKE NOBODY IS A PERFECT HUMAN BEING.

AND WE ARE ALWAYS GOING TO FALL SHORT OF PEOPLE´S EXPECTATIONS.

SO YOU HAVE TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CONVERSATIONS WITH PEOPLE.

YOU KNOW, EXPRESS YOURSELF.

AND DIALOGUE IN RESPECTFUL AND APPROPRIATE WAYS.

AND EVEN IF IT DOESN´T WORK OUT THAT´S COOL.

THAT´S GREAT.

I´M NOT TELLING YOU TO COMPROMISE YOUR MORALS OR YOUR VALUES.

BUT AS HUMAN BEINGS AND HOW WE INTERACT WITH EACH OTHER WE HAVE TO BE ABLE TO CUT PEOPLE SOME SLACK AND JUST, YOU KNOW, COMPROMISE A LITTLE BIT.

COMPROMISING DOESN´T MEAN THAT YOU´RE SETTLING.

>> I HAVE A FRIEND WHO DOESN´T LIKE THE WORD COMPROMISE.

SHE´S MARRIED AS WELL.

BUT I THINK SHE VIEWS IT IN THE SENSE OF COMPROMISE MEANS THAT SHE´S GIVING UP GROUND IN SOMETHING THAT SHOULD PROBABLY BELIEVES IN.

>> BUT YOU DON´T HAVE TO GIVE UP YOUR GROUND.

NOBODY´S TELLING YOU YOU HAVE TO CHANGE YOUR MIND OR FORCING YOU INTO SOMETHING ELSE.

IT´S JUST ABOUT FINDING WHAT WORKS.

FINDING A MIDDLE GROUND.

BECAUSE RELATIONSHIPS AREN´T ALL ABOUT ONE PERSON.

>> ABSOLUTELY.

>> IT´S THE BALANCE OF BOTH PARTNERS.

BOTH PARTNERS SHOULD BE HAPPY AND NOBODY SHOULD BE GIVING MORE OF THEMSELVES THAN THE OTHER PERSON.

>> I´LL GO BACK TO KIDS.

SHOULD WE COMPROMISE WITH OUR CHILDREN?

>> AS FAR AS LIKE HOW WE RAISE THEM?

>> WELL, I MEAN, OUR CHILDREN GROWING UP, THEY´RE LEARNING, THEY´RE COMING INTO THE WORLD, THEY´RE FIGURING THINGS OUT, RIGHT?

AND SOME PEOPLE HAVE LIKE MAYBE A VERY AUTHORITARIAN PERSPECTIVE SAYING, WELL, HAIF, WHAT I SAY GOES.

>> YEAH.

>> DOORS CLOSE IN MY HOUSE.

YOU EAT AT THIS TIME.

GO TO SLEEP AT THIS TIME.

DO YOU FIND THERE ARE THINGS -- NOT NECESSARILY -- BECAUSE SMALL THINGS ARE COMPROMISABLE, SURE.

BUT DO YOU THINK THAT AS A CHILD WE SHOULD HAVE NEGOTIATIONS?

>> I THINK WE SHOULD BE ABLE TO HAVE DISCUSSIONS WITH OUR CHILDREN BECAUSE THEY ARE HUMAN BEINGS.

>> I AGREE.

>> THEY HAVE THEIR OWN FEELINGS -- IT IS.

BUT THEY HAVE HUMAN BEINGS AND WE WANT TO RAISE THEM TO BE ABLE TO EXPRESS THEIR FEELINGS IN AN APPROPRIATE MANNER AND BE ABLE TO NOT FEEL LIKE THEY HAVE TO STIFLE THEMSELVES AND MAKE THEMSELVES SMALLER FOR ANYBODY.

>> WE TEACH THEM HOW TO THEN TAKE THAT INTO THEIR RELATIONSHIPS.

>> EXACTLY.

>> LET´S HAVE A CONVERSATION ABOUT WHAT MIGHT BE BEST FOR BOTH OF US.

>> AND NOT JUST THEIR PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS BUT THEIR PROFESSIONAL RELATIONSHIPS TOO.

>> BOUNDARIES.

>> EXACTLY.

VERY MUCH SO.

>> AND YOU DON´T KNOW WHAT -- YOU MAY KNOW WHAT YOUR BOUNDARIES ARE BUT THOSE COMPROMISES ALLOW YOU TO KIND OF OPEN UP YOUR MIND TO NEW BOUNDARIES, TO MAYBE KIND OF SET THE FENCE BACK A LITTLE MORE VERSUS CLOSER.

AND THERE ARE KIND OF DIFFERENT THINGS.

AND WITHOUT THAT SKRAGS A LOT OF PEOPLE JUST KIND OF DON´T KNOW HOW TO LISTEN TO EACH OTHER.

>> AND SPEAKING IS SOMETHING THAT WE DO.

AND WE SPEAK -- OR WE LISTEN TO RESPOND.

WE´RE JUST KIND OF LISTENING TO UNDERSTAND IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING.

SO WRAPPING IT ALL IN TOGETHER WITH PEOPLE BEING IN LOVE AND PEOPLE CONSIDERING MARRIAGE AND CONSIDERING DATING FOR MARRIAGE, I THINK ONE OF THE FIRST THINGS THAT YOU WANT TO TALK TO B.

TO PEOPLE WOULD BE ARE YOU COMFORTABLE WITH THE IDEA OF COMPROMISE?

ARE YOU COMFORTABLE WITH THE IDEA OF SHARING THINGS AND RECEIVING CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM?

>> ARE YOU COMFORTABLE TAKING THIS DNA TEST TO MAKE SURE THIS KID IS MINE?

>> ARE YOU COMFORTABLE TAKING THIS DNA TEST MAKING SURE THIS KID IS MINE?

>> IF YOU WANT TO TAKE A DNA TEST ON ISSA, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO GIVE ME WHEN IT COMES BACK TO SAY SHE IS YOURS?

>> I AM NOT SAYING SHE´S NOT MINE.

>> CAN I GET SOMETHING?

LIKE I WANT SOMETHING.

>> WHAT IT IS YOU WANT?

>> I DON´T KNOW.

MAYBE LIKE A VACATION OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

>> SO I HAVE TO ACCEPT THE CHILD AS MINE AND THEN -- >> YEAH.

>> FIRST OF ALL, I WOULD PROBABLY HAVE TO SPEND ON THE -- SO I´VE GOT TO SPEND MONEY ON THE DNA TEST.

>> MM-HMM.

>> I´VE GOT TO HOPE THEY SAY YES.

AND THEN IF THEY SAY YES I´VE GOT TO SEND YOU SOMEPLACE?

>> I GAVE YOU A PUSH PRESENT.

HER NAME IS ISABEL.

>> GET TO GO HOME AND CRY ABOUT IT.

>> YEAH.

>> PRETTY MUCH.

WOW.

>> YOU SAID YOU WERE GOING TO TAKE THE CHILD FROM ME?

>> THAT´S TRUE.

IF I FIND THAT ISSA AIN´T MINE I HAVE TO HURT YOU IN A WAY THAT I HURT.

>> OKAY.

>> SO I´D HAVE TO PROVE TO THE COURTS THAT I´M A BETTER PARENT THAN YOU AND WE DON´T KNOW WHO THE HECK ISSA REAL FATHER IS.

HE PROBABLY SOMEPLACE DOING SOMETHING STUPID LIKE HER MOM DID AT SOME POINT NINE -- OR TWO YEARS AGO.

AND THEN I SHOULD BE THE ONE TO RAISE HER BECAUSE I AM ULTIMATELY A BETTER PERSON THAN YOU ARE.

>> CLOSE THE SHOW.

YOU´RE TALKING NONSENSE.

>> NO, WE´VE GOT TO KEEP GOING.

IF THE CHILD AIN´T REALLY MINE, RIGHT?

WHAT SHOULD I BE ABLE TO DO?

>> I THINK FOR ANY PERSON, LIKE IF THEY´RE ON CHILD SUPPORT AND THEY -- I THINK THEY SHOULD BE ABLE TO SUE TO RECOUP THAT MONEY.

>> IS IT RESTITUTION?

IS THAT A PROPER WORD?

>> I THINK SO.

YEAH, I THINK SO.

>> MEN SHOULD GET RESTITUTION FOR CHILDREN THAT AREN´T THEIRS.

YOU SHOULD TEST EVERYBODY.

FULL DNA TEST FOR EVERYBODY AS SOON AS YOU POP IN.

HEY, I´LL GET SOME BLOOD DRAWN.

AND IF IT´S NOT THEN GIVE ME MONEY.

FAIR?

>> I GUESS.

IF YOU AIN´T SPEND NO MONEY, THOUGH, THEN YOU SHOULDN´T GET NO MONEY.

BUT IF YOU SPEND MONEY THEN YOU SHOULD GET MONEY.

>> ALL RIGHT.

WE WILL FIGURE THIS OUT AT SOME POINT.

THANK YOU GUYS FOR JOINING US ON ANOTHER EPISODE OF "THE WELCOME MAT."

MAKE SURE YOU TUNE IN TO THE WTJX FACEBOOK PAGE, LEAVE COMMENTS, TELL US WHAT YOU THINK.

AND DON´T FORGET TO JOIN US NEXT WEEK 8:30 MONDAY.

BOOM.

♫♫ ♫♫ >> Announcer: THE VIEWS EXPRESSED ON THIS PROGRAM ARE NOT NECESSARILY THOSE OF WTJX, ITS BOARD, STAFF, OR UNDERWRITERS.