VOICEOVER (VO): It's the nation's favorite antiques experts with £200 each...

I love that.

VO: ..a classic car and a goal to scour Britain for antiques.

Yippee!

It's a good job I like ya!

VO: The aim?

To make the biggest profit at auction, but it's no mean feat.

There'll be worthy winners and valiant losers.

Agh, I'm getting wet!

VO: So will it be the high road to glory or the slow road to disaster?

How much did you make?

About a couple of quid!

VO: This is the Antiques Road Trip!

VO: Yeah!

VO: On this road trip, two auctioneers vie to be crowned king of the Fens.

VO: Upbeat Thomas Plant holds court in a busy Berkshire saleroom and is never less than cheerily charming.

Here I am on my knees.

I know, lovely.

THOMAS: Can I give you a kiss?

TINA: Ooh!

Mwah!

VO: Oh!

Whilst his arch rival, Philip Serrell, runs a Malvern auction house with a quick wit that's matched only by his sunny disposition... Will you just shut up, Jack?

You don't sell aspirin, do you?

VO: ..some of the time.

Both our chums started this road trip with £200.

VO: Now entering the fourth leg, Thomas Plant has managed to swell his coffers to a modest £250.28.

VO: Whilst Philip has amassed an even more parsimonious £220.62.

VO: So there's everything to play for as they motor towards the next showdown.

Today, the lads are driving a sky blue beauty - the 1975 Triumph Stag.

THOMAS: Is the car going alright?

PHILIP: The car's lovely, isn't it?

THOMAS: It's lovely on these open roads.

VO: This whole road trip takes our boys from Samlesbury in Lancashire, over the sea to the Isle of Man, then south to nautical Greenwich, in London - a journey of almost 700 miles.

On this leg, they're in the exotic east, beginning in Stickney, Lincolnshire, heading for their auction in Ely, Cambridgeshire.

VO: Today they're journeying through the Fens, a lovely region of flat, fertile farmland.

They're heading for the village of Stickney, or they would be if they could find it.

THOMAS: I don't know... are we going the right way?

VO: Ah... THOMAS: Hello.

VO: ..they've spotted a local.

We're trying to get to...Stickney.

Yes.

THOMAS: But where are we?

Are we here?

MAN: Yes.

Yeah, you're at... PHILIP: Thomas, have you got that at the right..?

Thomas, you have got the right page, have you?

THOMAS: He has no faith in me.

MAN: What you're gonna do is you're gonna go up to the A16...

Thank you very much, take care.

Have a good day.

Bye bye.

PHILIP: Have a good day, thank you.

You said it was the A14.

It's not the A14.

I know where we are.

I'm losing confidence in you.

You've led me astray... THOMAS: Shut up.

PHILIP: It's on our left here.

THOMAS: Left.

PHILIP: Are you sure?

THOMAS: Yes.

PHILIP: Left?

THOMAS: Stickney!

That's where we're going!

VO: Yes...

Eventually, they seem to have found their way.

They're heading into Clutterbugs Antiques... PHILIP: Well, door to door service, Thomas, look at that.

VO: ..where Alan will greet them.

THOMAS: How are you?

ALAN: Nice to see you.

Are we alright to park here?

Wherever you like.

PHILIP: I'll go upstairs and you go downstairs.

VO: So far the lads' performance hasn't been uniformly winning.

(GAVEL HAMMERS) (GAVEL HAMMERS) (GAVEL HAMMERS) VO: On the last leg, Thomas made a paltry profit of £2.74, and this less than stellar performance is weighing on his mind this morning.

I've really got to have my head correct and buy good things which they're going to want at general sales.

VO: Further to this ambition, Thomas has spotted something that might just be a winner.

THOMAS: Where did you get these from?

ALAN: Somebody brought them in.

They're not Masonic, they're Buffaloes or... VO: They're a set of four medals issued by the Royal Antediluvian Order of Buffaloes, a social and philanthropic organization structured in fraternal lodges.

Ticket price for all four is £80.

ALAN: All different lodges had their own different medals.

THOMAS: "Empire Lodge Number 100".

Are they all to this one chap?

"Brother McCarthy, for services rendered".

VO: Now, can he get a handshake from Alan on the price?

What would you do for the four?

ALAN: What are they, £20 each?

THOMAS: £20, yeah.

80... Give us 60.

Buy the lot, you get one free.

Right, thank you.

That's a good deal.

Kind of, but I haven't finished shopping.

Haven't finished shopping.

VO: He's browsing on... ...and he seems to have all sorts of buffalo on the brain this morning.

What do you know about that?

ALAN: Not an awful lot.

What age would you say it was?

THOMAS: Early 20s?

There's a good bit of wear to it.

Maybe late 19th?

It's quite nice though, isn't it?

VO: It's a type of buffalo paperweight cast in bronze.

On the ticket is £35.

Would you do that and the medals for 50?

60.

Oh, no, no... Come on, shake me hand at 60.

THOMAS: ..No, no, no!

ALAN: Yes!

No!

50.

60.

50 and we've got a deal.

ALAN: The terms "shirt" and "back" spring to mind.

Oh come on, £50!

You're a star.

Just to get rid of you!

What do you mean, "just to get rid of me"?!

You're a star.

VO: Indeed he is: Thomas' bullish haggling gets him the deal he wants.

THOMAS: £50?

VO: And he's off and running.

Thank you very much.

VO: Philip, on the other hand, has decided to abandon this shop and strike out on his own.

It's not like you to go off piste, old boy.

Where are you going, Philip?

PHILIP: I might get on my tractor.

See you later on, all the best.

(WHISPERS) He always does this!

VO: Philip's decided that since he's in a rural area, he'd like to see if any local farmers have items that they might sell him.

It's an unconventional approach.

Do bear with us - I've no idea where he's going.

PHILIP: There's an old fireplace there, look.

(CALLS) Hello?

Hello.

I wonder if you can help me.

Agricultural bygones - hello doggy!

- where's the best place?

I wondered if you've got any old implements?

Any old fruit crates or wooden ones, anything like that?

MAN: Well in East Kirkby, the village which is just this side, there's a shop there, and they sell all bits and bobs.

(SHOUTS) Excuse me mate, which way is East Kirkby?

MAN: That way mate.

PHILIP: Thank you.

VO: Philip's driving to the village of East Kirkby, Lincolnshire.

PHILIP: Ah.

There you are, let's go and have a look in here.

VO: And after all that drama, he ends up back in an antique shop - ha!

Luckily, dealer Richard, here at Craven Collectables, is already a fan of the Road Trip.

Watch the program.

First day have a dust, and here you are, you've turned up while I'm dusting.

VO: I know, Richard - he's most inconsiderate.

Nice Chinese vase.

I think that Chinese is probably Japanese.

PHILIP: I'm going to have a quick weasel round here.

The "Goldfinger" book, is that a first edition?

RICHARD: Do you?

Yeah.

Is it a first edition?

RICHARD: I think you'll find it is.

VO: He has two so-called first editions of James Bond novels, but printed by The Book Club: "Goldfinger" and "You Only Live Twice".

They're priced at £25 each.

The trouble is they've got no dust covers.

PHILIP: What I'm thinking is, everybody loves James Bond, don't they?

RICHARD: Yeah... And what else did Ian Fleming write?

He wrote a children's book... A children's book, yeah, I can't think what it was called.

There'll be a voice coming over this in a minute that'll tell us... VO: "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang".

Do I have to do everything?

PHILIP: I mean, I would guess these would be worth an awful lot of money if they both had their dust cover and if this was in better condition.

VO: So they would - first editions of these novels, with original dust covers, by the first printer, can sell for anything between 500 and 3,000 pounds, but sadly, these are Book Society first editions, and as such are worth vastly less.

Philip is still thinking about taking the books... PHILIP: Weeks or months?

VO: ..but he's browsing on, with the irrepressible Richard.

PHILIP: How much is the wine rack?

RICHARD: 20 quid to you.

But I ain't going no lower on it.

PHILIP: Oh, just behave!

VO: This enormous wine rack was made by Will Binns, a London manufacturer.

RICHARD: I sell them half that size for more money than that.

These are no good, the big ones, cuz you can't get them in the house.

You cut them in half.

Don't be so silly!

Look at that.

And you've even got makers of London.

What more could you ask for?

I can feel myself getting kippered by you here, quietly.

RICHARD: No, no, no - not at all.

VO: Hmm - I think you might have met your match, Phil.

I've sold you two books but we ain't agreed on a price yet.

How about a lovely milk crate?

There, look at that.

PHILIP: Do you ever stop to draw breath?

VO: Manners, Philip.

What's that box there?

What, this?

Yeah.

RICHARD: Bread trays.

The old bread trays.

Here's a bit of social history, this is social history.

VO: They're wooden bread trays, stamped with the name of a local baker - Glenton & Myers.

Philip's thinking that he could combine them into a job lot with the wine rack, if he could get a word in.

RICHARD: Bit of woodworm, shows a bit of quality.

PHILIP: How do you work that out?!

RICHARD: Age, gives you the age.

I would like to buy these here, those there, they can go as one lot, and the two books.

And, em...I'm going to be mean.

Well, I make it...

I make it 75 quid.

Oh.

Been l... See you then, Richard, it's been fantastic, thank you ever so much.

And I'll try and call in again some time.

Cheers now... RICHARD: Come on, be sensible.

Make the offer, then.

I'll tell you what, you just sit down there a minute, I'll go and get the book, just sit down.

No, you sit there, just sit down... VO: So Richard's starting price for all of the items was £75.

What can Philip bargain him down to?

You ought to be paying me to take them away!

No, no, no, no.

I'm in business, I'm in business.

I'll give you 30 quid the lot, that's the end of it.

Done.

Ha-ha!

What have I done?!

VO: So Philip has his first two lots, and plenty of badinage to boot - thank you, Richard.

VO: Thomas, meanwhile, is happy with his morning's shopping, so he's headed on to Pinchbeck in Lincolnshire.

VO: Thomas is aiming for the Burtey Fen Collection, a quirky local attraction with plenty of showbiz pizzazz.

He's meeting local owner Nick Pitts.

THOMAS: Hello, I'm Thomas.

Hi, I'm Nick.

Welcome to the Burtey Fen Collection.

THOMAS: So what are you going to show me today?

NICK: We've got a concert hall with organs in, different pipe organs.

VO: This purpose-built hall houses four magnificent pipe organs.

NICK: We've got a very small fairground organ, a large classical church organ and two cinema organs.

VO: It's the cinema organs in particular that Thomas is here to see.

Originally designed to accompany silent films, these organs were installed from the 1920s onwards.

NICK: It was invented by the Wurlitzer firm, and then in Britain there were two main firms, Compton's and Christie's.

VO: By the 1960s, most cinema organs were being removed, but this Compton organ was saved and eventually was installed here, where the public are welcome to regular performances.

The organ can produce or mimic the sounds of many different instruments and even make sound effects.

So for example, look, you could try the glock... (GLOCKENSPIEL EFFECT) ...or the xylophone... (XYLOPHONE EFFECT) ...or flutes... (FLUTE EFFECT) ...or trumpets... (TRUMPET EFFECT) ...clarinets... (CLARINET EFFECT) ...anything you like.

(PLAYS BROKEN CHORD) THOMAS: Oh, it's like something out of "Hi-de-Hi!"

isn't it?

(PLAYS BROKEN CHORD) (STEPS ON PEDALS) Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho!

(BIRD TWEET EFFECT) Oh!

(BUZZER EFFECT) VO: That's quite enough of that.

Now, Nick's going to let Thomas see into the belly of this marvelous beast.

THOMAS: You're just pointing me to it.

NICK: You'll soon find where you are.

In here?

Definitely?

God.

Are these all the pipes?

Look at these big ones here.

VO: There are real instruments installed inside the machine that Nick can play from his keyboards.

Oh my...I can see the drums, a tambourine!

(DRUMS) (TAMBOURINE) (LAUGHS) There it is!

That's wonderful.

And the bass drum.

(BASS DRUM) (SHOUTS) On the very far back, are they the chimes?

NICK: Yep, they're the chimes.

(CHIMES) That's brilliant.

(SHOUTS) Go on Nick, play something.

VO: Nick's going to play the very tune that was first publicly performed on the organ in 1934: "Sing As We Go".

MUSIC: "Sing as we go", by Harry Parr-Davies I don't think he can hear me!

(CYMBALS CRASH) Well Nick, that was amazing.

Thank you very much.

A wall of sound.

And I'm still in awe of your musicality.

You're very welcome.

Thank you.

VO: Meanwhile, Philip's still on a buying spree, and has driven to New Bolingbroke.

VO: He's heading for Junktion Antiques, where he's meeting owner Jack.

Hello.

JACK: Morning.

How you doing?

This looks like a nice sort of place, this does.

JACK: That's good then.

I'm Philip, how are you doing?

I'm alright.

Jack.

Jack.

Jack, good to see you.

VO: Stuffed with motoring memorabilia, old contraptions, fairground items and all manner of old gubbins, this shop could scarcely be more to Philip's taste.

PHILIP: E-type Jaguars!

JACK: Yeah.

PHILIP: Oh, this is gonna be brilliant.

VO: Jack even has some of the agricultural items Philip was so unsuccessful in finding this morning.

PHILIP: Threshing machine.

JACK: Yeah.

PHILIP: And how much is that?

JACK: That could be, uh...£50.

Oh hold on, hold on... JACK: For a friend!

VO: I'm not sure that'll fit in the car!

Thankfully, Philip has decided against the enormous threshing machine, but he's got something else to worry about.

He loves Jack's stock, but with just over £190 in his wallet, he's finding that much of it is outside his budget.

PHILIP: How much is that?

JACK: £300.

PHILIP: This thing here, how much is that?

JACK: £1,500.

PHILIP: Oh, no.

PHILIP: Jack, how much is that?

JACK: Uh, 225.

PHILIP: Hmm.

JACK: But I do guarantee it, it is working.

BOTH: (LAUGH) How much is the iron founders sign?

JACK: Uh...£200.

Oh!

You don't sell aspirin, do you?

I think this is just the best shop ever.

Trouble is, Jack, you're like a rhino - thick skinned and charge a lot.

Costs a lot.

VO: Indeed: much of Jack's stock is unusual or specialist, which might be why Philip's finding so much of it out of his price range.

But after a real rummage, he spots something that might help him get the jump on Thomas - a wooden vaulting horse.

Oh, Lordy!

PHILIP: How much is that, Jack?

JACK: That could be... PHILIP: Come on Jack, now think hard here.

JACK: £90.

PHILIP: No, think harder.

JACK: 100.

PHILIP: Oh Jack, no, no, no.

JACK: (LAUGHS) PHILIP: Now, can we have a deal on that?

JACK: Where do you want to be?

Well, I see it at auction as making 50-80 quid.

£70.

VO: This may seem like another of Phil's eccentric enthusiasms, but the horse could in fact be a canny buy.

And why am I gonna buy this?

They make great coffee tables, don't they?

You take the top two off and you've got a small ottoman at the end of your bed, and then these other sections, you put a glass top on them and you've got a really cool coffee table.

JACK: Yeah.

I feel I'm too cheap again.

Oh God almighty, Jack!

Will you just shut up, Jack?

VO: Philip, how rude!

PHILIP: We'll have a talk about that in a minute, alright?

VO: Still, at least he's dug up something else that interests him.

PHILIP: Is that a malt shovel?

JACK: A malt shovel, yeah.

VO: Malt is germinated and dried grain, used in the production of beer, whisky and foodstuffs.

This probably dates from the early 20th century.

Can I give you 60 quid for this and the horse, the vaulting horse?

JACK: No.

PHILIP: What can I give you?

£100.

Oh, behave Jack!

I'll shake your hands Jack at 80 quid the two.

90 quid and you've got a deal.

PHILIP: 85.

JACK: No, 90.

PHILIP: 85.

JACK: 90.

85.

JACK: 90.

PHILIP: 85?

No, 90.

Cuz I like you.

Jack, you're a gentleman, thank you.

A bit.

A bit!

VO: Jack's one tough cookie when it comes to haggling, but Philip's got the malt shovel and the vaulting horse, so everyone's a winner.

And with that, Philip's heading south to meet Thomas.

Night night, chaps.

VO: But our pair are no stay-a-beds, and the new day finds them back in the Stag and charging ahead.

THOMAS: All I know, really, is that we're a long way from home.

VO: You are, Thomas.

Isn't it exciting?

So far, Thomas has spent £50 on two lots - the medals issued by the Royal Antediluvian Order of Buffaloes and the bronze paperweight... ...while his rival Philip has so far spent £120 on four lots: the two James Bond books; the wine rack and bread trays; the malt shovel; and the wooden vaulting horse.

How bizarre!

THOMAS: Spalding.

What do you know about Spalding?

VO: Glad you asked.

They're driving into the town of Spalding... VO: ..which is an ancient market town known as the heart of the Fens, at the center of an area famous for its rich soil and agriculture.

THOMAS: Spalding in Lincolnshire - it was, was it...was it once..?

No, it wasn't, it wasn't.

VO: No, it wasn't.

PHILIP: Well done, Thomas.

THOMAS: Got there in the end.

Yeah.

You gonna go in here, then?

I'm gonna go in there, yeah.

Go on matey, I'm gonna have a wander off.

VO: Philip is striking out on his own again while Thomas is heading into his first shop, where he'll meet owner John.

Thank you for letting us come here.

You're very welcome.

Can I have a look round?

You can, with pleasure.

VO: How nice.

VO: There's an item in a cabinet that he might like to try his luck on.

THOMAS: What's that?

JOHN: Bullion board.

A game, I think, Thomas.

THOMAS: "Philips Bullion Board".

"This is a bullion board game, "3 in 1 sensational indoor game."

VO: The aluminum board allows the lucky purchaser to play the rather obscure games bullion and poker bullion, or good old fashioned draughts.

Which is quite fun, actually, and I like...I just like the graphics on it.

JOHN: Yes.

THOMAS: They're great, aren't they?

The colors as well.

They're very 1960s, aren't they?

JOHN: Yes, I would think they are.

How much is this?

I can't see the price on it, Thomas.

THOMAS: It's been there.

Oh, there's no price on it.

Could be £10 to you, sir.

That seems fair enough, doesn't it?

JOHN: Yes.

Thank you very much.

I'll have that.

You're very welcome.

THOMAS: I notice you've got a chess set round the corner.

VO: Continuing with the games theme, John will fetch the wooden chess pieces Thomas has spied.

These are the ones you were on about Thomas, are they?

Yeah, I saw those, yeah.

Yeah.

THOMAS: Is it complete?

JOHN: I think they're all there, yes.

THOMAS: I better count them.

JOHN: Yeah, you count.

THOMAS: Do you mind?

JOHN: No, I don't mind.

THOMAS: They're all there, 32 pieces.

It's got a little slide box.

Nicely carved.

Made in France.

VO: The pieces are all present and correct, but they're selling without a chessboard.

There's no ticket on them either.

What should John do?

That could be £15.

15.

Could I have the both of them for 20?

I should think you could.

THOMAS: Really?

Well, I think that makes a nice addition, really, doesn't it?

JOHN: Yeah.

VO: Yeah.

Thomas is planning to parcel the two games he's bought into one lot, but he's still looking for more bargains.

His magpie eye has alighted on a collection of paste jewellery, including a 19th century French buckle, an art deco cuff and three other bracelets.

I quite like this piece of paste.

I do quite like that.

Very pretty.

VO: Paste is inexpensive jewellery, sometimes including polished, cut glass instead of precious gemstones.

Oh, suits you, Thomas!

Now, what kind of price can John offer?

60 quid for the lot.

£60.

Really?

Yes, really.

Really?

Yes.

You'll make a good profit on those, Thomas.

THOMAS: I don't think I will, actually.

What could you do?

JOHN: I'd do you the lot for 50 and that would be it.

Hmm...40 and we've got a deal.

JOHN: No, I can't do that.

45.

48 and we'll have a deal.

(WHISPERS) Oh, for the love of God...£48!

£48.

THOMAS: So it's 20 and 48 makes £68.

There's 70.

VO: But John can only find £1.20 in change, rather than the £2 Thomas is owed.

THOMAS: 80 pence now... JOHN: That's the best I can do, Thomas.

THOMAS: I think I can survive.

Thank you very much.

Thank you, Thomas.

THOMAS: Take care.

JOHN: Nice to see you.

THOMAS: And you.

VO: So, Thomas has taken the bullion board game, the chess pieces and the collection of paste jewellery.

VO: A couple of minutes away, old Phil has gone for a wander around Spalding town center.

Once again, he's determined to go off piste.

Oh, crikey!

Eventually he finds a shop that fires him with enthusiasm.

PHILIP: I think that looks interesting, cuz it's Elderkin's gun makers.

You know, if I could get in there, you never know, they might have some old accessories that might be quite useful.

(BUZZER) VO: This is a gunsmith with a venerable pedigree: five generations of the same family have run the business, dating back nearly 130 years.

Of course, shotguns like the ones sold in this shop require a shotgun certificate under UK laws, but shop owner William has generously agreed to let Philip look around to see if there might be any antique accessories he could buy.

PHILIP: Right, we're on a mission now.

VO: Never happier than when contemplating a lathe, Philip's in the shotgun workshop.

PHILIP: What I love about this job is social history, and you come in here and there's guys who've got a skill that probably was quite commonplace 50 years ago, but it's a dying art.

Have you got any really old gun cleaning kits?

VO: Eventually Philip uncovers a small collection of shotgun accessories.

And then here we've got an oil bottle, which...this'll fit in your motoring case, and you'd have taken it with you, and that would've just basically just oiled your gun.

That's quite a nice thing.

This is a little brush, and that would have just brushed probably around the trigger guards and possibly on the hammer, going around there, to keep it clean.

This is for pulling cartridges out of the gun.

If your cartridge got stuck in your gun, you'd clip that round the outside and that just pulled the cartridge out.

And then finally we've got this great thing here, which is just... You put that in the end of your barrels, and that's just when you're not using the gun, and that's just to stop anything from dropping down it.

VO: What sort of price can Philip agree with William?

I mean, at auction they're going to make, I would think, what, 10 or 20 quid, aren't they?

Yeah, something like that.

So if I gave you a fiver or something like that, PHILIP: would that be fair?

WILLIAM: ..that's fine, yeah.

VO: Bang on!

I'm going to a shooting area, so fingers crossed that they do OK for me.

What a lovely man and what a great shop.

(BUZZER) VO: And with that, he's got his lots for auction.

(DOOR CLICKS SHUT) VO: The boys are reunited and back in the car.

THOMAS: Where are you going now?

Where am I taking you?

PHILIP: Absolutely no idea.

THOMAS: Stamford.

VO: They are indeed driving the 20 miles to Stamford, Lincolnshire, but it looks like the weather's turned.

THOMAS: Philip, we are driving through a wall of rain.

VO: Hmm, that looks pleasant!

Shame the car doesn't have a roof.

PHILIP: Mind you, I don't know why people go abroad in the summer, do you?

VO: Happily, it's much drier in Stamford.

Largely built from Lincolnshire limestone, Stamford's lovely historic buildings give it a unique atmosphere.

Thomas is off to a shop, but since Philip's now bought all his lots for auction, he's decided to visit a particularly ancient local landmark.

THOMAS: You have a lovely visit.

PHILIP: You have a good shop, mate.

VO: He's on his way to Browne's Hospital, which just slightly predates the local NHS Trust - Ha!

- where he's meeting curator Pam Sharp.

Hello, I'm Philip.

How are you?

Hello, I'm very well.

This is the most fantastic building.

Tell me, this was a hospital?

No, it was never an infirmary.

"Hospital" was in the medieval sense of the word, meaning hospitality.

Built in 1475, this was an almshouse, a home for the local poor, many of whom were workers from nearby estates who lost their tithed cottages when they became too old or ill to work.

Who was the benefactor who set all this up?

William and Margaret Browne, who were very rich wool merchants, who lived in Stamford, in a house just next door.

Would it be possible to have a look round?

PAM: Yes, of course.

PHILIP: Oh, thank you.

VO: The Brownes created a large endowment of land, which brought in an income and funded the hospital's work for many centuries.

PAM: This is the common room where the men lived, and each man had a cubicle.

There were five cubicles down this side, providing each man with a window, and there were five cubicles down this side.

But if we come up here, we can have a look at a little drawing of how it was and a little model.

They were wooden partitions... PHILIP: Oh, right.

...em, giving each man a bit of privacy.

And there's a little model, how it would've been.

PHILIP: That looks a fabulous building through there, what's that?

That's the chantry chapel, where services were held every day.

VO: Prayer was central to the lives of the men who lived here.

PAM: The men had a duty to perform when they came in here.

They had to pray for the souls of Margaret and William Browne, who had, by then, died, and also for King Henry VII and his queen, Elizabeth.

And there would be services in the chapel every day.

Oh, this is a glorious building, isn't it?

So when exactly did this cease to become an almshouse?

PAM: It's still an almshouse.

PHILIP: It's still an almshouse now?

Oh, yes.

We have 13 residents.

PHILIP: Really?

Yes, we've had... PHILIP: So...

But not in there?

No, no, not now.

They're in cottages around the cloister, which were built in 1870... PHILIP: Oh, can we have a look?

...when it was thought that this was not really suitable any longer.

VO: Incredibly, the hospital continues in almost exactly its original function today, over 500 years later.

Anyone who doesn't own property can apply to come and live here at low cost and in a tranquil setting.

All of the residents are of retirement age, and there is a waiting list.

PHILIP: And this community still lives today, doesn't it?

It's still thriving today.

PAM: Yes.

PHILIP: So why do you think Browne did this?

Why did he - in 1475 - why did he set all this up?

PAM: He was very concerned about people and their welfare, and the welfare of people who'd worked on his estate, probably.

PHILIP: And today there's a waiting list, presumably?

There's a waiting list.

PHILIP: So I've been thinking, what I'd better do, Pam, is just start behaving myself and actually get my name on that waiting list, is that right?

Maybe you should!

Come on then, after you.

VO: Behaving yourself, Philip?

Ha!

I'll believe that when I see it!

So, with thanks to Pam, Philip's leaving the hospital to continue the good work it has been doing for so many centuries.

VO: Thomas is nearby and is still looking for his last items, helped by shop owner Peter.

Hello.

Hello Thomas.

Peter, my name is.

Nice to meet you.

PETER: There's some Meccano down there.

THOMAS: Ooh, I like the Meccano, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, can I have a look?

VO: Thomas is mad about toys and games, and he's found yet another playful item which might help him build up a profit.

PETER: If you want to place it on something.

Oh, I'll have a look in here.

What's this, then?

Oh... PETER: Brings back memories.

THOMAS: Did you have Meccano as a boy?

PETER: Meccano, yes.

Mini bricks... VO: The box of Meccano is priced up at £48.

I quite like the look of the Meccano.

Yeah, if we can work out what we can do on that.

PETER: Yeah, OK, yeah.

I'm going to go looking, do you mind?

I'll take that up to the desk.

(FOGHORN) PETER: Yes, the ship's foghorn.

THOMAS: Is it really?

PETER: Yeah.

It's got quite a good look - sort of a modernist table.

It's just quite showy, isn't it?

VO: It...certainly is.

It says £40 on the ticket.

(WHISPERS) £40 on it, you know.

It's on wheels.

I don't think, bless it, it's got the greatest of age.

Oh, no... 1980s, isn't it?

VO: The table belongs to dealer Tina.

Hello, is this yours?

Yes it is, yes.

THOMAS: 19 sort of 70s, 80s, isn't it?

TINA: It is, yeah.

It's display...

Here I am on my knees...

I know, lovely, great!

No, lovely, great!

First time I've got a TV star on his knees!

Beg me!

VO: A TV star?

Where?!

But it seems that Tina has already been visited on a previous road trip.

I've already had your mate once and sorted him out!

THOMAS: Philip?

TINA: Philip.

Oh, you've had old Phil, have you?

TINA: Yes, he called me a Rottweiler.

THOMAS: Did he?!

TINA: Yeah.

VO: That doesn't sound like Phil... Old scores aside, what sort of deal might Tina strike on the table, then?

THOMAS: Is it something you want to move on?

TINA: Yeah.

THOMAS: Yeah?

THOMAS: Yeah.

What can I have it for?

What do you want to give me?

THOMAS: Well, nothing really.

TINA: Oh, come on!

THOMAS: (LAUGHS) THOMAS: As little as possible.

I was gonna swear, but I'm not allowed to, am I?

THOMAS: No don't, don't swear... VO: No.

But I'm on my knees, I'm on my, begging... 20 quid?

£20, I can't say fairer than that, can I?

TINA: Yeah.

OK, it's yours.

THOMAS: £20.

TINA: 20 quid.

Thank you very much.

Do I...can I give you a kiss?

TINA: Ooh!

Mwah!

Mwah!

That's fine!

VO: Mwah!

Mwah!

I think you might have restored Tina's faith in the road trip, Thomas.

Good work.

And Peter has now spoken to the dealer who's selling the Meccano set, and what price might he offer?

Give me the word and we can do it for 25.

THOMAS: 25.

PETER: Yeah.

THOMAS: (INHALES) That could go with my toys, couldn't it, yeah.

(WHISPERS) 25 quid... PETER: Well, I'll go down, I'll go down to 20.

THOMAS: I'm gonna go for the Meccano.

I like the Meccano.

There's a lot here.

I'm gonna go for that, I'm gonna go for the table, so 20 for that, and 20 for that table, I owe you £40.

Yep.

VO: Now Thomas too has all his lots for auction, and he's off to meet Philip.

They've repaired to the stately environs of nearby Burley House, for the great unveiling.

Thomas will kick off proceedings.

Oh go on then, yes.

Oh, I'm so excited.

PHILIP: Really?

THOMAS: Oh yes.

Ah... PHILIP: Lovely, lovely.

THOMAS: ..look at that.

PHILIP: Can I pick this up?

THOMAS: Yeah, yeah, go ahead.

PHILIP: I quite like that.

THOMAS: It's good, isn't it?

PHILIP: Right, let's get some prices here.

How much was that lot?

THOMAS: 40.

PHILIP: And how much was that?

THOMAS: 10.

That's for nothing!

What about this here?

THOMAS: These jew-els... PHILIP: That tomfoolery.

THOMAS: The tomfoolery.

PHILIP: Yep.

THOMAS: Um...48 and 80p.

Yeah.

That's going to make 120.

VO: But Philip's considerably less impressed by the reflective table.

Somebody's left that in here out of the cafeteria.

THOMAS: No.

Shh.

No, no, no, look at the base!

PHILIP: Oh, is that yours?

VO: Crikey.

THOMAS: It's on casters.

PHILIP: Oh, well that makes it, doesn't it... THOMAS: Do you think I should leave that here?

No, I think probably not, no.

What did you pay for that?

THOMAS: 20.

PHILIP: Was it dark?

THOMAS: What do you mean "Was it dark"?!

PHILIP: Was it a dark room?

THOMAS: No, no, I thought it was quite a cool thing to have by a sofa, or...it's just a...it's a funky occasional table.

VO: If you say so, Thomas.

Now, will Philip's lots impress his rival?

There should be a fanfare of trumpets, really.

VO: OK. (TRUMPET FANFARE) THOMAS: I can see one thing already.

How much wine do you...do you propose to be buying?

PHILIP: I do like the odd tipple.

And, as an added bonus, two bread trays.

I think the bread trays make the lot.

PHILIP: 15 quid.

THOMAS: For the lot?

Yeah, for the lot.

THOMAS: £15.

PHILIP: Are you ready for this?

THOMAS: Yeah.

PHILIP: Malt shovel, £15.

Can I pick this one up?

Absolutely.

This is very you.

It is, isn't it?

VO: Yeah, it is indeed.

What's this lot here?

Well, that's a fantastic lot.

I went to the gun shop in Spalding.

The lovely man in there who owned it, he gave me a little - well he didn't give me, I had to pay - little job lot of sort of shooting accessories, £5.

THOMAS: That's wonderful.

VO: But now, Philip's saved the best... THOMAS: What are you doing?

VO: ..or at least the biggest, for last.

There you are, Thomas.

Look at that.

Oh... PHILIP: Isn't that brilliant?

THOMAS: A horse.

PHILIP: Vaulting horse.

I think that's absolutely first class.

THOMAS: How much was that?

PHILIP: £75.

I was going to tell you what I think it's worth.

No, I don't want to know.

THOMAS: Yes, yes...no... PHILIP: Nah, nah, nah, nah!

Shan't listen, shan't listen, shan't listen...

I tell you what we'll do.

What?

We'll wait till the auction.

Come on.

VO: Just before we get to that, what do Thomas and Philip have to say about their rival's items when their back's turned, eh?

Well, it's all about the vaulting horse, isn't it?

Is it going to make a profit?

Touch and go, touch and go.

I think that wine rack is his secret weapon.

That bloomin' sweet trolley that he's bought - why on earth did he buy that?!

The only thing that's missing off it is a Black Forest gateau.

VO: Mm, that sounds rather delicious.

Mm... Oh!

On this leg... VO: ..the boys have driven over 150 miles through the eastern English Fenlands, to end up at their auction in Ely, Cambridgeshire.

VO: The ancient city of Ely towers over the rich, flat Fenlands that surround it.

Work began on its magnificent cathedral in the 11th century.

THOMAS: There's Ely Cathedral straight ahead.

VO: They're heading for Rowley Fine Art Auctioneers.

PHILIP: Thomas, here we are, here we are, here we are.

THOMAS: Ely.

PHILIP: Yes, are you excited?

THOMAS: I'm very excited, because I think you're going to thrash me today.

I think your vaulting horse is going to do £350.

VO: We shall see.

Auctioneer Will Axon holds our lads' fate in his hands today, but before he takes the podium, what does he think of their lots?

Generally, we were reasonably impressed I think, yes.

The vaulting horse, I think possibly might struggle a little bit there, I think.

The little bronze buffalo, that's rather sweet.

Malt shovel and the Meccano and so on...

It's really just, you know, who's here on the day.

VO: All very interesting.

Thomas Plant started this leg with £250.28.

He spent £158.80 on five lots... ...while Philip Serrell began with £220.62.

He spent £125 on the nose, and also has five lots to show for it.

VO: The auction's about to commence.

May the best buys win!

First up, it's Thomas' bronze buffalo paperweight.

Will it run wild?

20, surely, to start me at 20?

10 I'm bid, thank you, at 10 only bid, 12, 15, 18, 20, 25.

25 I'm bid.

Eight, thank you, the voice I'll take.

Round it up now, Mrs M, no?

At 28 it is here.

£28.

WILL: Left handed, then.

All done then, are you sure, then?

At £28 and selling.

(GAVEL HAMMERS) That's like a 180% profit.

No, it's not!

VO: Oh, yes it is.

Really, really pleased for you!

VO: Next, Philip's Bond books.

Sans dust jackets, might these prove a license to print money?

20 then, start me, for the two, at £20.

Oh, go on.

Grace any bookshelf.

£10 start me then, bid, at 10, 12, 15, 18, 20.

WILL: Bid?

22, 25 now, at 25.

There you are.

25, who else is in?

28, right, elsewhere at 28.

Shake it the other way, madam, surely you can't value them for £2.

28 in the corner, one more might do it?

At £28.

He works hard, Will.

Are you all done then?

Are you sure?

Last chance, in the corner at 28.

28 seems to be a recurring theme here, doesn't it?

I think maybe...

I just hope that it doesn't continue throughout the sale!

VO: Indeed, but that sale is respectable, if not a killer.

Now, Thomas' medals, awarded by the Royal Antediluvian Order of Buffaloes.

WILL: £50, will you start me for those, surely?

50 for all the medals surely... No, we're in trouble now.

£50?

30 then start me, give me a wave, at £30, will you?

Well, 20 it is sir, I'll take, thank you, at £20.

Oh!

At £20 is all I'm bid in the room, at 20, two, at five, 28, 30, five.

Ooh.

WILL: 35, shake it the other way.

It's 35 here, I'll take eight if it helps you.

At £35, and selling this time, are you sure at 35?

Oh!

Crushing!

VO: A disappointing loss there for Thomas.

Oh, that's turned out quite nicely, hasn..?

I mean, sorry, that...

So..?

Yeah!

So... VO: But let's see if Philip's next lot might be in with a shot - it's the collection of shooting accessories.

£30 for those there?

Well, 20 to get on, if you must then, at £20 for the shooting accessories.

Surely at a tenner, then?

Have a look at me now, bid, at 10, 12, 15, 18?

At 15... 15, there you are, you've doubled your money, and more.

That's alright.

WILL: The hammer's not down yet.

At £15, are you all done?

Trying me best here, at £15... (GAVEL HAMMERS) VO: A tidy profit on a well-hunted lot.

Thomas' paste jewellery is next to go under the hammer.

Will cut glass prove to be a boy's best friend?

I'm bid 30 here, yeah.

£30 I have, are you bidding?

At 30, five, 40, at 40, five, 50.

Get in.

One more might do it.

Five.

At 55, it's in the room now.

Well, only just.

WILL: At 55.

60, fresh blood, at £60, left handed now.

Five, at 65, 70, at 70... You know your jewellery, don't you?

At 75, at sev... 80, five, at 85, at 80.

90 bid now.

THOMAS: 90.

Ooh!

Looking for you at 90, can't see you at 90, five, round it up now, 100 bid, at 100, left handed at 100 now, 10 might do it.

At £100.

Yes?

110, at 110 I'm bid.

Last chance at 110.

That's done really well.

It's done well.

That's a 70 quid profit.

Yeah it is, it's alright.

I'm really, really pleased for you!

VO: A gem of a profit there to Thomas.

But can he repeat the trick as his job lot of board games and Meccano enter play?

15 here, with me at 15...

I told you, I told you.

WILL: At £15 on the Meccano, all done?

At £15, it's my bidder, 18 bid, the voice at 18 now, at 18, my bidder's out already at 18, who'll round it up 20?

Yes or no, I shan't dwell, at £18, it's going to be... THOMAS: No, no!

That's not so bad then, is it?

VO: Oh dear, oh dear.

Can Philip's malt shovel do any better?

20 bid, thank you, at 20.

THOMAS: You're already there.

At 20.

WILL: Left handed at 20 bid now, two where?

At £20 I'm bid, on a maiden bid of 20, and I shall sell it then on a maiden bid at £20, all it's going to be, last chance?

£20.

Well, it's a fiver profit, isn't it?

VO: It manages to dig up a small profit.

Now, the, um, "funky occasional table"?

£30 surely, £30 for it for you trendy young things.

20 then to start me for it, £20.

£10 surely start me?

10?

At five, bid at £5, I'm bid at £5.

Are you all done ladies and gentlemen?

It's here to be sold, make no mistake.

At £5, are you all done?

129... That's just sort of wound it back a bit, hasn't it?

VO: It seems the crowd were no keener on it than Philip.

I'm not gonna start crowing too soon, cuz I could be there with you in a minute!

VO: You're learning, Phil.

The enormous wine rack and bread trays are next.

10 I'm bid, Glen at £10 is all I'm bid.

12 elsewhere, at 12, 15, 18.

It's in profit, you're in profit.

Can't see you, 25, at 25 now, the hammer is up at 25... 30, at 30.

Ah!

I see... Don't lose it for a bid, 40 bid.

At 40 bid, £40, at £40.

VO: Philip earns a lip-smacking profit.

And now, the very last lot - the vaulting horse, Philip's great leap of faith.

£100 will it be for the vaulting horse?

At £100 to start me?

Well, £50 then, a giggle from the back.

At £50, start me for it will you?

Mr Smith, join me at 30 then, at £30 bid me?

THOMAS: No.

WILL: £30 I'm bid.

Ouch.

WILL: At £30 I'm bid in the center of the room.

Well, it's still got a few legs.

WILL: Who'll join us?

At £30.

Are you all done?

I shan't dwell.

At £30.

No, no, no... All done then at £30... THOMAS: No, no.

Ooh!

PHILIP: Ouch.

THOMAS: Oh!

VO: And it lands face down on the gymnasium floor - schplat!

There is a plus side to this.

What?

Well, the less it sells for, the less commission you have to give out.

VO: I'm glad you can see the funny side, old boy.

VO: Philip began this leg with £220.62, and thanks to the vaulting horse and auction costs, he made a stinging loss of £15.94, putting him almost back where he started, with £204.68.

VO: Thomas, on the other hand, began today with £250.28.

After paying costs, he squeaked a less than glorious profit of £1.92.

Ha!

Finishing this leg with £252.20 and making him today's winner.

PHILIP: Well, that was a great day, wasn't it?!

Great day.

Great day for you.

Oh, Thomas!

Great day for you, because you could have lost a lot more!

VO: Well, there's always tomorrow, boys!

To the Stag, and away to the next bout.

VO: Next time on the Antiques Road Trip... Thomas is up to mischief...

It sounds really wrong, what I'm about to say, but I fancy buying a bit of flesh today!

VO: ..much to Philip's distaste.

Have you seen that?

It's plaster of Paris, it's like a garden gnome!

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