I would go to friend's house.

I mean a beautiful home multimillion dollar house.

We're in the home.

Next thing you know, about 10, 15 squad cars pull up guns, drawn, knock on the door.

We heard there's some suspicious individuals around your home.

We come out.

They're like they are our friends.

Right.

So I didn't feel safe necessarily.

Cause I feel like if, if I looked at somebody the wrong way.

I could easily have the cops call to me and be face out on the payment again.

Ugh.

Wow.

Yeah, I guess, what does it feel like walking around, feeling like people see you as a threat.

It's it's demoralizing.

Yeah.

It's, it's exhausting.

It's taxing.

When I walk around, I, I don't look at people cause I don't want to scare them.

At first, I would look at people, try to greet them, things of that nature, but I notice, you know.

Yeah.

They'll just put the head down and act as if I didn't say anything.

At first, I'm like, man, what's up with buddy.

This is a sign of respect for me.

Like I'm trying to greet you and show you that I'm like.

Right.

A decent person and the whole time.

Right.

You won't even make eye contact.

Right?

Uh, yeah.

I've gotten that to, it drives me nuts when people don't wanna make eye contact or just acknowledge me as a human being in some way, you know?

So do you feel like not engaging, not looking at people is the only way.

I've grown so much in the last two years.

I now have a great understanding that there may be some, some cultural, some religious aspects of those individuals, where if you make eye contact with someone it could be frowned upon.

Right?

Yeah.

Sometimes we talk about those macro microaggressions that we may experience without.

Reflecting on the fact that we may be also presenting those macro microaggressions in different ways to other people.

Ugh, that's a good point.

Okay.

So when people look you in the eye and actually do engage with you, what is that like?

What happens there?

So you talk about like those macro microaggressions, right?

Like even with being like a balled bearded black man.

Oh my goodness.

Those oh, can I touch it?

Or, you know, what products are you using?

Are you gonna cut your beard?

I'm like.

Uh.

Is it harming you?

It's a power statement and that's honestly why I keep it.

Yeah.

Because it's something that I can control.

That present a message, especially when it's well manicured, it's like, okay, this brother is serious about who he is.

Back in high school I used to be the guy who would come outside with a durag on with the, the baggy pants.

And no one gave me the time of day.

Yeah.

Until I shared the house with one of our friends who happened to be a white guy and.

Hmm.

I never forget he went outta town and I didn't have anything to wear that weekend so I took on his Abercrombie and Fitch, uh, polos and put it on.

Awesome.

And came out and I'm like, wait a minute.

I'm getting a different type of energy today.

Yeah.

So from that point on, I flipped the script.

I started wearing like those tighter polos or when I got into the workforce, I was buttoned to the nines.

Oh yeah.

Full suit.

Shirt and tie.

Yep.

Present myself in a way that wasn't a threat, but was a threat because I was an educated black man.

Hmm.

Yeah.

Okay.

How is an educated black man, a threat?

Well, the last thing that those individuals who brought us over here wanted was for us to become educated because then I can no longer be oppressed.

Yeah.

Because I see what my opportunities are and what I bring to the table.

Just based off the, that my ancestors backs that I'm standing on.

I see you as like this chess player who needs to think 2, 3, 4 moves ahead.

Before you engage with anybody, Sergio that that's been my life.

I've had to always play the cards I was dealt.

And I've had to always think ahead, like if I move this way, how is that going to impact me?

My loved ones, future opportunities, things of that nature.

How can I avoid conflict here?

Right by also making sure you are satisfied and get your needs met.

Let me tell you it is exhausting.

So with all that said, what keeps you driving forward?

Why do you put in all this work?

I wasn't supposed to be here.

Huh?

I was born two pounds.

I forget how many ounces doctors told my parents to not plan a future for me, right?

I'm here for a reason.

I have a purpose, you know, for all of those loved ones who I've lost, including my father, uh, I, I wake up every morning to try to fulfill the goals and dreams and aspirations that those individuals had and did not have the opportunity to, to fulfill.

Wow.

thank you for that.