I think it's important to point out that trans people exist everywhere.

I finally felt lik I was becoming a part of a space that I always knew I belonged in, but the world wouldn't allow me to, I also have that fear in the back of my mind always, that the access to what I have may not always exist.

There is now kind of a bit of a target on my back.

This pendulum swing back feels like there's a lot of, other work that needs to be don around education and advocacy.

And particularly for the you know, trans community here, that we will not be erased, we will not be silenced.

And, if you didn't think it could happen in your backyard, then you're absolutely wrong, because we grow here to, issues surrounding transgender individuals are all over the media getting shared and dissected, yet lived experiences behind these conversations are rarely given the microphone.

So we asked trans people themselves about their transitions, about their resources and about suppor and what that really looks like.

And this is what they had to say At its core, the Grand Rapids Trans Foundation is a local organization that is by and for the trans community, to support, celebrate, uplift and prioritize the trans and non-binary community.

Trans community has always been a little bit more on the fringes of the LGBT community at large.

I think over the years since queer liberation in the 70s and 80s, we've seen a lot of support, resources, and acceptance around kind of gay, lesbian and bisexual folks.

But to a large extent, the trans community was still very much struggling.

So ten years ago when we started, We saw a path forward to really support and celebrate the trans community in a way that we weren't seen in the city.

what I've always loved abou the Grand Rapids trans foundatio that it's by trans people, for trans people.

A And from its inception, like, really prided itself on a grassroots model that I admired I was still kind of like finding my way in the world.

But I always wanted to be a part of kind of the inne workings of this organization.

that is assisting with thing like, you know, transportation around the city to offering, an inclusive like wardrobe of different, you know, gender affirming items, personal care items, talking about like, updating legal documents, like, what a huge way, what a tangible, materia way to transform people's lives.

The amount of students that have said, like, I was able to finally get a binder that fits because of the gender job closet at GTF, you know, I was able to change my name because of y'all.

moments like that where the community really i just like showing and sharing, like how you have changed their life.

Like there's nothing like it.

Grand Rapids Trans Foundation is amazing.

I would not be as half of fa as I am without having been able to contact them and get where I needed to be.

Erin Brefka is one of many who have found support with the Grand Rapids Trans Foundation.

Sitting alongside her wife Mackenzie, she shares her journey.

Looking back, kind of realized.

I was always a little different growing up, you know, lik I was born in Northern Michigan.

It was not a diverse area.

I grew up, one of three boys.

It was a very mal dominated space that I lived in.

Like, my mom was the only female figure in my life for a good chunk of time.

So I didn't really know any other way of living other than as a boy.

And as I got older, I was very, like, flamboyant and goofy and very emotionally sensitive compared to a lot of other people.

And so I would get picked on and get bullied, like called different things, you know, like stop like classic, like stop being a girl or you know, like, don't be a fag.

Like all those awful things that people still sometimes say to people kind of just accepted that and lived life.

And I had some issues with depression in elementary school days that we couldn't figure out what it was linked to.

Spoiler alert, we kind of knew, but we now know what it was linked to.

And so I just kind of accepte that life and tried to live it the best I could for as long as I could.

But as I got older, like all the way up to literally my 30s there were just cracks showing.

When I graduated high school, I wanted to pursue bigger things.

So I went to college, ended up at Gvsu, graduated in four years.

In some change, met her along the way and, eventually got jobs.

And we've been here ever since.

We were friends all through like college, did projects off and on together.

And after we graduated, we both coincidentally also got jobs in local news, competing stations.

And I just sort of went on the internet and said, hey, I need a roommate because it looks like I'm sticking around.

So I just commented on the Facebook post.

picked me.

We know each other.

We're friends.

This will work out fine.

We went and found an apartment and lived together for a hot minute.

And then I snagged us tickets to a dance that Grand Valley puts on every winter.

We were gonna go meet some friends or whatever, and she asked me to dance.

There had been eight months of, like, internal conversations about us that we didn't share with each other.

And in that moment, I kind o just like, took took a chance.

Within the next year, I was looking at engagement rings.

There was just a internal knot in my stomach all the time.

At 20 years of livin as a person that you just assume you're supposed to be versus the person you are, that a real number and a lot of parts of you.

And so for me, it was a lot o like playing a character almost.

So if I act this way, I won't get ostracized and I won't be othered or made fun of.

If I blend in and I go with the flow.

And after a while that just that facade just started to break.

Fortunately an unfortunately waited until after I got married to really start to sit with that.

And so that was just the feelin of, I guess I don't have to be this way, like it's working for everybody else, but it's not working for me.

I'm having mental breakdowns.

I'm feeling lost and anxious and depressed.

I was taking testosterone boosters for a while because I though maybe I didn't have enough for.

I wasn't energized enough trying to work out.

I had sleep issues, an I finally just kind of cracked and sat down with her and just told her, I need to do something different.

And we thought at first, like I thought at first, it might mean the end of our relationship.

We had some very difficult nights, and by the end of all of it, it was basically I need to go see a therapist.

And so I did, went to a therapist and started talking about gender and fluidity and where that lies within me, and tried to experiment with clothe and names and things like that.

And the next thing I knew, I was looking at supplements, supplements on the internet.

And so I kind of like, I came out and I was like, I think I got to go all in and see what happens.

So next thing we knew, Aaron was here.

What did all in look like for you?

Like what were those steps to take?

I just never felt like I cared.

I didn't have the drive to wor out or exercise or be healthy.

I'd take substances just to numb myself, I think.

And it was because I just didn't really care about myself.

And so this gave me a chance to step outside of that space and be like, okay, well, like, you don't have to wear those clothes or, you know, like you don't have to go by that name, or pronouns or whatever.

But I'm super lucky that I've had Mackenzie because the whole time she was just like all right, we'll give it a try.

We'll see what happens.

We'll experiment.

And I mean, my whole philosophy was like, there is no we have to get to a certain place.

And it's, try this thing.

Does it work or not?

Cool.

Yeah.

That determines what's next.

But honestly, the most difficult conversations for me were like when you weren't sure about your sexuality.

And I want you to have what you need, but I don't want to share.

And we as a pair, decided that we together were the most important thing, and that meant supporting eac other as individuals, as well.

People that used to ask me all the time, like how?

How did I feel that I picked my person?

And we looked back in my wedding vows.

I never once put a gender on it.

I said, I will be your partner.

I said, we will be a team.

I said things like that.

And those also apply.

Watching her shine and bloom has been the greatest gift.

If nothing else, we've become such as happy couple.

But like, yeah, I, I feel extremely lucky to have her in my life.

So many of those stories, they have very tragic moments because a lot of people lose their partner over it.

I can understand why som some relationships don't survive this and like, I don't want to judge anybody for that.

For me, I. This is a different version of you, but I like this version two you are happier and you are more joyful, and that brings more happiness and joy into my life.

And we get to go do awesome stuff together and just shine.

And I like couldn't ask for more than that.

This is what she means.

They were this happy couple.

There was definitely an unknown wa that just kind of fell off me.

When I finally started to embrace myself, I finally felt lik I was becoming a part of a space that I always knew I belonged in, but the world wouldn't allow me to.

I guess having connections with friends, like having much deepe emotional connections to people, which is something I've always felt and want to, and it's really allowed me to do things I would never in my dreams that I could do, like going clubbing in a skirt or like wearing cute dresses.

Like, it sounds so silly, but it's just such a like, I don't know, it just feels right.

It's like a puzzle piece finally fitting into the right spot.

And it's just like it hasn't been easy.

Like there' definitely been some rejection.

There's been people who are just like, I know, I don't know if I can deal with this.

You know, there's obviousl been a lot of negative rhetoric.

Does that impact you?

Does that ever kind of hit you?

Yeah.

It's it's heartbreaking to talk to some of my trans friends.

Like I know people who were like veterans and then transitioned in their civilian life and now no longe can get the care through the VA because they're trans or like people who have trans like kids or like trans teenagers, and they are terrified that they can't actually get the car that they need to embrace that.

I also have that fea in the back of my mind, always, that the access to what I have may not always exist.

There is now kind of a bit of a target on my back.

There are trans voices out there telling their stories, but people usually kind of have to go out of their way to find those things.

And so on a more mainstream scene, I don't think there is enough representation.

Oftentimes feel like that's by design, because that would make us seem normal.

I really want to believe that most people out there don't have such negative perspectives.

The internet world now is just so heavily toxic in the space of just trying to get a rise out of people.

I think it's just a concerted effort to keep talking even if no one wants to listen, because eventually someone will.

There are a lot of uncertainties in our lives, and I'm still trying to figure out who I really am, what my purpose and all this is.

But for all that I have yet to decide, there's one thing I know for certain and it is that I love you, Mackenzie.

One thing I love you so much that I want you there to help me figure this all out.

They have more myself with you than anyone, and just knowing your there is enough to comfort me to end with still true and can't.

I won' pretend that everything is fine, and we're living in very bleak circumstances.

Absolutely.

But at the same time, it is so important to kind of foster like transform what it looks like to be in one's own power?

I feel like I've just become much more protective, I think, of the community both of like Gen Z and Gen Alpha as they come up.

Really kind of like ensuring or, excuse me, creating in them a sense of hope.

Can we start with the beginning of your journey, Alex?

And just kind of when you thought, I guess, that you would want to transition or you hav early thoughts of transitioning.

I'm not exactly sure, but I think.

Maybe first grade.

Second to thir is when I started being aware.

So I think it really just started with like nicknames at school that I'd prefer to go by because not everyone said my legal name right.

And stuff like that.

So it was like nicknames and then preferred names and then it just kind of continued.

It started off gradual but I think around fifth grade it was kind of just lik like summer, like in the summer.

I think it was just kind of like went from being gradual to just immediately.

This is how I want it to be.

My friends kind of expected it.

So there was that.

And then.

I just because they had already been using like my preferred name and stuff by then.

So the when I got into middle school, I just got it put on my middl school ID and then my email and the teacher' like attendance lists and stuff.

So it seemed like the teachers in the educational system was really kind of supportive in that.

Was that something you had to have a conversation about?

I kind of jus went into the office and asked for my ID card.

When I was getting it printed, I just asked, can I get this name on it instead?

And the photographer was just like, is it already on your school account?

I'm like, yeah.

So then they just changed it, and then I got my like name on my email and on some school documents.

I just went in and asked and my mom had to sign something, I think.

I don't remember if I had to sign anything or just come in and give permission, but it wasn't hard.

Yeah.

Yeah.

How do those things that are they maybe sound like a smaller part of your school journey?

How does that make you feel like more comfortable, though?

Showing up kind of as yourself.

I guess it's a lot easier to just not explain rather than lik if someone looks at my name on a school list and they're like, I have no idea who that is, but it just makes people it's easier for me to like be contacted by other people or just like stuff like that because they associate the account in their name with me instead of someone they don't know.

It wasn't exactl clear to you is more just like making a decision.

Yeah, and I'm still me.

It's just that's a label, I guess.

Now that I was fully taking.

Honestly, I still struggle and use the legal name a lot more than I should.

But that's just being a mom, like, you know, I gave that name, and it's something so little and it's it's a word.

It's all down to a word, but that one word makes such a difference in the pickup line in, school events.

And I slip once in a while, but not nearly as bad.

Like I'm getting there.

I asked for Grace on a regular basis.

I know if she's trying, and that's good.

And I don't blame her if she messes up.

It does mean a lot that she's willing to try to learn and understand.

Because I know a lot of people, especially parents, don't.

So it does mean a lot that she does.

I'm okay.

I, I see and think of other parents that can't or won't.

And for me, I think about that child didn't ask to be here.

They didn't ask for you to be their parent.

They were given to you.

I was blessed with a healthy child because my kid decides to wear whatever, you know clothing style that they choose.

Is that going to rub off on me?

Is that going to rub off o their friends because they chose their name to be Alex?

Like, what's?

How?

Why is that affecting other people?

Definitely the barriers are being hones because I find that so important and for instance, a lot of Alex's friends I've only known Alex's Alex, but scientifically or biologically, I think it's the right of those parents to know exactl who's coming into their house.

And Alex wanting to go hang out with, you know, a female friend and have a sleepover.

Is that appropriate?

I let them decide, but as long as they have all the facts, sometimes we get shut down.

How does that feel when you get shut down?

I completely understand it.

I mean, some parents aren' comfortable with LGBTQ at all, and I mean, that's completely their decision.

And their kid.

But I really do understand it all, I guess because their kid, their views.

So I don't really take it as something bad.

It's more just like it's the way it is.

So.

It is sad.

And I think I have usuall I find a way to kind of make it a little better.

Like we find a different friend or we find an activity or even just some soul food or junk food or something to just kind of lighten the mood a little bit.

And maybe try meeting that family at a school event and hanging out together and trying to get to know the different parents and stuff, because that's the only wa we're going to get any further.

Have you guys had any friendships, maybe, that have also been kids who are trans and that may understand some of it?

Oh, I definitely do have a few, but one of my first friends that came out before I did, a friend that I met in fifth grade and then in middle school.

I know, I know abou two other people who have come.

I think, but that's about it.

There are a lot of resources that I could use, so I know there's a lot of like youth groups that are centered around LGBTQ, especially around Grand Rapids in the downtown area.

I just don't really choose to do them because, again, I'm not really into the whole social aspect, but there is a lot of resources for people out there when it comes to the future in terms of like transitioning or what that looks like.

Have you had those conversations?

Not really because I know when I've tried to bring it up in the past, it's always been lik with two older wait, two older.

So I guess waitin until I'm 16 would probably be when more official things could possibly arise.

I'm not ready for my baby to go through any medical changes right now, because they're young and it has nothing to do with, my opinion.

This is Alex's journey and Alex's body.

It has to do honestly with health and money, because insurance doesn't cover a lot of that, and we don't really have the dollars for that right now.

So it's just we continue to educate ourselves and just try to continue keeping Alex happy, like healthy and moving forward in life.

And hopefully we can find a middle ground and an adult.

Alex can take it from there.

If, folks are watching this or somebody is maybe on this journey themselves, like, trying to navigate the world as maybe newly transitioned, what would you hope tha they took from the conversation?

Just knowin that there are people out there that can support you and help you and know what you're going through.

There is, warmth in a sense o almost like pride and ownership and like taking up space, I think.

And so in the same ways that I feel like through my trans identity, I learned how to not only take up space, but really, like, sit in my own body for the first time in my life and really be like, this is me.

I'm her and no one can take this for me.

I think we are all just people at the heart.

And I think how we choos to, convey ourselves externally, how we think about ourselves internally is, so varied.

And so I love that.

I feel like, you know, grief has found its place in spaces that people maybe weren't expecting them to be tablin in places and areas and regions in West Michigan and beyond that, maybe folks weren't expecting us to be, but we put ourselves there, you know, to emphatically say that every single member of this community has a stake and that they have value and they have merit and that they matter.

Thanks for watching.

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