- From the perennial studios of Lehigh Valley Public Media "Is this thing a fruit or a vegetable?"

episode of chemical-free horticultural hijinks, You Bet Your Garden.

One of the most favorite crops of spring is the rhubarb.

I'm your host, Mike McGrath.

And on today's show, we'll discuss how to grow this sour-stocked delicacy.

But don't eat the leaves!

Otherwise, it's a fabulous phone call show, cats and kittens.

That's right.

Potential guests are busy managing their manure, so we will take that heaping helping of your telecommunicated questions, comments, tips, tricks, suggestions and delicately debilitating denunciations.

So keep your eyes and/or ears right here, true believers, because it's all coming up faster than you yelling "Rhubarb!"

and then being taken out by the shortstop.

Right after this.

- In life, we have many kinds of partners, school bus partners, business partners, even gardening partners.

Shouldn't you have one for the most important aspect of life, your health?

Lehigh Valley Health Network - your health deserves a partner.

Support for You Bet Your Garden is provided by the Espoma company, offering a complete selection of natural organic plant foods and potting soils.

More information about Espoma and the Espoma natural gardening community can be found at espoma.com.

- Welcome to another thrilling episode of You Bet Your Garden from the studios of Lehigh Valley Public Media in Bethlehem, PA.

I am your host, Mike McGrath.

Coming up later in the show, we'll devote at least half of the Question of the Week on actually how to grow rhubarb, as opposed to just talking about the funny word itself.

And we'll also take lots of your fabulous phone calls at our brand-new phone number.

But before we get to that, it is time for what's apparently going to be a new feature on the show every week, the Department of Corrections.

That sounds familiar from some time in the '70s.

Oh, well.

Laura on the Left Coast writes... Everyone out there imitate Laura!

And the caller suggested he might take it down to Florida to be cared for by a family member.

Quote... which for us is the University of California at Riverside.

I'd say, especially after that burst of unexperienced winter!

Which was followed by about 17 references showing me what an idiot I was.

So, kids, don't move plants between state lines.

It's a violation of the Mann Act and we could all get in trouble.

And I look even more foolish than usual when I tell people to do it.

All right?

And remember, we here at You Bet Your Garden recognize our responsibility to make corrections whenever we happen to feel like it.

1-888-492-9444.

Patti, welcome to You Bet Your Garden.

- Thank you.

- Well, thank you, Patti.

How are you doing?

- I'm good.

Better now that I got to speak to you about my chigger issue.

- Oh!

Well, we're always better when we're not being attacked by chiggers.

Where is this chigger attack taking place?

- It's on my lawn.

- It's on the side of my house, where we first noticed them, in between two houses.

- Right... - And it was after... - It was after a big tree fell and we had the tree removed.

- That's unusual.

And where are you?

- I'm in Jackson, New Jersey.

- Jackson, New Jersey, OK. All right.

Chiggers, for those who haven't had the joy of experiencing, I believe they're in the mite family, M-I-T-E.

They crawl under our skin, but they don't feed off of us.

It's like they just hide under there.

And the itching is just said to be some of the worst a human can experience.

I'm trying to think of who the writer was for The New Yorker... - You're being too kind.

It is insane.

- Yes.

- The itching.

And I didn't even know.

I'm from New York City, Manhattan.

I didn't know what these things were.

- No, you would not.

- And I... - There was a writer... - Never experienced them.

- There was a writer for The New Yorker who got to Paris, which was his dream, and was at the top of the Eiffel Tower and looked out over this amazing landscape.

And the only thing that came to mind is, "I bet there's no chiggers up here."

- That is by somebody who's gotten bitten by a chigger.

- I think he grew up in Chigger Land, yeah, which is not Sugar Land.

So, anyway, once you experience the itching, as you know, you'll never forget it.

What you need to do is immediately get into a bathtub with a package of baking soda, and that will relieve the itching.

Probably drown the little monsters, too.

So that's what you do right away.

Chiggers are strange, in that they exist in what are called little islands.

You can be in a big backyard and walk to one spot and be consumed by chiggers or walk to a different spot... - That's exactly what happened.

- Yes, exactly.

They live in little islands and they wait for, like, the cast of Gilligan's Island to come stray there, and then they infest them en masse.

So what we are told about chiggers is to keep your lawn well cut.

Don't allow any high areas or areas of brush nearby, keep it as dry as possible.

Chiggers are worst on grass that hasn't been cut recently after a rain.

So, those are the two things.

Make sure there's lots of air flow in the area.

So, I'm surprised that they became a problem after the tree came down because that should have let more light and air into the area.

But you never know with these little creatures.

So, what you... - If you don't mind me interrupting, sorry.

Go ahead.

- No, you go ahead.

- So, that's why I'm really curious.

The research that I did was saying, "Keep your lawn cut," and where we found them...

When you say an island, that's exactly what happened.

My daughter stepped in it, and on her little Ked sneaker, which was like an off-white, brown type, there were hundreds.

- Oh, my God, forget that!

They still make Keds?

- Yes... - So, I took my hand immediately to wipe them off and they wouldn't move.

And thank God, I just took the hose and hosed her foot and they all came off.

She got one or two bites.

And that's the first... Yeah, that was the first experience... We didn't know what they were.

I thought they were little ticks.

That's what I thought they were.

- Well, there are...

Wait a minute.

There are such things as juvenile ticks that are really small, but they are pretty much solitary hunters.

A chigger attack is like nothing else.

Hundreds of them, if not thousands, jump on you all at once.

Now, if you if you want to never be chiggered again, it would be probably a really good idea until this goes away to buy some permethrin-treated clothing.

Now, permethrin is a chemical insecticide.

Actually, it's an arachnicide, and it is derived from pyrethrum, from the daisies, the original botanical, where you just crushed up the heads of the specific pyrethrum daisy.

And they were an insecticide.

Permethrin has been chemically altered to stay active much longer.

But you don't put it on your skin and you don't spray it on the environment.

You either use it to treat clothing, like your daughter's Keds, or you can buy clothing that has been pretreated.

I can tell you I have never been bitten by a tick when I am out in my woods wearing my permethrin-treated clothing.

You'll find many, many different brands out there, all of which are escaping my mental faculties right now.

But, you know, look for treated clothing.

This is especially... You know, hunters and fishers really love permethrin-treated clothing because it'll keep mosquitoes away from you as well as ticks and chiggers and all those other fascinating creatures of nature.

So, again, treat the clothing... - My own research, nothing...

They said sulfur, but there was nothing definitive that... - And sulfur is going to change the pH of your soil, which might affect the grass negatively.

- OK. - Now, did you say that they're found in moss?

Is that what you said.

they like moss?

- No.

Must have been some other guy.

- OK. - OK?

All right, Patti, good luck.

- Thank you!

- Bye-bye.

888-492-9444.

Mark, welcome to You Bet Your Garden.

- Hi, Mike, long-time listener and I have a lawn problem for you.

- OK. - I live in South Jersey and I have a backyard that would win awards...

It could get awards for crabgrass, weeds and all that other stuff.

- Right.

- I've been living in this house for 22 years.

I have never been able to get a nice, thick lawn.

- OK. - What I am facing is heavily compacted soil that's really thick, heavy-duty clay.

And I'm not sure that anything short of tactical nuclear explosives would be able to loosen the soil.

- Well, we actually in the lawn business do have the equivalent, which is a core aerator.

- Now, it's the wrong time of year... - I tried that.

- You have tried core aeration?

- Yes, I did, and I had the little flags all over the line because I've seen those on the golf course.

So I rented one a couple of years ago and tried that, and it just laughed at me.

- I know.

And your arms are still shaking, right?

- Yeah, you got it.

So here's the thought I had.

I have this sand pad that we built last year for our grandson's inflatable pool, about 12 feet in diameter, a circle, about a foot thick.

And I'm wondering if I could take that sand and spread it out throughout the yard and then rototill it in and try to see if that loosens up the soil and makes it a little more hospitable.

Am I barking up the wrong tree?

- You're barking up maybe three wrong trees.

- I was afraid of that.

- Yeah.

Tilling into the soil releases even more weed seeds than you have now.

Plus, sand is kind of a generic term.

I researched this years ago.

And I'm not sure what kind of sand you used, whether it was play sand or sharp sand, but sand can be very valuable as an element of a potting mixture.

When mixed with clay, especially if it's the really wrong kind of sand, you can actually come up with something very similar to concrete.

With the, you know...

Combining sand and clay might be excellent for firing dramatic-looking pots, but that's not what we would use to lighten up soil.

Really, the only solution to lightening up soil is removal of plugs, so the soil can breathe easier.

Have you tried anything?

Have you tried a pre-emergent in the spring like corn gluten meal to prevent the new run of crabgrass?

- Yeah, we've tried the basic weed-and-feeds during the winter months and then tried the pre-emergents in the spring.

The only thing we haven't tried is that R-word that I know you hate.

- Well, that's not going to work... - I suspect my weeds would just sort of look at that and laugh.

- Yeah, and any kind of food in the winter is a waste of time because the grass is dormant.

So whatever we're going to do here, how big an area are we talking about?

- Oh, maybe 60 feet by 100 feet.

- So it's not that difficult.

So what I would do is live with what you have right now.

And then instead of...

Instead of the core aeration, because that was obviously not enough, yes, you may rent a tiller, or however you want to do it, and till up that soil repeatedly, beginning in early August, say, August 1st, and till it up once a week.

Now, you're going to release a lot of essential nutrients from the soil, but you're also going to break up the clay and make it difficult for the weeds to survive.

If you're willing to... And I know, you know, when you have a lot of something, you want to use it.

But I would give it to somebody who needs to make a child's sandbox instead and invest in a whole bunch of perlite, which you get in giant bags.

It's that white popped mineral, volcanic mineral, really light in soil, very well.

And I would also till in a fair amount of compost.

Then when we get to around August 15th, you want to stop tilling and you want to rake away as much of the debris as you can.

Now, you're never going to get it all, but get to get as much of the greenery out of there as you can.

And feel free to compost it, then level the soil, spread the right kind of seed for your environment, you know, shade, sun, whatever.

But make sure you buy a branded seed.

It won't just say something like fescue.

It'll say, like, Double Down Rebel Fescue #6, something like that, on the bag.

Because if you do use fescue, you have to oversee every couple of falls.

And it's always good to have matching seed information.

So put down the new seed, cover that with about half an inch to an inch of really lightweight topsoil, or even more ideally a ton of bagged organic potting soil, and then water that day and night, water it 20 minutes in the evening, 20 minutes in the morning.

At that time of year, with the soil still warm but the nights getting cooler, that's the ideal time to start a cool season lawn in New Jersey.

So it'll be up in like five to seven days.

Then stop that watering.

And any time you go a week without rain, put down an inch of water, especially while it's still forming.

This lawn will be its happiest in the fall going into the winter, and then it'll be happy again coming into springtime.

And in springtime, you definitely want to feed it corn gluten meal when the local forsythia are in bloom to take care of any dormant weed seeds that you left uncovered, especially from the crabgrass.

- Thanks, Mike.

I appreciate it.

- All right.

My pleasure.

You take care.

As is inevitable, it is time for the Question of the Week, which we're calling... Christa in Telford, PA writes... Before we answer the question directly, let's discuss the fascinating word, rhubarb.

I had learned back at Temple University's School of Communications and Theater that the word is used to help audiences imagine a great number of people milling about.

If we're talking about a stage play, everyone not on the stage would gather right behind the set and mumble, "Rhubarb, rhubarb, rhubarb", over and over.

If it was radio, everyone not on the air would fill the room and do the same thing.

Then, I heard it used differently at a traveling carnival, when a large group of townies was roaming around the midway, looking for trouble.

The guy working the crooked milk bottle game yelled, "Hey, Rube!"

And the crowd was quickly outnumbered by the show's acrobats and roustabouts.

Years later, I was able to use this magical phrase to make sure the carnies knew I was on their side when trouble began to fester near the Tilt A Whirl on a hot and humid Saturday night.

Then, doing more research than any sane person would deem necessary, I discovered that this tactic dated back to ancient Greek theater, when actors on stage would warn their fellow thespians that a disruptive crowd was in the audience, using a word that loosely meant "barbarians" and which eventually morphed into rhubarb.

Now, I can't remember when I first heard it used to describe a fight on the baseball field, but the Phillies were my hometown team and it probably happened when I was darn young, as their nickname was the Fighting Phils.

And we had at least two pitchers in the bullpen whose only job was to throw at people who had ticked us off, thrown at one of our guys or we just felt like it.

This phrase classically describes what occurs when a member of the opposite team physically attacks an opposing player, as done after a hard take out slide, or when a sissy batter takes umbrage at a pitch that would have taken his head off had he not dropped down into the tobacco juice-stained dirt.

If he then starts marching towards the mound, with bat still in hand, a rhubarb ensues.

Hall of Fame broadcaster Red Barber is credited with first using the term.

At any rate, the rhubarb now under discussion is the only vegetable we eat like a fruit.

It is related to buckwheat loves cold winters, rich soil, and for its roots to be divided every five years or so.

Planted in the fall, root divisions will produce many edible spears by year three.

Now, be sure to wait until those stems are a bright cherry red before harvesting and trim off every bit of the poisonous leaves before mixing the chopped-up stems with an inordinate amount of sugar to make a rhubarb pie.

You should harvest by twisting the stocks off with your hands, not using a knife, and be patient when picking.

The brighter red the color, the better this foul fruit will taste.

Do not harvest at all the first year and maybe try a few stems the second year.

Every year thereafter should bring a better harvest until year five, when the plant must be divided.

This is when you might be able to acquire local planting stock if you can find another rhubarb grower about to divide their clump nearby.

Remember, we're always planting this crop in the fall, not the spring, and always leave half of the spears unharvested to capture sunlight to fuel the following year's crop, just like that other perennial vegetable, asparagus.

A notorious heavy feeder, rhubarb is typically planted in full sun, in an area with good drainage, in soil that is rich with completely composted horse manure.

Because it is kind of a grain, like its cousin buckwheat, It wants a lot of nitrogen and not much else.

That's why the classic rhubarb food has always been well-composted horse manure, not fresh.

Poultry manure should also work well.

Now, some varieties can set seed, which is bad.

If you see seeds setting - say that five times real fast, cats and kittens - cut them off.

They'll just rob energy from the root system.

Now, that leaves us with our listener's choice of "mushroom soil" for the original planting material.

A locally available resource in southeastern Pennsylvania, the mushroom growing capital of the world, mushroom soil can either be fresh, right out of the mushroom house and hot as Hades, or aged, when it is allowed to cook down until it is cooler and less offensive to the olfactory senses.

Fresh mushroom soil could easily burn new plants and, quote, "Conventional mushroom soil "could well have been treated with herbicides "during the growing phase and/or fungicides at the end "to ensure that you don't become an accidental "mushroom competitor."

Aged mushroom soil from an organic supplier would be a good choice, but completely composted horse or poultry manure is much more available and a better choice for rhubarb.

Hey, Rube!

Yo!

Well, that sure was some interesting information about rhubarb now, wasn't it?

Luckily for yous, the Question of the Week appears in print at the Gardens Alive website.

To read it over at your leisure or your "lezh-ure", just click the link for the Question of the Week at our website, which is still and will forever be youbetyourgarden.org.

Gardens Alive supports the You Bet Your Garden Question of the Week.

And you will always find the latest Question of the Week where?

At the Gardens Alive website.

You Bet Your Garden is a half-hour public television show, an hour-long public radio show and podcast, all produced and delivered to you weekly by Lehigh Valley Public Media in Bethlehem, PA. Our radio show is distributed by PRX, the Public Radio Exchange.

You Bet Your Garden was created by Mike McGrath.

Mike McGrath was created when a scientific probe meant to simply observe life on Mars became a transmitter to Earth, and he became stranded here, obsessed with Bugs Bunny cartoons and Oreos.

Yikes!

My producer is threatening to ruin my rhubarb if I don't get out of this studio.

We must be out of time, but you can contact us any time at our brand-new phone number, 888-492-9444.

Or send us your e-mail, your tired, your poor, your wretched refuse teeming towards our garden shore at ybyg@wlvt.org.

Please, please include your location.

You'll find all of this contact information, and information on my upcoming virtual public appearance on Tuesday, April 6th, at our website, youbetyourgarden.org, where you'll also find the answers to like 6,000 of your garden questions, audio of this show, video of the show, audio and video of previous shows and our podcast.

Wow!

I'm your host, Mike McGrath.

It seems that our beloved CEO, Tim Fallon, has received the Covid vaccine ahead of me.

Apparently, I'm on the list right after mimes, household pets and old Jell-O boxes.

So, wear a mask, wash your hands, stay safe and make sure I can see you again next week.