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Mary at this moment is the best thing that ever happened to me so far. I think about the only good thing so far. I mean, we get along. I can show affection for this person, and she shows affection for me. I like that. I like that a lot.

Mary showed up last semester. I hadn't noticed her at first, because I was too wrapped up in my work, my job. Kim had brought it to my attention that there was a girl that liked me. But of course, how far can you trust her? And the last time I'd been told supposedly somebody liked me, I almost got my ass kicked by their boyfriend.

So, I decided not to work with that. I'm sitting upstairs one day during what they call recess. I'd just got done smoking a cigarette, and I decided to take a break. well, Mary comes over and has a seat. and she made up a formal conversation. I found it odd at first, I mean, she just come up and started talkin'. So I'm sitting here like, who is this person? It was just weird.

Chris and Mary at school

I asked her what she'd be doing Saturday. She said, "Oh nuthin', I'll be down there at the flea market." I said, "I'll be there. It's a date." Then we started dating, and it's been going pretty well. …

I'm not like these other people who just want sex. That's the last damn thing on my mind. I just want to share my feelings with somebody. I just don't want to be alone. I've done that for far too long. Mary's kind, she's sweet, she's able to keep up a conversation. That's what I need.

I mean, what more could a person ask for? I have had one of the rockiest roads when it came to women. But I guess I care for her. I really do, and I told her that.

The last time I was up at her house, Mary had asked me, "Are you coming back to school?" and I said, "No. I had to quit." She goes "Why?" I told her why, and I said I'm thinking about just going to my job full time. She goes, "No, don't do that. At least finish out the year." And basically that's the reason why I'm going back, if there was any other reason, no. But this is a good reason, i feel. …

Chris at Mary's house

Mary and I aren't seeing each other anymore. Honestly, I didn't feel right, you know? I don't really know how to put it to words. I don't know what my reasons were, really.

I think part of it was that I didn't have a job. I felt like I was mooching off them. It's just everything, you know? I just felt, it would be easier if we tried to be friends.

I did feel crazy about her and I still like her at times. It's just, I need to make sure I'm ready for a relationship. If I don't, I may get into worse trouble than I began.

Mary was angry because I didn't finish the year. I just left. But it was something I felt I had to do I. I was just getting too fed up. Basically, I was afraid the next minute somebody was to say something to me -- and it wouldn't even have to be mean, it would be just anything -- and I'd snap at 'em. That's when I realized that you know it's time to get out for a while

Mary put pressure on me to finish school, but that didn't bother me. It's just everything that transpired. I think the last couple days that I had went to see her, we acted more like distant relatives than we did anything, so I just thought it was easier I disappear.

She called a number of times, but I never accepted 'em. I always told my mother to say -- or my grandmother or anybody -- I'm gone, or something like that. Just something stupid. But later on she caught on to the idea.

My mother thought she was sweet, and don't get me wrong, I liked her too. There's just so much goin on.

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posted jan. 9, 2006

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